Chapter 26 Now That We’re Standing
Now That We’re Standing
Aidan’s kitchen wasn’t as large as the one in their house, but since he’d been the only one awake Daniel had had plenty of space to turn sausage, peppers, cheese, and eggs into a tasty breakfast casserole.
He started a batch of pancakes when Nico came down and found all their favourite toppings in Aidan’s fridge and cupboards.
And he had just dropped the final pancake onto the stack and was poking around for something else to cook when Alex arrived with a bag of pastries and fresh strawberries.
“Do these fit whatever you’re planning for breakfast?” she asked, inspecting the dishes lining the counter.
“Absolutely.” Daniel set the packets on the table and reached for the flour. “You like scones, right? Let me just…”
“Daniel.” She held out a hand to stop him. “You don’t have to make anything else. Between your casserole, the pancakes, and the pastries, there’s plenty here for all of us.”
Daniel sagged a little. “I know,” he admitted, “but cooking makes me invisible.”
“Don’t you mean invincible?” Aidan asked from the doorway.
“No. I meant invisible.” When he was afraid or anxious, he hid. In his head, in the kitchen, in their turret—it was the same thing, really. “Nobody notices the cook.”
“In your house, I doubt that.” Aidan poured himself a cup of tea, nodding approval when Daniel set out another teapot and the canister of green tea for Alex. “You don’t go unnoticed here, either. Tell me what’s in this.” He pointed at the casserole.
“Onions, peppers, sausages, eggs, and cheese. You soften the veg, fry the sausage, then add the eggs and cheese and bake it.”
“It’s takeaway food,” Nico said, setting the table. “We take squares to school for lunch. And Daniel adds whatever we have in the kitchen. Bacon, and potatoes, and even fried bread.”
“I might have seen a sweet version of that,” Alex mused. “French toast, apples, and cinnamon?”
“Jack would like that one. Not sure he’d want it for breakfast, though.
” Daniel portioned up the casserole, knife rattling against the edge of the baking tin.
He glared at his hand, willing the trembling to stop.
At least he was no longer flinching at every noise the way he’d done while cooking with Gareth the day before.
It had made him feel so stupid. “I have a recipe for one that’s like a giant Yorkshire pudding with fruit in the middle,” he said to distract himself. “It always struck me more as dessert.”
They settled around the table. Daniel toyed with a cup of tea and ignored the pancakes in front of him. He felt everyone’s eyes on him, but all he saw was Gareth’s unhappy expression. “Can we go home later?” he asked.
“Sure. And this is delicious.” Aidan helped himself to another square of breakfast casserole. “I assume you had enough time to work out why you wanted to stay with me. It had nothing to do with feeling safe, did it?”
Daniel slumped in his seat. “No. It was because of Gareth.”
“Gareth?”
“Yeah, he looked so… gutted. He couldn’t pick Jack up from the airport. He couldn’t even talk to Jack when he came home because the house was full of police. And then he stayed up all night watching over everyone.”
“You were trying to give him space? Him and Jack?”
Alex had the most soothing voice. Daniel could listen to her all day long, even when she saw through his excuses.
Or asked questions he didn’t want to answer.
He turned his teacup around and around on the table, part of him wishing Nico would jump in and answer for him.
Only a small part, though. And Nico could tell.
“I wanted to tell him it was all my fault, but I didn’t know how.” He rushed through his explanation, the words spilling out so fast he expected Alex or Aidan to ask him to repeat himself.
“That all what was your fault?” Aidan queried instead.
“The attack.” Daniel raised his gaze to meet Nico’s. They’d disagreed about this, but in the end, Nico had let him run away—and had come with him. “I didn’t tell Gareth that Pavel had found me, so he didn’t know to expect an attack.”
“We didn’t know it was Pavel,” Nico threw in. “We didn’t know it was anyone, really. It could have been nothing.”
“You’re not making sense. Start from the beginning.”
Daniel took a breath. “While I was working at Rachel’s, I felt as if someone was watching me. I didn’t see anyone I recognised and nobody followed me, so I only told Nico.”
“And Rachel.”
“Well, yes, she was right there. But it was just a feeling, and I had no proof and… and Gareth was already stressed about Jack being gone.”
“And you felt it just the once?” Alex made notes on her phone.
“Yes. When it didn’t happen again, I just tried to forget about it.” He sighed. “I should have said something, but—”
“You were trying to protect your family.”
Daniel flinched. He wanted to glare at Alex—exchange a hot flash of anger for the chilly fear wrapping around his heart.
He clutched the teacup, focussed his gaze on the liquid inside as words spilled from him almost against his will.
“When you say it like that, it sounds stupid. But it isn’t.
I already keep everyone awake with my nightmares.
We avoid going anywhere crowded and noisy because it freaks me out.
And whining about weird feelings when I don’t have a shred of proof is like…
like… like the story of the kid crying wolf.
Nobody believed them in the end, not even when an actual wolf turned up.
And I’m sure they wish they’d said nothing.
” He clapped his hand over his mouth to stop himself.
It wasn’t like him to get angry, or to raise his voice.
Nico wrapped an arm around his waist and Daniel turned into his shoulder and buried his face. Yes, he was hiding. So what?
“You’re so like Flynn and Horwood.”
Aidan’s dry pronouncement brought Daniel’s head up. He wasn’t as brave or resourceful or even as organised as Jack and Gareth. “What do you mean?”
“You think everything in your vicinity is your responsibility and, by extension, your fault.”
“I do not!”
“No? Then why did you get bent out of shape when the milk was off the last time you were here?”
Daniel blinked. Thought back to the day Aidan referred to. “Because I’d done the shopping.”
“And milk hadn’t been on the list, because I told you I had some. But you felt it was your fault when the milk I did have had gone off.”
Daniel opened his mouth and closed it again when Aidan pointed at him. “Stop beating yourself up over things that aren’t on you, okay?”
“And secondly,” Alex added in her quiet, reasonable tone, “and that goes for both of you, don’t confuse proof with evidence.
You don’t need proof until you go to court and make an argument.
To kick off an investigation, all you need is evidence.
And, Daniel, feeling like you’re being watched… that’s subjective evidence.”
Daniel stared at Nico. Found Nico returning his gaze. Had they both made themselves wretched for no reason, first over Manville and then over Daniel feeling eyes on him?
Alex’s phone chimed. She checked the screen, muttered something colourful, and left the kitchen. Moments later, half of an agitated, urgent conversation drifted from the hallway.
“She only just got here,” Nico said.
“No rest for the wicked, it seems.” Aidan sighed, resigned. “We’ll try to make it to Jack’s birthday barbecue, but—Daniel, what’s the matter?”
Daniel clutched the table like a lightning rod, trying to divert the sick feeling in his stomach. “Jack’s birthday was yesterday,” he wailed. “And… and… I forgot all about it!”
Daniel had gone to pack their bags. Nico had let him go. Nothing he said would make a difference.
“He won’t do anything silly, will he?” Aidan asked.
Nico shook his head. “I bet he’s texting Jack.
Maybe after that, and talking to Gareth, he’ll feel better.
” He crammed the last bite of pastry into his mouth and chewed, relief at the prospect making him dizzy.
He hated arguing with Daniel. Especially when agreeing to keep Daniel’s secrets made Daniel more fearful.
“Did Alex mean it? Does a ‘feeling’ really count as evidence?”
“Subjective evidence is still evidence,” Aidan said.
“When you see a doctor about a headache, do you have proof to show them? You only know you’re in pain.
It’s up to the doctor to investigate and determine the cause.
Feeling watched, or getting a weird vibe off your dance coach, is no different.
You’re offering subjective evidence of a problem. I thought you knew all that.”
“I didn’t. School is all about results—tests, times, demonstrations—that’s all physical proof, right?”
“You have a point. Let me see what I can find for you to read.”
“Thanks.” Nico checked over his shoulder. “And thanks for putting Daniel straight. When he’s afraid, he really doesn’t listen.”
“Very few people do.”
“I know. That’s why I told Jack in the end. About someone watching Daniel, I mean. So he can tell Gareth.” Nico took another look around, not sure why he didn’t want Daniel to hear his request.
Of course, Aidan noticed. “Something on your mind?”
“Maybe. When we get home, could you… I dunno… talk to Gareth? Daniel said he looked gutted, but I don’t think that was it. Aidan, Gareth was scaring me. I thought he was ready to grab a gun and shoot someone. I’ve only ever seen Jack like that, and Jack is… well, Jack.”
Aidan sighed. “I’ve seen it, too. Looks like Flynn finally realised he has something to lose.”
“Are you going to…” Nico trailed off, unsure what he wanted to ask for. Help to stop Jack and Gareth from doing something that would land them in jail? Or help with burying the bodies? That wouldn’t be fair to Aidan.