Thirty
THIRTY
SOPHIE
“ Y ou’re sleeping together?” Adeline’s voice is thick with disbelief, her eyebrows lifting as she draws out the words. I nod, sheepishly.
“And you’ve decided to be…‘ fuck-buddies’ ?” She curls her fingers to air-quote the term, her tone skeptical. To be fair, I didn’t exactly call it that. I only said that whatever’s happening between us can and will only be physical.
“Do you think that’s a good idea, Soph?”
I shrug, feeling the weight of her question. “I don’t know,” I admit. I really don’t. All I know is that I want it. Or more like need it.
“How long has this little dance been going on, then?” Here comes the big question, the one I know Addie’s about to hit me with. Her problem won’t be that Liam and I are sleeping together—it’s that I kept it from her for two full weeks. I didn’t plan for any of this. Didn’t even want it. Okay, now I’m lying. Of course, I wanted it, but I sure didn’t expect it. It was only supposed to be that one night after dinner with Jared. One night to get him out of my system. But, of course, it takes much more than one time to get Liam out of your system. And he had to keep provoking me, seducing me in his own infuriating way.
So, yeah, I kissed him in the office. It wasn’t part of the plan. I went in there ready to give him a piece of my mind, but the second I saw Lilly on her knees, it was like someone poured ice water over me. And it hurt—even though nothing actually happened. Liam explained everything, but it just made one thing painfully clear: I’m still hung up on him. And worse? I’m still so damn possessive of him.
And yet, the idea of us getting back together? Still doesn’t sit right. It’s not just about my reputation—I’m terrified of failing again. People say I overthink, and maybe I do. But after all the mess we’ve been through, isn’t it smart to be cautious? I mean, I’m the one who convinced Leora to marry Lucas in the first place—even if it started as a fake marriage. But with Liam and me? We’re doomed to fail. So, I’ve taken the safer route. Physical . And oh, it’s been very, very physical. We’ve kept it within the hotel walls—mainly his office. On his desk. The sofa. The walls. The carpet. The bathroom. You get the gist.
Here I am, about to explain myself to my best friends, and I can feel that tiny, unsettling knot of fear tightening in my chest. ”Two weeks,” I mumble under my breath.
“Speak louder, sweetie, I can’t hear you.”
Clearing my throat, I raise my voice a little, “Two weeks.”
“TWO WEEKS!” she shrieks, her eyes as wide as saucers.
I planned on telling her after that first…incident in the office, but when I got home, she wasn’t here, and after that, we just kept missing each other. Okay, maybe not for two whole weeks, but I think I was scared. I was scared of hearing someone say this was wrong, that we shouldn’t do it. Honestly, I don’t want anyone talking sense into me.
“We’re not… fuck-buddies, though. I don’t like that term.”
“Then what are you?” Her voice softens, eyes searching.
What are we? It’s exactly what we are, and yet...I can’t bring myself to say it. Because we can’t be anything more, and no one beyond my closest friends can know.
“I don’t know.” My shoulders sag as I fumble with what to say, trying to make sense of it all.
“Habibi, it’s okay. You know that, right?” Adeline places a gentle hand on my arm, giving it a comforting squeeze.
I shrug, still unsure.
“It is okay!” She grabs my shoulders, her eyes fierce. “Why is it only acceptable when guys do this kind of thing? You can do whatever you want—as long as you’re not hurting yourself or letting anyone else hurt you in the process.”
“You’re right,” I sigh, feeling a little lighter. “The only thing I’m really afraid of is if it gets out.”
“Why would it?” she asks, her expression serious.
“I don’t know. But if it did…it could ruin my career. People would assume I got to where I am by screwing the boss.” Adeline gives me a smirk, and I laugh despite myself.
“You know what I mean,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I’d never be doing this if we didn’t have history. Plus, I got this job before even knowing Liam was overseeing it.”
Adeline giggles, her gaze softening. “I’m just playing with you. But seriously—people’s opinion of you is none of your business. Also, they’d be complete idiots to assume that. Your reputation is spotless.”
“Exactly, and if this got out, it would smudge it.”
She tilts her head, studying me closely. “Is that the only reason, though?”
I frown, not understanding. “What do you mean?”
“If you weren’t working together, would you give him a second chance?”
I pause, letting her question sink in. Would I give him a second chance if things were different? A real second chance? But then my dad’s voice creeps back into my mind, a quiet but firm reminder, and I shake my head.
“I know Liam has changed,” I start, hesitating. “And maybe that was just a one-time deal. What do I know? But it stuck with me, and in his line of work, there’s a chance it could happen again. It scares me.”
“I promised my dad,” I add softly. “It was the last real promise I made to him while he was still himself. I can’t break it.”
Adeline nods, her brown eyes soft with understanding as she reaches over, giving me a warm, enveloping hug. “That’s a tough promise, but I get it,” she murmurs, squeezing my shoulders.
Then she pulls back, sitting up tall. “I have another question,” she says, tilting her head to the side. ”Have you told Leora yet?”
Once again, I pause. No, I haven’t. I don’t even know where to start or how to bring it up.
“Not yet.”
“Are you planning on telling her?” Adeline presses gently, then adds, “Listen, I’m with you no matter what, but she loves you more than anything and would never judge you. You know that, right?”
“Of course I do. It’s just… She’s so close to Liam and I don’t want to put her in an awkward position.”
She lets out a little laugh. “Trust me, she won’t be the one in the awkward position. It’s gonna be Liam.”
I can’t help but laugh. She’s right.
“You know what? Let’s just call her up,” I say, grabbing my phone swiftly before any second thoughts can creep in. With a quick tap, I hit FaceTime, and it only rings twice before Leora’s face fills the screen, a huge grin lighting up her beautiful face. Just seeing her immediately makes me feel a little better, like some of the weight pressing me down is lifting from my shoulders.
“My looooves,” she drawls, “I was just thinking about you two. I miss you so much.”
“We miss you too,” Addie and I say in unison.
Leora’s face lights up even more. “How are you two? Addie, how’s the book going? You know I’m eagerly waiting for this one!”
Addie grins. “I’m almost done with the first draft, so you’ll get to read it soon.”
Leora’s lips curve into a smile as her eyes sparkle with anticipation. “Is this one also…you know, hot?”
“You bet your fine ass it is,” Addie smirks, and we all laugh.
Leora playfully fans herself. “Can’t wait!” she says with a wink. Then her gaze turns to me, and she raises an eyebrow, teasing. “And how’s work going, Soph? I hope Liam isn’t annoying you too much.”
I smile awkwardly, my mind flashing back to how infuriating he was at first. If only she knew. “It’s all good; we’re making a lot of progress and are even ahead of schedule, so that feels great!”
“That’s amazing! Liam calls me now and then, and he always speaks so highly of your work—which I already know is incredible. But sometimes…” She snickers, her eyes glinting with mischief. “Sometimes, it sounds like he has a little crush on you. I mean, who wouldn’t be? You’re gorgeous and amazing!”
I glance at Addie, the corners of her mouth twitching upward.
“Ha-ha, yeah, he’s been great to work with,” I say, trying to keep my tone light.
Addie leans in, barely containing her grin, and whispers, “Oh, I bet he has... I mean, all that hands-on mentoring.” She nudges me playfully to the side, making me glare at her.
I elbow Addie hard, making her let out an exaggerated “Ooph!”
“Just a second, girlies,” Leora says, setting the phone down briefly to check on something in the background.
She holds up her hands in mock surrender, laughing, “What? Just saying... Sounds like a good team-building experience.”
I shoot her a look, my cheeks burning. “Shh! She’ll hear you!”
Addie leans in close to my ear, whispering, “Yalla, tell her.”
“I will! Stop stressing me,” I grit through my teeth, trying to steady my breathing.
Leora comes back into view, giving us an apologetic smile. “Sorry, girls! Antoine has been fussy all day. So, what did you want to tell me?”
“Oh, I just…” I stammer, feeling the weight of my words stuck in my throat. Why is this so hard? Leora is more than my best friend; she’s like a sister, someone I should be able to share anything with. But right now, my heart is pounding as I try to gather the courage.
“Oh my god, I forgot to tell you!” she practically shouts, her excitement breaking through the screen. “vI’m coming in two weeks.”
“You are?” Adeline says, her face lighting up before she pauses, her brows drawing together. “Wait, can you even travel?” The same thought crosses my mind. Leora’s very pregnant.
“Yes! This is the last window I have to travel before the baby makes any kind of travel impossible,” she laughs.
Adeline and I both shriek in excitement. This is perfect!
“We can’t wait! It’s been too long since we saw you and Lucas,” Adeline says, her voice dancing with excitement. “I’m already planning our girls night!”
“That’s what I like to hear!” Leora says with a grin before turning her attention back to me. “Sorry, Soph, I totally interrupted you. What were you going to say?”
If she’s coming, then it’s better to have the conversation face-to-face than over the phone. It’ll feel more real and honest, and we’ll have the time we need. “Oh, it was nothing. I’m just so excited to see you. I can’t wait until you’re here.”
“You sure, babe?” Leora asks, raising a curious brow.
“Yes, yes, totally sure. We can catch up on everything when you’re here.”
“Okay then! I’ve got to go—Lucas is almost home, and I need to get Antoine to bed. I love you both.”
“We love you more!” Adeline and I chime together as we end the call. I feel relief settle over me, but Adeline’s gaze is drilling into the side of my face.
“What?” I ask, trying not to squirm under her stare.
“You were supposed to tell her,” she says, arching an eyebrow.
“I know, but isn’t it better to tell her when she’s here? Lucas will keep Antoine busy, and we’ll have her all to ourselves. You know she’ll have a million questions. A quick phone call wouldn’t be enough.”
“If that’s what you want,” Adeline says with a small smirk, “then sure. Two weeks.”
Two weeks.
“Anyway,” Adeline says, brightening, “my mom made her special Shish taouk, and she told me to bring you along. So, want to come?”
My face lights up instantly. I love her mom's cooking; her Shish Taouk—those juicy, marinated chicken skewers grilled to perfection with her homemade garlic sauce—is the best I’ve ever had. “Of course, I want to.”
Adeline grins. “Well, come on then, before she thinks we’re not showing up. She even promised extra Knafeh for you!”
When Adeline’s mom invites you over for food, it’s never just one dish. It’s a feast—a table bursting with vibrant mezze plates, glistening bowls of tabbouleh, velvety hummus drizzled with olive oil, and stacks of fresh, pillowy pita still warm from the oven. It’s a dream come true.
“Thank you, Mrs. Karam, this was incredible as always,” I say, genuinely grateful, as I lean back, feeling wonderfully full.
“Oh, habibti, what have I told you? Call me Theresa. You’re family.” She’s been a mother to both me and Leora, who never had our own, and the warmth she gives so freely is something I’ll always cherish. It’s like her home is open to fill any space we’re missing in our own lives.
When I was younger, I sometimes felt a pang of jealousy–not toward Addie, but toward the life I never had. Watching the ease and comfort she shared with her mom made me wish for that kind of bond, that unbreakable connection I’d missed out on. But every time those feelings surfaced, it was as if Mrs. Karam knew. She’d wrap me in one of her all-encompassing hugs, as if silently saying, You’re safe here. You’re loved here. They gave me another place to call home without needing to ask.
The memories warm my chest as we settle into the present. After dinner, Adeline brews some coffee, and we all sink into a comfortable lull, the kind that only comes after a good meal. And as always, Mrs. Karam’s warm gaze shifts to me, curiosity sparkling in her eyes, as though she’s about to ask something she’s been holding back.
“Ya, Sophie. Have you met someone yet?” she asks casually, her expression open and curious.
“Mom…” Adeline mutters, rolling her eyes but smiling.
“Shou? She’s like a daughter to me—I can ask her everything I ask you.”
And here we go. I laugh, “No, I haven’t.” Her eyes bore into mine as if she’s seeing straight through me, while Adeline quietly sips her coffee, clearly not willing to join in.
“Sophie, don’t lie to me.”
“MOM!”
“Khalas, Adeline. This is none of your business.”
Adeline mutters something under her breath, clearly annoyed, and Mrs. Karam shoots her a look before turning back to me with an expectant smile. “ Yalla, Sophie, tell me. So I can be happy for someone, at least.” She casts a side-eye at Adeline, who huffs and continues mumbling. I feel a little bad and decide to steer her attention away from Adeline.
“I’m just focusing on work right now,” I reply, trying to sound confident. “I want to reach a certain point in my career before I settle down.” It’s not a complete lie—I do want to be established before committing to someone long-term. But deep down, I know that if the right person came along, I wouldn’t turn him away, no matter when he showed up.
You’re already rejecting the right person, a voice sings in my mind, making me tense. Stop it!
She clicks her tongue, clearly unimpressed. “Uff, you two. Always career, career, career. When will you start living?” her eyes linger on me, a soft concern hidden in the warmth of her smile, “Habibti, life waits for no one. Don’t let your career be the only thing you love. It won’t love you back.”
It won’t love you back. The phrase lingers like an unwelcome truth. I force a smile, but deep down, a pang of uncertainty tugs at me. Will I ever have that? Will I ever be loved in the way she means? You will if you let Liam in . My hands tighten around my coffee cup, and I can feel the warmth seeping into my skin, grounding me, even as my thoughts start to spiral. I seriously need to get a grip on my own thoughts.
Adeline breaks the tension, nudging her mother with a playful eye-roll. “Okay, Mama, it’s getting late. You can pester Sophie about finding a husband next time.”
She sighs, clicking her tongue as she shakes her head. “Fine, fine! But remember , a woman can have the world and still want someone to share it with. You can be a queen or a boss—whatever you girls say nowadays—and still want to be loved. It doesn’t diminish your power.” She leans in, wrapping her arms around me in a warm hug, one that feels like a silent reassurance, even if her words make me question things I’m not ready to admit.