Chapter 10
CHAPTER
TEN
Lizzie
I can’t stop stealing glances.
There was no missing the way he got hard while we were lying on the floor, and even though I did my best to keep my eyes above his waist, I admit I looked.
Twice.
“You really don’t have to stay and help.”
Collin shrugs his shoulders and leans against the wall. “I have nothing more pressing to do at the moment.”
Something flashes in his eyes. It’s a guarded mixture of hurt and anguish, and even though I should probably let it be, I can’t do it. “Are you okay?”
He holds my gaze, giving nothing away. The man’s poker face is top-notch, that’s for sure, but there’s this underlying hint of discomfort, and that’s what has me concerned. “I’m fine. Just a…uh, it was a rough shift.”
“You worked today?” I ask, thinking back to the schedule he texted me. If I recall correctly, he was off earlier this morning.
“Until eight,” he confirms. “But…”
I don’t push him. If he wants to talk about it, I’ll listen. I consider him a friend, even if we haven’t known each other very long. Even if I ignore the sexual tension that seems to surround us whenever we’re together. I can push that all aside and be a friend first and foremost.
Noticing the internal battle he seems to be engaged in, I throw out a comment to hopefully make him smile and keep things light. “Hey, I’m a bartender. I’m like a therapist, only cheaper.”
The comment does the trick, and he flashes me a small, grateful smile before sobering and straightening his spine.
“There was an accident a couple days ago. It was pretty bad. Nothing we haven’t seen or done before, but this one was…
different. I was tasked with freeing a driver—a mother—who had two young boys in the back seat. ”
Something passes through his eyes, and suddenly, I wish I wouldn’t have pushed. “Oh no,” I whisper as a lump forms in my throat, making it hard to breathe.
“Yeah. We were able to get them all extricated, but…” He stops and looks away. “The mom and one of the boys ended up passing away.”
“Oh,” I reply, tears filling my eyes, partially for people I don’t even know, but also for Collin. I know it’s his job, but I can’t imagine being a first responder in a situation like that and having it not affect me. “I’m so sorry.”
He swallows hard and levels me with a gaze. “It’s been weighing on my mind since it happened.”
“I’m sure it has,” I reply, taking a step closer, needing to be near him. “I can’t imagine what you see and do on a regular basis.”
“It usually doesn’t affect me as bad as this, but when it’s a kid—”
“I honestly couldn’t do what you do.”
“Sometimes it’s a pretty heavy job.”
I nod and take another step forward. He’s now within reach, and even though I shouldn’t touch him, I’m overwhelmed with the urge to provide a little comfort in his time of distress.
Placing my hand on his arm, I take one additional small step and hold his gaze.
“What you do is very admirable, but it’s heavy.
You see some of the worst things possible. ”
He nods. “Usually, I can compartmentalize it, which isn’t always the healthiest way to deal with what we see and do, but we have to. But sometimes,” he says, taking a deep breath, “sometimes, it sticks with you.”
“I can see that,” I reply gently. “I’m sorry you had to witness something so tragic, especially the loss of a young life.
I can’t imagine what the surviving child and father are going through and will for probably the rest of their lives.
It’s not something anyone should have to deal with.
We expect to lose loved ones later in life, but when it happens to a child and young mother, it’s unimaginable.
It’s traumatic, honestly. For everyone.”
“Yeah,” he replies, giving me the faintest smile.
“Listen, I know we don’t know each other very well, and this might not be the manliest way to handle it, but maybe you can talk to someone? Professionally, I mean. Not that you can’t talk to me and I’d listen, but someone who can truly help you.”
“We have a department doc,” he states, surprising me.
“You do?”
He snorts. “We do,” he confirms. “Not everyone likes or wants to see him, but others find it helpful. I’ve been a few times over the years.”
“Oh, well, good.”
“I’ve already decided to give him a call in a few days if I’m still struggling to sleep.”
“Good,” I repeat, still a little shocked to hear they have a department doctor to help them deal with the heavy stuff. A lot of people don’t like to talk to a therapist, and most definitely won’t openly talk about it.
“But, if I’m being honest, being here has helped me.”
Okay, now I’m super surprised. “What? How?”
He shrugs his shoulders and glances over toward the door. “I don’t know, really. You have a calming way about you.”
I can’t help but snort. “A calming way. Sure. I’m sure my family would be rolling after hearing that,” I reply, shaking my head.
“No, you do. You listen without judgment, and I see nothing but kindness in your eyes. And you’re right, I’m not the only one who is going to struggle with this one.
Children can be both the best and worst victims. I’ve had some smile and hug me.
One even invited me to his birthday party the next week. ”
I chuckle at the image he creates in my mind, of kids being rescued from a burning building or extracted from a car accident and smiling in appreciation on the other side. It’s a much better image than the one he’s dealing with in his head. “Did you go?”
“Hell yes,” he replies, grinning from ear to ear. “A couple of us dropped by with gifts. There was a fire truck cake, and we were the guests of honor, along with the birthday boy.”
We stand here, smiling at each other, and I can’t help but realize how good it feels.
“Thank you.”
His heartfelt words make me pause. “For what?”
“For listening. For offering me words of comfort. For being…you.”
My cheeks heat a little, but I don’t look away. His words spoken and even the ones neither of us speak hang heavy between us. The moment is broken when the sound of heavy footfalls echoes up the stairs.
“I hope you’re not naked!”
Collin closes his eyes briefly and shakes his head.
When Cade reaches the top, he stops in the doorway and glances between the two of us. We’re still standing close, but nothing that would be considered scandalous. He flashes me a charming grin and adds, “Well, unless it was you, Lizzie. You can be naked anytime I come over.”
I bark out a little laugh and state, “You wish.”
Collin’s eyes widen moments before he bursts into a fit of laughter. “Guess she told you.”
Cade gapes at me, as if I just told him I saw Bigfoot, and covers his heart with his hand. “You wound me.”
I can’t help but roll my eyes. “Something tells me you’ll get over it.”
“Never. I’ll carry this pain for the rest of my life.” There’s no real emotion behind his words, and I know he’s just clowning around, probably to get a rise out of his brother.
“Are you done being a goof and ready to help?” Collin asks, stepping away from me and moving to the entryway.
“If I must. Used and left alone. It hurts, Lizzie. Really, it hurts.” Then he flashes me a megawatt grin and claps his hands together.
“Lucky for you, I get over pain pretty quickly, so let’s do it.
” But then he looks my way and gives me a lopsided grin.
“Not literally, my lady. That ship has sailed. You had your chance. I’m nothing more than muscle to you.
Unless you really do want to do it, then I’m in. ”
I can’t stop the giggle as Collin rolls his eyes hard and pushes his brother through the doorway. “Let’s go, Romeo.”
“You’ve always been a cockblocker,” Cade states to his twin before moving down the stairs.
I follow behind, ready to show them what needs brought up.
I still feel bad they’re both here on a weeknight, moving furniture, but Collin wasn’t taking no for an answer.
And at the end of the day, I told them it wasn’t necessary today, so the fact they’re doing it right now was their decision. Or it was Collin’s decision.
It doesn’t take them long to bring the rest of my living room furniture up the stairs, and when they get that into place, they set their sights on my dresser and nightstands.
My old place had decent-sized closets, so I was able to hang a lot of my clothes.
Unfortunately, the closets in this apartment are pretty small, with only a single bar for some hangers.
I’m going to have to use the tiny closet in the second bedroom to hold some of my things.
Maybe I can rotate my wardrobe based on the season.
Like, in the summer, keep my heavier, winter wear in the other closet and then switch it in the fall.
“What are you thinking so hard about?” Collin asks, startling me, since I didn’t realize he had approached and was standing beside me. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You’re fine. I was just trying to think of where I’m going to put all my clothes,” I reply with a little chuckle. “I’m kind of a clothes whore.”
He runs his fingers through his hair and pins me with a look of concern. “Uhh, do you have hidden closets up there somewhere?”
I snort and shake my head.
“Well, then, I suppose you found a use for that smaller bedroom.” His blue eyes are dancing with humor as he adds, “A walk-in closet.”
“What the hell? It’s not break time!” Cade hollers from the truck, hands on his hips like a disciplining father.
“Zip it!” Collin retorts.
“You know, that’s not a bad idea,” I reply, though I really had hopes of creating my private library/sewing room. However, it just might not be in the cards for this apartment. Maybe, someday down the road, I’ll be able to afford a place big enough for walk-in closets and a library/sewing space.
“Don’t give up on your dream space just yet,” he states, as if reading my mind. “You might be able to create some extra closet space and still be able to have your other area.”