Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
S leeping in her own bed had been a delight, particularly after spending four nights in a chair in Farlan’s cottage. Clearly, Elsie had not realized how very tired she was, for she had slept until noon. She might have slept a little longer had Anna not come to waken her.
The maid had been enthralled when Elsie had told her what had happened. The more she heard, the more excitable the young lass became. Especially discovering how close to death Elsie and the laird had come. It had taken a little time, but Elsie had calmed her and told her that all was now well.
After a late luncheon, Elsie had gone in search of Keane. She soon discovered he was in the great hall, meeting with the council. She had thus decided to read a while in the library to occupy herself. Yet, no matter how hard she tried, she could not concentrate and she found herself reading the same passage over and over again.
Her thoughts whirled no less now than they had for the last four days. Though, that first night, her mind had been on Keane’s survival only. As safe as he was, tucked behind the castle walls and being cared for by a healer who clearly knew what he was doing, even Farlan had voiced his doubts.
“I have done all I can dae,” the old man had said. “But I dinnae possess the power o’ the gods.”
“What dae ye mean by such a statement?” Elsie had gasped.
“The wound is as clean as I can mak’ it, me lady. Still, we need tae be mindful o’ infection. We will ken soon enough.” He had looked at her steadily across the room. “If he gets through this night with nay fever, he will be on a good path tae recovery.”
With that fear lodged in her mind, Elsie had checked Keane every hour, on the hour. Each time she had felt relief to discover his skin cool and dry. But afterwards, when she knew he would recover fully, her thoughts had not stopped.
First, she had replayed the entire scenario, over and over again in her head. The moment she turned back, the second she has known she wanted to be with him. The physical feeling, she felt in her heart. But her memory was marred with an act she struggled with.
It was difficult to avoid remembering her actions toward that soldier. Stabbing him repeatedly had caused her much distress. In fact, the only thing that had prevented her from spiraling into oblivion was the fact that the dreadful thing she had done had saved Keane’s life. Not once had she ever wielded a dirk. Nor had she ever harmed a hair on another person’s head. She was only grateful that it had been Keane’s striking blow that had actually killed him.
But that aside, her main focus had been the fact that, in that moment, she had made a choice that would change her life forever. Since then, she had not questioned her decision once.
Had anyone asked her what she desired, Elsie doubted she could have given an answer. Yet, in such a highly emotional state, death being just a breath away, she had gained immediate clarity. She now knew in her heart that her feelings for the laird had grown beyond anything she could have imagined.
Abandoning her reading, Elsie had thought about her future. The uncertainty of it all. The fact that she was now a member of Clan Mackay. One thought led to another, until she eventually came to a conclusion.
If I write tae Faither and tell him that I am happy here, perhaps he could convince Laird Gunn tae stay off any further attacks.
Elsie was not na?ve. She knew there was everything else hanging in the balance, other than her happiness. The marriage to Laird Gunn had had one main purpose, to strengthen the two clans through an alliance. But she had to try. Seeing Keane so close to death had terrified her. It had also awakened a newfound determination. Her father was likely to refuse her request. Still, Keane was now her husband and Clan Mackay her new family. She had to make every effort to protect it, no matter how futile it might be.
But when Elsie returned to her bedchamber, she could find no parchment paper with which to write. Turning to the door, she was about to go in search of Anna, but then, her eye fell upon the adjoining door that led to Keane’s room and she had ventured in without a second thought.
Keane was no longer with the council, and upon seeing him in his bed, she had come to an immediate halt.
Now, he offered her to sit with him. But even as she approached, her face flamed at the thought of what had happened the last time she was in this room. In that bed.
“How are ye feeling?” Elsie said, settling herself tentatively on the edge of the mattress.
“Better. Thank ye,” he replied, a light smile dancing on his lips. “How are ye feeling?”
“Fine,” she said, unsure how she was supposed to answer.
He hitched an eyebrow and gazed at her. “Fine?”
She shrugged. “Well, ye ken. As fine as can be expected under the circumstances.”
He nodded, but did not speak again for a long moment. Still, he looked at her. It made her feel uncomfortable, and unable to hold his gaze, she dropped her eyes to the coverlets.
“Elsie,” he said softly.
She lifted her eyes again. “Aye?”
“I think there are some things we need tae discuss.”
Her stomach flipped at his words. They did not sound particularly ominous, but she also knew where this was going. The excitement was now over. He was healing. This conversation was bound to happen sooner or later, and now, having to face it head on, she felt nervous.
His gaze intensified, and then he said, “Why didnae ye run? I need tae understand. Those soldiers were there tae rescue ye. An opportunity tae escape me grasp was there ‘afore ye, and yet, ye didnae tak’ it. Why?”
Could she really tell him how she felt? To his face? While her heart told her to open up to him, her mind had other ideas.
Ye ken the reason ye stayed, but perhaps it is better if he aoesnae. Nae yet. Nae until ye are entirely certain this is what ye want.
But her heart countered with its own argument.
O’ ye are certain.
And she was. Whether she wanted the laird to know that was a different matter altogether. If she laid her feelings bare, would that not leave her vulnerable, open, unable to stay off his advances?
No longer did she feel anger at her circumstances. But at the same time, Elsie just couldn’t be sure she was ready for full disclosure either. Though she had seen glimpses of his affection, she did not yet know how he felt about her. Her heart needed protecting. Besides, it was the one thing she could control.
“Truly, I dinnae ken.” She shrugged. “Everything just happened so fast, and ye were in danger. I just reacted without thinking.”
Again, he looked at her for a long moment. Then he waved her closer. “Come and sit beside me.”
Elsie smiled nervously, before hitching herself onto the bed properly. As she did so, Keane pulled the coverlets back from himself. Thankfully, he was wearing clothes. Once she sat by his side, he took her hand in his, and smiled down at her.
“Ye saved me life, Elsie. I still have tae thank ye fer that.”
“Ye did thank me,” she said. “Twice.”
Keane frowned and shook his head. “Nae, I didnae.”
“Ye did. Right ‘afore ye lost consciousness fer four days.”
“Ah. Right.” Realization then crossed his face. “I dinnae remember much o’ that. I dinnae remember how I got back tae the castle, or what happened afterwards. Alisdair told me, but I have nay recollection.”
“I swear tae ye. Ye have already thanked me.”
He gazed down at her and smiled. “And yet, nay matter how many times I say it, it will never be enough.”
Once more, Elsie was at a loss for words. Before the attack, Keane had given her few clues as to how he felt about her. Yes, there had been moments shared between them, but soon afterward, he had shattered those by acting in complete contradiction, thus frustrating and confusing her with his inconsistency. But something had changed and they both knew it. Her decision to protect him and thus forego her freedom had shifted the dynamics between them, and Elsie now found herself in unknown territory.
Keane brought his hand to her face and turned her toward him. Lowering his lips to hers, he kissed her softly. His tender embrace lighter than a butterfly’s wing against her lips. But that was no longer enough for Elsie. She wanted more. She needed more.
Hitching herself closer, she kissed him back, opening her lips to him and welcoming him in. His tongue slipped inside, exploring, his fervent desire for her evident.
“Ye truly dae have such a beautiful mind,” he murmured, his lips still against hers.
It was a strange thing to say. Even as Elsie felt the arousal growing in the parts of her that Keane had awakened, she couldn’t help but pull away.
Gazing into his eyes, she said, “There are times when I think ye’re living inside me head. There have been many occasions when ye have answered a question I have held in me mind. Yet the words have nae passed me lips.”
Keane halted then. While he looked at her, there was an intensity to his gaze, as though he were searching for something.
“What is it?” she asked.
He did not speak for a long second, and then, he took a deep breath in.
“I have a secret that very few people ken, Elsie. A secret that I rarely share with anyone. Those who dae ken, I trust with me life.” He paused a beat, and then continued. “But after what ye did, after the danger ye put yersel’ in tae save me, surely, I can trust ye.”
“Ye dinnae have tae tell me if ye dinnae want tae.” But even as she spoke those words, she knew they were not true.
Ye are such a liar. Ye are desperate tae ken his secret.
Keane beamed a smile then, and Elsie frowned. “What?”
“I have a gift. I was born with it. Inherited from me maither’s side, fer she was born from a long line of mystics and magic.”
“A gift?” she breathed.
He brushed the back of his fingers against her temple. “I can read yer mind, Elsie.”
Her mouth dropped open and she gasped. “All the time?” she blurted.
Och, God. What has he heard me say? What has he heard me think? I have thought so many dreadful things about him since he captured me.
“Only when I touch ye,” he said. “Like now.” He lifted their entwined hands as though to show her.
Elsie suddenly pulled her hand away. Partly from fear. Partly from astonishment. But Keane only smiled again.
“Yer mind is a beautiful place tae be, Elsie. Ye are such a beautiful person. Inside and out.”
Still reeling from his disclosure, Elsie wanted to make certain he was telling her the truth. Particularly about only being able to read her mind when he touched her. Not that that wasn’t bad enough.
Can ye read me mind now?
She watched his face, searching for any sign that he had heard her thought. Instead, he only gazed at her with the same expression.
“Ye are testing me tae see if it is true.”
Elsie did not answer him.
Are ye inside me head?
Still, there was no reaction. She then placed her hand on his forearm.
Are ye inside me head now?
“Aye.” He nodded.
She whipped her hand away again, struggling to assimilate his revelation. Thousands of thoughts had passed through her mind since the day he had taken her. Thousands. What had he heard? What did he know? How dare he read her mind without saying anything.
“I cannae believe ye didnae tell me,” she gasped.
Keane lifted his eyebrows, his expression knowing. “It’s nae something one goes around announcing tae the whole world. And I told ye. I only tell those whom I truly trust. Dae ye ken how many people in this castle ken?”
Elsie shook her head.
He lifted his hand and held up one finger.
“Alisdair,” she said.
Keane nodded. “I have grown up with this clan, Elsie. The servants in this castle. The soldiers under me command. The older men o’ the council. And yet, it is ye I have chosen tae tell.”
Only then, did Elsie realize how open and vulnerable he was being with her. How much he was trusting her with this great secret that even his own council did not know.
“Thank ye,” she breathed.
But Keane shook his head. “It is I who ought tae be thanking ye. I have done naething tae deserve yer trust. Any other person in yer position would have let those soldiers kill me.”
“I could never dae that,” she gasped.
His smile was as soft as his eyes. “I ken, little one. I dinnae ken why, though. I am only grateful ye are the gracious lass ye are, or I wouldnae be here today.”
He gazed down at her, peering into her very soul. For the first time, she truly felt affection emanating from him.
“I am indebted tae ye fer me life, Elsie. Fer that reason, I will spend the rest o’ me days protecting ye and doing all I can tae show ye what ye mean tae me.”
Those words crashed into her like a wave breaking onto the rocks. The first words that expressed any feelings. Well, perhaps not his first. He had said something in the tavern the day they went to the village. It had been right after she had defended him to the villagers; lying to their faces so they wouldn’t think badly of their laird. His words had taken her breath away.
I dinnae deserve ye.
“And what dae I mean tae ye?” she asked, her voice a whisper. She had to know. She needed to hear him tell her what his words meant.
Keane twirled a strand of wayward hair around his finger. Looking at her with an intensity that shook her to her very core, he said, “More than ye can ken.”
If her heart could physically burst, she was sure it would. Instead, it jumped for joy in her chest. His words, and what they meant changed everything.
Before now, her future had been uncertain. She had held back, secretly hoping to somehow escape and run back to her family. Now, she didn’t want to leave. The man beside her had transformed. Or, more realistically, had returned to his former self. Not that she had known him before the death of his father had consumed him, but she had seen glimpses.
Elsie had sensed her feelings growing even at the celebratory feast. But the attack had finally bonded firmly what she already knew to be true. She wanted to be with Keane.
Nerves danced in her stomach at what she was about to say. Still, she ventured forth, certain it was what she wanted.
“Then I have a way ye can show me,” she said.
A mischievous look danced across his face, and he grinned. “Tell me,” he growled.
Elsie found herself smiling widely, the heat rushing to her cheeks. “I want ye tae…” she trailed off, losing her nerve, the embarrassment of the words overwhelming her.
“I want tae… I want tae belong tae ye… fully,” she said. She felt like a coward, but she simply could not say what she wanted plainly.
Keane, however, was not going to let her get away with it.
“What does that mean, little one?” He smiled, betraying that he knew very well what she meant. “We are already married. What other way can ye belong tae me fully?”
She couldn’t look at him a moment longer, and turning away, she whispered, “Ye ken exactly what I mean.”
Keane hooked his finger under her chin and pulled her face to his. “I want tae hear ye say it.”
Taking a deep breath in, Elsie whispered, “I want ye tae tak’ me, Keane. I want ye tae tak’ me in a way that I will always be yers. I want tae belong tae ye in every way possible.”
Delight crossed his face, and his smile only grew wider. Leaning forward, his lips brushing against hers, he said, “Ye are mine.”