Chapter 32
GRIFF
M y mate was dead.
I felt that loss in my soul. I screeched mournfully into the darkness of the mountain range, an outlet for the rage that I’d waited all this time, yet she’d been ripped needlessly from my claws. I was a failure. I had failed her. I had failed my flight.
You’re not a failure, but you are being a giant pain in the ass. You need to go back. Or give me back control.
The human’s voice in my head was becoming irritating. He couldn’t climb down from this height anyway. We’d both failed her; I was angry at him too. And he was angry at me. It was the most at odds we’d ever been, since the beginning.
I wanted to follow her into the afterlife, but he wanted to stay, for the cubs. I wanted to stay for the cubs too, but how could I live with this pain? This gaping wound in my chest where her heartbeat once resided?
I made the most basic nest I could. I didn’t deserve to be comfortable, not really. I deserved to sleep on a bed of rocks and sharp sticks, a reminder of my failure to my nestmates. I was deep in the mountains of Crete. I’d wanted to fly further, maybe right to Olympus, and rend the heads from the bodies of those who’d thought to come after my family, but the human had stopped me.
Teron. Use my name. I’m no more human than you are. We’ve lived side by side for millennia. Stop being a prick.
I growled low in my throat. I couldn’t separate myself from him. His grief and anger sat there in my chest beside my own. It made it so much worse, because the only person I hated failing more than Wren was him.
Ignoring his words, I curled up on the cliff face and looked up at the moon. With every beat of my heart, a word echoed around my brain, like it was being pushed there by that now-useless organ.
Failure. Failure. Failure.
Letting my eyes drift closed, I hoped that something picked me off while I slept. I could hear Teron’s heavy sigh, filled with grief and anger. Maybe a harpy would fly down and put us both out of our misery.
I dreamed I was with her in her bed, my head resting on her chest. We were in a castle, not that I’d seen many like this in my lifetime, outside of Teron’s movies. It was drafty and cold, made of stone, and looked enough like a prison, I wondered if I was constructing a Hell around us both. There was no warmth here, no light. Just darkness and chill.
Beside her was the dog form of Cydon, which was odd for my dreams, but perhaps I was mourning him too. He’d been a good flight mate. I hoped he was with her, wherever she was.
Despite the cold, she looked content, which soothed something inside me. She wasn’t in torment. I nuzzled my cheek against her body, but it wasn’t the same. The scent of her was gone, her body cold and dead.
Her eyelids fluttered open. “Griff? What’s wrong?”
“You died, my mate. I mourn.” This was a dream. I didn’t need to mindspeak. I could tell her what I wanted to say, and the whole world could hear it too.
She stroked her hands down my neck feathers, making me purr. I didn’t think I’d ever feel that again—if this was in my dreams, I’d sleep forever.
“Don’t be sad, Griff. I haven’t given up yet. I’m going to come back to you soon.”
I shook my head. “I saw your body, mate. Heard your heart stop in your chest.”
She chuckled. “When has that ever stopped me?” But I knew she wasn’t laughing at my pain. My Wren would never.
“At least I’ll have the memories of you. I can see you here, in my dreams.”
Frowning down at me, she lifted my beak. “Hang on, I thought I was dreaming about you? ”
What? Why would my dream mate say that?
“Are you… Wren, are you real right now?”
She scooched back on the bed, though Cydon stayed asleep. “Are you actually here? With me?”
I reared back, equally as confused. “I am asleep.”
“But are you dreaming about me, here? In Tech Duinn?”
Where in the ancestors was Tech Duinn? Could this be real?
“I am in a castle with you. I don’t recognize it, no. I assumed my mind was making up places you could be.”
She launched herself at me, hugging me so tightly that if this wasn’t a dream, I might have suffocated. “Griff! My god, Griff! I never thought…” She pulled back and stared at me as if I was a mirage. “Is everyone okay? The babies?”
I nodded. “They are okay. Sad.” That was an understatement. I didn’t tell her that I wouldn’t know how they were at this moment, since I’d flown off like a hatchling throwing a tantrum.
Grief flashed across her face. “Me too. Griff…” She rubbed her face against mine again. Her features started to get hazy, the edges of the room fading. Panic flitted across her face, and she gripped my fur. “Tell them I’m trying to come back to them. Back to you. I’m going to try for the Weighing—” She was gone as quickly as she’d appeared.
My brain scrambled around to make sense of my dream. Was it just that? The delirium a Gryphon went through when he lost his mate? I’d seen it with my grandparents. My cousins. My parents. As Gryphonkind died out, I’d seen that delirium over and over again, and could almost track its progress as my loved ones lost themselves to the madness.
But this? It felt different. I felt different. But was there a reason for that? Because she was human and not Gryphon? Or was it because her soul hadn’t passed over?
There was a third possibility, but I rejected it immediately. I knew for a fact she was my mate. I knew it in my very soul, half of which belonged to her.
But the fact remained that I wasn’t succumbing to the madness. I was wild with grief, but I wasn’t going on murderous sprees.
I needed more information. There was only one thing left to do. I had to go back, to ask the others.
Teron, we need to return home.
The grumble that reverberated through my brain was expected. About fucking time.
I landed in the courtyard of the compound and watched dogs scatter away. There wasn’t a Valkyrie around, and I was seriously pissed about the lack of security, being able to just land from above without seeing a single interception.
It’s time to hand back the reins. I promise, I’ll tell them everything you told me about Wren and the dream. We’ll figure this out.
I made a disgruntled noise, but let myself shrink away, until I was once again merely a presence in the back of a meat suit.
Teron snorted. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. And I’m more than a meat suit.”
Erus ran through the courtyard, straight into Teron’s arms. He hugged him tightly, and guilt gnawed at me. I’d added to their grief, to their stress, at one of the most difficult times of their long lives. I was a bad flight leader.
“Fuck, you’re back. We were worried,” Erus said, stepping back, his cheeks flushed.
Teron reached out and patted his shoulder. “I’m sorry we worried you. We just needed to sort out our heads,” Teron covered for me. We were one, but sometimes I didn’t deserve him. “Is everyone okay? The babies?”
Erus nodded. “They’re fine, though I think they miss her too. Even at this young age, they know she isn’t here.” He turned and led the way back into the house. “Guys, Teron and Griff are back!”
He’d picked up the nickname from Wren, though I wasn’t mad. For so long, I’d been the Great Gryph, and then just the Gryphon. When Wren had named me, it was the first time I’d had a name in centuries.
The guys appeared one by one, and they all looked like shit. I could feel Teron’s anxiety. He was a healer, and I’d ripped him away when they’d needed him most. I hoped I was bringing them good news, not just more pain.
Demke appeared. An old friend, to both me and Teron. We respected each other, but the look on his face told me how disappointed he was in me. “It’s good to have you back.” There was a wealth of things unsaid, and he was more subdued than I would have expected. He kept things close to his chest, but his grief was there written across his face.
Teron just nodded. Néit and Milo appeared with the babies, and Teron moved toward them quickly, his eyes giving them a once-over, searching for any signs of illness or problems. He could probably work out their weight just from their size.
To me, they still looked perfect. Tiny little copies of their mother. My young. And I’d just abandoned them. I was a terrible mate.
We were both going through it. We’re going to be better now, and that’s what matters.
“Griff had a dream about Wren.” They all watched him tensely, mainly because Teron didn’t refer to me very often.
“Is it the matebond delusions?” Demke asked seriously.
Teron hesitated. “I don’t think so.” He sucked in a breath. “He talked to her in the dream. She said she was trying to get back to us. She was in a bedroom that looked like a castle, somewhere called Tech Duinn. He didn’t know what that meant.”
Néit blanched. “She said that? Tech Duinn?”
Teron nodded, and I wanted to crow. It wasn’t a delusion; it was a real place. Everyone looked at Néit, who was subconsciously bouncing a baby in his arms. I was ashamed that I didn’t know which one it was.
Milo looked at him. “Does that mean something to you?”
Néit looked perturbed. “It’s the Underworld for the Celtic people. Kind of a halfway place before they move onto the next place.” He looked at Demke. “The Gryphon couldn’t have known that. How would his mind have conjured that?”
Demke looked hard at Teron, and I thought he might have been looking for me. “What else did she say?”
I did my best to push my voice to come out of Teron’s lips. “That she was looking for a way back to us. That she was going to undertake the Weighing.” Something about that term tickled the back of my brain, but it was knowledge caught beneath the avalanche of information and memories I’d gathered over the last thousand years.
Demke’s brows drew together. “She said ‘the Weighing?’”
Teron nodded. A smile curled the edges of Demke’s lips, morphing into a full-blown grin. I’d never seen him smile like that.
“What is it?” Tryp asked impatiently.
“It’s a chance. A fucking chance. Damn Apollo. We’re going to owe him one.”
I’d give him Gryphon rides around the world forever, if he brought my mate back to me.
There’s a chance.