Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
December
I t was a mistake to go and see Cammi last month. I didn’t want her to be alone, to celebrate graduating alone. Especially considering the only reason she ran off to Sydney was because of me. I didn’t want to leave her. I wanted to stay. I wanted to give her— us —exactly what we both want.
I want us back. I’ve been fighting with myself since I saw her. Fighting to not go back and just do it. She’s mine. I can’t let her go, nor do I want to. I also don’t know how to be with her without bringing her down.
I can’t do it to her. I won’t. I’ll end up hurting her more than I already have. She’s in therapy because of me. When she told me she was seeing a shrink, my first thought was that I was going to lose her completely. She’s going to realise that I’m too fucked up of a person for her to even want to be with.
My second thought was: I hope it helps her with her sadness. Because she is sad. Again, shame on me for that. I just don’t know how to fix it. It’s almost Christmas now. She’s coming home for a week. Well, to her parents’ house. I know if she’s that close, I’m not going to be able to stay away from her.
“Seriously, Vin, if you’re going to come and hang out here at least pretend to be happy to see me,” Daisy says.
We’re sitting on her sofa watching a movie. I came to Adelaide, because it’s almost Christmas and I didn’t want Daisy to be alone either. Her stomach is getting huge. I wish I could tell Gabe or even fucking Gio that she’s pregnant. Gabe should know. Maybe then he’d lift the fucked-up visitation ban he put on her.
Daisy wants to be the one to tell him, and since my dumbass brother won’t put her name on the visitor’s list, she can’t go and see him to tell him he’s going to be a father. I know our solicitor is working on an appeal, or some shit to get Gabe out on early release. I fucking hope it works too; otherwise, Daisy is going to be raising this kid alone. Well, not alone. Because I’ll always be here but it’s not the same.
“Sorry,” I mumble under my breath.
“Spit it out. What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Daisy asks.
“You think I’m pretty, Daisy? Like prettier than Gabe?” I ask her with a smirk.
“No one is prettier than Gabe. Now, stop stalling, Vin. Out with it. What’s going on?” Her tone is more firm.
I’ve never been one for therapy, never wanted to sit down and talk to some head quack. I will, however, talk to Daisy. Over the past few months, I’ve slowly been opening up to her about my past, about Cammi, about everything.
“Cammi is coming back to Melbourne for Christmas.” I sigh.
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“I don’t know.” I lift one shoulder into a half shrug. “I don’t have the willpower to stay away from her if she’s so close.”
“Vin, you’re a De Bellis. You have the means to go and see her anytime you want, and you choose not to. You have the willpower,” Daisy says.
“I should stay away from her though, right?”
“Why?”
“Because the last time I left, it was hard—really fucking hard. What if I can’t leave again?” I tell her.
“What if you don’t leave? What would happen if you don’t?” Daisy asks me.
“I’d end up hurting her more. Drag her down to my darkness again,” I try to explain. “I don’t want to do that.”
“Then don’t. You realise you’re only hurting yourself and Cammi by keeping this distance between you? Does she even still want to be with you, Vin? How do you know she hasn’t already moved on and found someone else?”
I glare at my sister-in-law. Oh, yeah, by the way, another secret no one else in the family seems to know about is the fact Gabe went and married Daisy before he got locked up. Fucking idiot didn’t tell anyone.
“She’s not moving on,” I grunt.
“See that .” Daisy points at me. “You either need to let her go or man up and be with her before she does actually move on.” She shakes her head. “I get it. You’re scared to bring her into the world you and your brothers live in. But do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone?”
“It’s not the family business, Daisy. You know that. I’m fucked up. I can’t even touch her without her specifically asking me to. No matter how much I want to.” I run a hand down my face.
“Has she ever mentioned that it bothers her?” Daisy raises a brow at me.
“No.” I fully believe Cammi is my ride-or-die girl. She would do anything for me, and I’d do anything for her. Which is why I’m torturing us both by keeping us apart.
“No one can decide what to do for you, Vin. But if it were me, and Gabe was staying away from me on purpose, well, I’d probably rip his balls off. But I get it. I get why he doesn’t want me to visit him there. I don’t like it and I’ll forgive him eventually. But I understand. Which is the exact reason I’m waiting for him to get out.” Daisy rubs a hand over her protruding stomach. “Well, that and this little guy.”
“Yeah, you’re married, Daisy. It’s different. Cammi and I just graduated from high school. She has her whole life ahead of her.”
“Maybe, but if you know, you know . And from what you’ve told me, you both already know .”
“What I know is that sometimes I wish Gabe found some ditzy chick who wasn’t so smart.” I laugh.
“No, you don’t. I know I’m your favourite sister-in-law,” Daisy says with a smirk of her own.
“Meh, I don’t know. El made me chocolate chip pancakes yesterday,” I say. And at the mention of her friend, who she hasn’t spoken to in months, Daisy’s eyes water up. Fuck, she cries so easily and over anything lately.
“How is El?”
“Pregnant and probably about to kill Gio’s overbearing ass,” I grunt.
“I can imagine.” Daisy smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes.
Two weeks later, I find myself climbing up the side of Cammi’s house. I know she’s here. I might have put a GPS locater on her phone that I never told her about way back when we were dating. Luckily for me, she hasn’t upgraded devices. I push the window up and climb through.
“Ah, Elena, I have to go. I’ll call you back tomorrow.” Cammi stares at me while talking into her phone.
“He’s there isn’t he? Cammi, do not let yourself fall into that trap again. Kick his ass to the kerb,” Elena replies through the speaker.
“I’ll call you back tomorrow.” Cammi throws the phone to the edge of the bed, her glare still narrowed in on me. “Why are you climbing through my window?”
“I was feeling nostalgic and, honestly, I wasn’t sure your parents would let me in,” I explain.
“My parents don’t know who you are, Vin,” she says. “I never told them.”
“Oh.” I don’t know how I feel about that. Now isn’t the time to unpack it, though. “I.. ah… have a Christmas gift for you.”
“It’s not a car, is it? Because I’m still trying to explain why ‘a friend’ gifted me a car worth over three hundred thousand dollars,” she says while using air quotes.
“We are friends, Cammi. But, no, it’s not a car this time.” I smile. “But tell me you don’t like the car.”
“It’s nice, but I don’t need it, Vin. I don’t want you giving me extravagant gifts.” Cammi shakes her head and then leans over the bed, reaching for something on the floor. When she sits back up, she’s holding a small white package. “I got you something too.”
I pull a rectangular box from my back pocket and walk closer to the bed.
“You can sit. Here, open mine first,” Cammi says while passing me her gift.
I take the box and tug on the red ribbon before removing the lid. I look inside and see three crystals sitting on tissue paper.
“There white chalcedony crystals. They are supposed to help with nightmares and give you a more peaceful sleep. You can put them under your pillow.”
I look up at her. She got me crystals to help me sleep. I don’t believe for one second a few pretty stones are going to take away my nightmares. But the fact she thought of something like this—the fact she wanted to help me—has emotions clogging up my throat. “You got me something for my nightmares?”
“It’s stupid. I can keep them. I just thought… if I can’t be there to help you, then maybe these could.” Cammi reaches for the box.
“Cammi, it’s not stupid,” I tell her while tugging the gift closer to my chest. “Ask me.” I look her dead in the eye. It’s not going to be good for either of us, but I really need to kiss her right now.
Cammi’s eyes widen before she says, “Vin, kiss me like I’m yours. Kiss me like it’s the first time.”
I drop the box I have for her on the bed and cup her face with my palms. “You forgot the last time .” She always used to ask me to kiss her like it was the first and last time.
“I don’t want there to be a last time,” Cammi whispers as my lips press against hers.
My tongue slides into her mouth. Fuck, I’ve missed this. I feel like I’ve just come home after a really long time away. So does my cock. One touch and I’m hard as a fucking rock.
I pull back from the kiss way too soon. I see the want in Cammi’s eyes. I don’t want to go there. I know things aren’t returning to the way they were, and I don’t want her to think I came here for a fucking booty call.
“Open yours,” I tell her, picking up the box and handing it to her.
Cammi pops the lid and runs her fingers over the white gold bracelet. She smiles as she fingers the single charm in the centre. “It’s the Eiffel Tower,” she says, slowly removing the bracelet from the cushioning. “I love it.”
“It’s a start,” I tell her. “I’m going to make sure it’s filled with all the places in the world you’ve seen.”
Cammi frowns. “But I haven’t seen the Eiffel Tower.”
I pull out the envelope that contains two first-class tickets to France for New Year’s week. “This is the second part of your gift.”
Cammi opens the envelope and gasps. “Tickets to France? We’re going to Paris?” she squeals.
“ You’re going to Paris,” I tell her.
“But there’s two tickets. You don’t want to come to Paris with me?” she asks.
“I want to go everywhere with you, Cammi, but I’m not going on this trip. I want you to take whoever you want. A friend, your mum, your aunt.”
“Okay, I want to take my best friend. Hold on, let me message them to see if they’re free,” she says, setting the tickets down and picking up her phone.
Seconds later, my pocket pings with an incoming text. I pull out my own phone and stare at the screen.
Cammi:
Some fool got me tickets to Paris for Christmas. You wanna come with me?
“Fool, huh?” I ask her with one brow raised.
“Well, if you think I’m taking anyone else with me, then you most certainly are a fool. We are going to Paris, Vin!” she says with so much excitement in her voice.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” I tell her. “I’m sending mixed messages and that’s not fair to you. I want you to be happy, Cammi. I really do. I just can’t give you everything you want, everything you deserve.”
“Why do I feel like you’re breaking up with me all over again?”
I can see the way her lower lip is wobbling as she tries to hold back tears. “I’m not. We’re friends. Always will be.”
“A friend wouldn’t let another friend go to Paris alone,” she whispers.
“Okay, I’ll come,” I say, despite my better judgment. I already know it’s going to be torture being around her so much and not being able to touch her.