Chapter 20 #2
“I didn’t understand families like yours actually existed.
The love, camaraderie, the respect, and support.
It was a foreign concept to me. I lived my entire life trying to make my dad proud, but nothing I did was ever enough.
It was one of the reasons I agreed to his stupid plan to get a job at your vineyard. ”
“Was sleeping with me on Halloween part of that plan, too?”
“No. Never. That was a happy accident.”
“Oh, lovely. A happy accident.” My eyes rolled a little too hard, but I didn’t care. “Glad to know I was a detour on your road to sabotage.”
He stepped closer, desperation in his movements, heat radiating off him in waves. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
“Do I? Because right now I feel like all I ever was to you was a means to an end. A way to get back into your father’s good graces and to pay off a debt.”
The skin around his jaw tightened. “Coming here was that, but you were anything but. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that whatever my father wanted from me was never going to happen. I would string him along, make him think I was helping him, but the entire time, I have been trying to find a way out of this mess.”
“How’s that going for you?”
“Not well. That night at dinner, I saw my dad’s right-hand man.
I knew once he saw us together, my father would find a way to use you against me.
I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t. I thought maybe he didn’t see, but then I went to the bathroom, and he was there.
After I dropped you off and went home, my father’s goons were waiting at my place with a phone to speak with my father.
He knew about you, and every inch of my body became paralyzed with fear.
If he knew you were my weakness, he would exploit it.
I couldn’t do that to you. So yes, whether or not you want to believe me, I pulled away because I thought I was protecting you. ”
I shook my head, every emotion crashing into me at once: hurt, anger, disappointment, betrayal. And underneath it all, I believed him.
“When you agreed to go out with me, it meant everything. I didn’t give a shit about my father.
I thought I’d be able to hold him off and walk into the sunset with you.
But no matter where I go or how far I try to get away from him, his presence lingers.
I can never shake it. I was a fool to think that I could.
But you made me think that it was possible to get out from under my father’s thumb.
To leave who I was behind and be the man who you saw. I wanted to be that man.”
His voice cracked just slightly, and he dropped his gaze. “I don’t know how to be that man. I’ve lived so long with an example of the complete opposite, I only know that. I don’t know how to be anything else other than what he wants.
“He wants to expand into Vine Valley as you know. He wanted dirt on the vineyard. Zoning violations, illegal labor, or payroll irregularities, personal scandal… anything he could use to his advantage. Chardonnay fought so hard at the town hall meeting, it became his mission to take the vineyard down. I couldn’t allow that.
I stayed. I told him you and your family did everything by the book.
You’re clean. He told me to keep digging. I knew I wouldn’t find anything.”
“And if you did, would you have told him?”
His eyes snapped to mine, disgust taking over his features. “Never.”
I stared at him, my heart torn in two. One side scorched with his betrayal, but the other side still reached for him and wanted to believe him. “You should have told me.”
He exhaled and shook his head. “I was scared. A coward, really. Other than my label, I’ve never had anything to lose. Even then, it sucked, I knew I would recover and move on. Losing you? I don’t think I’ll recover from that.”
Silence settled between us, filled with all the new revelations and truths I could hardly process.
“I don’t know what happens now.” He took a tentative step toward me. “But if there’s any part of you that believes what we had was real, I’ll spend every day proving I can be the man you saw in me.”
My lips parted, but the words stuck to my throat.
How could I believe him after everything?
He had so many opportunities to tell me the truth, and he didn’t.
Maybe it was because he was a coward, but what if it was more than that?
What if it was more manipulation, and he wasn’t a coward at all, and I was the fool?
“Sher, look at me.” His finger pressed into my chin, tilting my head until my eyes bore into his. There was a deep, unfiltered intensity in his gaze that was honest and raw. But this man was a charmer… or was that a lie, too?
“I don’t know who you are,” I admitted, and pain shot through my chest at the realization.
“I know.” There was a roughness to his tone. “But I want you to. Not the version my father tried to mold me into. Not the liar who held secrets from you and acted as if everything was fine. But me. The man who fell in love with you when he had no damn right to do so.”
My breath caught, and I so desperately wanted to throw myself into his arms and let him kiss away any doubt. I hated that I still ached for the man I always thought he was before the confession.
“I need time,” I whispered. “I don’t trust you, and I don’t know if I ever will.”
“I’ll earn it,” he said without hesitation. “I don’t care if it takes weeks… or hell, years. I’ll earn it.” He took my hand again and squeezed. “You’re the only good thing I’ve ever had, and I’m not giving up unless you tell me to.”
I should’ve cut him loose. Told him nothing he did or said could ever fix this. We were broken.
But as broken as we were, I wasn’t ready to tell him to walk away.