Chapter 35
Chapter
Thirty-Five
Trent’s mood didn’t improve at the Christmas markets. Nor did it improve as he trudged through the snow through the freezing streets.
He couldn’t decide if he wanted to go to Malachi’s after he went to Ordelia’s. Malachi would expect him. Trent had been going there daily. If he didn’t turn up, would Malachi worry? Would he be sad? Would he miss Trent?
Probably. Because even if Malachi didn’t want a romantic relationship with him, he very much valued their friendship. And probably the fucking too.
“Come on in,” Ordelia greeted when he arrived and ushered him in.
“I have a favour to ask. Can you take some food over to Avery and Jack’s?
I didn’t have it finished before Jack left for the Christmas markets.
You don’t have to worry about helping with the kids tonight.
Tony finished early, and I’ve already got Ruthie down. ”
“What? Already?”
“It’s a miracle! She fell asleep within minutes. And now Tony is reading to Michael.” Ordelia’s nose scrunched up. “I swear they behave so well on the nights he’s here for bedtime.”
Trent laughed. “That sounds right. And of course I can take the food.”
“You don’t have to go now. You can stay for a bit.” She grinned and then lowered her voice, like she was about to tell a secret. “But I thought you might want to leave straightaway so you can get to Malachi’s as soon as possible.” She wiggled her eyebrows.
Then she sighed. “I can’t believe I missed him! I really wanted to meet your siren!”
Trent smiled. Or tried to. “He’s not my siren. Not really.”
Ordelia frowned. “Trent. What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing.” He shook his head.
Never be a bother. Especially for Ordelia. She had so much on her plate, and she’d done so much for him in the past. He didn’t want to burden her with his silly little heartbreak.
But Ordelia took his arm in an iron grip, led him to the couch, and sat him down. “Trent,” she said, voice firm. “What’s going on?”
And Trent couldn’t lie anymore. Not to his big sister who had raised him and been like a mother to him. Suddenly, he found himself pouring out his feelings, his thoughts, his yearnings, and his failed hopes.
She listened, holding his hand in hers. Her eyes filled with pain. He hated to see it, knowing she hurt because he was hurting. The guilt gnawed at him. But he couldn’t stop talking.
“I just really, really like him, Ordelia. I think I’m falling in love with him. I’ve never felt like this before about anyone, and I don’t know what to do about it! I just want him to love me!”
“Oh, Trent.” She pulled him into a hug. “I’m sorry. And you’ve had to deal with all our teasing and nosy behaviour. I’m so sorry.”
“I know it’s meant with love,” he said into her shoulder as he let himself be held.
Ordelia pulled back, looking into his face. “You deserve someone who loves you.”
“It isn’t Malachi’s fault. He is still grieving his mate and—”
“I’m not saying it is his fault,” she interrupted gently.
“But that doesn’t change the fact that you deserve someone who loves you.
And if you think you are falling in love with Malachi and he doesn’t love you, and can’t love you, then it isn’t wise to go on like this. You deserve someone who loves you.”
“But I want him.” The whispered words tore at Trent’s throat.
He wanted more nights in Malachi’s room, talking, eating, crafting, and having passionate sex. He wanted to sleep curled up close to Malachi in his bed every night. He wanted to wake up in Malachi’s embrace.
He just wished Malachi could love him as well.
Is that really so much to ask?
“Oh, my poor boy.” She hugged him again, squeezing him tight.
She couldn’t fix his problem. She couldn’t make Malachi love him. But as Ordelia held Trent close, he felt less alone in his pain. He let out a shuddering breath.
After several moments, he pulled back and rose, wiping at his eyes. “I should take the food to Avery and Jack’s.”
“You don’t have to.” Ordelia stood. “Tony can take it. Or I can.”
“It’s fine. I could use the walk.” He went and picked up the parcels of food. “And I need to clear my head.”
“What will you do after you drop them off? Will you go to Malachi’s?”
“I don’t know,” Trent answered honestly.
She nodded as if expecting that. “Well, think on what I said. And, Trent, you are loved. By so many.” She smiled sadly. “And even if Malachi isn’t in a place to love you, someone will be. You are so kind and helpful. And you are the least annoying of all my siblings.”
He laughed. “Thanks, Ordelia.”
“Love you,” she said and kissed him on the cheek.
“I love you too.”
He left and walked to Avery and Jack’s.
The day seemed to last forever. It had started wonderfully with him waking wrapped in Malachi’s arms and tentacles, followed by going to the lake. From there, it had gone downhill.
He considered that maybe he should have let Tony take the food. But then dismissed the idea. Tony worked hard and could use an early night with the kids and Ordelia. He deserved it.
And Trent could just drop off the food and leave. He just really hoped he wouldn’t be asked any more questions about Malachi.
It turned out he didn’t need to worry about that.
“Come on in,” Jack said. “You haven’t visited in a while, and it’s good for you to see your niece.”
Jack led him into the sweltering library. Trent immediately started to sweat.
“Sorry, she needs it to be hot in here. That’s what Avery says.” Jack smiled at the big red dragon.
Avery lay curled up before the fire, surrounded by his hoard of books. An egg lay on a blanket by his side. Carrie, Jack’s iguana familiar, sat on a cushion on a shelf above the fireplace. Avery lifted his head as Trent entered.
“Hi, Carrie. Hi, Avery,” Trent said. “We’ve missed you at the bakery. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been a bit lethargic.”
“He says hi too.” Jack and Avery could speak telepathically, which was part of being mated to a dragon. “And he misses you as well. Now come say hi to your niece.”
Trent came in close, gazing down at the egg. “Hello.” Trent smiled. But honestly he wasn’t sure how to speak to a dragon egg.
Trent asked them questions about how Avery and their egg were doing. Jack answered, pride and love shining in his voice. He seemed to have forgotten all about Malachi, which Trent was glad for.
“I should probably head off,” Trent said after they’d been talking for a while.
They said their goodbyes, Trent promised he’d visit again soon, and he left. He walked the streets, feet moving slower than usual as he made his way to Malachi’s. He didn’t know if he should go. But Malachi would be expecting him. And he hated the idea of Malachi worrying if he didn’t turn up.
He thought of Avery, Jack, and their egg. Trent had always wanted a family one day. He’d always liked the idea of adoption, of bringing in someone like Cas who didn’t have any family. Trent was still young, of course. Only nineteen. He had plenty of time.
But even if he gave Malachi all the time in the world, he wouldn’t want a family with Trent.
Finally he reached the Aquatic Horticultural Emporium. He took a deep breath as he gazed up at the painted lettering. From here, it looked like only one of the lanterns had been left on inside the store. Malachi was waiting up for him as usual.
He knocked. The door opened. And there was Malachi, smiling. And despite all the pain, Trent smiled back, the hurt inside him lessening.
If only he could love me.
“I thought you might not be coming. It’s a bit later than usual.” Malachi took Trent’s coat from him and hung it up.
“I had to drop off some food at Jack and Avery’s. I got caught up talking to them.” Trent frowned. “I’m sorry if I’m too late. Maybe I should have stayed at home. Perhaps I’ve kept you up. And I just realised I didn’t bring anything from the bakery and—”
“I am glad you came. And don’t worry. I bought some food for our supper.” Then Malachi leaned forward and kissed Trent. It was just a pressing of lips against lips. But for Trent the kiss felt like joy and happiness.
I don’t want to lose this! I can’t lose this!
And as the kiss deepened, all Trent could think of was that maybe, maybe Malachi’s feelings would change one day. Maybe if Trent was patient and gave Malachi enough time, he could come to love Trent like Trent wanted.
“It isn’t wise to go on like this. You deserve someone who loves you.”
Ordelia’s words swam through his head. But as he and Malachi kissed, Trent knew he was right where he wanted to be.
So he clung to Malachi’s shoulders like a man drowning and kissed him, with all his wishes, his desires, and the deepest hopes of his heart.
He knew this was a terrible idea. He knew he’d probably end up with a broken and bleeding heart.
But I want him. I love him. I don’t want anyone else.