Chapter Thirteen
Lainey
Iwake up with Thomas’s kiss playing on repeat in my mind and find my mom standing at the foot of my bed, making me jump. “Jesus, Mom. What are you doing?”
After switching on the lamp, I sit up, an anxious feeling inside me. “Mom? What’s wrong?”
Tears coat her eyes, but she stares through me with a blank expression before her gaze moves around the room, and it’s not until she looks back at me that she finally responds. “I feel like I’ve failed you,” she whispers, filling me with confusion and dread.
“What? Mom, you’re scaring me.”
“I was excited about your first kiss. Of course, I didn’t tell your dad but I encouraged it.”
My mind whirs as I think about what she’s saying. Does she think something more happened? “I don’t—”
“I didn’t think you’d move on so quickly to someone else. Someone you invited to your room.”
Oh God. “Mom—”
“No,” she cuts me off, her voice devoid of emotion. “No, let me finish. Your Dad has his business trip this week, and I convinced him to change his flight so he leaves today. He’s angry, Lainey. So angry. And even though I disagree with you sneaking around, I don’t think you deserve his wrath before he’s had time to think about it.”
My heart lodges in my throat as my chest aches. She’s making it sound like Thomas slept over. It was just a kiss.
“Mom, I—”
“He’s on his way to the airport now,” she cuts me off again. “Use this week to refocus your priorities, to push that boy from your mind, and to think about what you did.”
What?“Mom, this is crazy. I didn’t do anything wrong. It was just a kiss and—”
“You were standing outside your window, Lainey! On the roof.” She raises her voice. “Was it just a kiss? Or a goodbye kiss? That’s all we saw but how do we know? And how often has it happened?”
My heart races as a new panic takes over. If they think we did more than kiss, Dad could go after Thomas. Tears fill my eyes as I rush to set the story straight. “It was just a kiss,” I whisper. “A stupid kiss because I had a stupid crush. If you were watching, you would have seen him run. It wasn’t Thomas’s fault. It was—”
“Thomas?”
Shit. They didn’t know. “Mom, I promise… it’s nothing. He didn’t want it. It was all me. He would never try anything else. It was a kiss and it was one-sided.”
Tears fall as I think of the reality of my words. Yes, Thomas kissed me and I felt everything, but he ran. He doesn’t feel what I feel. And even if he did, he’s never going to act on it.
“I don’t think he’ll ever talk to me again,” I sob, and Mom rushes forward, shocking me by wrapping me in her arms.
“Shh. It’s okay. I’ll talk to your dad. It’ll be okay. Crushes are hard. I’ve known you had a thing for Thomas since you were younger. I just didn’t realize you knew each other.” She leans back to look at me, brushing a tear from my cheek. “How did it all come about?”
Rather than continuing with the lies, I decide on the truth, leaving out the parts when he was in my room. Instead, I tell her about our friendship. About the time he found me crying in our yard and tried to cheer me up. I tell her about our talks and how much we have in common, and I tell her about my crush, and how I want to get over it, but can’t. Even after kissing Jace.
Mom smiles and nods at all the right moments, comforting me when I need it, but mostly staying silent until I’m done.
“We all have crushes,” she says after a beat. “I’m sorry Thomas ran. You’re an amazing young woman, Lainey. And one day someone yourown age is going to take your breath away. But you’ve got time. This thing with Thomas will eventually fade.”
“I know.”
“Try not to worry about your dad. I’ll explain it all. Without mentioning the details.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
We hug again, and when she leaves, I try to pull myself together. I have more than one reason to get over Thomas now, and it’s for his sake as much as it is mine.
Aweek passes and when I don’t hear from Thomas, I have mixed feelings. I know it’s for the best, but at the same time, I would have loved to have said goodbye. For closure. Now it just feels like he’s ghosting me.
On Saturday, the house is full of excitement for Luke’s first college football game, and Dad’s going to be home just in time. He’s been waiting Luke’s entire life for this moment; he wouldn’t miss it for the world. I just have to hope that his happiness for Luke takes precedence over his issues with me, or that my mom managed to convince him to let it go. Because if not, today is going to be a shit show. For all of us. Dad keeps his cool ninety percent of the time, but when he’s angry, he’s difficult to calm down.
“I’m off to the stadium,” Luke says not long after I get downstairs. “I’ll be seeing you all in the stands.” With his face lit up so brightly, my stomach aches just thinking about the potential for my mistake to dampen his spirits.
“You’re going to be amazing, Luke,” I say with a genuine smile. “I’m so proud of you. We all are.”
Luke smiles back, and while it holds his usual cockiness, I can see a hint of his nerves sneaking through. “Thanks, Lainey. That means a lot.”
Dad arrives home only a few minutes before we have to leave, and he’s quiet as he gathers what he needs to take to the game. It’s not until we’re in the car that I realize he hasn’t even looked at me. But as we find our seats, he directs Ryan to walk in first, and when I sit down, he settles in beside me and sighs. “I’m not happy about the sneaking around, but your mom explained it. We still need to set some boundaries, but—”
“I promise it was a one-off and it was just a kiss. I’m not sneaking guys into my room, Dad. That’s not me.”
“It better not be, Lainey. But I’ll be locking the window just in case.”
I swallow a lump in my throat and sit back before giving him a nod. I get it. I’m his little girl, but I wish he’d trust me without making me feel more trapped. He’s not wrong though. If Thomas came back, I’d probably invite him inside in a heartbeat.
After speaking with Dad, I spend most of the game on the edge of my seat, and it has nothing to do with the play. Thomas is the starting quarterback, something we should all be celebrating, but instead, I have to pretend it means nothing to me.
At one point, Dad cheers Thomas’s name and I smile at Mom, thankful that she never spilled about who I kissed, but also nervous about him ever finding out.
Because while Dad’s disappointment felt awful, it’s much better than his anger, and he’s not going to be happy if he ever learns the truth.
After the win, Dad’s mood lifts and things slowly drift back to normal. Later that night he even asks about my practice, smiling a few times, putting me more at ease.
But little did I know the heartache was still coming.