Chapter Fifteen
Lainey
The second I walk into the kitchen for breakfast Sunday morning, Mom rushes over, handing me a piece of paper, a giddy expression in place. Dad hovers in the background, but his expression gives nothing away.
It takes me a moment to process the weird vibe in the room, but when I glance down at the paper, I gasp.
Congratulations. You’ve been accepted to New York International Ballet School.
New. York.
What? How?“I don’t understand? I didn’t audition.”
“Your gran sent them the audition tape we originally sent to San Francisco Ballet School,” Mom says, while Dad stays quiet. “Since they’re international, they accept digital auditions.”
Again, what?“But I didn’t audition.”
“I know.” Mom smiles. “But they don’t know that. For all intents and purposes, that was an official audition. It met all the requirements, and you’ve been accepted.”
Jesus.
“When does it start? Is it a summer thing? Or after I graduate?” I’m certain it’s neither of those things, but I hold out hope that I’m wrong.
“It’s a high school,” Mom states plainly. “And since you’ve already missed the first week of the semester—”
“I’ll start next year?” That’s a relief.
“No,” Dad finally speaks, his stern voice silencing me. “You need to leave tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” I squeak out. That can’t be right. “But I have a life here and—”
“It’s a great opportunity, Lainey,” he cuts me off, a warmth to his tone that I wasn’t expecting. “This is what you’ve always wanted.”
No, it’s not.I turn to Mom to catch her subtly shaking her head, and I lose it. “No. No. No. You can’t. No, please don’t.”
“Sweetie…”
“No. Dad, I thought you said Mom explained the kiss. It’s not what you think.”
“This isn’t a punishment, Lainey. You’ve been working toward this since you were a toddler.”
“No. I don’t want this, I—”
“Lainey,” he grates. “I’m trying here, but—”
“No. I’m not going.”
With a frustrated sigh, Dad walks away, and that’s when the floodgates open with tears coating my cheeks.
“Mom, please,” I cry out but she shakes her head again. “You know I don’t want this. How is it not a punishment?”
“This was all set in motion before the stuff with Thomas.” She mouths the word Thomas and takes a step toward the room my dad walked into, pulling the door closed. “We’re not punishing you. Your dad’s not punishing you. He’s just frustrated because he doesn’t understand your change of heart.”
“It’s not a change of heart. I’ve always wanted to stay here.”
She gives me a sympathetic smile, but it’s meaningless. “It’s a great opportunity, Lainey, and your gran is funding it all. It will help…” Help them. That’s what she’s thinking. It will help them. I’ll no longer be their problem.
“So that’s it?”
“You need to at least try it out. Your grandmother has already made the arrangements for you to board at the school. And if you don’t make it to Jaiton Academy after you graduate, she said she’ll help you find an apartment so you can continue to train there. She’s doing so much for this. We’ve done so much for this. But you have to leave tomorrow.”
That’s it. They’ve done so much for this. This, not me. This.
Without another word, I run toward my bedroom, crashing into Luke on his way down the stairs. He stumbles in his hungover state and takes a moment too long to notice me. “Lainey, wait?” he calls as I continue up to my room. “What’s going on?”
I don’t answer as I rush inside and slam the door before bursting into tears again. They don’t get it. Thomas aside, this has never been what I want, and they can’t expect me to just leave.
Luke knocks a few seconds later, but it doesn’t shock me. “Lainey, can I come in?”
“No.”
“Lainey, you know I’m always going to respect your space, but I can’t leave knowing you’re crying.”
“Go away.”
“Lainey,” he warns, his tone giving me the heads-up that he’s getting ready to walk in.
“Luke, I can’t.” My voice breaks and he hears it. “Please go away.”
“Open the door, Lainey,” he calls out what I’m sure is his last warning as I curl up into a ball and let more tears fall. I’m supposed to be happy. As a dancer, going to Jaiton Academy should be my dream, and this is a big step toward that. But it feels like a punishment. No matter what they say, it is a punishment. Even if they’re punishing me for costing them too much money. “Lainey, please. You have to tell me what’s going on.”
All my life, my parents have pushed me to dance. Luke’s a star football player, and Ryan is on his way to be even better. It wasn’t an option for their little girl to be mediocre. Now I’m stuck, with no one to blame but myself. I let this happen. I never said no. I worked my ass off. I trained. I ate healthy. I happily obliged. And now the time has come and it doesn’t feel right.
Nothing about this feels right.
But that aside, the hardest part is knowing Thomas is gone, and I’ll never get to say goodbye. I can’t say goodbye; I can’t face him.
“Last chance, Lainey!”
“Go away, Luke!”
I still, and wait for the commotion of him coming through the door, but he shocks me by lowering his voice. “Lainey, I’m worried. Please. You have to talk to me.”
I don’t answer him right away, taking a few deep breaths to give me the courage to show him I’m strong. But just as I make the decision to ask him to come in, the door opens, and Dad’s standing in the doorway instead.
“I sent Luke to the store to get you some chocolate. Why don’t you want to see him?”
“Because I don’t want to tell him about Thomas.” The words are out of my mouth without thought, and when Dad repeats his name, I realize my mistake.
“Thomas?” Oh God.
Dad’s teeth clench, but he calmly steps into the room and closes the door.
“That was Thomas?” he asks, his voice slightly raised.
“Please don’t tell Luke. Thomas didn’t do anything wrong; it was all me and—”
“You’re sixteen, Lainey. He’s—”
“It was a kiss. He’s only two years older than me.”
“He is now. But he’s about to turn nineteen, and I’m pretty sure Luke said it’s this week. He’s a sophomore in college. You’re a junior in high school. Lainey, if anything more happens, it’s illegal.”
“Nothing more happened. It doesn’t matter anyway. He ran. He doesn’t want me. We haven’t even spoken since.” Tears prick the back of my eyes, but I force them away, not wanting Dad to see how much Thomas affects me.
“That’s for the best; you’re leaving for New York tomorrow and—”
“I don’t want to go.”
“It’s what you’ve always wanted. I won’t let you change your mind because of a boy…a man,” Dad snaps. “You’ve worked hard and—”
“I don’t want it. Any of it. It’s not my dream. San Francisco is my dream. I want to wait and audition again. I’ll work harder. I’ll make it next time. I know I will.”
“It’s all been arranged,” he says calmly, as though he wasn’t even listening to what I’d said. “It’s done.”
We fall quiet for a few minutes, only the sound of my sniffles between us, so when someone taps on the window, you’d think a gunshot had gone off with the way our heads whip around to the sound.
My stomach drops knowing that it’s Thomas, but I hide my fear. He’s never come over in the morning, but of course, he’d choose now for his first time.
I stay silent, praying he’ll leave without a word, but when I look over at Dad, he knows. He doesn’t need Thomas to speak to confirm who it is. From his clenched fists and angry expression, it’s not hard to see that he’s figured it out.
“Lainey,” Thomas whispers after a moment, and my chest tightens as tears prick my eyes. “Lainey, please tell me you’re there.”
I bite my lip to stop myself from talking and stay still. I don’t want him sucked into this drama. It’s not his fault. I wanted that kiss more than I’ve wanted anything. He doesn’t deserve my father’s wrath.
“Lainey.” His voice quivers, making my tears fall.
I look at Dad but he shakes his head, taking a small step before I frantically wave at him to stop, my emotions overwhelming me when he actually does.
Tears stream down my face as I curl up into a ball and cry, my body shaking, the reality of everything hitting me with force.
Another knock on my window makes me flinch as his desperation increases. “Lainey, please.”
I choke back a sob, my eyes flashing to my bedroom door before settling back on the window. Go away. Please go away.
The sound of his voice kills me, but I hold strong. I have to. He left. He didn’t want me. And it’s for the best. Seeing him now is only going to make saying goodbye harder, and ruin everything for him.
“I know you’re in there, Lainey. I can hear you crying.”
Shit!
I cover my ears to block him out. To block it all out. But it doesn’t work. He keeps getting louder.
My gaze moves to the door again, and I know what I have to do.
“Go away!” I yell, thankful my brother’s not home or he’d be here in a flash. “Please, just go.”
“No, Lainey. I know I fucked up but I need you, and it sounds like you need me too. I’m sorry.”
God, I need him.I’ve never needed him more in my life but—
“Make him leave or I will,” my dad whispers, his simmering rage building.
The knocking gets louder, and I swear I can feel the vibrations on the window coursing through me.
“Can I go to him?” I whisper back, already shuffling to the edge of my bed.
“No,” he says and I freeze, looking over my shoulder to face him.
“Please, he—”
“I said no!” Dad’s voice rises and the knocking immediately stops, drawing our attention.
I hold my breath, desperately hoping that he’s gone, but equally hoping it was just a coincidence and he didn’t hear my dad’s voice.
It’s an excruciatingly long minute before we find out, and his broken words destroy me.
“I’m sorry, Lainey. I hope you’re okay. I just needed a friend.”
Tears continue to fall, but I’m stuck. I can’t go to him. I can’t help. All I can do is tell him to leave. Beg him to leave.
But before I can say anything, he hits me with one final blow, completely shattering my heart.
“My sister’s gone.” Then almost inaudibly he adds, “Summer’s gone.”
I rock back and forth, my fists clenched at my mouth, trying to keep silent until his knocking slows and eventually stops.
Dad walks over to the window and opens the curtains, making my heart clench. If Thomas is still there, I’m terrified of what he’s going to do. But when he opens the window and leans out, looking in the direction of the stairs, I know Thomas has gone, and the relief I feel is consuming.
It’s over. He’s safe. But he’s going to hate me. Especially when he discovers I’m gone too.