Chapter Nineteen
Thomas
Itiptoe my fingers along the back of the girl closest to me before wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She giggles as I lean in, her gaze rapt with attention. They’re all stuck on my every word. “Then my parents’ Christmas presents went missing,” I say, as they gasp right on cue. “It’s like God’s telling me I’m not supposed to be here.” I laugh, but really… Why the hell am I back? I wanted to move away. I wanted to cut ties with this world, and yet I came back. And it all went to shit.
First, my flight was canceled, next I lost the presents I bought, knowing I wouldn’t see my parents for Christmas, then I got an Uber home only to discover Dad had borrowed my truck, and when I finally got it from him and made it to the Ball House, I heard some douchebag talking shit about Lainey.
For three years I’ve pushed her out of my mind, just like I did with Summer, wanting to forget everything about that part of my life…but something always comes up.
Every time I think about her, I’m left wondering…where was she? When I needed her the most, why wasn’t she there? Why couldn’t she answer me?
I know she moved to New York, but why the hell couldn’t she talk to me first, tell me she was leaving? Say goodbye?
It’s fucked-up.
“You’re definitely meant to be here, Thomas.” One of the girls snuggles up to me. “Let’s make sure your night gets better.”
“Yes, let’s do that.” I’m all in.
Drink in hand, the girls drag me to the dance floor, both rubbing themselves against me, one grinding her ass into my cock while the other rolls her body into me from behind.
It’s all I’d usually want, but my mind won’t stop racing as I move in time to the beat, only stopping to refill my cup.
The minutes tick by, but I couldn’t say for how long, except I now have sweat pouring down my back and I need air. I take a step out away from the madness, ready for a much-needed break when one of the girls grabs my arm, her long nails digging into my muscles as she rises to her toes. “I think we should find a room,” she whispers in my ear, trying to break through the music. And I hear her loud and clear. My eyes flash to her friend, wondering who’s the better choice, and they both smile. “All of us,” she confirms before biting down on the red-painted flesh of her lip. Things just got a lot more interesting.
“Well, isn’t this my lucky night?” I smile. “I’ll be right back.”
I set off to grab my things, cursing when my shoulder slams into the edge of a door, ignoring the techno beat still thumping in my head. I’ve just rounded the corner, when I find my old teammate Dylan stepping out into the hall, and my eyes light up as my smile widens. He wasn’t going to come tonight, and it’s great to see him. “Hey, Dylan, my man,” I say, lifting my hand for a fist bump.
Dylan leaves me hanging, and instead he shoots me a vicious scowl before shoving me against the wall. “Was it you?” he yells in my face. “Did you hurt her?”
Hurt her?
“What the fuck, Dylan? What are you talking about? Who?” I try to shove him back, but he’s gained some strength since I last saw him, or maybe I’m weaker. I can barely stand up.
“Summer?” he yells again, getting right in my face, making me dizzy. “Did you cause those scars?”
I must be drunk. This can’t be real. I didn’t think he knew Summer.
“What scars? What—” He doesn’t let me finish, cutting me off as he pushes me harder. I guess he’s trying to hurt me, but I’m so numb, I can’t feel any pain.
“Don’t play dumb,” Dylan snaps, his eyes ablaze with anger. “The scars all over her back.”
“Her back?” Is he fucking kidding me? “Dylan, whatever she said is bullshit.” It’s always bullshit. I’m so sick of getting caught up in her lies and secrets. Dad always said she was trouble, and I never believed him. At least not at first. She was sixteen, and I knew her—she wasn’t sleeping around. At least I didn’t think she was.
But then she left and instead of talking to me about it, she openly flirted with her conquests, showing me that Dad was right. And I had to hear about it…constantly.
I grip Dylan’s forearms and push back, but it’s useless. I can’t move him.
“It’s not bullshit, you asshole,” Dylan snaps, but I’m done. I’ve spent too long wrapped up in Summer’s mess. “I’ve seen them. I—”
“Wait…” I cut him off, my wavering mind tuning back in to what he’s saying. It all makes sense now. Dylan’s just another one of her guys. “You’ve fucked her, haven’t you? Did she suck you in? Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for her?” I stare at him in anger. She ruined my parents’ life; she changed mine and the second I’m gone they all pounce on her. “I fucking warned you. I warned all of you!” I yell to no one in particular.
Dylan stares at me, a range of emotions playing on his face until he finally loosens his grip. “You claim she did something to you. So, what happened?”
It was three years ago… “I’d rather not—”
He slams me back against the wall and releases me again. “What the fuck happened?”
“She stole from my parents and ran away from home,” I blurt after years of bottling it up, and I’ve got to admit, it feels good. Not that Dylan believes me. He stares at me with a raised eyebrow, telling me I’m kidding myself.
Taking a deep breath, I huff out a laugh. “Whatever, man.” He wants to know so badly—fine. “I don’t care if you think that’s bullshit. It’s the truth. Dad said she used to sneak guys into her room and they’d fight about it. One day, actually it was the day I had the post-game party at my house, your freshman year, remember?” I pause, waiting for him to nod before I continue, referring back to the day I tried to introduce him to my dad. “Well, something happened that day, and she left. She stole their entire life savings, and instead of disappearing like a normal runaway, she chose to live here and rub it in their faces. She’s lucky they didn’t press charges. I would have. Hell, I wanted to, but they said to let it go.” They said to let it go! So messed up. “On top of all that, I have to hear about her going from guy to guy on campus. A constant reminder of what she’s done.”
My mind whirs and I feel like I’m going to throw up as my heart races. “She ruined their lives, Dylan. They were happy before, but the money and Summer leaving drove a wedge between them, and she doesn’t even care.”
Dylan releases me, and I fall back against the wall as his face drops. “I know what you’re thinking, Dylan, but you’re wrong. She’s good at showing you a different side of herself. A fake side.” She did the same to me. “I’m sorry she sucked you in; I really am.” But it’s not my problem anymore. She’s not my problem anymore.
I tap his shoulder, using it to push off so I can walk away and escape the drama. I told him she was off-limits. I told them all.
And I fucking hate it.
Luke stares at me as I pass by, but I ignore him, and even though I know the girls are waiting for me, I bypass the dance floor too, needing another drink.
As I turn the corner, I bump into someone and groan when my body slams into the wall. “For fucks’ sake,” I grate, spinning around to give them a piece of my mind, until my eyes lock on a ghost across the room. The ghost of a girl I once knew, a girl I once thought I loved.
Lainey.
My heart stops as the world around me spins, and when she glances back at me, I almost call out… Until she tilts her head and the light catches her jet-black hair, making me huff out a laugh. It’s not her. Just my mind playing tricks on me.
I need to get out of here.
Grabbing a bottle of whiskey from my old teammate Nate’s hiding place under the sink, I storm out the front door, leaving behind all my belongings, my sure thing of a threesome, and the past.
Fuck this, fuck Dylan, and fuck fake Lainey. I’m out.
Lainey steps closer, her breath warming my skin as she runs the tips of her fingers over my bare chest. My muscles jump under her light touch, and it takes all of my power not to reach for her. Clenching my fists at my side, my throat bobs as I watch her glide her hand lower until she reaches my jeans, her fingers disappearing under the waistband.
I stifle a groan as my cock twitches, desperate for her to take me in her hand but also knowing I shouldn’t let her.
“Lainey, I—”
A loud noise wakes me, and a pain radiates through my head, intensely throbbing to a beat.
It takes a second for me to open my eyes, but when I do, I groan. I have no idea where I am, and there’s a random blonde next to me. Her curly hair tickles my arm, and even though I’m fully clothed, I feel nauseous. In fact…
Fuck.
I run to the bathroom just in time to expel the contents of my stomach, and when I stand again, I almost fall as my head spins.
After a quick shower, I redress and stare at myself in the mirror, hating the reflection staring back at me. A gift pack of toiletries draws my attention, and I release a slow breath when I recognize the name of the hotel on the label. Forest Falls Hotel, Heartwood. At least I’m close to my family home. Grabbing the hotel marked toothbrush, I brush my teeth before walking back into the main room, rudely opening the curtain to wake up my guest. Or am I her guest? God, I have no clue.
Either way, she doesn’t stir.
“Hey,” I call out from the foot of the bed, shaking the sheet to rouse her. Still nothing. “Wake the fuck up!” I’m so loud that she startles and falls off the bed. Also fully clothed. And the relief hits me. Even more so when the woman turns around and I recognize her as one of the Heartwood U cheerleaders. Not that I remember talking to her at all last night. “Bethany, I didn’t realize it was you.”
Anger flashes across her face as she stands. “Are you kidding me, Thomas?” she seethes. “Why’d you have to yell?”
“You wouldn’t wake up. What was I supposed to do?”
“Leave.”
My brow furrows as she gives me pause. Why didn’t I think of that?
“Good point. I’m off. You’re welcome to go back to sleep. Do I need to pay for the room?”
Bethany huffs out a laugh. “I knew you wouldn’t remember; you were a mess last night. You already paid. For two nights, so if you’re not staying here, I am.”
I look around the room and shiver. Even when I wasn’t earning good money, I wouldn’t have stayed here. “It’s all yours. Enjoy.” After grabbing my jacket, wallet, and phone, I walk to the door, only stopping when I’m halfway out. “Did we?” I gesture between the two of us, the thought nauseating me once more.
“Nope. You—”
“Good to know.”
When I get downstairs, I find my truck in the parking lot and hope to God that it was Bethany that drove it, grateful it’s here in one piece. Only, I have a problem… no keys. I pat my pockets and check my tires in case I stupidly hid them there like I did when I was younger, but again nothing. I’m just about to head back inside when they land at my feet, and when I look up, I catch Bethany rolling her eyes as she leans out the window.
“I should have kept them. Nice truck.”
I almost tell her she can have it. She obviously did me a solid by helping me out last night, but at the same time, I need transport and I love this truck.
“Thanks, Bethany, I owe you one.”
“Just introduce me to Ryker one day.”
Ryker. Typical. He’s one of our tight ends and an underwear model. You know those ads where they may as well be naked because you can see everything. Yeah, that’s him.
“Come to our next San Francisco game. I’ll see what I can do.”
I don’t bother waiting for her response, but I hear her excited shriek as I jump in my truck, and the sound stays with me as I drive away, echoing through my head.
It almost works to distract me until a vision of Lainey clouds my brain before morphing into Summer, reminding me I’ve got a Thanksgiving lunch to get to. More family time without her.
Taking a deep breath, I turn toward my childhood home and sigh. Hopefully today’s less painful than yesterday was.
My fingers tense as I work hard not to tap them on the table. The silence is torture, and I want out. We’re not even partway through the main course, and the tension is thick. I don’t know why my parents are still married. They constantly snap at each other, Mom’s always close to tears, and they never smile. It started going downhill after Summer left. She took everything from them, and when the financial troubles began, so did the fights.
I struggled through college, barely making ends meet, but I’ve been supporting them a little since making it to the pros. Though, there’s only so much I can do. Money may break a relationship, but it doesn’t necessarily help to repair it, and I hear about it regularly.
When Mom heads off to the kitchen to grab dessert, my phone rings. Dad glares my way, but all it takes is a little white lie about it being my agent, and he’s smiling instead. Like always, football is the most important thing to him. I often wonder what our relationship would be like if I never made the pros, or worse, if I never wanted to play football in the first place. Maybe our relationship would have been more like his with Summer, almost nonexistent.
I excuse myself and head out front before answering, my brow furrowed by the Thanksgiving day call. “Nate, how are you?”
Nate still plays for the Heartwood U football team with Dylan and Luke. We were teammates in college, and while we were close then, we’ve barely spoken since I left.
“Hey Thomas, I hate to be calling about this, on Thanksgiving, but I spoke to Dylan, and-”
Dylan? My eyes widen as images of an irate Dylan come cascading back. I fought with Dylan? Jesus.
“Fuck, he just came at me.” I think. “And—”
“Not about that.”
“Huh? Oh-kay.”
“But it is about Summer. Where are you? Can I meet you somewhere?”
Istare through the windshield, unseeing, listening to Nate on the phone as he tells me about his girlfriend, Cory’s, confrontation with Dylan— Summer’s best friend, Cory—and I’m confused. When did my two worlds collide? Were my friends all just waiting for me to leave? I didn’t even know the team knew Cory and Summer.
“The scars are real, Thomas. The scars Dylan was yelling about are real. And Cory… fuck… I’m sorry, man, but Cory said it was your dad that did it. He hurt her.”
My dad?My ears ring as a sharp pain stabs me in the chest, and when I don’t respond, Nate continues, filling me in on what he knows, telling me about the physical abuse Summer endured at the hands of my dad before she left…the scars, the stuff I never knew. As he speaks, the ache in my chest deepens to an unbearable level, but I welcome the pain.
Dylan wasn’t lying.
Pressing the mute button, I slam my palms into the steering wheel over and over until Nate pauses, my head clouding with all the awful things I’ve thought about Summer over the years… the things I’ve said to her… about her. Fuck.
“My sister is off-limits. I don’t care that she’s easy… She’ll ruin your life.”
“Stay the fuck away from my friends, Summer. I’m begging you. They deserve better than you and your lifestyle.”
“Good for you… you’ve fucked my sister now stay the hell away from me.”
“Stay out of my life, and I’ll keep out of yours.”
Bile rises in my throat. What did I do? I want to hurt someone.
Dad.
I want to hurt Dad.
He fucking lied. He abused Summer and I… Fuck!
“Thomas, are you there?” Nate asks, his voice panicked. “Can I please meet you? I’ll go anywhere.”
Instead of meeting him like he’d asked earlier, I’d driven here to my high school football field, something in his voice telling me I needed to be alone.
Dylan should have beaten the shit out of me when he had the chance. I deserve it. I deserve so much worse.
I’m numb as the world goes by. I hurt my baby sister. It wasn’t just Dad. Sure, I never physically did anything, but I hurt her too, and she’s been forced to live with the pain.
Just because I was a selfish teen. Just because I hated the negative attention.
“I need her address, Nate,” I ask, preparing to beg if I have to.
“Come on, man. I can’t give you that.”
I never would have given out Summer’s address if roles were reversed, but I’m desperate. “Please?”
“Fuck, I—”
He falls silent before Cory comes on the line and my stomach sinks. It’s been so long since I heard her voice. “I’ll give it to you, Thomas. But you better fix this. We’re on our way there now.”
Her voice wavers and a thought occurs to me as my mind flashes back to that day in her yard. “Did you know…back then?”
“Yes,” she whispers.
“Jesus, Cory.” She bursts into tears and my guilt hits again. “I’m sorry. I—”
“She feels bad enough,” Nate says, his tone stern. “We’ll text you the address. Go and make things right.”
He hangs up, and I throw my phone across the interior before jumping out and pacing the lot. When I turn and see my shiny truck, I pause as anger wells inside me. Dad always treated Summer like shit. I saw it. He spoiled me and she got nothing. How the hell did I let that happen?Why the fuck didn’t I stand up to him? Or even question it?
I search around for something to throw, and thankfully find a rock, launching it at my driver’s side window, shattering the glass in seconds. I don’t want this truck. I don’t want any of it. I feel sick. I should have done more.
I think back to the last time I spoke to Summer and then again to the day I begged Cory to let me see her after she left. Why the silence? Why didn’t she tell me? I should have pushed her. I should have tried again. God, I’m so fucking stupid.
After clearing the glass from my seat, I find the message from Nate and know what I have to do. I have to fix this. At least, I have to try. But there’s a very real possibility it’s already beyond repair.
Idrive around for a while, thoughts of Summer rampant in my head, and by the time I reach her door, my mind is whirring with visions of how this reunion is going to play out. Cory lets me in, her eyes full of unshed tears, making my own emotions clog my throat. Nate nods from the doorway of what looks like a bedroom as Cory wordlessly points to another door.
I feel like I’m walking to my execution as I move, but the reality is I’m here to atone. To beg for forgiveness, do anything I can to fix my mistakes. If that’s even possible.
When I get to Summer’s door, I’m so worked up, I don’t knock. But as the door flies open and I see her hunched over on the bed, my entire world crumbles.
At first, she jumps to her feet, shocked to see me until a hint of her disgust registers before she turns around. I know the emotional bomb she’s about to throw at me, but I can’t look away. I deserve this.
She moves slowly as she lifts her shirt while I stare. Frozen.
And when she exposes her back, I internally shatter…but on the outside, I’m stone. Her skin is covered in scars, some darker, some so faint they’re barely visible, but they’re there. And I could have stopped it.
I’m overcome with emotion until it’s all too much to handle, and I break down, the tears I’ve been holding in finally falling. I have no idea what to say.
What could anyone say to that?
There are no words that will ever make up for it. But I can’t stay silent.