Chapter Sixteen
Morning came too swiftly. Barnaby rang on Valentina’s phone, shouting excitedly, ‘Hello, Auntie Ezzie, it was snowing but now it’s raining, and we’ve got a new house and are you coming soon?’
‘Sure am,’ she answered sleepily. ‘It’s raining?’ She swung her legs off the bed and twitched the curtain aside to see that a freezing rain was washing away the last of the short-lived snow. Then she remembered the half-cleared kitchen she and Mats had abandoned last night in favour of the glorious hours in her bed. ‘Got a couple of jobs to do and then I’ll be with you. Shall I come to Thistledome? Or meet you at Overlook Cottage?’
Valentina’s voice joined Barnaby’s. ‘Shall we meet at the cottage? Barnaby can’t wait.’
‘Fine.’ Ezz smothered a yawn. ‘Be there soon.’ She showered and dressed, choosing her hiking trousers because they were showerproof, and she could wear leggings underneath. Outdoor wear was a practical choice in Skye, regardless of whether you actually hiked in your hiking trousers or walked in your walking boots. She ran downstairs. On the threshold of the kitchen, she almost fell down the step in surprise. The washing up was done, dried and left for her to put away, the table and surfaces gleaming. Mats must have already cleared in here by the time he came to take his leave of her in the early hours.
‘Damn, you’re good,’ she said into the empty room. ‘I could get used to you.’ Except there was no point in that.
Leaving the fairy lights twinkling in case her family members joined her here later, she set out after breakfast. White clouds were smeared with grey, like cotton wool that had been used to clean off last night’s mascara. The rain stung her face and only the occasional stubborn white line of snow still edged a cottage roof. Ezzie strode down Creag an Lolaire, the pewter sea looming closer. The tide seemed to be running hard and a handful of white boats had appeared in the sheltered mooring, as if their owners knew wind was coming. Skye’s weather was capricious.
A strong smell of woodsmoke came from a chimney, and she imagined those inside reading beside the fire or watching TV. She was happy outside though, despite the raindrops flying on the wind making her screw up her eyes. It was a good-to-be-alive day, the memories of last night plastering a beaming smile on her face and her body heavy and pleasantly aching in important areas.
Hands jammed in pockets, she turned right onto Harbour View and hurried along its curve. Nobody else was in sight and she wondered if Mats would bring the children to the beach as planned now the rain was coming in horizontally off the sea, ice spicules amongst the drops.
Gary’s enormous, blue, gas-guzzling SUV was pulled up outside Fishermen’s Cottages, and the rain suddenly came on as if it wanted to beat her into the ground. The sea’s surface whipped up like steam, the gulls rode the wind with shrieks of glee and Ezzie broke into a run.
Panting, she reached the decrepit front door of Overlook Cottage and twisted the doorknob, relieved when it opened and she half-fell into the narrow hall. Barnaby jumped through the doorway from the front room, his wellies making a clatter on the bare boards. ‘Auntie Ezzie!’
‘Barnaby!’ Ezzie was about to hug him, then realised her coat was soaked, and contented herself with tousling his hair. ‘This is awesome. I didn’t think I was going to see you till Christmas.’
Barnaby beamed, his mousy hair sticking up at the front. ‘Christmas is only three weeks away. But this weekend we’re going to have dinner and spend time together, aren’t we?’
Ezz grinned at this obvious parroting of his parents’ promises. Or his mum’s, anyway. ‘We definitely are.’
‘Hello.’ Valentina’s voice floated down the stairs. ‘Be down in a minute.’
Gary loomed from the living room, his hair a darker version of his son’s, without the cow’s lick because he was receding. ‘Great to see you, Ezzie.’ He’d grown a moustache, which made him look older than his fifty-four years.
Ezzie turned her cold cheek for Gary to kiss, the moustache bristling against her like a punk caterpillar. ‘Great to see you too,’ she said brightly, though she and Thea were only ever happy to see Gary because it usually meant Valentina too. The way he called them ‘girls’ was patronising, as was the way he occasionally looked down his nose at … well, anyone who wasn’t Gary. He wasn’t good at shouldering his share of household tasks and though he and Barnaby obviously loved each other, he also dodged the more onerous parenting duties. Ezz said, ‘Let me dump my coat … somewhere.’
‘There are a few old nails sticking out of the wall for coat hooks,’ Gary said drily. ‘Valentina’s drawing a plan of the bathroom for the builder. Elastic walls would be a good thing.’ He laughed at his own joke. ‘And I thought we were slumming it in Thistledome until we came down here. Whatever possessed Valentina—’
Ezz was stung by the ‘slumming it’. ‘Thea’s given up her lovely cottage to you this weekend, when she’s not even here to enjoy the visit. Newly pregnant and facing a long drive, she made time to change the bed so you could have it.’ Probably Dev had done it, but that wasn’t the point.
Gary undoubtedly thought his grin was boyish and charming. ‘I know. But I’m much more Broadford Hotel than cramped cottage.’
Ezzie reminded herself that he was Valentina’s husband and managed to smile. ‘You must love the view from Overlook Cottage.’ She brushed past him into the front room where the window looked over Causeway to the rocky beach and troubled sea. ‘You’ll be able to see every change in the weather. Even since I came in, a blue patch has miraculously appeared over the bay.’ The rain had eased to no more than the occasional spot, as if feeling its work done after chasing her here.
‘Great, if you like weather,’ Gary answered off-handedly, turning from the window. ‘I’ve no idea what we’ll do in this freezing, grotty shell of a place all day.’
Tempted to ask why he’d come on the trip at all, Ezzie turned to Barnaby, who was suddenly looking around with a disappointed expression. Probably he hadn’t noticed the cottage’s shortcomings until Gary had pointed them out. To a six-year-old, a car ride through the snowy darkness to the village where his aunts lived by the sea would be exciting. That he was bundled up in a fleece and boots against the chill inside the cottage wouldn’t bother him. Hoping to reignite his excitement, Ezz said, ‘Which is your room going to be, Barnaby? Will you show me? I wonder what it’ll look like when it’s painted and carpeted.’
‘Yeah!’ Smile restored, Barnaby spun around and Ezz followed in his wake, leaving Gary to hate the ‘freezing, grotty shell’ alone.
The staircase had been repaired, and now felt solid underfoot, the smell of fresh wood combatting some of the mustiness. Valentina emerged through a frame that was obviously destined to be a doorway now that one room had been partitioned into two, her hair in a bun, her top half swaddled in an enormous jumper that could once have been Gary’s. Ezzie launched herself at her elder sister for a hug, realising only once she was in those familiar arms how good it felt; how right. To prevent her mind from darting up the parallel track of thinking about Julia and Iona, who she would presumably have loved as much as she loved Valentina and Thea now, had she been brought up by Kay and Rick, she explained, ‘I asked Barnaby to bring me upstairs to show me which room will be his.’
‘This one,’ Barnaby shouted, capering on the spot as he waited for Ezz to follow him through the original doorway. The new stud partition wall was the only clean thing about the room. A patch of floorboards had been lifted to allow for the passage of wires or pipes. The walls had been scraped of wallpaper and revealed a patchwork of drab paint that attested to decoration through the years.
‘It’s great to see how much progress Mummy’s made already. What colour will your walls be?’ she asked Barnaby brightly.
‘Blue,’ he shouted.
Valentina slipped her arm along his shoulder. ‘Very shouty today, Barnaby. Just lower your volume a little bit.’ But she smiled.
Barnaby gazed up at her. ‘Blue,’ he repeated softly. ‘With Minecraft on the duvet. Or maybe footballs.’
Valentina gave him a squeeze. ‘I bet we could have one of each.’
Ezzie suddenly felt envious of Valentina having a child of her own. The time had never been right for Ezz. When she’d left Ramsay, it had been a blessing, allowing her to leave him behind with no real ties to cut. Then had come a decade of singledom that was only now beginning to wear on her.
She shook herself. Nobody could turn back the clock. ‘Fantastic news about Thea and Dev being pregnant, isn’t it? I can’t wait to be an auntie again. What do you think about having a little cousin, Barnaby?’
Barnaby pulled an elaborate grimace. ‘So long as it’s not a girl it’ll be OK.’
‘But she’d be your cousin, almost as good as a sister, and sisters are awesome,’ Ezzie declared. Then she was washed by a wave of discomfort. Valentina was right here with her, and Thea would be back after a lovely weekend with Dev’s family. But there were two more sisters she was deliberately keeping out of her life.
As if reading her thoughts, Valentina said softly, ‘Any … family news?’
‘Nothing new.’ Ezzie’s throat felt thick. It must be the dust, she decided, because she couldn’t be sad about sisters she didn’t know and parents who were virtual strangers. She wondered suddenly about her original birth certificate and if Kay and Rick had a copy. If Kay’s mother had been the nightmare she sounded, she might have insisted on ‘father unknown’ to insult Rick and make Kay’s situation seem as awful as possible.
She swallowed. As Barnaby was at the window, peering through the salt-spray to the windswept beach and black clouds flying towards the island, she whispered, ‘I just feel angry.’
Valentina slipped an arm around her, eyes dark with concern. She checked on Barnaby, who’d begun to draw a face on the dust on the inside of the glass. ‘I get that you are, but I’m not exactly sure why.’
‘Neither am I.’ Ezz slipped her arm around Valentina too, enjoying the comfort of the big sister she could never remember being without. ‘At first it was simple. They’d dumped me and kept the other two.’
Valentina protested. ‘Not sure it could have been exactly like that …’
‘I know. I’m harsh.’ She summoned reason and logic. ‘It was a teen pregnancy. A difficult situation. Nobody would have foreseen that eventually they’d end up together in a stable marriage. I understand in principle.’ But it was hard to inject understanding into her voice. She laid her head briefly on Valentina’s shoulder. ‘I’m beginning to think I’m angriest with Kay’s mother, who seems to have scared Kay into giving me up. Then, when I remember her alcohol problem I wonder if I’m being unfair. Then I try not to think about the birth family, because it feels disloyal to Mum and Dad.’ And Mats had certainly distracted her.
‘Are you going to get back in touch with Kay and Rick?’ Valentina’s voice swam with sympathy, her embrace tight: a rock in a storm. She’d followed Ezzie’s lead in referring to her birth parents by name. An adoptee would never use clumsy language like ‘real parents’. They both knew their real parents had been Maxie and Vince Wynter.
‘I haven’t felt the urge yet.’ Ezz sighed.
Barnaby bounded over. ‘Can I go to the beach? I’ll stay really near the house so you can see me, Mum.’
Valentina shook her head. ‘Not alone, darling. We walked along the sand before we came into the cottage. Maybe we can go again, after I’ve talked to the builder.’
Ezz could imagine Barnaby feeling tantalised by the beach being only a few yards beyond his window. Also, she thought of Mats’ intention to bring Astrid and Alvin. Even if that plan was now scuppered by the weather, she suggested, ‘I can go with Barnaby, while it’s not raining. Would you like that, Barnaby? We’ll need our coats.’
Barnaby jumped as if riding an invisible pogo stick, boots echoing in the empty room. ‘Yes, please! Mum, can Auntie Ezzie take me?’
Valentina laughed, slipping her arm from around Ezz to pull the little boy into a fierce hug. ‘Of course. The tide’s ebbing, so you’ll be able to look at rock pools.’
Gary called suddenly from the foot of the stairs. ‘I’ll go for a drive while you speak to your builder. See you later. Bye, Barnaby.’
Barnaby shouted, ‘Bye, Dad.’ Then ran to the head of the stairs. ‘Auntie Ezzie and me are going to the beach.’
Under cover of the subsequent conversation about rock pools and waves, Ezz whispered to Valentina, ‘Is Gary OK?’ which was polite language for Why’s he going off on his own?
Valentina hesitated, then grimaced. ‘He didn’t want me to buy the cottage because of its dilapidation. And if we were going to buy a second home he thinks it should be in Spain or maybe Cornwall.’
‘Sunnier,’ Ezzie observed. ‘But a trek for weekends.’
‘Exactly. And not near my lovely sisters.’ Valentina glanced through the window as an engine started up. ‘At least him clearing off will leave room for the builder’s truck.’
Ezz wondered why Gary had needed to bring the car down to the Quays at all, as Thistledome was only a ten-minute walk away, even for Barnaby. Not for the first time she reflected that Valentina saw something in Gary that had passed Ezz by.
Leaving her sister happily consulting bathroom brochures and snapping her tape measure, Ezz located Barnaby’s coat on a nail in what used to be the kitchen and checked he zipped it up against the raw day outside, then shrugged into her own coat and stepped out into the icy wind. At six years old – nearly seven, Ezz realised, as his birthday was in March – Barnaby needed only casual chaperonage on the deserted beach. She wandered behind him as he leapt from rock to rock and then balanced on an enormous pebble before executing a splashdown into a puddle, protected by his rain boots. Strands of lime-green seaweed clung to black rocks surrounded by gritty sand, grey clouds scudded above the bay and the wind dashed Ezz’s hair into her eyes.
‘A fish!’ Barnaby shouted, stooping over a rock pool, his hands on his knees, probably to brace himself against the wind bowling him face-first into the freezing water.
Ezz joined him, holding back her hair and peering at the darting silver-pink form stranded by the tide. ‘That’s a tiddler: a baby fish,’ she observed.
‘Where’s his mum?’ Barnaby sounded outraged at what he obviously saw as fishy neglect.
Ezz patted his back. ‘I expect she’s waiting for him in the waves.’
He straightened, frowning at the impatient grey water hissing up the beach before sighing out again. ‘We could pick him up and put him in the sea.’
Although she pretended to consider the idea, to show she was listening, finally she said, ‘I’d be frightened of hurting him with our big hands. We don’t have a bucket or a net, and fish are slippery.’
Barnaby allowed himself to be steered to the next rock pool, which proved to be empty of anything but shells to tuck into his coat pocket. They zigzagged between rocks and pools, until Ezz caught sight of the familiar grey bulk of the Rothach Hall Volvo easing onto Harbour View and parking at the far end. Her heart skipped a beat. While Barnaby chattered about asking for wallpaper with fish on it for his bedroom-in-the-making, she watched Mats hop from the driver’s seat. First he helped Astrid out of the back door, then reached for Alvin, swinging him out before depositing him beside his sister. As if hearing a starter’s pistol, the children ran off the side of the road and jumped onto the beach. At least, Astrid jumped. Alvin floundered.
Casually, Ezzie said, ‘There are some more children. I think they’re Astrid and Alvin, who live at Rothach Hall, with their dad.’
Barnaby gazed up the beach. When Mats waved, he waved back. Apparently, it was all the introduction he needed, as he set off towards the little family, leaving Ezz to follow, waving when Astrid spotted her and shouted, ‘Ezz! Ezz!’
When they met, she smiled into Mats’ eyes and saw the shared memories of last night glowing in their depth. Then she greeted the children. ‘This is my nephew Barnaby. He’s here for the weekend. Barnaby, this is Astrid and this is Alvin.’
‘I’ve got a fish,’ Barnaby told Astrid importantly, calmly taking ownership of the hapless, stranded tiddler. ‘It’s in a pool. Want to see it?’
Alvin capered with excitement. ‘Yes, yes.’
Astrid exhibited more beach cred. ‘If it’s in a pool, why is it your fish?’ But she fell into step beside him as they discussed whether Barnaby could claim ownership of the fish because he saw it first.
Mats smiled at Ezz. ‘Kids. One minute they’re strangers and the next they’re friends. So simple. And because I know Barnaby’s gorgeous auntie, I don’t even have to check that his intentions towards my daughter are honourable.’
She lowered her voice. ‘Thanks for clearing up the kitchen. Do you realise we never ate dessert?’ She dug her hands into her pockets and hunched her shoulders as the wind tried to sneak a few drops of rain down her neck.
‘It was worth the sacrifice.’ He let his shoulder nudge hers.
They joked as they strolled, keeping sharp eyes on straying children, particularly three-year-old Alvin, discouraging him from the receding waves and the tallest and toothiest rocks. The sky grew darker and the air colder. Ezz pulled up her hood as the rain intensified. They were almost up to the Causeway and the Quays now. ‘That’s Overlook Cottage, the one on the end. It’ll be amazing when it’s finished but so far, it is, as my brother-in-law observes, grotty. Ouch.’ She winced as something stung her cheek.
The children began to squeal. ‘Someone’s throwing things,’ Barnaby wailed, shielding his head with his arms as large white hailstones bounced on the beach around him.
Ezz hurried over to pull up his hood. ‘It’s a hailstorm. Let’s shelter in the cottage.’ She turned to Mats, who was adjusting his kids’ hats and pulling their hoods over the top. ‘You guys as well. Your car’s right down the beach.’
‘If your sister won’t mind,’ Mats said politely, but he scooped up Alvin and grabbed Astrid’s hand and sped up the slope of Causeway beside her and Barnaby. They fell into the cottage, gasping and laughing, shutting the rickety door on the hail that was by now hissing ferociously to earth and clattering against the cottage windows.
Valentina appeared at the head of the stairs. ‘Good job you were at this end of the beach.’ Smiling in a friendly way at the children and an interested way at Mats, she said, ‘I’m Valentina, Ezzie’s sister.’ She trod down the stairs.
Mats shook her hand. ‘Mats Larsson. I hope you don’t mind us barging in, but the hail was stinging the children.’
Although Valentina answered equally politely, ‘Of course I don’t mind,’ she’d stiffened as she heard his name. She removed her hand from Mats’ and gave Ezzie an obviously WTF? stare.
For an instant, Ezz was wrong-footed. Then she realised that last time Valentina was here, Ezzie had declared Mats a knob and probably an entitled arse as well.
‘Come and see which is going to be my room,’ Barnaby yelled, and all three of the children charged upstairs. At least, Astrid and Barnaby charged. Alvin stumbled along at the rear.
Mats, obviously catching the chill coming off Valentina, looked unsure. ‘Shall I bring them down again? Sorry. They should have waited for permission.’
‘They’re fine.’ Valentina sent Ezz a pointed look, as if to say, What’s he doing here?
Ezz felt irritated. She’d put up with Gary for years and years, hadn’t she? Impulsively, she turned to Mats. ‘I’m afraid I haven’t updated Valentina since Thea and I resigned. It had just happened when I last saw her, and I was miffed with you.’
‘Ah. When I was an entitled arse, you mean.’ His gorgeous eyes began to twinkle as he turned back to Valentina. ‘We got off on the wrong foot and it was my fault. I got carried away with the idea of having Garden Gladiators use Rothach Hall as a location and jumped in with both feet. My mother was miffed with me too. She pointed out that she and Dad own the hall, and I’m just a guest.’
Valentina uncrossed her arms and managed a smile. ‘Ah, I see. Presumably Thea didn’t want to get involved with the Garden Gladiators crew again? I suppose they’ve told you all about it.’
Mats nodded. He lowered his voice. ‘I could see Thea’s reasons, once Ezz confided the truth about the accident they were involved in – which was incredibly brave of her – but it’ll go no further.’ He turned to smile at Ezz.
The smile faded when Ezz gazed back at him with her mouth hanging open. ‘Oh, Mats ,’ she breathed. Frantically, she tried to summon words to explain away what he’d blurted out.
But it was too late. Valentina demanded, ‘ What truth about the accident? What does he mean, Ezz?’
Ezz could only gaze at her big sister’s confused and apprehensive expression. The days of Valentina being kept in the dark about what happened that night in Suffolk were over.
Beside her, Mats caught his breath. ‘Oh, shit. Didn’t she know?’ Then, doing more damage as he blundered along, he whispered, ‘I thought that’s what she meant about you telling me all about it.’
‘I meant about Thea’s time as a TV star.’ Valentina stared at Ezz with enormous, wounded eyes. ‘But clearly there’s something else. Some big secret.’
The following silence was loud. Ezzie whispered, ‘Mats, perhaps you should take the children and go. I can’t hear the hail now.’
He didn’t immediately move. ‘If it would help if I stayed …’
Ezzie shook her head, her gaze fixed on Valentina. ‘No. But thanks.’
‘Right.’ He looked up the narrow stairs, where patches of new wood amongst the old made the house look as if it had vitiligo.
Silently, Valentina stepped aside to allow him past in the narrow space, then moved into the front room. Ezz waited in the hall, blood hammering in her ears, watching Mats tread up the bare wooden stairs, listening to him utilise his Dad voice. ‘Astrid and Alvin, we have to go now. Farmor and Farfar are at home and might want to join us for lunch. Aren’t you hungry?’ Judging by Astrid’s evasive answers, she’d rather run around Barnaby’s empty room than eat.
Finally, they trooped down, Mats asking Astrid to hold the handrail and carrying Alvin. His anxious gaze settled on Ezz’s face. ‘OK?’ he murmured uncertainly.
She nodded, forcing the corners of her mouth to lift. ‘Sure. Bye, Astrid. Bye, Alvin. See you soon.’ They shuffled awkwardly around each other in the tiny hall, apology and dismay still large in Mats’ eyes. Another moment, then the front door shut behind him and his children.
Slowly, she trailed into the front room to face Valentina, but Valentina was speaking into her phone in a tight, unnatural voice. ‘Please can you come back and take Barnaby to Broadford or somewhere for lunch? Yes, now. Yes, it’s important. I need to talk to Ezz.’ A silence, then her voice dropped. ‘Exactly.’ She stabbed the screen, then looked out of the window as a shadow fell across it. ‘Damn. The builder.’ She spun and headed for the doorway where Ezzie hovered.
Her expression had become so fierce that Ezzie jumped out of the way. ‘Valentina—’
‘If you could entertain Barnaby until Gary arrives to pick him up, that would be useful.’ Valentina jerked open the front door and greeted the builder, ‘Hello, Keith.’
Keith was a big man with a weather-beaten complexion under a black woolly hat. His work jacket was ripped at the shoulder, and his boots were speckled with plaster. ‘Hello there,’ he greeted her pleasantly.
Barnaby ran to the top of the stairs, obviously eager to see who’d arrived. With a feeling of unreality that Valentina apparently couldn’t even look at her, Ezz forced a smile. ‘Where’s your coat gone, Barns?’
He glanced back into the room he’d just vacated. ‘On the floor.’
Nice and dirty, then. ‘Pop it back on, please. Dad’s coming to take you for lunch while Mum talks to the builder, so you and me can wait on the beach.’ She made sure to make it sound like an enormous treat, rather than that Ezz was being lined up for such a major bollocking that Barnaby had to be shielded from it. Barnaby ran downstairs and then Valentina escorted Keith up.
Ezz convinced Barnaby that he really did need his coat, then cried, ‘Let’s see if the fish is still there,’ as if it were the most exciting event of her year.
‘Yeah!’ Barnaby took off through the front door, jumping off the side of the causeway onto the gritty sand, then racing around trying to find the right pool. ‘Where is it?’ he demanded, scowling at Ezz as if it were her fault. ‘My fish has gone.’
‘A huge wave must have come and washed him back into the sea,’ Ezz improvised, pointing dramatically at the frothing shallows withdrawing sullenly down the beach. The poor little fish must have become a seagull’s lunch, unprotected in such shallow water. ‘How about we look for shells?’
‘Got some.’ Barnaby patted his pockets and sighed, as if at the idiocy of adults. Perhaps he’d picked up on the tension between Ezz and Valentina and it leaked out of him in moody kicks at the sand and stringy seaweed. Ezz felt like doing the same. Why on earth had Mats opened his mouth? He should have made quite sure he’d understood Valentina before he spoke. It was like the Garden Gladiators thing all over again, saying exactly what came into his head without thought.
It seemed a long half hour before the blue SUV appeared in Harbour View, and Ezz didn’t think she’d ever been so glad to see Gary. ‘Here’s Dad,’ she said. But Barnaby was already running, and Ezz hared after him, grabbing his shoulders to keep him safe. ‘Just let the car stop.’
Gary, of course, had seen the human missile that was his son and halted the car in good time. He jumped out and opened the back door. ‘Jump in, Barns. We’ll go to a lovely café.’
‘Awesome.’ Barnaby scrambled into his seat without even glancing back at Ezz.
Gary checked he was buckled in, and then closed the door. He narrowed his eyes at Ezz. ‘What’s up with her this time?’ He must have left his coat in the car, and he shivered in his cardigan.
‘This time?’ Ezz queried, surprised.
Rather than answering, he sighed. ‘I’d better get off.’ In a minute he’d turned the car and driven away. At least Barnaby gave Ezz a wave as he sailed by.
Alone now, she looked back at the cottage. Keith’s pick-up was still outside. Her face felt frozen, and the rain was beginning again, a fine drizzle that stung her eyes. Should she go home? Hanging around out here felt as if she were a bad dog waiting to be forgiven. Letting herself back into icy Overlook Cottage with nowhere to sit didn’t seem much better. But, as she debated, the cottage door opened and Keith ambled out, listening to Valentina and clutching something that looked like one of her bathroom brochures. Heavily, Ezz began stumping back along the road towards the cottage, frozen despite her outdoor wear.
Soon, Keith’s pick-up truck was reversing up the Quays until it could swing round in the mouth of Portnalong Way. He gave Ezz a friendly nod as he drove past. Ezz responded, then trudged on, angry at being treated like a naughty child at her age. Mentally, she reviewed arguments she thought she was going to need when Valentina let her feelings be known. Panic of the moment … knew I’d go to prison … I’ve always regretted the trouble I caused Thea. The process stoked her resentment so that she shoved open the cottage door not feeling anywhere near as apologetic as when Mats had first spilled the beans.
But when she stepped inside, she found her sister sitting on the stairs, sobs shaking her shoulders, tears pouring between the fingers that covered her eyes. ‘Valentina,’ she gasped, dropping down beside her to pull her into her arms.
Valentina shoved her away and scrabbled in her pocket for a tissue. She mopped her eyes, blew her nose and gave a great sniff. ‘Why was I excluded?’
Slowly, Ezz rose. She’d expected demands for explanations of Ezz’s sin, not recriminations for protecting Valentina. Her hands clenched. ‘Because it would have put you in a tricky position. You’re a lawyer.’
Valentina rose, found her coat in the front room, and withdrew a travel pack of tissues from the pocket. It was very Valentina compared to the couple of sheets of kitchen roll Ezz usually carried around. She blew her nose again then turned to face Ezz, perfectly composed apart from red eyes. ‘What does that matter? Are you going to let me into the secret now? Or not?’
Ezz almost snapped, ‘Not,’ because she felt prickly and cornered, in the wrong but not confident of a sympathetic hearing from a clearly furious and upset elder sister. It reminded her of childhood spats over what Valentina saw as the natural role of the eldest while Ezz termed it bossiness. But she tried to put herself in Valentina’s place and realised that she was anguished by Ezz and Thea keeping a secret.
At her hesitation, Valentina began to put on her coat. ‘Your silence is my answer, even though Mats – a stranger you don’t even like – assumed you’d told me whatever it is.’
Ezz sighed. ‘He’s no longer a stranger and I do like him, but that’s not the point. The point is that Thea and I did something criminal, OK?’
Valentina stilled, eyes wide but mouth still a furious line, while Ezz confessed. ‘It was me who was driving. I’d been partying the night before, so I thought I’d probably be over the drink-drive limit. Thea offered to pretend she’d been behind the wheel, because she was adamant that I’d go to prison. I let her. I brought trouble to Thea that I’ve regretted ever since.’
‘I think you would have gone to prison,’ Valentina said in a shocked voice. ‘You’d lost your driving licence for drink-driving before. Someone was hurt.’
‘Yep.’ Ezz snipped her off. ‘I know it. You don’t have to lecture me.’
‘What the hell did you think I’d do? Turn you in?’ Valentina barked.
‘No,’ Ezz barked back. ‘I thought you’d be embarrassed, mortified and ashamed. We tried to protect you. Lawyers don’t generally want their relatives in prison, do they?’
‘You didn’t go to prison.’ Valentina was only getting angrier.
‘Because I compounded my possible offence by covering it up. Just out of interest, what would you have said if I had come to you?’ Ezz met her sister’s blazing eyes. ‘That I’d been stupid? That I shouldn’t have accepted Thea’s help? That I should expect a prison sentence? Fuck it, Valentina, I know . What good would it have done to put the whole sorry mess on your conscience, too?’
Fresh rain spat against the window, making marks in the salty dirt. Gulls bickered. The atmosphere inside Overlook Cottage became colder. ‘We’ll never know, will we?’ Valentina said at last. ‘My view of what happened is clouded by a decade of being left out.’
‘It’s not a party we didn’t invite you to,’ Ezz wailed, exasperated. ‘We were trying not to involve you in something bad we’d done. And please don’t be angry with Thea. She did what she did for me.’ She felt suddenly exhausted by the emotion of the day, by the sex of the previous night, even by being well overdue her lunch. ‘I’m sorry you’re upset. I’m so, so sorry. If I could go back, I would refuse Thea’s help and take my chance with the breathalyser. I still wouldn’t drag you into my shitty mess, though.’
Valentina finished putting on her coat and pulled a hat from her pocket. ‘We won’t go out tonight because I won’t be able to treat you normally. I’ll tell the others you have stomach ache.’ She pulled on the hat and tucked in stray hairs.
Although aware that she was being dismissed, Ezz held her ground. ‘Don’t you see why I didn’t tell you?’
‘Because you thought I wouldn’t be able to keep the secret?’ Valentina asked in a hard voice.
‘No. The same reason I should imagine you’re not going to tell Gary. You’re ashamed. Plus, it would put him in a difficult situation because he’s a lawyer too.’
Valentina strode to the front door and yanked it open. ‘He is not your sister.’
‘And also,’ Ezz said pointedly, as she stalked through the open door, ‘Gary would have a strong opinion and judge us. He might even try and make decisions without discussion.’ Even as she made the dig, she knew she was making the situation worse, but she couldn’t seem to stop her anger pouring from her mouth.
Valentina sent her a particularly fierce glare. ‘I suppose you mean because I just made a decision about dinner tonight.’
‘Exactly. You thought you knew best so you acted. You’re probably right that we shouldn’t go out to dinner, but don’t pretend you might have had useful advice when I made a huge mistake and panicked. Because there was no way out of the mess. ’
Then she pulled up her hood, put down her head and trailed home in tears.
It was much later in the afternoon, when she’d soaked in a hot bath and then comforted herself by eating both desserts from last night, that she checked her phone and found a string of texts and voicemails from Mats, all of the so incredibly sorry and feel like a shit variety.
She texted back. Not really your fault.
Can I see you? Or call? he returned.
Not feeling great, she replied, truthfully but ambiguously.
Because you’re so close to your sisters I stupidly assumed I knew what Valentina meant. Of course, there’s a big difference between sharing the secret with the sister involved and with the one not involved. I’m a moron. Screaming emoji. Is Valentina very upset?
For several minutes, Ezz contemplated returning, Yes, stupid assumption. Yes, you’re a moron. YES, she’s upset! Eventually she just returned, Can’t change history. I’ll be at work on Monday. She didn’t want to see him tonight or the second advent Sunday gathering tomorrow at Rothach Hall. Her first priority was to sit down with Valentina and talk properly. She could hear the echo of her father Vince when she and Valentina had butted heads as children. The trouble is with you two that you both think you’re right, and that’s rarely possible. And he would slip his arms around them and gently referee two strong characters sharing equally strong opinions.
But Vince was gone. An image of Rick Colville floated into her mind, the sad lines on his face on the three occasions she’d seen him. She couldn’t imagine him being as good a dad as Vince, because she couldn’t imagine having a dad other than Vince. Even if Rick was living proof that she did have.
She lay on her turquoise sofa, trying to decide what to do about Valentina. Ezz could have just turned up at Thistledome, but when your big sis was so pissed off that she refused to dine with you, it was obvious that she needed time to cool down.
Finally, late in the evening, she sent Valentina a text. I hate this. Can we meet up Sunday a.m. and talk, please? You could come here so we won’t be disturbed. Xx
But no text pinged back across the village.
Slowly, Ezz turned out the fairy lights in the lounge and the kitchen, and went to bed.
A text alert woke her at eight on Sunday morning. Blinking the sleep from her eyes, Ezz scrabbled to read Valentina’s reply. Sorry, we left early. We’re at Dornie already. Typical of Valentina, there were no fibs such as didn’t see your message till now or we have to get back because Barnaby has a play date. No. She’d left early and was more than half an hour away already.
It was, in anybody’s eyes, a snub.
Unfortunately, the bad news wasn’t over, because Thea phoned, uncharacteristically subdued and anxious. ‘I’m going to need time off.’
Ezz, who’d made it out of bed but not out of her pyjamas, smothered a sigh and reached down a coffee mug from the kitchen cabinet. It felt as if it was going to be a constant-coffee type of day. She’d intended to wait until Thea was safely home this evening to break the news that Valentina knew Ezz had been driving Thea’s car that fateful day, and was furious, but mainly with Ezz. Now it sounded as if there was something else to deal with first. ‘What’s up?’
Thea’s voice caught. ‘I had some bleeding. I’ve been in Dumfries hospital. I’ve had a scan and the baby’s heartbeat’s still there, but they’ve advised me to stay off work and rest, and not to travel home yet.’
Instantly, everything else vanished from Ezz’s mind and her heart went out to Thea, imagining the crushing threat of loss and disappointment on the horizon. Her eyes pricked with tears. ‘Oh, no. But the heartbeat’s everything. Cling on to that, sweetie. Can you stay with Dev’s family?’
‘There’s not much room, so we’ve taken an Airbnb, so I can rest quietly. Dev’s nieces are lovely, but noisy.’ Thea’s voice dwindled to a thread.
Ezz gripped her phone, feeling it cut into her palm. ‘I’m so sorry this has happened, Thea. Don’t worry about work. I’ll sort it out.’ And no way would Ezz let on about Valentina’s huff now. The last thing Thea needed was stress. ‘What else can I do?’ she asked, feeling as if her life had turned to a bad dream in the past couple of days. ‘Shall I tell Valentina for you?’ If Thea said no, Ezz determined that she’d try and call Valentina before Thea could, to tell her not to give Thea shit, imagining Valentina seeing Thea’s name on her screen and jumping straight in with her hurt feelings even before saying hello.
But Thea said a dreary, ‘Yes, please.’ Ezz breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Dev’s with you all the time, is he?’ she asked, feeling as if she had some headspace now for anxious enquiries. ‘Are you in any pain?’
‘Yes, he’s here, and there’s no pain,’ Thea said. ‘I’m just going to flop on the sofa and watch TV.’
‘Let me know if there’s anything I can do,’ Ezz urged. ‘Sending you all my love.’
When she’d ended the call, she brushed away her tears, sustained herself with several gulps of coffee, then called Valentina, who at least picked up straight away with a neutral, ‘Hello.’
Ezz gazed out of the kitchen window at her weather-flattened grass and bare trees. ‘I’m not on speaker, am I?’
‘No.’ Valentina sounded quiet and strained.
Plunging on, Ezz said, ‘This is about Thea, not me. She’s just been on the phone and she’s not sure she’s going to be able to hang on to her pregnancy.’ She provided the details she knew.
Valentina sounded as if she was trying not to cry. ‘That’s horrible. Thanks for letting me know. Obviously she didn’t feel I warranted my own phone call.’
Any patience Ezz had snapped. ‘Stop laying it on. I was protecting her from calling you and finding out that you’re upset and angry, and you from letting her know you’re upset before she had a chance to tell you that she has worse things to worry about. We’ve got to think about her and the baby at the moment.’
Valentina’s silence lasted several seconds. Then, sounding as if she might have thawed a couple of degrees, she said, ‘OK. I understand.’
It was obvious that Valentina was a long way off seeing things from Ezz’s point of view yet, but Ezz was sure her lovely big sister would forgive her sooner or later.
It just might be later.