15. Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Echo
I lay against him in my bathtub, his arms around me.
If I let myself believe it, which I sometimes did because I was that dumb, I could pretend that Remi and I were in a real relationship. That we lived together, and this was our life.
He kissed the side of my head. "Hey, did your paper get accepted?"
I smiled. He always remembered the small and the big things.
"I'll find out next week," I told him.
This would be the first paper where I was the lead author. I was very excited about it, and Remi had even read the paper, though he confessed he only understood about a quarter of it.
"I know it'll get published," he said confidently.
I loved being with him. I don't think he realized how unguarded he was with me, how easy it was for us to spend time together.
I was in love with Remi. I knew that. I refused to judge myself for it. People could call me a stupid doormat—but they hadn't lived my life. They didn't understand my loneliness. They didn't know my heart. I'd take Remi any which way I could get him. If this was the best I could do, then it was enough.
And when he gets bored with you? What will you do then?
Then, I'll pull myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. But until that happened, I wouldn't ruin today by thinking about tomorrow.
"What are you doin' for Labor Day weekend?" Remi asked.
"No plans."
"Wanna go away with me? I was thinkin' maybe we could spend the weekend in New Orleans, listen to jazz, drink Sazeracs, and make love in a hotel suite?"
Calm down, silly heart. He can feel you galloping away into fantasy land sunset.
"That sounds lovely."
"Yeah." He turned my face and kissed my lips. "We'll drive. I'll bring the Porsche. We can put the top down all the way."
I smiled. It was a concession he was making for me.
I had asked him once if I could ride with him on his bike and he'd turned me down, saying that too many people in Memphis knew him and if they saw me behind him, there would be uncomfortable questions. That hurt, and I never asked again. But this was his way of making up for it. I was touched.
I kissed his jaw. "It sounds like a dream."
Labor Day was two weeks away. It would be an endless wait.
"Lani and Tommy are havin' problems again," he told me when we sat on my porch after dinner that evening. I had a loveseat swing, and we rocked ourselves there every time he came over. Sometimes, we made love before dinner and sometimes after. He liked that I cooked—he told me that often.
I had made salmon steak with rice pilaf and asparagus. For dessert I'd served strawberries with cream. Remi had brought the wine, a Grand Cru Chablis.
I cooked, and he brought the wine. He had even started to make requests. I knew all his favorites. He loved fish, especially when it was served with a white wine sauce. He liked his steak rare with a truffle sauce. Obviously, Remi had a refined palate since he owned restaurants. This meant that I spent a lot of time on YouTube trying to learn to cook things I'd never even eaten before, like truffles.
"What kind of problems?" I asked because I knew that Remi talked to me about his family. He didn't have anyone else to discuss them with. Everyone else would judge or tell the world—and he didn't need the gossip. He trusted me.
"I think Tommy is fuckin' around on her."
He looked so sad that I took his hand in mine. "Tommy has always been fuckin' around, Remi."
He sighed. "Yeah, he has, hasn't he?"
"He used to have sex with Marina and—"
"What?" Remi exclaimed.
I groaned. "You didn't know?"
"No. Fuck no. When was this?"
"I don't know. When I started at Vandy? Lani called me cryin'. She and Tommy were on a break, and he was sleepin' around."
Remi shook his head. "I asked Marina point blank if she'd been with him, and she lied. Why would she lie?"
"Cause she doesn't know your sister knows and didn't want to hurt her," I suggested.
"Fuck! It's like a goddamn soap opera, ain't it?"
I didn't comment because the last time I had, he'd called me a judgmental bitch. I gently rocked the porch swing and let him lean on me.
"She's gonna marry him despite this, and it's gonna be a bad marriage," he continued. "Why can't she see that?"
Because Tommy has the right last name.
"She loves him," I supplied the half-truth. Lani loved Tommy because of how suitable he was. She wouldn't love him if he was poor and Aunt Fern's nephew.
Just like Remi will never love you. Remember that before you lose too much of yourself, Echo.
"Love is dumb and blind," he announced bitterly.
And that was yet another nail in the coffin of our pretend relationship. But I didn't let that sour me. He was here now. I was here now. Tomorrow? Well, that was another day.
"Have you ever been in love, Echo?" he asked after a while.
"No," I lied. If I told him I was in love with him, he'd run like the devil was on his heels.
"It's late, Doll. I got to go." He made no effort to move.
I wanted to ask him to stay the night. I really, really did, but the words stayed inside me. His rejection would hurt too much.
"You have your seven am call with the East Coast in the morning?" he asked, staying put.
"Yes." I had a standing meeting every Monday.
"Can you take it from home?"
"No. I have to go in."
We rocked for a little while longer.
"Echo, can I stay the night?" he asked.
"Yes."
We had sex again. There was a quiet desperation in the way he took me like I was precious to him.
"You're so beautiful, you know that, Echo?" He held me close afterward when we were both catching our breath.
"I'm so glad you think so."
"I do, darlin'. The most beautiful woman in the world," he slurred, half asleep.
My heart stuttered.
He woke me up an hour before my alarm went off to slide into me. He was nearly asleep, I noticed, and it was so touching the way he wanted me.
I let him sleep afterward and went into the shower, aware that I'd have to go to the pharmacy to get a Plan B because Remi, for the first time since we'd gotten together, hadn't used a condom.
I tried not to think about what it could mean. I didn't want to get my hopes up. But he was planning weekends away. He was staying the night. He was inside me without a condom. I knew he was not sleeping with anyone else; he'd told me so. This was starting to feel a lot like a relationship.
I kissed his lips lightly after I got ready for my morning meeting.
I left spare house keys with a note on the kitchen island.
Lock up when you leave. There's juice in the fridge. You know where the coffee is. There are bread rolls from last night for breakfast. E
I couldn't remember the last time I'd been this happy.