Chapter 32 #2
“You’re not alone, are you? I didn’t even stop to think you’d be with Mitch. I’m sorry. Call me back later.” I was about to hang up when her voice screeched through my phone.
“No! You better not hang up. I just left him in bed and moved to the living room. Talk girlfriend, what’s going on?”
I explained everything. She was quiet on the line as I spoke, no interruptions. I think my attempt at staying neutral while telling both sides was successful.
“I don’t know what to do, Evie. I mean, do I walk away from this job?”
There was silence on the other end. An elongated silence. To the point I got concerned she may have hung up.
“Eve?” I asked.
“I’m here,” she said. I heard her stirring her cup of coffee through the line.
“I just need to clarify a few things. You’re saying that Chase, the guy you’ve been hung up on for, oh, I don’t know, over a year now, has asked you to leave with him.
To go on a music tour along the East Coast. Months alone with the guy you tell me you’re falling in love with, seeing all kinds of great towns and cities.
And you’re concerned about your job? The company he owns? ”
Dammit.
She wasn’t on my side. But this was what I needed. I needed to hear the logical part of what my brain couldn’t process. From someone it didn’t directly affect.
“Well, when you put it that way…”
“Maryellen,” she said. “I know you have anxiety about your place in this world. But you’ve made it, hon. You’ve done all the hard work to get where you are. Reap the benefits now. Enjoy life. Go on this great adventure with your sexy guy.”
“I’m scared,” I whispered into the line.
That was the most honest thing I’ve said, and admitted to myself, yet.
I was scared.
Scared of getting hurt. Of not knowing what tomorrow would bring. Of how my life could change.
“Yeah, it’s scary. But if you don’t take the leap, you’ll never know what you might miss,” Evie said.
I let her get back to the rest of her weekend with Mitch. After hanging up, I looked around the room, wondering what was making it so hard for me to make this move.
My fingers scrolled to Harper’s number.
“Hey, Maryellen. What’s going on? Did I miss an appointment we had for something today?”
“No, nothing like that,” I said. “Do you have a minute?”
I brought her up to speed with the changes in Chase’s life, making sure she knew to keep them to herself and not say anything to Gage. Chase needed to do that for himself.
“Wow, I’m so happy for him,” she said. “This is something that should make him really happy.”
She understood Chase almost as well as I did.
“So, you’re probably going to be just like Evie and wonder why I’m even questioning going with him. She brought up some good points, but I’m still so confused.”
There was a silence, but not for long.
“Well, I’ll throw a different perspective in the mix. I think it’s great that he wants you to go with him, that’s romantic and all. But he’s asking you to give up your identity for him. Has he answered for that?”
Bingo.
And she went on.
“When Gage bought the beach house down in LBI for us and expected us to spend a large amount of time there in the future, he had a plan in place for me. He planned for my business to be able to run there. I think the question you need to ask Chase is, what does he expect you to do with the rest of your life? Just follow him around?”
Harper’s words brought out emotions I wasn’t expecting. The validation it gave me for how I was feeling brought tears to my eyes, and I couldn’t control them. They spilled down my cheeks, taking my breath.
“Maryellen.” Her voice was soft and filled with concern. “I’m sorry if I upset you.”
“No,” I said emphatically. “You hit the nail on the head, Harper. It’s just…” And I didn’t want to finish my thought.
“It’s just that you’re not sure if he thought that far ahead. That he might only be thinking about himself.” Harper got it. She completely got it.
“Yes.”
“Well, the only way you’ll know is by asking him. You guys need to talk more about it,” she said.
I knew that.
Thankfully Chase knew that as well.
After hanging up with Harper, I sat in bed for a while. This was not going to be an easy conversation, but it was one we had to have. Once I’d gathered enough courage to face him, I threw the covers off and started the trek to his studio.
It was a hike. On a different floor. I’d gotten lost looking for it in the past, but I was growing more familiar with the other floors of his penthouse each time I stayed.
There was no sound coming through the door, which was by design, of course.
“Chase?” I knocked as I opened the door and peeked inside.
He was sitting on a leather chair in front of a desk, guitar in hand.
His headphones prevented him from hearing me, so I watched him work for a minute.
He would strum a few chords, then grab his pencil and write something in his notebook.
Then back to his guitar, putting more and more chords together.
He was amazing to watch.
I leaned against the wall to admire him work and he must have seen the movement because he stopped and pulled off his headphones.
“Hey, you,” he said softly. He took off his guitar and placed the wooden beauty on a stand in the corner of the room. “Everything good?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Am I interrupting?”
“Nope, my time is for you right now.” He moved toward me and turned off the light inside the studio as he guided me to the hall. “Where to?”
As I shrugged with indifference, he gripped my hand and pulled me down the hall. We headed downstairs.
I think that was probably better than the bedroom.
“Let’s sit at the island,” Chase said. “Can I get you anything?” He opened a cabinet and took out two glasses, filling them with water.
I sat at the island, and he joined me. After draining the entire glass of water, I stared at him directly in the eye.
“OK,” I said. “Talking to my friends helped me articulate something I couldn’t on my own.”
Talking to them made me realize I had found my people. They were instrumental in helping me organize my thoughts that had been scattered in my head for years.
Chase was waiting to hear my next words.
“I’m so happy for you, you have to know that.”
He sighed at my words because it sounded like I was starting off with a refusal to his proposition.
“But I need you to understand, it’s not so much just my job I’m concerned about walking away from. It’s who I would be while with you.”
His look went blank.
“I can’t just walk away from my life and follow you blindly with no goals for myself. I need to know you understand that.” My eyes strayed from his. I couldn’t maintain the contact.
He reached out for my hand, but I pulled it away, reluctant to have any contact until I got something, anything, from him.
“Mare,” he said. “Listen, first of all, this could be a very temporary thing for me. I have no idea if this will work out. We could be talking a couple months and it’s over.”
He had no idea how talented he was.
“But I have thought about that.”
It was his turn to be unable to sit still. He stood from the stool and paced around the kitchen. By then he stopped, leaned against the counter with his hands and looked at me.
“The relationship between my father and me has always been strained. You know that. The way he assumed that mine and Gage’s path would be to work for this company never sat well with me.
It worked for Gage, I get that. But one path doesn’t work for everyone.
And I think we both know this was not the path for me. ”
I nodded. We’d both known that for a while.
“I gave it my best shot. But it’s not what I want.” He paused. “Now, hear me out on this. I know you appreciate everything my father did for you when you got here. I do too, if I’m being honest. But he’s done the same thing to you he did to me, do you not see that?”
“Excuse me?” I was baffled by his statement.
“Mare, he chose your job for you. Literally had a contract made up saying you would come work for him. Don’t you see? He created your destiny, you had no say in your path at all.”
Everything around me began to spin. Within seconds, Chase was next to me, his arms around me.
Supporting me.
“I want to give it all to you,” he said. “I want you to be able to decide your own destiny, Mare.”
We moved upstairs, exhausted from our talk. Once we were in bed Chase put his arm up, which was his signal for me to lie in the crook of his arm, against his chest.
When Chase explained Robert’s actions to me in the way he did, a light bulb went on in my head. I would never not be grateful for the opportunities he afforded me. However, his son was allowing me to forge my own path moving forward.
He gave me the courage by watching him do it for himself.
“When you were a little girl, or not. Maybe later in life, what was your dream, Mare? What have you always wanted to do? Because this just might be your chance.”
He pulled me closer, his hand rubbing the skin of my shoulder as he did.
“Well, I do have a secret passion,” I told him.
He pushed me away and sat up in bed. His eyes were as round as saucers as he waited for me to continue.
“I’ve always wanted to write. I have a book I already started. A lot of it is in that journal you’ve seen around my apartment.”
Chase jumped to his knees, the bed shaking as he did. His smile couldn’t be contained.
“Mare, that’s amazing. Why have you never told me?” he asked. “What is it about?” He fell against the bed next to me again, still babbling with excitement. “Like, is it fiction or nonfiction? Holy crap, do you realize we’re both writers, in our own way?”
His enthusiasm caught on as he kept going. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was easily something I could do anywhere.
Like in any East Coast town.
“Chase,” I said.
That settled him a tad. It was then he realized I hadn’t yet given him an answer. He had no idea what my decision was.
“You’re willing to walk away from PFA? And never look back, if it comes to that? I’m assuming you haven’t talked to Gage yet. What if he says you’re on your own, and if you leave you are done and can’t come back? Have you thought about that?”
He sat in front of me, threading his hand in mine.
“I’m prepared for whatever happens when I talk to my father and Gage.
This is what I’ve always wanted, and I’m not walking away from this chance.
” He pulled me up to my knees, our bodies colliding.
“I would love you to be with me. But if it’s not what you want, I understand, and we’ll make it work. ”
He bent down, took my face in his hands, and kissed me. He started pulling away, but I kept his face in place, my hands around his head, prolonging the kiss.
“I’m coming with you,” I said against his lips.
“Yeah?” he whispered.
“Yeah.”
And he kissed me again.
We fell into each other’s arms, and his body relaxed against mine. His tense muscles fell slack onto the bed in relief.
“You’ll be able to write when you’re on the road with me,” he said.
I nodded in agreement as our plan started to fall into place. There were still so many logistics to manage: my job, his job, my apartment, talking to his father, talking to Gage.
Suddenly, none of that scared me.
“So, this book. Is it a naughty book? Like, can we practice any of the scenes?” he asked as he lifted my shirt and pawed at my breast playfully.
“Well, if you consider a memoir about me leaving home to become an escort a naughty book, then maybe.”
His hand froze.
“You’re writing about your life?”
I nodded.
His hand came out from under my shirt and stroked my cheek. “I think that’s amazing, Mare. Truly amazing. And I can’t wait to read it.”
Another gentle kiss.
“But in the meantime, I think we should practice for when you do write a spicy book, dontcha think?” he asked.
I laughed as his hand went back up under my shirt, cupping my breast.
“How would you write about what I’m doing to you right now?”
No words came to mind as he flicked and pinched my nipple until it hardened in his grasp. He pulled my shirt over my head, and his mouth took the place of his hand. He rolled his tongue around the hard bud, teasing it with his teeth.
“Well?” he asked.
“You’ve got me speechless,” I told him.
He chuckled. “A writer needs their words. I guess I’ll have to keep working to give you the best experience possible for your research.”
His mouth returned to my breast as his hand slid down my side to the band of the sweatpants I wore. He was about to push them down, when my hand went over his.
But I had a disconnect with what we were doing.
My head couldn’t stop thinking about something, and I needed to address it.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’m sorry,” I told him. And I was.
I hated that my brain couldn’t allow me to enjoy a moment like this with him.
“What is it, babe?”
“I can’t get beyond the idea of money and how we’re going to survive over those six months without a steady income.
I have some savings, and I’m assuming I’d cancel my lease so I’d be saving by not paying rent.
But we won’t have any cash coming in. You said that they don’t even pay for the hotel stays on this tour. It’s your responsibility. How…”
“Babe,” he said. He stopped my incessant rambling by placing a finger against my lips. “I know you’re not used to it, but you won’t have to worry about money. OK?”
“But how? Neither of us will have a real paying job. Didn’t the scout say that each gig you’ll only get like a thousand dollars?”
He caressed my face and kissed the tip of my nose.
“Mare, you forget what type of company I’ve worked for and grown up around.
I may not have enjoyed being employed by them, but if my father and PFA taught me anything, it’s how to invest. I have about four million in my portfolio.
That doesn’t include some kind of trust my father said is waiting for me when I turn 30. ”
Um, well, yeah, that changed things.
“Can I get back to giving you some ideas for your next book?” he asked.
Chase was never flashy about his money. It didn’t surprise me to not know about any of this.
“I can’t wait,” I told him as I pulled his shirt over his head.
His muscled torso was at eye level, and my hands went to it on their own accord. As I ran my fingers along the rippled plane of his abs, he lowered his body over mine. His mouth hovered over mine as our breaths mingled.
Just as he was about to put his lips on mine, he stopped.
“Maryellen,” he whispered against me. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I love that you trust me with your dreams,” he went on to say. “I can’t wait to see you bring your dreams to life by my side.”
My life was in his hands. And his heart.
I never felt safer.