17. Chapter 17
Chapter 17
T rue to his word, after climbing back to the top of the cliff, Eagan led me back to his apartment. Honestly, I don't even remember much after our conversation out the front of the cave, when he called me a murderer. A monster. The hurricane of emotions I'm feeling is overwhelming. I feel guilty simply for existing. What I said to him was true, this is how I was born, how I survive. I had no idea what letting him live would do to his mind. Despite what he thinks of me, I am not cruel.
While guilt is the prominent emotion, the other trying to get loose is anger. White, hot anger. How dare he treat me like that? I just made a bargain, giving up everything that I am, for him. For him! If I were truly the evil, he believes me to be I would have left him to drown. Or better yet, I could have consumed his soul and then eaten his flesh so that I could feel better again. He's lucky I've been this nice!
While I wrestled with these conflicting emotions, we silently scaled the cliff face until we reached the top once more. It didn't take too long for him to lead us to his car that he left earlier at the docks. I followed him in an almost dissociative state, my body functioning on autopilot. I knew I couldn't leave him until I received the money he offered.
We arrive at his apartment and he asks me to wait outside. The clothing I had put on earlier is in a very sorry state. I wince at the small holes and tears from where the loose linen had snagged on the rocks while climbing. My shirt is also dotted with the red blood that I was shocked to see dripping from a small cut on my arm after leaving the cave. It's a clear reminder of my new biology. I truly am a human now. I'm still yet to process what this will actually mean for my future. I'm desperately trying to hold my fear of the unknown at bay.
I can handle this. I'll get the money from Eagan, find somewhere to rest and then I'll regroup tomorrow. This has been a long as fuck day and I can't think clearly. My muscles are fatigued and I'm feeling the type of weariness that is soul deep. I could probably sleep for a week.
I'm pulled out of my contemplation by the return of Eagan. Just looking at him I can tell that he is also ready to sleep like the dead. Dark shadows mark the spaces below his eyes, his skin has paled and his hair, an absolute mess. But goddess he is still beautiful. I can't help the desire I feel, the pull. It hasn't lessened since bargaining with the witch. I thought it might have. I don't know whether I was hoping for that tether I feel to still exist or for it to be severed.
“Look, here is all the money I have on me right now. It's three hundred. Enough to get you some food, maybe a few nights at the motel. Now we are even. You helped me and I helped you. I need to work on fixing all my fuck ups now. Um… I'd say it was nice to meet you but to tell you the truth… I kind of wish I never had. Good luck with… being human.”
I guess that's it. Although despair and hurt attempts to break through the tough exterior I'm trying to portray, I straighten my back, lift my head, and stare him right in the eyes. “Thanks for this. I'll get out of your way. And for the love of the goddess please stay out of the ocean. I will not be held responsible for what happens to you if you go out there again and come across my sisters.”
The shudder that racks his body is unmistakable as well as the flash of fear that crosses his eyes. He gives me a small nod and I begin walking. Where to? Who knows. But as I walk, I feel his stare at my back and I know that, without a doubt, he watches me walk until I'm out of sight.
Fortunately, Eagan doesn’t live too far from the main area of town. Time passed quickly during our adventure in the cave, and it is now well into the evening. The night sky is clear, showing no evidence of the earlier storm. A soft breeze tickles my skin, but the air is warm. Comfortable. As I walk towards town, I take a moment to look up at the night sky. It is the same sky that I observe from the ocean, but right now it feels different. Maybe because I am different.
I am disappointed with Eagan’s rejection. I feel hurt and abandoned. Perhaps it was stupid for me to think that he would want to get to know me. I can understand where he is coming from though. Just as it is my nature to be a predator, it is his to be prey. I can’t blame him for his fear as it is his natural reaction to danger. And I am dangerous. Or at least I was.
Despite this, there is a part of me that’s excited to live a human life. During the days I have spent on land, I have spent a considerable amount of time simply observing. Watching people go about their days, witnessing their interactions, both positive and negative. I’ve been taking it all in. Learning. I’m quite certain that I can blend in with humans. There are many things I still don’t know but I am eager to learn. I want to embrace this opportunity I’ve been given but I’m not quite sure where to start.
As I reach the outskirts of the town center, I start to make a list of items I will need to purchase with the money I have been given. I’m nervous as I know it isn’t enough to survive off for long. I also can no longer use my song to coerce people into buying things for me and for the first time it hits me how truly alone I am. I always envied humans for their freedom and choices, but I think that I also viewed them as being weak. How could I not? They are really no match for sirens and rarely put up even the slightest bit of fight. Our song renders them immobile and completely compliant. It’s not their fault.
Not only do I feel alone with no one to lean on for support, but I also feel incredibly vulnerable. Without my siren abilities, I am as weak as I always viewed humans to be. I have no way of defending myself against people who may try and hurt me. These thoughts increase my discomfort.
Food and clothing are the items first on the agenda. As much as I want to find as much delicious food as I possibly can and stuff my face until I’m so full that I could explode, I know that is a reckless decision. I need to be smart. I am also aware that my dirty, torn up clothes are going to draw attention to me everywhere I go. And not the good kind of attention. The first part of blending in is to look the same as everyone else.
I find a small boutique clothing store and sigh in relief when I find that it is still open and there are no customers currently in the store. A bell dings when I walk in, and I quickly start scanning the items of clothing on the racks to find something suitable.
“Hi there, would you like some help finding something today?” A chirpy voice sings out. I turn around and am greeted by a young-looking woman with short, vibrant pink hair and bits of metal gleaming in her ears, nose, lip, and eyebrow. I don’t know if I have ever seen anyone that looks quite like her, but I immediately get good vibes. The woman’s eyebrows shoot up into her hairline as she takes in my disheveled appearance, her gaze scanning me from head to toe.
“Oh my gosh, what happened to you? Is everything okay? You look like you have been through some shit. Is that blood?” She points to what is indeed blood on my sleeve. I knew I was going to draw questions with my appearance. Damn! I should have taken the time it took me to walk here deciding on my cover story. Something tells me that saying I’m a siren who made a bargain with a witch and became human is probably not going to help my cause. I’ve been human for no time at all, and I don’t want to get locked up already because people think I’m crazy.
“Um, yeah. I… uh… got caught in the storm earlier and tripped over trying to get to cover and scratched myself up a bit.” I manage to stammer out. There, that actually sounded plausible right?
“Oh, honey that sounds awful. Are you in need of some new clothes? Let’s see what I can find you.”
“I don’t have much money,” I quickly blurt out. I need to make sure that I spend the smallest amount possible.
“Not a problem at all honey,” she replies with a knowing look on her face.
In no time at all, the woman, whose name is Kelsey I discover, has helped me find a few sale items that will do the trick. Some leggings, a basic T-shirt and a sweater. Nothing fancy but comfortable and practical and most importantly, cheap. After scanning my items, Kelsey encourages me to change into them right away and thankfully offers to dispose of my ruined ones. With a wave and a cheerful goodbye, she lets me know that if I need anything else, I can stop by the boutique any time. Her kindness fills me with warmth and it’s good to know that if I run into trouble, there’s at least one person in this town that might be willing to help me.
After counting my money for what is probably the twentieth time, I decide that spending it on a motel room is not wise. That will take up almost all of my funds and I have no idea how I’m going to access more money when this runs out. I need to make this last as long as possible. I resign myself to the likelihood that I’m going to be braving the elements and sleeping outside. I rack my brain trying to think of somewhere that I can sleep. In the end, the only option that I feel somewhat comfortable with is the rocky cove where I usually come to land. It’s not busy like the main beach and I’m sure I can keep hidden and somewhat sheltered in the small cave-like structures. For now, that will work but I know it is not a permanent solution.
Now that I am dressed inconspicuously, I feel more at ease walking around town. I buy myself some food at a supermarket. There are many things I haven’t tried but I assume that because it is in packets and not refrigerated, it should be okay to eat. I then begin the journey to my cove. I’m grateful that it is almost summer, and apart from the storms that are frequent in Witches Cove, the weather should be manageable. I don’t know what I would have done if this had all happened in the middle of winter. As a siren my body was made to endure the freezing temperatures of the deep ocean but I'm not sure what this human body can survive, and I don't want to find out.
When I arrive, I spend some time locating the perfect place to sleep. Just as I suspected there is a small space surrounded by rocks that will offer me some protection. The sand is soft, and I know that I am exhausted enough to be able to fall asleep anywhere. I make myself comfortable by curling up on my side and in moments, drift off to sleep.