19
Ren’s transportation magic was unpredictable at the best of times. Add a buzz on top of that and we probably would have had better luck driving under the influence.
We landed in the living room … if you could call slamming into the couch, knocking over a side table, and skidding across the rug a landing. Ren and I were tangled together in a mess of limbs and breathless laughter, stumbling over each other before collapsing in an undignified heap on the floor.
“You okay?” I asked as I brushed his unruly hair off his forehead.
“Yeah. You?” Ren caught my hand in his, those maroon eyes fixed on mine with worry etched deep in his gaze.
“I’m good.” I smiled at him. “Thankfully, it seemed like Sly was more concerned with putting on a show than actually hurting me. I’ll have some bruising, maybe some weakness until I recover my magic, but nothing serious.
” I subconsciously rubbed my arms, wondering if the silver veins were still visible and how severe the damage was this time.
“Nothing serious? That poison could have killed you if you hadn’t regained your magic in time!” As if he wouldn’t accept even a minor paper cut on my body, Ren’s magic flared through me, easing the discomfort left behind by Sly.
“You didn’t need to do that. I’m fine. I promise.
” I got to my feet and helped him up. Even though adrenaline had mostly cleared away our drunken stupor, I neutralized the poisonous alcohol inside us to clear our heads.
I then went into the kitchen, grabbed two glasses of water, and we sat down on the couch next to each other.
Even after the crazy night we had, our attention remained solely focused on each other.
“I knew you could use my death magic, but to wield that sentient magic, too? That was pretty fucking awesome, Ren.” I cuddled up next to him, melting into his closeness and warmth.
“I didn’t know if it would work.” Ren rubbed circles on my knee, which pressed against his leg.
“I think it’s because I’m protecting your soul.
It recognized me as someone you trust, so when I called out to it, it listened, and made sure that punch got revenge for all three of us.
I doubt that would have worked otherwise. ”
“I hope I can have a do-over. I’m sorry our first date was such a disaster.” I rested my head on his shoulder. “You were right. This was awful timing.”
“I’d expect nothing less from my little dandelion weed.” He might not have realized it, but the quiet possessiveness in the way he called me his sent a warm, treacherous flutter straight through my chest.
“Ren …” I studied him closely, refusing to look away until I found the crack in his carefully constructed walls.
Desire burned there for the briefest moment before uncertainty followed, dragging it back into hiding. He looked like he wanted this every bit as much as I did but was too stubborn, scared, or guilty to do anything about it.
Too bad for him, I was taking the decision out of his hands.
His breath caught when my eyes met his, and that was all it took.
I fisted his shirt and pushed him back against the couch.
My lips crashed into his, insistent, almost demanding, chasing the sharp bite of beer as I urged his mouth open with my own.
My heart was racing, pounding so hard I was sure he could feel it through the thin barrier of fabric between us, every beat echoing the question he was too afraid to ask and I was no longer willing to leave unanswered.
A rough, involuntary sound vibrated in his throat as his tongue slid against mine, exploring at first, then greedy. His hands finally landed, one clamping onto my waist, the other sliding up my back, making me shiver with excitement.
I broke away just long enough to scrape my teeth down the side of his neck, tasting salt and skin. “You know, this night doesn’t have to be totally ruined.”
Ren’s breath hitched. His hips rolled up instinctively, the hard line of him pressing against me through too many layers of denim. “Theo …” My name came out ragged, almost like a challenge.
I slid both hands under the hem of his shirt. Ren lifted his arms without protest, letting me peel the shirt off and toss it somewhere behind us. The sight of him bare from the waist up made my mouth water. He was all lean muscle and flushed skin, with a glint of silver catching the low light.
I leaned down and flicked my tongue over one of his nipple rings, catching the cool silver with the tip before sucking the whole peak into my mouth.
Ren’s fingers dug into my shoulders, hard.
A broken whimper escaped him—half pleasure, half overwhelmed—as his hips jerked up again, grinding against me in helpless little pulses.
“Theo—” His voice cracked this time, higher, urgent.
I fumbled to unbutton and unzip his jeans and tugged the fabric down.
“Theo!” Ren’s chest was heaving, eyes wide and glassy, pupils blown wide. I descended lower, training kisses down his chest, until suddenly the world stopped spinning. “Theo, stop!”
His words hit like cold water and I froze.
Ren’s lips were swollen from kissing, cheeks flushed dark, nipples still peaked and glistening from my mouth. But something else was there now. Worry flickered behind the desperate lust.
“Stop,” he repeated, quieter, almost pleading. His hand shot up to grip my wrist … not hard, but firm. “I … I can’t do this with you.”
The words landed like a slap, sharp and stinging across my burning face. Heat flooded my cheeks, my neck, my ears, but it was the hot, humiliating shame that made my stomach lurch.
I knew something had been bothering Ren by the way he kept pushing me away.
I thought maybe it had been the secret about Caspian, but it was something deeper, something that involved me.
And here I was, throwing myself at him like some desperate idiot, convincing myself nothing was wrong.
In the end, I should have known he’d shut down.
My hands shook as I yanked them back, scrambling off him so fast the couch creaked under the sudden shift of weight. I stood there for half a second, breathing hard, staring down at the man who was shirtless, flushed, beautiful, and so goddamn infuriating I wanted to scream.
“I … I’m sorry. I didn’t … I’m just gonna go to bed. I’m tired.” I didn’t know what else to say, so I turned and bolted toward the stairs.
“Theo, wait—”
“Ren.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, exhaling some of my anger.
“Ever since we came back from the underworld, you’ve been pulling me close only to push me away.
You know how I feel about you, and you’re going to wreck me if we keep going back and forth like this.
If you don’t want to be together, then fine.
I’ll respect your decision. Just … please stop stringing me along. My heart can’t take it.”
I stormed up the stairs before Ren could say anything else and slammed the bedroom door behind me.
After changing into a pair of flannel pajama pants and an old t-shirt, I crawled into bed, squeezed my eyes shut, and gritted my teeth as I buried my face in my pillow.
I was thankful we were the only ones home.
Stella and Ivy were still working, and Thomas had coaxed Alex to spend the night at his place to give us some privacy.
I hated myself for running away like a coward, but at the same time, if he really did want a relationship with me, he had to trust that we could have these difficult conversations without judgment.
A soft knock sounded from the other side of the bedroom door.
“Theo. Can we talk?”
I almost shut him down, telling him I was too tired, but if Ren was willing to talk, then the least I could do was listen.
“Come in.”
The door slowly creaked open. I was facing the far wall, but I saw through the dresser mirror that he had put his shirt back on and buttoned his jeans. The mattress dipped when he crawled into bed next to me.
“It was hard enough for me to tell you about my past with your family. I struggled with telling you about Caspian. But you’re right. There is something else bothering me, and I really don’t want to talk about it,” he began. He was lying there next to me, but kept his distance between us.
“I know,” I responded.
“But I also … don’t want to lose you again. So I’m going to try my best. You just have to bear with me. It’s … complicated.”
I rolled over to look him in the eye. “Complicated? Ren, it’s only complicated because you won’t talk to me. Did I do something wrong?”
“No! You did nothing wrong, Theo. I just … this is kinda embarrassing, but … have you ever cared about someone so deeply that you start to wonder if your feelings for them might end up being what hurts them?”
I scrunched my brows. “The only hurt I’m feeling is that you don’t trust me enough to talk to me about it.”
“It’s just … being with me isn’t safe.”
I sighed, trying to exhale the frustration building inside me.
“Ren, we’ve been running from danger since the day I met you at the museum and released Thomas from that urn.
If there’s any place that’s safe, it’s with each other.
But if you aren’t comfortable talking about it with me, I understand.
I won’t force you to do that. Let’s just forget—”
“Theo, that’s not fair.”
“None of this is fair, Ren! Why won’t you—”
“Because I’m going to fucking kill you!” Ren blurted out.
Silence hung in the air as confusion twisted my thoughts. I couldn’t tell if he was being figurative or literal.
Ren’s voice dropped, tight with controlled anger. “There. Happy? You finally got it out of me.”
“No. I’m not happy. What the fuck does that mean, Ren?”