Chapter 14
Fourteen
Rose
What was she doing? Honestly, Rose had no idea.
Her mind was still reeling from the information she'd just received.
Rhydian was dead. What did that even mean?
He was a ghost she had been talking to for countless years now?
She had no idea what conclusion that could bring her to, other than she really was just as mad as everyone thought she was.
She'd been working so hard for so many years, learning and growing, and now she had no idea if that had even been real.
He was a dead man.
Dead.
A ghost.
Her mind still couldn't quite wrap around it. Because he had been so real to her. And all the while, everyone was shouting and jeering around her. Not at her, but around her. So she was unable to focus on the thoughts in her own head.
The woman to her right was shouting loud enough that she had nearly turned into a banshee.
Astrid was trying to get Rose’s attention, continually asking if something was wrong and trying to grab onto her arm.
The two women and a man in front of her were waving their arms to get the attention of so many of the people that were in the clearing around them, and all she could think about was that she was angry.
She hadn't been angry in years. Rose had given up that emotion because it didn't serve her.
Anger at her situation only made her more frustrated, and there hadn't been anything she could do to fix it.
Anger at the people who had been harming her hadn't worked because there wasn't any way for her to stop them, no matter how hard she tried.
Rose had let that emotion drift into the void with all the other difficult things that she hadn't wanted to face. She'd allowed herself not to feel it, and to wander through life without that ugly, crimson feeling burning through her veins.
But now she was angry. She could feel it boiling underneath her skin for far too many reasons.
She’d had a life stolen from her. All those men, all those people who thought they could control her had done so effortlessly and they shouldn't have been able to.
And now? Now her safe place wasn't safe anymore either.
Rhydian had been lying to her. For years. Or maybe not lying, but he certainly hadn't been telling her the whole truth, and wasn't that the same thing?
Now her sister was tugging on her arm again, this time a little more forcefully as Astrid asked if they needed to leave.
And no, they didn't need to leave. Because Rose wasn't a child for her sister to watch over.
She was still here, wasn't she? Rose could have killed herself countless times after being liberated and living in Trollveggen.
But she was alive. Didn't that make her stronger than they thought she was?
So when King Egil had started talking, when he’d gestured for people to come down off the stands if they were interested in someone who stood below them in the clearing, her mind had splintered.
She’d watched all those beautiful, strong, powerful troll women who were whole and sane and real step down onto the moss, and all she could think was that one of them was going to take her life from her.
Not the breath in her lungs, but comfort from the only person who had never pushed her.
No wife would allow Gunnar to coddle her the way he did.
No one would be happy with him wasting so much time and effort on a woman they all thought was insane.
Her feet had moved on their own. She'd shrugged out of Astrid's grasp with surprising ease, likely because her sister didn't think she could move that fast, and then headed out onto the clearing.
That first step, when her bare feet had connected with the cool, squishy moss, she’d known this was the right choice. It was like a voice whispered into her ear that she was moving in the right direction. This was where the mountain had wanted her to go.
Rose pulled her hood back a little. Enough so that if people were looking at her, they would recognize her. She had no idea what the next step would be, but she knew she wasn't going to run from it. Not this time.
She could be quiet and small, but that didn't mean she had to be afraid.
The troll maiden on her right was slighter than the rest. Her body was less muscular and more willowy, like a sapling that hadn't filled out yet. She met Rose's gaze with a soft smile and said, "I wondered when you might wake up."
"Do I know you?" Rose asked.
The woman shrugged. "Maybe. In another life, I think."
Then she turned and wandered away. Rose watched as the stranger headed into the trees, perhaps not participating after all. Her body blended in among the newer, younger trees. Gray in the distance, they were almost the same color as the woman's body before she was gone from Rose's sight.
Strange. But this whole place was always so strange, no matter how long she was here. Trollveggen was full of surprises and unusual findings. She was lucky to be here, but also, sometimes, it made her wonder how little she knew.
"Congratulations to all of you!" King Egil shouted, his voice warm and clearly pleased that the crowd before him was so large.
"Competitors, feast your eyes upon those who are interested.
Let your minds wander through dreams tonight and ask your ancestors for the guidance to learn who walks the same path as you.
Soon enough, you will be called again, and those who are interested?
You will state your interest so your competitor may guide their performance to better capture your heart and mind. "
How exciting. Rose wasn't sure what that meant, but she knew she was in it now.
This risky, reckless behavior wasn't like her, but maybe that was what she needed right now. Maybe she needed to not be herself for a little while.
Was this taking advantage of a situation? Absolutely. She was thinking with anger, and she knew that. But she was here.
Rose glanced over at Gunnar, knowing that she wouldn't like what she found when she did get her attention on him.
For the first time since they had met, she could see that he was also angry.
Fuming, in fact. His face was a darker green than his usual emerald color, and his hands were balled into fists at his sides.
She'd seen him almost fight that other troll, and she still couldn't hazard a guess at what that had been about.
Probably something ridiculous, but it was very out of character for the troll warrior she knew.
Gunnar was always so careful with his emotions.
She never had to wonder what he was going to do or what erratic behavior might burst out of him.
Gunnar was as steady and as calm as a still lake. Funny. Humorous. Always dancing with the sparkling light of a bright soul at the edge of her vision.
As soon as the king lowered his arm, many people in the clearing headed toward each other. She could already see the pairings that were wanted. So many of them went straight for the person they were interested in. The beelines they made were almost comically fast.
At least until Gunnar made his way toward her, and then she remembered that there was a troll who was very, very angry at her for being here.
He never touched her, though. He never grabbed her arm like Astrid had or tried to move her with his hands. No, he knew she didn't like that. Gunnar used his body like a wall, forcing her to back up lest she choose to touch him.
Rarely did he dare to push her like this, and it was almost thrilling. As terrifying as it was exciting to see him moving her backward with just a look and his body until they were far from the others. A false sense of privacy fell like a veil between them and everyone else in the clearing.
"What are you thinking?" he hissed. "You should not be here."
"I was listening to the king."
"No," he groaned, running a hand down his face. "Rose, tell me you did not willingly enter this. You were wandering. That's all you could have possibly been doing. You were lost in thought like you usually are, and then I can tell the king that you don't want this."
Did she want someone to think that? She was standing right in front of him, and he wasn't even thinking about the reality that she would only have gone into that clearing if she was interested. Just like the rest of them. She had been told to stand up if she wanted someone, and she... did.
Strange. Maybe she'd only done it to protect herself. She hadn't prodded at the why just yet. Not enough to understand her own actions well enough.
And she didn't like making him mad. He was so angry, practically vibrating with it even though she was confident he would never turn that anger onto her.
She trusted him. She'd promised that she would trust him to keep her safe, even if there was always going to be a part of her that was waiting for the moment he'd lift a hand in anger.
So Rose did what she had become so good at. She lied.
"I was wandering." She heard herself say the words, so convincing it was almost as if that was the truth of what had happened. "I blinked, and I was standing with the others. I'm sorry."
Watching him sag in relief only made her angrier. And then she realized where all the anger was coming from.
She'd been stuffing it so deep inside herself that she couldn't feel it. Repeatedly jamming rage into some secret place that was now full. All the anger was spilling out, and there wasn't anywhere else to put it.
She felt like she could explode at any moment, all of it bubbling up, filling her chest cavity and threatening to explode out of her throat.
Words like, You don't believe that I can make decisions for myself. Or perhaps something along the lines of, You think I am weak and fragile, but I have survived more than you could dream of.
But she didn't say any of that. Because another part of her was relieved right along with him.
She'd had her rebellion. Rose had walked into this clearing when no one else had expected her to do so.
She'd been brave and strong, just like the other troll maidens who had made their declaration of interest.
Now it was harder to be brave. Staring him in the eyes, not knowing how to tell him that the thought of losing him terrified her just as much as the thought of staying with him. So she kept her mouth shut and clung to the anger that made her face feel hot.
"Come with me," Gunnar said, waving his hand in the air for her to follow him. "We'll speak with the king. He will make an exception in this case. We all know you well, and this is simply a mistake. It's an easy fix."
Was it?
It didn't feel like an easy fix. The bridal games seemed ceremonial in a way that was almost holy to these people.
Rose had either made a mockery of it by choosing to use this as a moment to show that she wasn't, in fact, some fragile little doll or she was a fool who had lost her mind and was still somehow desecrating what was clearly an emotional moment for everyone but herself.
Well, she was emotional. But perhaps for the wrong reasons.
The king was still beside the dais as a few of his attendants worked on gathering his wings. They were almost folding the thin membranes in their arms, like fabric or... moth wings, Rose realized. All of her anger drained out of her as she stared at those strange appendages attached to his back.
He looked like he was in pain. All the time. As though the weight of those appendages pulled him toward an early grave.
"Your majesty," Gunnar said loudly. "A word, if I may."
King Egil looked up, and Rose had the same thought she always did when she looked at the troll king. He had kind eyes in a face that was not kind at all. The scars that decorated his features were enough to send anyone running for the hills.
And the moment his gaze locked onto hers, she wanted to run. She wanted to disappear into her own realm and even tried, but she couldn’t. A block in her mind existed so she couldn't escape, no matter how hard she tried.
It was like she was locked in her body, and that sensation was enough to make her heart nearly explode in her chest.
Gunnar was already talking, though. "She was wandering, Your Highness. She has no reason to be in the games."
"The rules are very clear, Gunnar. She's part of the games now.
No one is going to make her marry anyone.
You know this as well as I do. What harm is there if she participates in a little fun?
" The king gestured for Gunnar to follow him.
"There are more important matters for you and me to talk about. "
"Your Highness, I am begging you to allow her to not take part in these bridal games. She made a mistake. We should all be allowed to make mistakes."
Rose could almost hear desperation in Gunnar's tone. He really, really didn't want her to take part in this. And just like that, the little flame in her chest burst into heat again.
How dare he? How dare he think for even a second that she didn't deserve to be part of it just as much as the others?
And she swore King Egil saw right through her soul into what she was thinking. He paused, his attendants standing still behind him, four of them with his wings in their arms. He stared at her, really stared, boring through her head into her mind where she feared he would see too much of her.
"Do you want to take part in these bridal games?" the king asked quietly.
She didn't have an answer.
Rebellion burning in her chest because she had just lost the one person who had never lied to her.
Only to realize that her entire world had tilted on its axis because Rhydian had, in fact, lied.
And now she was going to lose Gunnar, the only person who had made her feel safe since leaving, and it was all. ..
A lot.
It was a lot.
The king gave a sharp nod and then turned to look back at Gunnar. "She stays in the games. Now, come with me."
"Egil—” Gunnar broke for a moment, revealing that he knew the king far more personally than most did.
King Egil's eyes narrowed, and she could feel his anger in the air. Crackling around them with a power that could not be denied. "That wasn't a question, Gunnar. It was an order. You will follow me. Now."
Gunnar cast one last glance back at her before huffing out an angry sound and continuing forward with his king. "Find your sister!" Gunnar shouted back at her. "Don't go wandering."
Little did he know, Rose wasn't sure she'd ever get to do that again.