Chapter 1 #7
He had a point. Denny did seem different—more cautious, more considerate of their feelings.
He commented on little improvements around the house.
He said he liked Abby’s new hairstyle. (She had started wearing it short.) He himself had lost the boyish sharpness along his jaw, and he had a more settled way of walking.
When Abby asked him questions—though she tried her best to ration them—he made an effort to answer.
He wasn’t what you’d call chatty, but he answered.
Susan was doing great, he said. She was attending preschool now. Yes, he could bring her to visit. Carla was fine too, although they were not together anymore. Work? Well, at the moment he was working for a construction firm.
“Construction!” Abby said. “Hear that, Red? He’s working in construction!”
Red merely grunted. He didn’t look as happy about this as he might have.
Notice all that was missing, though, from what Denny had told them.
How much did he really have to do with his daughter?
And when he said he and Carla were “not together,” did he mean they were divorced?
Just what were his living arrangements? Was construction his chosen career now? Had he given up on college?
Then Jeannie came over with little Deb, and Red and Abby left them alone, and by the end of her visit they knew more.
He had a lot to do with Susan, Jeannie reported; he was very much involved in her life.
Divorce was too expensive, for now. He shared half a house with two other guys but they were starting to get on his nerves. Sure, he would finish college. Someday.
But still, somehow, it wasn’t enough information. Oh, always there seemed to be something else—something that surely, if they could ferret it out, would at last explain him.
He stayed a day and a half, that time. Then he left, but—here was the important part—they did have his cell phone number. That number they’d dialed was his cell phone number! This changed everything.
They allowed a strategic lapse of several weeks, and then Abby called him (Red hovering in the background) and invited him to bring Susan for Christmas. Denny said Carla would never allow Susan to be away on Christmas Day, but maybe after Christmas he’d bring her.
Red and Abby knew all about his maybes.
But he did it. He brought her. Christmas fell on a Tuesday that year, and he brought her down Wednesday and they stayed through Friday.
Susan was a self-possessed four-year-old with a mass of brown curls and very large, very brown eyes.
The eyes were a bit of a shock. Those were not Whitshank eyes!
Nor were her clothes the rough-and-tumble play clothes that the Whitshank children wore.
She arrived in a red velvet dress, with white tights and red Mary Janes.
Well, perhaps on account of Christmas. But the next morning, when she came down to breakfast, she wore a ruffled white blouse and a red plaid taffeta pinafore very nearly as fancy.
Jeannie said it made her kind of sad to think of Denny having to button all those tiny white buttons down the back of Susan’s pinafore.
“Do you remember us?” they asked her. “Do you remember coming to visit us when you were just a baby?”
Susan said, slowly, “I think so,” which of course could not be true. But it was nice of her to pretend. She said, “Did you have a different dog?”
“No, this is the same one.”
“I thought you had a yellow dog,” she said, and they traded unhappy glances. Who was it she was thinking of who had a yellow dog, and perhaps one not so slobbery and arthritic as old Clarence?
She was entranced with her cousins. (Aha!
They could be the Whitshanks’ bait: fairy child Elise and rowdy little Deb.) She seemed unfamiliar with card games but soon developed a passion for Go Fish.
Also, it emerged that she knew how to read.
They were surprised that Carla could have reared a precocious child, but maybe that was thanks to Denny.
She liked to snuggle next to Abby and sound out the words to Hop on Pop, heaving a loud sigh of satisfaction whenever she finished a page.
By the time she left, she’d lost all her reserve. She stood in front of the train station holding Denny’s hand, waving like a maniac and shouting, “Bye-bye! See you! See everybody soon! Bye-bye!”
So Denny brought her again, and then again.
She had her own room now, the one that used to be the girls’ room.
She drank her cocoa from a mug reading SUSAN, and when it was time to set the table she knew where to find the alphabet plate that Denny had once used.
And he, meanwhile, sat back and watched all this benignly.
He was the most accommodating father. It seemed she had smoothed his edges down.
In 2002, shortly after Jeannie’s Alexander was born, Denny came to stay with Jeannie and tend her children.
At the time, this was puzzling. Abby had already done the usual grandmother stint—taken off work to keep Deb while Jeannie was in the hospital, and stopped by frequently afterwards to offer help with errands and laundry.
But then all at once, there was Denny. And he remained there—slept on Jeannie and Hugh’s pull-out couch for three solid weeks, pushed Deb in her stroller every afternoon to the playground, cooked the meals, met Abby at the door with a diaper draped over his shoulder and the baby in his arms.
It came to light only later that Jeannie had been going through some sort of postpartum depression.
So, had she phoned Denny and asked him to come down and take care of her?
Asked Denny and not Abby? Abby did her best to find out, using her most neutral, non-offended tone.
Well, Jeannie said, it was true that she had phoned him, but just to talk.
And maybe he had heard something in her voice—well, of course he had, because she’d grown a little teary, she was ashamed to say—and he had told her he would be coming in on the next train.
This was both touching and distressing. Had Jeannie not realized she could call her own mother?
Well, but Abby had her job to go to, Jeannie said.
As if Denny himself didn’t have a job.
Or, who knows? Maybe he didn’t.
Red told Abby they should just be grateful that Denny had come to the rescue.
Abby said, “Oh, yes. Yes, I know that.”
Things fell into more or less of a pattern. Denny never became particularly good at keeping in touch, but then, that was true of a lot of sons. The point was that he did keep in touch, and they did have that phone number for him, if not always his current address.
How shocking, Abby told Red, that they were willing to settle for so little. She said, “Would you have believed it? Sometimes whole days go by when I don’t give him a thought. This is just not natural!”
Red said, “It’s perfectly natural. Like a mother cat when her kittens are grown. You’re showing very good sense.”
“It’s not supposed to work that way with humans,” Abby told him.
At least they could be sure that Denny would never live far from New York City.
Not as long as Susan lived there. Although he did travel now and then, because once he sent Alexander a birthday card from San Francisco.
And another time, he shortened his Christmas visit because he was taking a trip to Canada with his girlfriend.
This was the first they’d heard of the girlfriend, and the last. Susan stayed on alone that year.
She was old enough—seven, but she seemed older.
Her head was slightly big for her body, and her face was beautiful in the way that a grown woman’s face is beautiful, her brown eyes large and weary, her lips full and soft and complicated.
She showed no sign of homesickness, and when Denny came to collect her she greeted him equably.
“How was Canada?” Abby dared to ask him.
He said, “Pretty good.”
It was really very hard to visualize Denny’s personal life.
Nor were they always entirely clear about his occupation.
They did know that at one point, he had a job installing sound systems, because he volunteered his expertise when Jeannie’s Hugh was wiring their den.
Another time, he showed up wearing a hoodie with KOMPUTER KLINIK stitched on the pocket, and at Abby’s request he offhandedly fixed her Mac, which had been acting a bit sluggish.
But he always seemed free to come and go, and to stay as long as he liked.
How do you reconcile that with a full-time job?
When Stem got married, for instance, Denny came for a solid week to fulfill his best-man duties, and although Abby was thrilled about that (she fretted about her boys’ not being close), she kept asking if he was sure this wouldn’t cause him trouble at work. “Work?” he said. “No.”
On one occasion, he visited for nearly a month with no explanation whatsoever.
Everybody suspected that it involved some private crisis, since he arrived looking very seedy and not in the best of health.
For the first time, they noticed faint lines at the corners of his eyes.
His hair straggled unevenly over the back of his collar.
But he didn’t refer to any problems, and not even Jeannie dared ask.
It was as if he had his family trained. They had become almost as oblique as Denny himself.
This stirred some resentment in them, from time to time.
Why should they tiptoe around him? Why should they have to deflect the neighbors’ questions about him?
“Oh,” Abby would say, “Denny is fine, thank you. Really fine! Right now he’s working at …
Well, I’m not sure exactly where he’s working, but anyhow: he’s just fine! ”
Yet he did provide something that they counted on, somehow.
He did leave a hole when he was absent. That first time that he skipped the beach trip, for instance, the summer he claimed to be gay: nobody knew that he wasn’t coming.
They kept waiting for him to phone and announce his arrival date, and when it grew clear that he wasn’t going to, everyone experienced the most crushing sense of flatness.
Even after they’d arrived at the cottage they always rented, and unpacked their groceries and made up the beds and settled into their usual beach routine, they couldn’t shake the thought that he still might show up.
They turned hopefully from their jigsaw puzzle when the screen door slammed in an evening breeze.
They stopped speaking in mid-sentence when somebody out beyond the breakers started swimming toward them with that distinctive, rolling stroke that Denny always used.
And halfway through the week … oh, here was the strangest part.
Halfway through the week, Abby and the girls were sitting on the screen porch one afternoon shucking corn, and they heard Mozart’s Horn Concerto No.
1 playing out back. They looked at each other; they rose from their chairs; they rushed through the house and out the door …
and they saw that the music came from a car parked across the road.
Someone was sitting in the driver’s seat with all the windows rolled down (but still, he must be baking!) and his radio playing full-blast. A man in a tank top; not an item of clothing Denny would have been caught dead in.
A heavyset man, if you judged by the girth of the elbow resting on the window ledge.
Heavier than Denny could be even if he had done nothing but eat since the last time they had seen him.
But still, you know how it is when you’re missing a loved one.
You try to turn every stranger into the person you were hoping for.
You hear a certain piece of music and right away you tell yourself that he could have changed his clothing style, could have gained a ton of weight, could have acquired a car and then parked that car in front of another family’s house.
“It’s him!” you say. “He came! We knew he would; we always …” But then you hear how pathetic you sound, and your words trail off into silence, and your heart breaks.