Chapter 2
TWO
Sam Benton
“We both know how that played out.”
Mattie’s words played over and over in my head as I waited for the mayor of Sugar Pine to show up for our appointment.
Mattie looked damn good fourteen years ago, and he looked even better now.
He’d somehow grown into himself.
God, it seemed like a lifetime ago that he left Sugar Pine, but seeing him on the porch talking to my nephew brought the past back like a fist to the face.
Fourteen years was long enough the man should have been out of my head.
Just a glimmer of memory in my heart.
Instead, he’d always been the one who got away when I allowed myself to think about him.
And whose fault was that?
I did regret how things played out, but life had kicked into hyper-speed back then, and I really hadn’t known how to deal with so much happening at once.
We’d met when we were somewhere along the line of twenty-two or twenty-three. Not exactly founts of knowledge and years of experience.
I’d just gotten out of school, was working as a web designer, missing my sister, and living in a new town. Becoming friends with Mattie had been easy and fulfilling. We had a couple great years of hanging out and keeping each other sane in Sugar Pine.
Then my sister got pregnant, and the father fucked right off to go back to his wife and three children. The only saving grace was he wasn’t in the Air Force, so she didn’t have to be worried about seeing him around.
Right as Tabitha and I were deciding to live together in Sugar Pine so I could help when the baby came along, Mattie and I hit a snag in our friendship.
Not a snag really.
Just a realization and a possible new direction.
But Mattie’s realization had only been about his feelings for me in particular.
He was more than ready to strike out in a new direction. His creative spirit and willingness to throw himself into something new were some of the things that drew me to him.
However, my realization hit a lot harder because admitting I had feelings for Mattie was a uniquely new experience for me. Being attracted to a man for the first time at the age of twenty-five meant I spent a lot of time thinking.
And overthinking.
And then thinking through it some more.
Add to the situation that my sister had just found out she was going to be a single mother while serving in the Air Force.
Mattie was ready to move wherever his creative soul whispered for him to go.
And he wanted me to leave Sugar Pine with him.
Boom.
Overload.
So, yeah. Mattie wasn’t wrong with his comment about how things played out.
But he wasn’t completely right either.
It wasn’t because I didn’t share in his feelings of wanting to explore the spark between us.
But back then, it had been easier to let him chase after his dream while I stayed back to help Tabitha.
Sure, I eventually allowed the word gay into my thoughts and finally told my sister, but it had taken a long couple years thanks to our upbringing.
Tabitha and I only had each other and crappy memories from our childhood, but our past held a lot of conditioning we had to work through.
Admitting I was gay was a turning point in my life—something that needed to happen so I could truly embrace the real me.
It wasn’t like I came out and immediately started looking for the one, but it had been freeing and allowed me to figure a lot of shit out.
Since then, I’d done my fair share of short-term relationships, but none of them had stuck.
Guys didn’t like the set-up Tabitha and I had.
Or they didn’t want a guy who was a single dad for long chunks of time, and an involved uncle the rest of the time.
Or they weren’t a fan of kids.
Mostly it was a combination of all three.
Toby was my first priority, and any man I maybe wanted to start something with had to understand that from the get-go.
Watching Mattie interact so easily with Toby on that first day did funny things to my gut. If I was being honest, coming face-to-face with the man had sent my head into a spiral of what-ifs and second chances.
Was Mattie willing to forgive me and move beyond the past?
According to Tabby—I’d given her an earful when she called to talk to Toby, but she’d just laughed—I needed to just be honest with Mattie and see where things might go.
What did she know?
Mattie had been in the duplex a couple days now, and we’d had a few superficial chats.
The pull toward him was just as strong as it was back then, but I wasn’t sure where we stood.
Could we jump right back into the friendship and attraction?
Or were we so different after all these years that we’d need to get to know each other all over again?
Toby was definitely interested in the artist living next door.
My nephew was a great kid. Definitely entering those teenage years—which scared the fuck out of me because I had no clue what to do with a teen…
not that I’d had any idea what to do with an infant, a toddler, a child, or a preteen—but he did well at school for the most part and didn’t cause too many problems.
He had a few friends at school, and they would hang out at the park or playing video games online. Luckily, Toby’s game room was in the basement so the yelling he liked to do on the headset was mostly muted.
I thought we had a pretty decent relationship, but each time his mom got deployed, and we faced up to a year on our own, I worried it would be the year he decided he hated having his mom gone so much and his gay uncle struggling through being a stand-in father.
Toby, who huffed and groaned about having to do the dishes, clean his room, or gather the trash, had voluntarily helped Mattie carry in load after load and tear down boxes once he’d fueled up on pizza rolls.
The gut punch of emotions that brought me was surprising, but I was happy to see my nephew taking initiative, being kind, and finding a good man to look up to.
Sure, he had me, but I knew I’d pretty much lost the chance to be the cool guncle about the same time I’d agreed to play pseudo-father to help my sister.
Tabitha and I had found an online parenting forum when Toby was an infant—it supplemented the books and articles we read while trying to quell the anxiety over the impending arrival of a tiny human.
The forum had a ton of information—to the point of being overwhelming if you let it—but it was very useful. After sifting through the shit-ton of categories and subgroups, I’d found one specifically for single fathers, and they’d helped me through every stage of my nephew’s life so far.
In fact, I’d already logged in to pose the question about Toby latching on to Mattie so quickly.
Uncle Sam: A friend from my past is back in town.
T. looks at him like he walks on water. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy and I have no problems with T.
looking up to him. I guess I’m just feeling a little left out.
I can’t get him to wash the dishes or pick up his wet towel, but he’s tripping over himself to do physical labor for the new neighbor.
The response from one of the other dads wasn’t an answer, but my post hadn’t really indicated it was a problem.
Overall, the reply from Dad I am helped to ease some of my irritation.
I decided I had to be happy Toby thought the sun rose and set on Mattie instead of someone I didn’t like and respect.
Dad I am: I feel where you’re coming from. I used to be close with my son, but once we hit the teenage years things have been touchy. It’s all part of being a teenager, I guess. They want to live their own lives and find new heroes to look up to.
Sighing and checking my watch, I shifted in my chair. Annoyed by the mayor’s tardiness and feeling out of sorts over Mattie being back in town, I wished for the meeting to get started sooner rather than later so I could get home and finish up some work before starting the weekend.
The door to the reception area burst open and Mayor Darcy Joseph blew in.
He was a tiny man with huge dark-rimmed glasses, a little Pooh belly, and the most southern Midwestern accent I’d ever heard.
Everyone knew he’d been born and raised in Sugar Pine, but his paternal grandmother was from the deep south, and she lived with his family from the time of his birth until her death several years ago.
He laughed that she taught him how to make sweet tea, knit a shawl, bless someone’s heart, and speak like a Southern Belle.
“Sam, my deepest apologies, dear. I bustled my little bottom to the coffee shop for a cup of Annie’s piping hot sweet tea with a splash of cream just the way I like it.
” He paused with a hand on his chest as he caught his breath.
“Well, everyone who is anyone was at One Lump or Two, so the line was just atrocious. Now, I don’t like to flaunt my position, so I got in line like everyone else.
But then dear ol’ Missus Baker fell right out on the floor.
Of course, I had to wait until the emergency crew arrived and direct traffic while a group of good Samaritans caught Mr. Pookie.
” He took another deep breath. “In all the excitement, I missed out on ordering my tea and lost track of time. What a mess of a morning, please forgive me, dear.” Pushing his glasses up his nose he leaned on his administrative assistant’s desk.
“Pammy, would you be an absolute dear and brew me a cup of tea? Strong, sweet, and splash of cream if you’d be so kind.
” He finally straightened his clothing and turned back to me. “Shall we?”
Pulling myself from the trance his little one-man spiel about Missus Baker and her Pomeranian had thrown me into, I stood and joined him by his office door. He barely reached my shoulder, but I was used to many people being shorter than my six-foot-two frame.
Mattie was slightly taller than me.
No.
Nope.
Not the time to think about Mattie.
No matter how good he looked in his worn jeans and flannel as he hefted boxes into his new home.