Chapter 3
THREE
Mattie
“Avoiding you?” Sam’s brow furrowed, but a flash of guilt crossed his gorgeous face.
I quirked a brow.
He sighed. “I don’t know,” he started as we headed toward the Sugar Pine diner. “I’m happy you’re back home, but I don’t know how to just pick right back up where we left off.”
I snorted. “Well, if we’re picking right back up where we left off, that would mean me making an ass of myself by kissing you, so it’s probably okay to skip that part.”
Sam huffed. “Yeah, I’d rather not revisit the mess of fourteen years ago.”
Now it was my turn to sigh. “Sorry to bring the mess right back to your doorstep.”
“What? No, I didn’t mean you. My life has changed a lot since then, and I really don’t want to go back to all that uncertainty.”
I wasn’t sure if he was talking about our friendship or Toby or something else, so I opted to steer clear for now. “Well, before I fucked things up and left, we had a pretty good thing, so maybe we start back there?”
Sam cocked his head, his eyes meeting mine as he held the door open for me. He didn’t speak until we were seated, as luck would have it at our usual table, and glancing over the menus.
“You didn’t fuck things up,” he mumbled, not looking up from the laminated menu.
“Huh?”
He took a deep breath. “You didn’t fuck things up. Things were messy back then with Tabby and the baby coming. I missed you when you left, but we both had things we needed to do.”
“Well, I’m sorry I put you in an uncomfortable situation. I let feelings get the best of me and didn’t stop to think.” I shrugged. “Moving to California was good and bad for me, but I don’t regret it. Just glad to be home.”
Just when Sam looked as if he wanted to say something else, the waitperson arrived to take our orders.
I couldn’t help but smile as Sam ordered the Frisco melt and fries, and I ordered the BLT with cottage cheese. When his eyes met mine, it was like we were transported back fourteen years ago and ordering our lunches to share like usual.
“So, I guess we need a plan for how we’re going to mesh our projects and get that grant,” I said, sipping my unsweet tea.
Sam huffed. “I need to take a look at the website and decide if it’s going to be easier to update or just scrap it and start over. Do you have enough artwork to fill what Darcy wants?”
I nodded. “Pretty much. I may need to paint a few quickies, but most of my photography series are already framed and ready to hang.”
“Make sure you get a fair price for them,” Sam warned.
“I will. The paintings are old ones that never sold or ones I just did for fun. The photographs are a series combining trees, flowers, and the Pine River from way back. I do have a series of interesting buildings along with a set of beach pictures from California. I think those will mostly be enough. I just need to finish up framing a few of them.”
“You frame your own now?” Sam asked.
“Yep. Finally got tired of trying to find someone to do it for me—it got even more expensive when I hit the west coast. So, I learned how to do it myself.”
“That adds to the value, right?”
I shrugged. “I add to the cost so I’m not losing money, but I don’t know about the value.”
“Still underestimating yourself? Shame on you.” He pretended to scold me over the same argument we’d had countless times.
Our food arrived and, as if muscle memory kicked in, he handed me half his sandwich at the same time I held out half of my BLT.
Grabbing a fry from his plate, I grinned broadly.
Sam jabbed my hand with a fork before scooping up a bite of cottage cheese.
Just like that, the friendship was back on track.
And the sharpness in my heart was simply due to my happiness at having my friend back. That mixture of pleasure and pain had nothing to do with how badly I still wanted him.
How much I wanted to press into him and devour his mouth.
Our friendship was good back then, and it could be good now.
I just had to accept that Sam didn’t see me the same way I saw him.
Hell, for all I knew, he had a girlfriend. I’d need to get myself mentally and emotionally prepared to meet her.
The BLT was sawdust on my tongue, but I pressed on. “Sugar Pines aren’t the best for Christmas trees, but neither are Jack or Red Pines. White Pines are probably the best for decorating, so I think we’re better off to not focus on the Christmas tree angle.”
“Agreed. Each town already does unique decorations on their namesake tree, so that’s probably out,” Sam said.
“I think we need to take a look at your work, figure out where the pieces are going to be displayed, and work together to get some of your work onto the website. Then we can get some focus on the site with everything the town has to offer.”
“Damn, you’ve given this some thought.”
Sam scoffed. “Don’t act like you haven’t. You already know the pieces you want to use, and you’ve been thinking about how we can draw people in.”
We smirked and ate our lunch in silence for a bit.
“I think it would be best if we take in the town like tourists. Make some notes, take some pictures, really home in on what we want to feature,” Sam said, but then his cheeks pinked. “If you’re down for that. If not, I can do that part myself.”
“No,” I answered, probably much too quickly. “That sounds good. What if we ask Toby for ideas too? But we need to work quickly if we’re going to meet that deadline.”
Sam smiled like a proud father when I mentioned Toby. “He’d love that. Probably wouldn’t admit it—at least not to me—but he’ll get a kick out of being involved. And he’s smart, a thinker, he’ll probably have good ideas.”
I cocked my head. “You used to say you didn’t think you wanted kids.”
Sam’s eyes met mine and a cloudy look crossed his face, but it was gone quickly.
“I didn’t want to fuck up a kid. Tabby and I pretty much watched our parents suck at life.
I figured that was all I knew, and I’d never be able to keep a relationship going thanks to them.
Didn’t want to pass that on to a kid.” He shrugged, a faraway look in his eyes.
“But then Tabby got pregnant. She’s a huge advocate for women’s rights—especially with her position as a female in the military—but abortion wasn’t something she wanted at that point in her life.
She hadn’t planned on Toby, but she wanted him. ”
“You did a really good thing by stepping up for her.”
He shook his head. “There was no choice. She’s my twin sister. Most of our life we only had each other. There was no way I could leave her to raise Toby on her own.”
“And you like it?” I asked. “Being a father?”
Sam took a deep breath. “That’s a loaded question.”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
He swirled a fry in ketchup. “Being a parent is hard. Sometimes I wish I could just be the fun uncle, but when it’s just Toby and me, I have to wear the dad shoes.”
“He seems like a great kid. Helpful, polite, responsible. I’ve enjoyed having him around these last few days.”
“Pretty sure he’s never looked at me the way he looks at you. You’re like larger than life in his eyes,” Sam said.
“It’s always easier to be in awe of someone if it’s not your parent. Coaches, teachers, neighbors, uncles, friends’ parents. I remember all those people being cooler than my own parents.”
“Yeah, I get it. Tabby and I have this online parenting forum we read and post questions on. There’s a single dad’s group that’s been really helpful. They said the same thing.” Sam’s bright eyes met mine. “If he has to think someone else is cooler than me, I’m glad it’s you.”
I struggled to swallow my last bite of Frisco melt around the lump in my throat. “Well, I remember what it’s like to be a teenager. I wasn’t sure if coming back home was for the best, but if it means getting to hang out with you and getting to know Toby, I’m all for it.”
The bell over the door jingled reminding me of Christmas. Maybe coming home to Sugar Pine, to Sam and Toby, would end up being the best decision I ever made.