Part Two
Westin ignored the warning because Sun might not love him, but he needed to hear more truth between them.
“Your only mistake was being rude to Hely. You’re lucky Hely found it amusing.
Anything else you think you did wrong you only did because that’s how we are with each other.
And I like that, Sun. I like you. I lo—”
Sun cut him off by taking over Westin’s lap for the second time, grabbing Westin’s hands and slapping them to his waist before hiding his face at Westin’s shoulder. “Look how much trouble I am.”
“You’re a brat,” Westin answered honestly, pleased to hold and pet and stroke bath-warmed skin. “But I get to call you that.”
He didn’t make it a question, but Sun shivered and pressed harder against him. “I put you through so much. Even now I…. I wasn’t that rude to Hely. I can tell when people like me, and Hely likes me.”
“He said you might have charmed him.” If he hadn’t already seen him with Westin.
Westin didn’t add that part. “When I find you charming, it’s not like how you are with others.
Do what you please, brat. But I was charmed when you shook water from your hair like a dog in the street to piss off a beat-of-four and I am just as charmed when you sing lullabies in your sleep. ”
“I do not do that.” It was remarkably haughty for someone rubbing his cheek against Westin’s jaw. “Instead of another bath, buy some of whatever soap you used, so you might always smell like this.”
“I would only use it if you were coming to visit me.” Westin didn’t say it without thought, but nonetheless, Sun went as tense as a bowstring.
“If you insist upon going.” The cool words would have had more of an impact if Sun hadn’t moved on to nuzzling the grays by Westin’s temple.
“But will you visit?” That was the question that would have had Westin equally tense if he hadn’t had Sun to attend to.
“I have trained myself out of expecting things. I don’t look for them.
Hely,” he paused to croon at the grumbling ferret in his lap, “suggested in his way that I might have misunderstood some things for this reason. I will probably continue to do that. So I will ask. And if you could answer, that would be appreciated. Words would help me more than growls, wolfling.”
“Words like offering to travel with you?” Sun pulled more of Westin’s hair from its braid, tugging and yanking like a nesting bird.
He scoffed when the words sank in and Westin twitched.
Sun inched back. “You’re infuriating, you know.
” He looked at Westin but then glanced away.
“I didn’t and don’t expect you to care.” His chin came up.
“But I did expect you to at least notice. And don’t Sunlark me. I don’t want your pity.”
“Pity?” Westin was surprised it wasn’t a squeak.
Sun glared. “You probably won’t need someone at your back to protect you wherever you end up. Wait, where will you end up?”
That wasn’t a no, even if it also wasn’t a yes. Westin had no idea how he’d gone from enjoying a calming pot of tea to waiting at a cliff’s edge, but that was Sun. If Westin hadn’t wanted to live like this, he would have done something about it long before this moment.
He also hadn’t fully explained himself. Sun didn’t know what Westin was offering, so how could he know if he wanted it?
Westin pressed his fingertips into Sun’s waist both to feel Sun’s skin and to help hold Sun if Sun tried to bolt. He breathed in, one last odd inhale of herbs and oranges.
He began as calmly as he was able, treading carefully.
“My family land is near here. You could visit on your way to or from the capital, if you cared to. Please accept that I was going to tell you. I’ve failed in several ways, but I was never going to disappear.
I did hesitate over how to tell you, partly because I wasn’t sure how. ”
“I suppose that’s something.” Sun glowered. “Afraid of me?”
Westin had no fear of puppy teeth. The opposite in fact.
“No, my fears were more that you wouldn’t care that I was going.
” He had less than a moment to forestall the fury rising in Sun.
“Because that would have hurt almost as much as never seeing you again.” Sun tensed under his hands.
Westin went on, had to. “You are dear to me, brat, though the fae know I am mostly someone for you to tease.”
Sun’s hands slowly fell from Westin’s hair. “I thought you liked it.” His mouth twisted unhappily. “I’m vexing, I know. Hardly peaceful.”
“Troublesome,” Westin admitted. “But I like a little trouble, it turns out. Provided it’s not the sort of trouble that requires drawn swords.
” Doubt was all over Sun’s face. Westin reached up to stroke down Sun’s nose and then brush his lips before cupping his jaw.
“I like you,” he said again, holding that stubborn stare, “but I can’t do another winter.
I realized it not long ago. I was going to try.
But I can’t. I’m older now—not ancient, but too old for the Outguard and too old for you. I know that but there it is.”
Sun flinched away from his hand. Westin let it drop to his side.
Sun smiled with far too much warmth. “Of course, you’d be nice to me now.” He flicked a wrist dismissively and made his smile blinding. “You’ll at least manage to take care of yourself around your family, won’t you? Think of Hely.”
“Lark.” Westin barked it and Sun forgot to smile as their eyes met. “Are you being kind and ignoring my words or do you not understand what is in them?”
The answer was obvious once the question was out. Westin had told Hely that Sun might not know the futures available to him but Westin had forgotten that with Sun on his lap.
“Perhaps I’m too young to understand,” Sun returned, waspish.
Westin pushed out a breath. Sparks failed to explain why he felt like a cedar consumed by lightning.
Sun’s eyes widened. Perhaps he finally saw the sparks too. But if he did, they only made him raise his chin, preparing to be difficult.
“You have many friends,” Westin enunciated for him, tone sharp again. “You have a home with the Outguard, for life, if you need it.”
“The barracks.” Sun flicked his wrist again.
“A home.” Westin was firm on that too. “They love you. And there, you will find better men than me to tease and worry over.”
“You really are a jackass,” Sun hissed, and Westin was so lost to him, because the insult allowed him to breathe. Sun shoved Westin’s chest without any force. “You can just say you don’t want me. I get it. I’m small. I’m trouble. Others didn’t want me and they were nothing compared to you.”
Westin didn’t know what he was feeling. He certainly wasn’t thinking clearly. “You said I was too soft.”
“I like soft!” Sun had either forgotten he could get up whenever he wanted or had no real desire to. “I like you! And you like peace and calm, older, handsome men who have manners, but it’s me you’re staring at now! Me!”
“You,” Westin agreed, before taking Sun’s face in his hands to kiss his furious, sulky mouth.
Sun pushed forward, his chest pressed to Westin’s, his hands buried in Westin’s hair.
He rose to his knees to kiss the breath from Westin, whined when Westin dared to want to breathe, then was back on Westin before Westin could do more than gasp.
Hungers for you, Westin heard in Hely’s voice, and felt the reality of it in how Sun shivered for Westin’s hands sliding up his spine and bit his way into Westin’s mouth as if he thought Westin might deny him if he gave Westin even a moment to think.
Westin took hold of Sun’s hair again, tugging Sun from him to find air at last, but offering gentler, deliberate kisses before Sun could do more than clutch at him; catching his breath was far less important than assuaging the brat’s fears.
He forced their kissing to slow, lingering over Sun’s mouth because it was so beautiful and he liked how Sun gave in and gentled for him despite his hunger.
Then, with another slow, heated kiss, he looked into Sun’s eyes. Endless black need stared back at him.
“I’m here,” he reminded Sun, awe letting him stay light in the face of so much desire. “I want you. I’ve got you.”
Sun pushed forward again, fighting Westin’s hold on his hair to kiss his way up Westin’s jaw, then sucking a desperate bruise beneath his ear.
“You’re not inside me,” he said, with teeth.
“As though I didn’t bathe for that. Must I pay you to have you?
” Perhaps he meant it as a demand or playful coaxing, but there was nothing light in his next words.
“Months, Wes,” spilled from him, and no matter how he hid his face, Westin heard the truth.
They had only been kissing for moments, Westin reflected dizzily, but moved his hands down to grab Sun’s backside and pull Sun tighter to him.
Sun’s breathing grew fast and high, close to whining again.
Westin squeezed hard with some desperation of his own and turned his head to find Sun’s mouth and claim it.
He spared half a thought, half a moment, to grab the hilt of the knife Sun had tucked into the back of his pants and toss the weapon to the other bench. Sun might not have taken the time to completely dry himself, but arming himself would have been reflex.
One danger handled, Westin returned both of his hands to Sun, sweeping his palms over his orange-scented skin until Sun stopped whining altogether and shivered as he let Westin touch him.
“Hard?” Westin whispered, sliding a touch between Sun’s legs. He murmured an apology for the shock that went through Sun, but forcibly returned Sun’s hands to his shoulders when Sun tried to reach between them.
“Of course I am!” Sun nearly snarled it, then caught himself and glanced away. Then he gave Westin a heated look, face tipped down, lashes flicking up so their eyes would meet. His lips were rosy, wet, and very close. “Are you going to make me wait? Or should I go find someone else?”