Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
‘I can’t believe we won’t all be together next week,’ said Stacey, draping an arm around Bets.
The last day on the shoot had been a mix of sadness, because they were going their separate ways, and triumph, because they all knew they’d created something special. Now the wrap party at the pub was in full swing and it was already past midnight.
‘Some of us will,’ protested Jeremy.
‘You don’t count,’ said Stacey rudely, but kissing him quickly on the mouth to remove the sting of her words.
‘Charming,’ he said.
Since Jack’s visit, Bets felt as if her life had completely turned around.
She’d made numerous friends, including Johnny the runner, Chris, another actor, Robin, the sound assistant, and Molly, the assistant director – as well as being on first-name terms with Arthur, the pub landlord, who had indeed moved her to a much nicer room.
As for Jeremy and Stacey – she looked at the pair of them, who’d become such good friends of hers in the last few weeks; they were so well suited. Like everyone had once said about her and Jack.
She thought of him with a painful pang, like a stab in the ribs.
When didn’t she think of him? Only twelve hours before he got on his plane.
By the time she was in the car with Jeremy and Stacey, who were giving her a lift back to Wilsgrave tomorrow on the way to their home in North London, Jack would have been in the air for several hours.
‘Any more prosecco in that bottle?’ asked Stacey.
‘I think you’ve drunk the pub dry of prosecco, my sweet,’ teased Jeremy.
Bets couldn’t believe she’d been so intimidated by him when she’d first started, or how much she’d learned and accepted this way of life.
Who knew you could get paid for having so much fun?
Although it was hard work, sometimes boring, and very long hours, she’d met some wonderful people.
‘I’m going to miss you all sosososo much,’ hissed a very drunk Johnny as he linked arms with Bets. ‘Especially my favourite animal wrangler. This shoot would have been a disaster without you, my lovely.’
‘Rubbish,’ said Bets, a little drunk herself.
‘Seriously,’ said Johnny, looking owlishly at her, blinking as if he was having trouble focusing. ‘No one else could have got near that pest of a goat. Honestly, I thought the damn animal was going to eat my clipboard.’
‘Oh God, I thought he was going to headbutt Ronnie,’ said Molly, bursting into peals of very merry laughter.
‘I just remember Bets hanging on to him for grim death when he decided to go for me,’ said Jeremy ruefully. ‘I can’t believe I’ve signed up to do this all over again.’
Despite his dry words, he and everyone else were thrilled that the next series had already been commissioned, even before the first episode had been edited and aired. Apparently it was very unusual, but such was the confidence of the network, they’d agreed the deal already.
Stacey sloshed the rest of the bottle of prosecco into Bets’ and Molly’s glasses.
‘Don’t forget we’ve got to get up early tomorrow,’ reminded Jeremy, laughing at her as Stacey toasted everyone again. ‘Bets, Robin and I have got one more scene to shoot.’
To maximise the atmosphere, Ronnie had decided that they would shoot the very last scene of the series on the very last morning.
‘Early, schmearly,’ said Stacey with gay abandon, waving her glass in the air. ‘I can sleep in the car later.’
Bets couldn’t believe she was travelling home tomorrow. It felt as if she’d been away forever. Neither could she believe that Jack wouldn’t be there when she got back.
What if she never saw him again? That horrid feeling, almost like being sick, rose in her throat.
She grazed the phone in her pocket, so aware of it sitting there like a live grenade.
She couldn’t bring herself to send Jack a final ‘goodbye, bon voyage’ text.
Just the thought of it brought her close to tears.
They were probably exchanging more messages than ever before, but neither mentioned Australia or, even talked beyond that, about the future.
It was all about the now, minute to minute, day to day, as if neither of them could quite bring themselves to say the very last goodbye.
A chill washed over her, despite the heat of the summer night and the crowded pub garden.
Of course they could message when he was in Australia but it wouldn’t be the same.
How long would it be before their messages dwindled and tailed off?
How long would she have this ache in her chest? How long was she going to miss him?
Stacey clicked her fingers in front of Bets’ face. ‘She’s gone again.’
‘Sorry,’ said Bets, forcing herself back to the here and now, aware that she’d been doing this a dozen times a day and couldn’t seem to cure herself of the habit.
Would it be any better when she finally returned home?
Or would she notice his absence more keenly because he wasn’t where he should be?
Or would she gradually become used to it?
Would she, like Audrey once said, wonder what she ever saw in him?
No. Never. She would always love Jack.
He was so much a part of her life, from the schoolboy that she’d had an outsize crush upon, that she’d gradually come to love, through to the man she’d learned to know and fallen for, hard and deep. He’d keep a small part of her heart forever.
* * *
‘Okay, ladies. We can go,’ said Jeremy, pulling on a T-shirt as he walked out of wardrobe the next day. ‘All done.’
Bets, switching her phone back on – she’d got into the habit of switching off when she was on set – checked the time on her phone.
Ten past one. Jack would be in the air, probably halfway to Singapore, and even though she knew this, she foolishly checked her phone, hoping there might be one last message.
Nothing. Of course there wasn’t. She hadn’t sent one to him.
On the plus side, there was one from Ella, sent much earlier that morning when she was on set.
‘Hey you! Can’t wait to see you at the ball tonight.
Devon is just back from taking Jack to the airport.
He’s in a foul mood. I think the traffic on the M4 must have been horrendous.
Grumpy sod has taken Dexter for a walk. Let me know what time you think you’ll be there.
I promised Audrey we’d get there early, so we’ll be there from sixish. Can’t wait to see you. Xxx
‘P.S. We’ve got Tiggy. And she’s had two breakfasts. Haha x’
Bets thought she might be sick, except she hadn’t eaten this morning. Hadn’t been able to stomach anything. The coffee she had manage to choke down swirled sour and unforgiving in her belly. Devon had taken Jack to the airport. He’d gone.
In the back of the car, she put her ear pods in and closed her eyes, feigning sleep, so she didn’t have to engage in conversation.
Her social battery was dead and her body was so lethargic and wrung out.
Now that it was impossible to contact Jack, she regretted it with turn-the-clock-back wholeheartedness and desperation.
She should have told him. Told him she loved him.
But then what would that achieve? Apart from making him feel guilty.
She would never stop him leaving. Working at the zoo in Sydney was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Unfortunately, doing the right thing didn’t feel that great.
Four hours of this grim self-reflection and recrimination were going to make it a very long journey.
They stopped after two hours at Donnington Park service station, so that Jeremy could stretch his legs. He bought her and Stacey a pastry and a cup of coffee.
‘Thanks,’ she said with a vague smile, forcing herself to take a bite as they sat in the wide-open dining space. The pastry stuck to her mouth and it was an effort to swallow each mouthful.
Stacey, whose hangover was obviously receding, waited until Jeremy went to the loo before she tackled Bets. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yes. I’m fine. Please don’t be nice to me, I might cry all over you.’
‘You’re more than welcome. Is it Jack?’
Bets nodded. She’d confided the whole history of her and Jack’s relationship.
‘You could go out and visit him. Tell him how you feel,’ suggested Stacey.
‘I’m not sure there’s much point. He’s never even asked if I wanted to visit…’ Let alone asked her to go with him.
Stacey laid a hand over hers.
‘We’re just good friends. And I have to accept that. Move on.’
‘I’m sorry. That sucks.’
‘Yeah, it does, and whoever said it’s better to have loved and lost is talking absolute bollocks,’ said Bets with feeling. ‘I just have to get on with it.’
‘I’m going to have to introduce you to a few people. Why don’t you come and stay with us in a couple of weeks? I’ll invite a few people to dinner.’
Bets gave her a narrow-eyed glare. ‘Don’t you start!
I don’t need a fairy matchmaker, I’ve got enough of those in Wilsgrave.
Doris was desperate to set me up with a train driver called Alex who had the personality of a slow worm, and I’m pretty sure she meddled in some quiz questions in a hopeless attempt to make Jack see what he was missing. ’
‘I’ve met some very nice slow worms,’ joked Stacey.
‘I would rather I met a slow worm of my own choosing, thank you very much.’ Bets took a breath. ‘Sorry, I’m feeling sorry for myself and I shouldn’t. I’ve got lots to look forward to and I’ve met you guys and I’m going back to a job I love—’
‘For the time being.’
‘Yes, until the next shoot.’ After that, Bets wasn’t sure if Devon and Geoffrey would have her back for a second time, but she wasn’t going to worry about that just yet.
However, this time she could give them plenty of notice to work something out – and if not, she was a good veterinary nurse, she could get another job.
And that was a new way of thinking. Once she’d believed that was the only job she could get.
Now she knew better and had so much more confidence in her own abilities.
The official animal wrangler on set had even sounded her out about some potential work.
‘I’m looking forward to seeing my Wilsgrave family. I adore them, even if they drive me mad.’
‘I’d love to meet Doris, Ella and Audrey. And Devon sounds a hottie.’
‘Oh, dear God, they would love that.’ It was amazing how much information you spilled to your make-up artist, thought Bets, realising how au fait with all her friends Stacey was. ‘You’ll have to come to one of the many village events. Honestly, we have an entire year’s calendar.’
‘Sounds so much fun. Maybe we should consider moving there, eh, Jeremy?’ she said to her boyfriend, who’d just returned.
‘Are you two ready to get back on the road?’ asked Jeremy, ignoring the question but rolling his eyes and winking at Bets.
Unfortunately, the next leg of the journey turned into pure torture, with a two-hour tailback on the M1. When they finally crawled into Wilsgrave at ten past six, Bets feeling guilty that she’d added further miles to their journey, offered Stacey and Jeremy a cup of tea, but they refused.
‘I just want to get home, although I’d love to use your loo.’
Five minutes later, Bets waved them off and then went upstairs, lugging her bags.
She walked into her bedroom and looked at the neatly made bed. Feeling all kinds of fool, she sat down and sniffed the pillow on the side Jack always slept, like some ridiculously clichéd soap-opera drama queen.
The scent of him on the cotton pillowcase was like a starting gun. The fear, grief, sadness, loss all spilled out and she slumped across the bed, wondering how she was ever going to get over him, wishing she was anywhere but here.