39. Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Thirty-Nine
‘Thank you so much for this,’ said Kitty.
Nick pulled Cillian’s sister close and kissed her head.
She relaxed into him, her tense limbs softening, a smile playing on the corner of her lips.
A rush of emotion flooded Cillian’s chest. Yes, he was happy for his sister.
He was also horribly, utterly jealous of the love they shared.
It was the kind of love he’d never find for himself.
‘Are they here yet?’ He peered across the deck to the doors leading into Nick’s parents’ house.
‘Yes, they’re waiting in the living room.’
Cillian pushed back his shoulders and eased his neck from side to side, clicking out the tension of the past few days.
It had been Kitty’s idea to meet at Nick’s, the beach access making it easier to slip inside without drawing the attention of the most dedicated paparazzi who were still taking shifts outside Kitty’s house.
The usually short journey from Kitty to Nick’s house had involved trespassing through several neighbouring gardens, heading all the way up to Saffron Manor, jumping on a boat Luke had waiting on Jack’s private beach and being ferried across the bay until they were as close to Nick’s garden as they could get.
The plan seemed to have worked, and as far as Cillian was aware, they hadn’t been followed.
‘Did Brian and Kia get here without any trouble?’
‘Yes,’ said Nick. ‘The story they planted about heading back to London for Kia to lick her wounds seems to have worked. I must say, mate, I don’t envy your life.
I thought being a famous musician would be all fun and games.
’ He screwed up his nose. ‘In reality, it seems like very little fun and the kind of games I’d never want to play. ’
‘You might be right.’ Cillian tilted his head to the sky. Every inch of his body wanted to resist the confrontation waiting for him inside. He sighed inwardly. Putting off the moment would only make things worse. ‘I’d better get this over with.’
‘Do you want us to come in with you?’ asked Kitty.
‘No.’ Cillian shook his head. ‘I wouldn’t want to put you through that.’ He turned to Nick. ‘I’m aware we’re taking over your house, so I’ll try to wrap the meeting up quickly.’
‘Take as long as you want.’ Nick reached into the basket beside the outdoor sofa and pulled out a flask and some tinfoil-wrapped packages. ‘We’re prepared to be out here for the long haul, and there are worse places to kill some time.’
They all turned to take in the view. The light was fading, turning the sky into a series of pastel pinks and oranges.
The sea was millpond-still, and the only thing standing between them and the horizon was a flock of gulls taking advantage of the air currents to put on an aerial display.
Cillian forced his eyes away, nodded to Kitty and Nick, took a deep breath, and stepped inside.
‘About time too,’ said Brian, getting to his feet. ‘You do know me and Kia have to get to London tonight? I’ve arranged for us to be papped coming out of the Ivy.’
‘No doubt you’ll be very tearful at the time,’ Cillian told Kia.
‘And would you blame me if I were?’ she snapped. ‘My fiancé’s been photographed kissing another woman.’ She pouted and crossed her long legs, leaning back against the sofa.
Cillian crouched in front of her and tilted her face so they were looking each other in the eye. ‘Are you seriously telling me you’re bothered that I kissed May? Because if you are, this is a very different arrangement from what I thought.’
Kia held his gaze, then tipped her head back and cackled.
‘Oh, poor Cillian, you’ve grown too used to women falling at your feet.
’ She wagged a manicured finger at him. ‘In answer to your question, no, I’m not remotely bothered about you kissing May Tyler.
What bothers me is the damage to my reputation.
’ She puffed out a breath. ‘You know how important this arrangement is for my career. Being labelled a party girl was fine in my twenties. Now I’ve turned thirty, suddenly it’s taboo.
I’m expected to swap clubs for yoga studios, mojitos for green tea, and torrid affairs for boring monogamy.
Our arrangement allows me to present a cookie-cutter image of myself, while also enjoying all the things that actually make me happy.
’ She narrowed her eyes at Cillian. ‘Don’t think for a second I’ve gone through months of having to pretend I like you only for you to ruin it all now. ’
Cillian unbent his stiff knees and stood. It sounded to him like Kia was getting the better end of this deal.
‘There’s one silver lining,’ said Brian, sucking on his vape and blowing a cloud up to Nick’s vaulted ceiling.
‘At least no one is going to publish those photos of you and your mate Charlie in the ladies’ lavatories, Kia.
Old matey here getting it on with a scruff bag behind your back is a far juicier story. ’
‘I’m glad I could be of service,’ said Cillian with a heavy dose of irony.
Brian humphed. ‘You may have taken the heat off Kia,’ he said, ‘but unfortunately I have to consider your career too. Cheating on your fiancée is not a good fit with your image. Some of your fans, or former fans I should say, have started groups online calling for a boycott of your music.’ He pointed the vape at Cillian like a weapon.
‘Unless you get out there and do some serious damage limitation, you’re finished, son. ’
Cillian paced the living room, hating that Brian was right. ‘What do you suggest I do?’
‘Plenty.’ Brian grabbed his phone lying on the coffee table. ‘Besides what we already have planned, I’ve booked a few daytime TV interviews, where you reveal your inner mental health struggles and beg the public for their understanding and forgiveness at this difficult time.’
‘That’s a load of bollocks.’ The inner struggles weren’t too far from the truth, only not in the way Brian would approve of being aired on daytime TV.
Brian shrugged. ‘It is what it is. Do you want your career back or not?’
‘Can you send me the schedule in an email?’
Brian tapped on his phone. ‘Done. Now, as much as I don’t want you leaving my sight, it’s best you don’t come straight up to London.
Give Kia a couple of days playing the devastated fiancée, then you reappear with a grand romantic gesture.
I’ll make sure some lucky pap is in the right place at the right time and, Bob’s your uncle, we’ll be back on track. ’
As easy as that. Cillian wondered if it would be.
‘Are we done?’ Kia stretched her legs. ‘This is terribly tedious, and I’m fed up with being in the back of beyond.’
‘Come on, princess.’ Brian offered his hand to help Kia out of her chair.
She swept past Cillian without a backward glance, Brian trailing after her like an overfed spaniel. The front door slammed. Silence rushed in behind them.
Cillian pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and let out a tight breath. He was wrung out, like someone had taken a whisk to his insides. He drifted toward the bifold doors, where the soft hum of voices and the faint strum of a guitar spilled into the evening air.
Nick looked up from the guitar on his lap, one eyebrow raised. ‘Well?’
‘All sorted,’ Cillian said, though he didn’t sound convinced even to himself. ‘They’re heading back to London.’
‘Good,’ said Nick. ‘Grab a drink. You look like you’ve been put through a tumble dryer.’
‘I feel like it.’
Nick reached into the picnic basket and handed over a bottle. Cillian took it, turning it in his hands, staring at the condensation gathering around his fingers.
‘Sit.’ Kitty scooted closer to Nick and patted the sofa beside her. ‘Before you fall over.’
Cillian sat.
Nick picked up the guitar again, plucking a few lazy chords. ‘Any requests?’
‘Play something,’ Cillian murmured. ‘Anything. Just … not one of mine.’
Nick snorted. ‘Fair enough. I was getting sick of pretending to like them anyway.’
Cillian laughed, and Nick shifted position, fingers wandering into a slow, familiar pattern. Cillian’s head lifted at once.
‘“Freewheel” by Duke Special?’ he asked quietly.
Nick gave a simple nod and began to sing. Cillian relaxed into the sofa, letting the music wash over him. When the chorus rolled around, Nick nudged the guitar toward him.
‘Go on,’ Nick said.
Cillian hesitated. His voice felt fragile in his chest. He swallowed hard and began to sing. His voice cracked. The song drifted into silence.
Nick and Kitty shared a look.
‘Mate,’ Nick said softly, ‘you alright?’
Cillian let out a laugh that wasn’t really a laugh. ‘No idea.’
Nick set the guitar down between them. ‘Can I ask you something? And don’t give me the media-trained nonsense.’
‘Of course.’
‘Do you even want this anymore?’ Nick waved his arms to take ‘this’ in. ‘All of it. The fame. The fakery. The … whatever that meeting was.’
Cillian rubbed a hand over his face. ‘I’ve no idea anymore.’
‘I think you do have an idea.’
‘It’s complicated.’
‘No.’ Kitty shook her head. ‘Brian and Kia are complicated. Wanting a life that’s actually yours? That’s simple.’
‘It’s not simple, though, is it?’ Cillian’s mind danced over the tangled complexities that made up his life.
Kitty wrapped an arm around her brother’s shoulder. ‘You’re right,’ she said. ‘We worry about you, that’s all.’
‘I can’t give it all up now.’ Even as Cillian said the words, he could hear the doubt in his voice.
‘That’s your choice,’ said Nick. ‘Whatever you do, we’re here for you.’
‘Thank you.’ Their kindness was more than Cillian deserved.