54. Chapter Fifty-Four
Chapter Fifty-Four
May struggled to contain her tears as she slid the makeup brush one more time across Alice’s cheek.‘You look beautiful,’ she told her sister, handing her the mirror to check.
Alice tipped her head this way and that. ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘you’ve done such a great job. Thank you.’
May took a chair opposite Alice and admired her handiwork. She glowed inside. ‘It’s a privilege to help you get ready on your wedding day. I’m so glad you found a man who appreciates all the incredible things about you.’
‘I’m glad you approve,’ said Alice. ‘It’s important to me.’
‘Approve of Luke?’ May grinned. ‘It’d be impossible for anyone not to approve of Luke. He’s a lovely guy, you’ve chosen well, and he’s also lucky to have you.’
‘I know.’ Alice pulled May into a hug. ‘And I’m so sorry for the way I reacted with all that newspaper stuff.’
‘It’s fine,’ said May. ‘I can totally understand why. You’ve given up so much for me over the years. It must have felt like a betrayal.’ One that May would never stop feeling guilty about, despite her sister’s forgiveness.
Alice played with the assortment of makeup tubes and bottles, and asked casually, ‘Have you thought any more about what you’re going to do?’
May laughed. ‘You really want to talk about this on the morning of your wedding?’
Alice looked May in the eye. ‘Actually,’ she said. ‘I do. I want to know what really happened. It’s been worrying me, and you don’t want me worried on my wedding day, do you?’ She gave a cheeky grin.
‘The truth might worry you more,’ May warned. She didn’t want to do this at this moment, to bring the awful reality of the past to light on what should only be a happy day.
‘Try me.’ Alice stood. ‘I’ll make us tea while you talk.’
May tipped her head back and closed her eyes.
‘OK,’ she sighed. ‘The part about my reputation was true,’ she confessed.
‘I really struggled at Cambridge. I was so different from everyone else. There were so few students from not dissimilar backgrounds. Mostly, they were from public schools, super confident, really clever.’
Alice switched on the full kettle and frowned. ‘You’re really clever,’ she said.
May laughed. ‘Not by Cambridge standards. Compared to most of my class, I was middle to bottom of the group, which, I have to say, came as a shock.’
‘Were you unhappy the whole time you were away?’ asked Alice.
May nodded, squeezing her eyes tight as more tears threatened.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Because you were so proud of me. I’d be letting you down to say I was struggling to cope.’
‘Oh, May.’ Tea was forgotten as Alice pulled May from her chair and into a hug.
May nuzzled into her sister’s chest, dampening the satin of her dressing gown as a tear broke free.
She sniffed, pulled away, and rolled back her shoulders.
‘I didn’t deal with things in the most mature way.
’ She stared out the window, not seeing anything except the images in her head.
‘I threw myself into drinking and men. I told myself I was just like Mum, and all I was doing was following the path genetically laid down for me.’ She grinned at Alice. ‘Crazy, I know, given I’m a scientist.’
May was glad to see Alice’s concerned gaze lighten, returning May’s grin, albeit tentatively.
‘Anyway, my reputation spread,’ May went on.
She plumped into her chair and took to fiddling with the makeup as Alice had done.
‘It wasn’t as bad as people made out, although I had my fair share of flings.
Then … then my third-year tutor must have got wind of it, because he started being really flirty with me. ’
‘Did you flirt back?’ asked Alice. She leaned against the kitchen counter, focussed on May.
‘No.’ May had gone over this question in her mind a dozen times and more, and had decided she hadn’t encouraged the man in any way. ‘I was friendly, sure, but he was old enough to be my grandfather. To be honest, I found him slimy.’
‘What happened?’ Alice’s tone had turned steely, and the hardness wasn’t for May, she knew.
May swallowed hard and squeezed her eyes shut once more. ‘He tried it on with me.’
‘Tried it on?’ asked Alice. ‘How exactly?’
May pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them. ‘He tried to force himself on me.’
‘Oh, May.’ said Alice, shaking her head and folding her arms. ‘That’s awful. Did you tell anyone? Did you report him?’
‘No. He said if I uttered a word to anyone, he’d fail me.’
‘That’s blackmail,’ said Alice, indignant.
May let out a joyless laugh. ‘Maybe. I didn’t want to take the risk.
In the end, though, it didn’t matter.’ She huffed softly.
‘The pressure was too much. There was no one to talk to, and I was going out of my mind. If I stayed, I was worried I’d do something really stupid, so I did the only thing I could, and left. ’
Alice squinted at May. ‘Would he really have failed you?’
May lowered her legs to the floor and shrugged.
‘Who knows? I couldn’t take that risk. It seemed better to leave on my own terms than to suffer an even worse failure.
My grades weren’t the best, but nowhere near failing.
I’d worked my arse off that year to pass.
’ She grimaced. ‘He couldn’t take the rejection.
That’s all it was.’ She looked hard at Alice.
‘He was devious too, planting more rumours to discredit me further so that if I went to his bosses, no one would have believed me.’
Alice tapped her finger to her mouth. ‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner?’ she said quietly. ‘I would have stood by you, been there for you.’
‘I was embarrassed and ashamed.’ May blinked back tears again. ‘I’d let you down. And I hated myself for it.’
Alice crossed the space to take May’s hands in her own.
‘May, I couldn’t be prouder of you. Look at the way you’ve behaved, at all you’ve done.
Think of your background, and then at what you’ve achieved.
’ She squeezed May’s fingers. ‘Yes, you might have dropped out before the end of uni, but you made it through almost three years when you were hating every minute.’ Her eyes shone with moistness of their own.
‘That’s incredible. You’re such a strong person.
Don’t you see? The friends you have would do anything for you.
You are not Mum. You are your own person, and it’s about time you started recognising your own worth. ’
May swallowed hard. ‘Alice, stop.’
Alice gave a tight shake of her head. ‘I need to know you’re hearing me.’
May bit her lip. ‘I’m hearing you,’ she said. ‘The problem is, you’ve done my makeup and you’re about to make me blub like a baby.’ She offered a trembling smile. ‘So stop being so nice to me and let’s get this wedding dress on you.’
A cough made both sisters turn.
‘Mum,’ said Alice, ‘what are you doing here? I thought you were getting ready at Jack’s house?’
‘I forgot my fascinator.’ Maz’s voice wobbled.
‘How much of that did you hear?’ asked May, a familiar steeliness entering her voice.
Maz ignored the question. ‘Alice, I know you’re in the middle of getting ready, but could I borrow May for a moment?’
‘Of course,’ said Alice. ‘Now my makeup’s done, I need to get into my fancy underwear.’ She lifted her eyebrows. ‘And I don’t need or want either of you helping with that.’
Maz managed a watery smile. ‘The veranda?’ she asked May.
May nodded and followed her mother outside. Today wasn’t the day to argue or put up a fight. As she stepped onto the veranda, a hint of breeze played with her hair, the sun warming her skin. ‘It’s a perfect day for a wedding,’ she said, forcing her face into a smile.
‘It is,’ said Maz. She didn’t return the smile. Instead, she kept her eyes fixed on her daughter. ‘May, I heard what you told Alice, and I want you to know how sorry I am for everything.’
May brushed the comment away with a flick of her hand. ‘You’ve already apologised.’
‘I have, but I don’t think I fully understood the impact my actions have had until now.’ She grimaced. ‘You were right about being like me in some ways, May. I mean, look at us, we’re peas in a pod, although admittedly I’m a wrinklier version.’
‘Is this meant to be making me feel better?’ asked May, arching an eyebrow.
‘In some ways you’re like me,’ Maz pressed on.
‘You’re opinionated, determined, not afraid to speak your mind, fond of an attractive man.
’ She paused, threw out her palms. ‘You’re also very different from me.
You’re responsible, dependable, fiercely loyal, madly intelligent, kind.
You’re all the things I wish I was, and am determined to learn how to be.
’ Maz tipped her head to the side and eyed May with a tentative smile.
‘On the one hand, I’m stupidly proud of you, on the other hand, I understand I don’t deserve to feel that pride. ’
May turned away, blinking to stop the threatening tears from falling.
Maz went on, her voice stronger. ‘I’ve let you down so many times, May. Now it’s time I stepped up. Let me help you.’
‘Help me? How can you help me?’
‘By fighting this.’ May frowned. ‘You need to report your tutor. If not for yourself, for all the other young women he’ll try it on with.’
May laughed. ‘As if anyone would believe me.’
‘We’ll make them believe you.’ Maz stepped forward and took hold of May’s arm, turning her until they were facing each other.
‘I may be a lot of things, but I’m no wallflower.
Let me be the mum to you I should always have been.
We will fight that scumbag together. You can’t give up on your dreams because of his selfish lechery. ’
Maz imagined it. It had been enough when the Cillian kiss story broke. She shivered despite the sun. ‘I don’t think I can face the storm it’ll cause if I report him. He’ll turn nasty, and what if the papers get hold of the story?’
Maz shrugged. ‘I didn’t say it’d be easy. But it’s necessary. And there’s something else.’
‘What?’ Wasn’t this enough?
‘You need to go back and finish your degree. Not necessarily at Cambridge,’ she added, seeing the look on May’s face. ‘There are plenty of universities out there. You need to finish what you started. I’ve spent my entire life giving up and running away. I don’t want that for you.’
May shrank into herself. ‘I’m strong enough to go back.’
Maz wrapped her arms around her daughter, and May accepted the embrace.
‘Darling,’ Maz said, ‘you are one of the strongest women I know.’ She kissed the top of May’s head. ‘So is your sister. Speaking of whom …’
May and her mother walked inside at the moment Alice stepped out of the bedroom. She was clad in thick ivory silk, and a veil that framed her face and trailed down her back.
‘How do I look?’ she asked, half-turning, face doubtful.
‘Absolutely gorgeous,’ May said. ‘Although,’ she wiped at a spot of mascara on Alice’s cheek. ‘We’re going to have to re-do our makeup.’ She laughed as with tears streaming down their faces, they all embraced.