Chapter 33
‘Look, people are arriving for the party!’ announced Emily.
‘Already?’ Briony glanced out of the kitchen window to see a line of people snaking their way up the beach towards The Beach House. She had invited everyone for lunch, expecting the beach party to go on into the afternoon, and hopefully the early evening when it got dark – weather-dependent. She was looking forward to switching on the string of pretty lanterns that Troy and Sebastian had helped set up, running from the outbuilding to The Beach House.
She checked the time. They were early. ‘Where will they all sit?’
Briony, Emily and Clarissa, who had been in the kitchen putting the finishing touches to the party food, turned at the sound of the doorbell.
Sebastian popped his head in the kitchen. ‘A van has turned up on the driveway. I think it’s the company supplying the deckchairs.’
‘Oh, thank goodness!’ Briony raced to the front door and waved at the two guys in the van. As one of the men got out, she asked him to take the chairs around the side of the house and set them up on the beach.
Briony raced through the house to the back door, wanting to be there to welcome her guests. They had all been advised to park in the small village car park by The Beach Café and walk from there, if they didn’t mind. The parking was limited outside The Beach House, especially with Troy’s truck there. And it was just as well they hadn’t parked there, given the large van that had just turned up.
When Briony returned to the kitchen, Emily said, ‘Have you got your phone ready?’
For a moment, Briony didn’t know what she was talking about.
‘You know, you said you were going to take lots of photos, and then print them off for a photo album to show your grandmother?’
Briony touched Emily’s arm and smiled. She had forgotten. ‘Oh, yes. Of course.’ Briony and Emily stepped out of the kitchen and walked on to the beach.
The company were arranging the deckchairs in a large circle around a campfire that Troy had just lit.
Clarissa stepped outside too. ‘Dad!’ she waved. Peter was walking up the beach towards them, holding hands with her two children.
As soon as the children saw her, they let go of his hands and ran into her embrace. Briony smiled. Along with Peter, there was also a young man. She noticed Clarissa stop and tentatively smile at the young man before bringing her kids over to meet Briony.
Clarissa introduced her two very polite children – a boy and a girl.
‘Who’s the guy?’ Briony asked.
‘Oh, you mentioned that it was okay to bring a plus one.’
‘Of course. But you didn’t mention that you’d started dating someone.’
Clarissa smiled. ‘It’s true. I have.’
Briony watched her children run back to their grandfather and the young man. They each took one of the young man’s hands, pulling him towards the deck chairs.
‘Well, I’m pleased for you, Clarissa.’ Briony stared at the children, thinking of her own situation. If Troy knew that she was pregnant, would he still want to be with her, and her child, as much as Clarissa’s date did? He didn’t seem to have a problem with Clarissa being a single mum. ‘I must say, he seems really good around your children.’
‘He should do – he’s their dad.’
‘Pardon me?’ She stared at Clarissa. ‘Is that your ex?’
‘Yes. We’ve been dilly-dallying with a divorce, but neither of us would commit to sign the paperwork. We decided to make another go of it – well, I did. It’s what he has been after for some time.’
‘That’s just wonderful. What was it that made your mind up to try again?’
Clarissa turned to Briony. ‘You, to be honest.’
‘Me?’ Briony was taken aback. ‘How so?’
‘Well, you and Troy actually.’
Briony didn’t understand.
Clarissa said, ‘You two reminded me what it was like to be so young and in love. We were like you when we first met.’
‘Like me?’
‘Yes – you and Troy.’
‘Me and Troy?’
‘Now, don’t try and deny it. Everyone sees the way you look at each other. It just takes me back. I thought, why throw all that away? If it’s still there, that spark, the love we had for each other, before the children – before responsibilities, and inevitably rows over money, reared their heads. The daily grind just got in the way. Now I realise that in the midst of taking care of the kids, and our jobs, and the roof over our heads, we forgot the most important thing we need to take care of.’
Briony asked, ‘Which is?’
‘Each other – of course. We neglected our relationship. At least, I did.’ She put a hand on Briony’s forearm. ‘Don’t let that happen to you guys.’
Briony stared at her. ‘It’s not that simple, Clarissa.’
‘You’re talking about the pregnancy.’
Briony nodded. ‘Of course I am.’
‘Well, make time for each other. I’ll baby-sit.’ She looked at the outbuilding. ‘I bet you were both there last night, planning moving in. You’ll need to finish off the plans, you know, for a mezzanine bedroom and shower room.’ Clarissa wagged a finger when Briony opened her mouth. ‘Don’t deny it. We’re friends. You can tell me anything, and my lips will be sealed – I promise.’
Briony grimaced. ‘I need to tell you something, Clarrissa.’
‘What is it?’
‘Not here.’ She took Clarissa’s arm and led her towards the outbuilding, away from The Beach House, where Willow and Clarissa’s children were headed for some party food.
Briony glanced at all the people arriving for the party, taking seats on the deckchairs around the fire. She recognised Thea, who wasn’t with her father, Henry, but who had brought her partner, along with her nephew, who lived with them.
Emily and Joss had arrived, along with her mum, Cheryl, and dad, Gerald, whom Briony had yet to be introduced to. Gerald knew Peter, and they struck up a conversation as they walked over to the barbecue that Sam had brought and set up on the beach. Sam and Sebastian were manning the barbecue, cooking sausages for hot dogs and burgers to have in buns.
Sebastian gave Briony a friendly little wave with the spatula as she passed by. Sam didn’t, Briony noticed. She didn’t really want him there, but he was Troy’s work colleague, who had helped on the outbuilding, and she’d invited plenty of people she didn’t know – partners, and friends of friends – so it wasn’t like she had a choice regarding Sam. She could tell his frostiness towards her hadn’t thawed since the day they’d first met.
Briony ignored him, and noticed that The Gossip Girls had arrived with Thea. Briony had known that Mabel and Marjorie would be there. They wouldn’t miss a get-together and a chance to gossip about it afterwards. She noticed that Thea’s partner had brought out two kitchen chairs for them. She hadn’t thought about the fact that the deckchairs might not be suitable for everyone. She imagined that if the two elderly ladies did sit down in them, they’d struggle to get up.
Before she stepped into the outbuilding, she waved at Lili, who ran The Potting Shed. She had arrived with her partner and his two children, William and Maisie, whom she understood were from his previous relationships. She was so pleased they’d all come, and that Willow would have children to play with.
Looking at the blended families there –Thea bringing up her nephew, and Lili with her partner and his children – she realised that perhaps she was worrying out of hand about telling Troy that she was pregnant. Maybe he’d be okay with her and the baby. After all, Sebastian had taken on another man’s child, and the mum hadn’t even been around. But Troy isn’t Sebastian, she reminded herself. And besides, when had she made up her mind that she was staying? That morning, when she’d fallen asleep with Troy on the sofa and had realised that her life would never be complete without him in it.
She glanced at Sebastian, who was flipping over a burger, before she stepped into the outbuilding. He looked up, caught her glancing his way again, and gave her a big smile and another friendly wave.
Clarissa saw that too. ‘I know what you’re going to tell me.’
Briony pulled her into the outbuilding and shut the door.
Clarissa exclaimed, ‘It’s Sebastian – isn’t it?’
‘What’s Sebastian?’ Briony didn’t understand the question.
‘You’re going to tell me you’ve fallen for Troy’s dad.’
Briony stared at her. ‘Not fallen for him, no, but we get on so well; have done from the moment we’d first met.’
She hadn’t told Clarissa that he was her mum’s ex. And because Briony knew she looked so much like her mother – her mini-me – it was little wonder Sebastian was drawn to her. She didn’t think about him all the time in the way she thought about Troy. But they had certainly hit it off immediately, especially over their shared passion for the ocean.
‘He must be twice your age. Tell me it isn’t true.’ Clarissa studied her face.
Briony flopped down on the sofa. ‘Oh, Clarissa, I’m so confused.’
‘Oh, so this is about Sebastian.’
It wasn’t at first, thought Briony, but now Clarissa had brought him up … ‘I love chatting to Sebastian. I just feel a remarkable affinity with him.’
Clarissa sighed heavily.
‘I can’t help it, Clarissa.’ She loved being in Troy’s company, watching the sunrises together, always hoping that she could do that with him forever. But she couldn’t deny she loved talking to Sebastian, spending time in his company, although she still didn’t feel attracted to him. Even so, she looked at Clarissa, and said, ‘What am I going to do?’
Clarissa turned to face her. ‘Look, it’s your hormones. I was a mess when I was pregnant with my two – didn’t know whether I was coming or going.’
Despite everything, Briony managed a smile. ‘I feel that way too. I mean I had written Freddie a letter, explaining how I felt—’
‘About Troy and Sebastian?’
‘Oh, no, not about them, about the fact that I see my life here now, on the Suffolk Coast.’
‘And what will he think of you bringing up his child here?’
Briony bit her bottom lip.
Clarissa clasped her hands together. ‘He still doesn’t know?’
Briony shook her head from side to side.
‘You didn’t tell him in the letter?’
‘Well, no. And that’s the thing. I didn’t send the letter telling him that it was over between us.’
‘You didn’t send it?’
Briony shook her head.
‘Crumbs, I hope he hasn’t got an invite to the party instead.’
Briony rolled her eyes. She’d had the same conversation with Emily. ‘Would I do that? I mean, I know I’m all mixed up, but there’s no way I’d let on about the party. I’m sure he wouldn’t want to celebrate my decision to live here on the Suffolk Coast. And besides, I haven’t told Troy either,’ she said in a small voice, ‘about me being pregnant.’
Clarissa stared at her.
‘That’s what I dragged you in here to tell you – that Troy doesn’t know. I haven’t told him yet.’
Clarissa took a deep breath, and rubbed her face with her hands. ‘So, let me get this straight: your partner, Freddie, doesn’t know about the baby, and you haven’t told Troy you’re pregnant either?’
Briony shook her head, staring at her fingernails, suddenly feeling embarrassed about the mess she’d made of everything.
‘And you didn’t send the letter.’
Briony didn’t want to tell her that she’d lost it on the beach. Although she had put a stamp on it, she’d decided not to post it. The fact that she’d lost it was incidental. She had the rest of the book of stamps, and plenty of writing paper and envelopes in the old bureau upstairs in The Beach House. She could easily rewrite the letter.
Clarrisa took her hands. She said, ‘Are you sure it’s over between you and Freddie?’
‘He’s the father of my child.’
‘That’s not what I was asking, Briony. It’s not a reason to stay with him. I can imagine that you love it here. You’ve met new friends. This place would be the perfect place to bring up a child, and I’m guessing your life with Freddie wouldn’t be here, but back in Oxford.’
Briony didn’t dispute that.
‘So, the question I’m asking is: do you love Freddie? Because if you do, then you’d live with him in Timbuktu – if he asked you.’
Briony stared at her.
‘And by the same reasoning, he’d find a way to move his life here, if he truly loved you, and it’s what you really wanted.’ Clarissa patted her hand affectionately. ‘So, do you think not sending that letter was your subconscious telling you that you might still be in love with him, and don’t really want to break it off until you’ve both worked things out?’
‘I—’
Briony was interrupted by the outbuilding door opening.
‘There you are! I’ve been looking for you all over.’ Clarissa’s ex stood in the doorway, smiling.
Clarissa bounced out of her seat. ‘The guests are not meant to see inside the outbuilding until we cut the ribbon.’ She shooed him outside.
‘Oh, I got a sneak preview then.’ He grinned before he closed the door.
Briony turned to Clarissa before they both stepped outside. ‘I need to tell Troy the truth.’
‘About the baby?’
Briony nodded.
Clarrisa squeezed her hand. ‘That will be a start.’
But the start of what?thought Briony. If this was what it was like being pregnant, where she just felt so confused, and all over the place, then she never wanted to go through it again.
Briony opened the door and discovered that most of her guests had arrived. Someone had brought along a large music speaker, playing some songs from the playlist on their phone. What we need, thought Briony, is some live music. She had a bizarre thought; it was a shame her parents weren’t there – her dad with his violin, and her mum playing the piano.
She looked around, belatedly realising that although everyone else seemed to be having a great time, she wasn’t. How could she? They were lovely people who’d come, lots of new friends, and soon-to-be friends, but this just felt wrong. It wasn’t the same without her family there too, her mum and dad, and especially her grandmother. And her best friends. She was thinking of Angel. But was she including Freddie too?