Chapter 46
Briony paused outside the door to her grandmother’s hospital room, trying to summon the courage to face her mum. She had a feeling of déjà vu. She’d been down this road before, just that morning, hanging back, listening to Frank and her grandmother talking before she followed him home. Now it was her mum and grandmother chatting.
Just step inside the room, rather than hide behind the door this time, she admonished herself. But I don’t want to interrupt them. Although she didn’t want to eavesdrop again, she would rather not walk in on them when they were deep in conversation – not when she hoped that after all those years of estrangement, they would finally put the past behind them.
Briony hung back, listening, waiting for the right moment to make her presence known.
‘I’m so sorry, Lorna – about everything.’
‘I know, Mum.’ There was a pause. ‘I met Sebastian again.’
‘You did?’
‘Just yesterday. I told him that all those years ago I tried to get in touch with him, but he never returned my call.’
Blythe said, ‘I’m so sorry, Lorna. I don’t know why that was.’
Briony did. She’d heard Frank confess to Sebastian that he hadn’t passed on her message, believing Lorna would break his heart in the way he had assumed Blythe had broken his. Frank had thought he was protecting his son.
‘I have to confess, though, that I was pleased he hadn’t got in touch with you, Lorna. I knew that Sebastian was Frank’s son. Frank had broken my heart many years earlier – or so I thought. Stupidly, all I could think was, Like father, like son. I didn’t want you to go through the heartbreak that I had.’
‘But don’t you see, Mum? I was heartbroken when I thought he hadn’t called back, and he’d broken it off.’
‘I know that now. I am so sorry, darling. So awfully sorry.’
Briony wiped away a tear. How terribly, terribly sad that what her great-grandparents had done – keeping Frank and Blythe apart, apparently believing he wasn’t good enough for their daughter – had haunted future generations.
Not me, though, thought Briony.
‘It wasn’t just because you and Dad broke up, and I blamed you, that I stayed away.’
‘It was because you thought Sebastian had broken up with you?’
‘Yes, we had … plans. But it was more than that.’
‘It was about Phoebe, wasn’t it?’ said Blythe.
There was a long silence, during which Briony stood by the door, full of indecision. Should she go? Come back later? If she stepped in now, they might think she’d been eavesdropping. And they’d be right. But she didn’t want to leave, especially now the conversation had turned to Troy’s mum.
Lorna replied, ‘Yes, I always blamed myself for what happened that day, and thought the reason Sebastian didn’t return my call was because he blamed me too. But when I met him yesterday, I discovered my message had never been passed on all those years ago, and it had been a big misunderstanding.’ She paused. ‘I know why we blamed ourselves and thought we blamed each other. Because we were together that day, instead of with Phoebe.’
‘You can’t blame yourself, Lorna. You were young and in love.’
‘And I’d just lost my grandparents. The last thing I wanted to do was go diving on that occasion.’
Briony listened as she looked around the ward. Fortunately, all the patients in the room were either dozing in their chairs or were occupied with visitors of their own – otherwise she wouldn’t have been surprised if one or two of them asked where Luna was, giving away the fact that she was there, listening to her mum and grandmother in the side room.
Briony was about to leave, deciding to come back a bit later, when she heard her grandmother say, ‘There’s something I need to tell you, Lorna.’
‘What is it?’
I have a confession to make.’
Briony looked at the deeds in her hand. She heard her grandmother say, ‘It’s about The Beach House.’
‘I guessed as much,’ said Lorna. ‘You’re leaving The Beach House to Briony – aren’t you?’
‘No, that’s your prerogative.’
‘I’m sorry? Oh, right. You’re leaving it to me now?’
‘No, it was already left to you, by your great-grandparents. When they died. In their will.’
Briony looked at the deeds in her hand. There was her mum’s name, her maiden name, in black and white. Unbeknown to her mum, she’d owned it since she was eighteen. Briony had already looked at the deeds before she’d arrived at the hospital. She slipped the precious piece of paper back in the envelope.
‘I’m sorry – what did you say?’ Lorna asked.
‘You loved the ocean, the beach, and you loved that holiday home. Your grandparents knew that. And they assumed I was happy in Oxford with Edwin. So, they left you The Beach House.’
There was another long, drawn-out silence. Briony anticipated that her mum would ask Blythe why she’d kept that from her for all these years. But what did it matter now? Besides, it was obvious; Blythe hadn’t been happy in her marriage. She hadn’t been in love with Edwin. All along, she’d been in love with Frank.
Briony realised that when Blythe’s parents died, The Beach House would have come into its own as somewhere she could live if she left Edwin. But it came with one glaring drawback which Blythe had managed to keep a secret the day they died – The Beach House, where she’d lived all those years, did not belong to her.
After looking at the deeds, Briony had hoped her grandmother would tell her mum the truth. She imagined that was what Blythe had written to them both about. She was giving it back. Perhaps she hoped that, if all went well with her operation, Lorna would let her carry on living there. And then her granddaughter would inherit it one day.
Briony was just pondering it all when she overheard her grandmother say, ‘We both put on a good show of it, you know, for my parents’ sake. For society’s sake.’
‘What are you talking about, Mum?’
Blythe continued, ‘But then Edwin met someone, and we couldn’t keep up the pretence anymore. I had to leave. I had nowhere to go – don’t you see? But there was The Beach House—’
‘What do you mean – Edwin met someone?’
‘Oh, that relationship didn’t last. But we both knew it was the end of ours.’
Briony stared into space. So, her grandparents had had a marriage of convenience, both in love with other people.
‘I never knew,’ Lorna finally said.
Another silence followed in which Briony imagined her mum was trying to process that revelation.
‘That last summer we spent at The Beach House together was a summer to remember for all the wrong reasons,’ said Blythe.
‘I know. Grandpa and Grandma died that summer,’ said Lorna. ‘They’d had a good innings, though, the two of them. They always seemed so in love, right until the end.’
‘It’s true. That’s why they went, one after the other. They’d always said they couldn’t imagine life without each other, and wished they could go together. Well, they almost got their wish,’ commented Blythe.
‘The last summer I was here, I turned eighteen. I was in love – with Sebastian.’
Blythe said, ‘It was the summer you became a woman.’
‘Yes, it was a summer to remember all right. The summer I became pregnant with my beautiful girl.’
Briony stood stock still. Her mum had been in love with Sebastian, and she’d fallen pregnant that summer. Briony frowned. That wasn’t right. She must have become pregnant a month later. When she started university and met … my dad.
Oh, my god, Briony mouthed behind the door. If what her mum had said was true, that meant—
‘Does Sebastian know – about Briony? Have you told him?’
‘Of course I have.’
Briony put her hand to her mouth in shock. She then recalled something Sebastian had said on the beach. He’d said, We will talk, I promise. But there’s something you need to know.
She remembered looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to tell her what that was. But all he’d said was, You need to talk to your mother.
Now, her impulse was to flee the hospital; she didn’t want to hear any more of this. But she found herself rooted to the spot, listening to her mum continue.
‘When we met up and talked for the first time since we lost Phoebe, we realised that at least something good – no, something amazing – came out of that last day Sebastian and I spent together.’
‘You’re talking about Briony.’
‘Yes. I know we weren’t there for Phoebe, but I think we’re both starting to come to terms with that. We can’t change what happened.’
Blythe said, ‘And who’s to say it wasn’t the first time she’d taken a risk and dived alone?’
‘Yes, I had thought of that possibility.’
Blythe added, ‘Perhaps if things had played out differently that day, and you’d all met up like you usually did …’
Briony was listening intently, suddenly feeling frustrated that her grandmother had trailed off.
‘I know what you’re saying, Mum. I thought about that myself many times, over the years. I might never have had my Briony.’
The room fell silent for a moment.
‘Oh, Mum. I needed that house, all those years ago. I wanted to raise my daughter there.’
‘And I wanted you here.’
‘You did?’
‘Of course I did. What mother wouldn’t? But it was your father who persuaded me to … lie about the will, which I didn’t really have to, not overtly; it was just assumed that my parents had left The Beach House to me. He wanted to make sure you stayed with him in Oxford.’
‘Why?’
‘He said I’d be ruining your future if you stayed here rather than taking up your place at Oxford.’
‘Ruining my future by staying here with Sebastian? The love of my life, and the father of my child?’
Briony shook her head slowly, still finding it hard to accept. Sebastian is my father? It can’t be true – it just can’t.
‘We thought … Edwin thought Sebastian wasn’t good enough for you, and he believed you were too young to decide what you wanted, even though I’d put it to him that we should let you decide whether you wanted to come here and live with me. I knew I was being selfish; it was what I wanted – three generations, you, me and my grandchild living in The Beach House. But he said you were only eighteen, and he knew what was best for his own daughter. I recall that he said, What does an eighteen-year-old know of love?’
What does a fifteen-year-old know of love? thought Briony. Oh Grandma – you and grandad repeated history.
‘But that wasn’t your decision to make,’ said Lorna. ‘Like it wasn’t Grandma and Grandpa’s decision to make about you and Frank.’
‘I know,’ Blythe said, barely above a whisper. She paused before adding, ‘But you met Andrew and got your degree, and had a nice life in Oxford.’
‘But at what cost, Mum? And do you know how much I tried to dissuade Briony from her love of the ocean, just because I couldn’t stand going to the beach? It just reminded me of what could have been, if only you’d been different.’
‘If only Edwin had been different,’ Blythe corrected her.
‘But you could have said no and told him that I was going to live with you.’
‘Edwin was very persuasive. You have to understand, Lorna. I’d grown up doing as I was told, by my parents, and then by my husband. And I truly thought I was doing right by you, putting you first, putting aside my own feelings of how much I wanted you here with me, how much I wanted my grandchild here, with me, because Edwin told me that if I didn’t, I’d just hold you back.’
Briony heard her grandmother sigh heavily.
‘I’ve been such a fool, Lorna. How was I to know the repercussions of going along with Edwin’s plan – that I’d lose you, and my grandchild? I had no clue that you would cut me out of your lives. You know how many times I tried to reach out to you, over the years, and to Briony, sending her birthday and Christmas cards? But I respected your wishes. All along, Edwin said it was a sacrifice I had to make for you to have a better life, in Oxford, with Andrew. He sent me photos, and we communicated over the years, about you, about Briony.’
‘This is mad! Why didn’t you tell me all this – that it wasn’t your idea, but Dad’s?’
Blythe paused for a moment. ‘He believed that if you didn’t go to university, find yourself, you’d regret it, and you might come to resent your child for holding you back.’
‘Never!’ Lorna exclaimed.
‘But you’ll never know, will you? Because you did go up to Oxford.’
Briony looked down at her tummy. Was that what would happen to her if she didn’t do her master’s? She’d already given up that Galapagos Islands trip. In the future, would she come to resent her child for all those lost opportunities?
‘But Andrew wasn’t the man I loved, truly loved. I’d have given all that up, the house, the degree, just to bring her up here, with you.’
‘No, you mean with Sebastian.’
Lorna fell silent.
Blythe said, ‘I couldn’t go back to Edwin, and give up The Beach House, but I didn’t have it in my heart to tell you that it was Edwin who had broken our marriage vows. You were always such a daddy’s girl, and you had enough going on in your life back then. I didn’t want you to fall out with Edwin too.’
‘But I … I couldn’t forgive you for not letting me stay here.’
‘Can you forgive me now – for everything?’
‘Yes, yes I can, Mum. I guess I do feel fortunate that, under the circumstances, I met Andrew, who has been a doting father.’
‘Yes, I heard.’
‘We argued, just recently, before I came. I wanted to tell Briony, years ago. It had always been the plan that she’d grow up knowing that Andrew wasn’t her biological father. But Andrew loved her so much, he said it would break his heart if she found out he wasn’t her dad. I realised that I couldn’t do that to him. You know, I wanted to bring her here, to see you, but I couldn’t risk breaking Andrew’s heart if you told Briony the truth.’
‘And perhaps,’ said Blythe, ‘there’s another reason you stayed away. You couldn’t risk breaking your own heart all over again, if your daughter wanted to find Sebastian.’
Briony stood there, tears rolling down her face. She didn’t know whether she was angry with her parents for not telling her, but she knew she was hurt, more than anything else, that everyone else seemed to know the big secret.
‘What now, Lorna? You can’t keep this a secret anymore.’
‘I know.’
Briony willed herself to step into the room. It would be the perfect time to show her face and tell them what she’d overheard. But she just couldn’t.
The room fell silent. Then her mum whispered, ‘I think we stayed together for Briony’s sake.I found out this morning that Andrew has met someone else.’
Briony’s eyebrows shot up. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take.
‘Oh, Lorna. When?’
‘I think it’s been going on for some time. The cruises.’
‘Cruises?’
‘Yeah, he goes on cruises to earn money playing in a quartet. He left for a cruise yesterday. It’s someone in the quartet.’
Briony’s mouth dropped open. Her dad wasn’t her dad, and now she was finding out he was having an affair. Suddenly, she felt she didn’t know him; she didn’t know either of her parents. The two people in the world she thought she could trust, whom she assumed she knew better than anyone, were not who she thought they were; it felt like her whole life was all a lie.
Before Blythe could respond, Briony heard her mum say, ‘I think Briony has met someone else too. I want to tell her not to make the same mistake – to say: if you are in love with this new man in your life, don’t stay with Freddie for the sake of your baby. You’ll be unhappy. You’ll live to regret it.’
‘Oh, Lorna. Is that what’s happened to you?’
‘Andrew and I, we were happy, in the beginning. Of course I could never love him the way I loved Sebastian, but we shared good times raising Briony. I’d say we were happy, once upon a time, but—’
‘You knew something was missing?’ ventured Blythe.
‘Yes. Always did.’
There was a pause before Lorna said, ‘Why did you write to Briony, after all these years, when I’d told you to stop sending the birthday cards and Christmas cards?’
‘I was going into hospital. It was only a minor operation, but you know, going under general anaesthesia is not without risks. I had to sign a waiver, and then I realised if it turned out it was my time, I couldn’t go with things left … unresolved.’
‘Well, there’s no fear of that now, Mum.’
Briony was surprised to hear them both laugh out loud. When the laughter subsided, she heard her mum say, ‘You know, my girl is going to have a little one of her own.’
Briony’s eyebrows shot up. What was her mum saying?
‘A little one of her own? She’s going to have a baby?’
‘Yes, you’re going to be a great-grandmother.’
‘Oh, Lorna, it’s such exciting news.’
‘Yes, isn’t it! I can’t believe my baby is having a baby. I’m so excited too, to be a grandmother.’
Briony could feel relief sweeping over her.
‘You are – even though you’re so young to be a grandmother?’
‘Of course. Life does have a habit of not going to plan, Mum. I know that more than anybody.’
‘So, do I,’ Blythe agreed.
‘But just because the timing may be a bit … off,’ continued Lorna, ‘that doesn’t mean there’s any less reason to celebrate.’
‘But I thought she wanted to go back to university and become a marine biologist?’
‘You know about that?’ said Lorna.
‘Edwin told me.’
Lorna said, ‘My daughter is very resourceful. Knowing her, she’ll have the baby, and still do her course, and even go to the Galapagos Islands.’
‘The Galapagos Islands?’
‘Yes, she should have been there right now.’
‘Oh, is it because I asked her to come that she gave that up?’
‘No, I think she needed somewhere to go, and someone to speak to, when she found out she was pregnant.’
‘So, she came here, to me?’
‘Yes, Mum. I just wish she hadn’t felt she couldn’t come to me.’
‘Why didn’t she, do you think?’
Briony listened, wondering what her mum would say to that.
‘Because I think she felt I would have been disappointed in her, repeating the same mistake, getting pregnant so young.’
‘But it’s not a mistake. A baby is never a mistake. And she’s not quite so young. Not like you were.’
‘Yes, that’s what I’m dying to tell her, if she’ll just give me a chance. She didn’t have to run away and deal with this all on her own.’
‘Well, she’s not on her own now,’ said Blythe. ‘She has you and me.’
Her face wet with tears, Briony held her breath and stole a glance into the room – although she was still not ready to face either of them quite yet. She caught her mum, who was sitting by Blythe’s bedside with her back to the door, take Blythe’s hand, and squeeze it tight. She said, ‘Yes, she does.’
‘Where is she? I want to meet her. She left me flowers, you know, and a card to say that she’s been visiting me almost every day, and that a surprise awaits me when I return home to The Beach House.’
Briony heard her mum sigh heavily. ‘I’m afraid she’s locked herself in the outbuilding. I crept in using the spare key and left her a little note last night, along with a duvet, pillow, and some provisions. But she stayed in there all night. I hope she comes to talk to me today.’
‘The outbuilding! She can’t stay in there!’
‘Oh, dear. I think I’ve ruined her surprise. It was her surprise for you, for when you get better and return home. She’s had it done up, you know, exactly to the plans you left on the kitchen table.’
‘She has? Oh, my goodness! I can’t believe she did that. She sounds so wonderful. I really can’t wait to meet her. We’ve got so much catching up to do.’ Blythe paused.
Briony knew that this would be the perfect cue for her to make an appearance. She wiped the tears from her cheeks.
‘Talking of catching up,’ said Blythe, ‘Don’t take my word for all this. I think it’s time you spoke to your father.’
‘I speak to him all the time.’
‘Of that I have no doubt.’
‘But I still wish you’d told me all this – why you wouldn’t let me come and stay at The Beach House, with you, instead of leaving me to believe, all these years, that it was all your decision.’
‘Oh, Lorna, your father is your idol. I was afraid that if I told you, then I’d end up telling you … something else about your father. The reason we parted ways, and I had to leave him.I’ve kept his secret for far too long.’
‘You’re talking about his affair?’
‘Well, it’s more than that. It’s so silly, to me at any rate, to almost everyone, I expect, but he’s just been so afraid you’d look at him … differently … if you knew.’
‘Knew what?’
‘It’s not for me to say what he should have told you about himself years ago, but if he does summon the courage, it will explain everything.’
Briony stood staring at the door. That was exactly what she needed right now: someone to explain everything. Her impulse to take flight had returned. She did not want to talk to her mother and grandmother just then, who had kept a humongous secret from her all her life. What she needed was to see her grandfather, and for him to explain everything.