Chapter 27
Smithson didn't really need to help them pack, so he was sent to forage for another snack and some caffeine that was safe from tampering.
It was a longish drive from the Temple of the Guardians all the way out to Chudleigh's, so they were entertaining James and Jacques with texts while they got everything put away, fed their cats, and generally made sure they weren't leaving half a set of cufflinks behind or anything.
The earring they'd found turned out to belong to one of Chudleigh's sisters, both of whom now lived with husbands of their own and had visited the house the previous week.
Smithson had some other gossip, mainly about who'd been out in whose rooms when they shouldn't have been.
"I swear, that Gallowglass has balls of brass, uh, pardon the phrasing," he was saying, pouring coffee from the tray he'd laid out on the already-remade bed. "She was in with McGuinness again and neither of them showed a shred of remorse."
"Well, that's good for McGuinness," said Alex. "He chose the right lass to tumble, I mean, as opposed to Camellia."
Smithson was surprised into a laugh, as was Julian. "That's fair and true, but you won't hear me saying it."
"You really can't make nobles do anything," said Julian. "Even if it's in their best interests, they often feel that they should be the exception, even more than normal people do."
"Even us," said Alex, going over to take a cup of well-doctored coffee from Smithson. "Case in point."
"Caffeine is life," agreed Julian, accepting his own cup. "And really, we already got almost-poisoned once, what's a little coffee between friends?"
Smithson snorted and shook his head. "I'll go get you two another pot in a few, once your lads are here."
"I have to tell them you called them that," said Julian, giggling. "Big, strong Guardians, you know, our lads."
"You do talk about them as though they're just friends up for a visit," said Smithson with a shrug.
"We do, because in a way they are, though they'll be on assignment until the murderess is caught." Alex took another big gulp of coffee and made a face like bliss.
Julian chuckled at the sight. "Don't worry, they'll think it's funny, too," said Julian. "They might also like some food after that long drive, though they won't have been doing much magic on the way without a Charge to Guard."
"What are we forgetting?" asked Julian, looking around the room.
"Did you get your bathroom things?" asked Smithson. "That's what gets left behind most often, in my experience, not that I do the rooms but you know, we all talk."
"We did not," said Alex, going in to grab their various bottles and brushes and whatnot and pack them back in their little magical carrier that would keep everything dry and germ-free.
Alex had made it after one of Geoff's bottles had opened in his luggage and left Alys with a challenge, and then made them for all his friends for the holidays.
He'd called it fibre magic practice, and the Ward Father had approved, so Julian had let him have his fun.
"We should visit the Guardians again soon," said Julian idly as he tucked the little fabric pouch into its spot in their fancy trunk. "We haven't spread cookies and cheer among them since the holidays."
"After the snow's cleared more," said Alex. "I am not driving until everything's properly plowed, at the very least."
"Fair," agreed Julian. He knelt down to check on their snoozing cats and got his hand batted at for opening the basket, which Sage then pointedly closed herself. "These ladies are all set, anyway."
"Now we just need to solve the murder so we can go home," said Alex, making a face. "Lapointe might release non-suspects sooner, though. Speaking of whom," he added as his phone rang, "What's up?"
"What was the second poison again?" asked Lapointe.
"Magical baneberry, we think, why?" Alex came around the bed to snuggle up with Julian, which in turn sent Horace from Alex's shoulder to Julian's as well.
"Apparently there's some in one of the holiday wreaths that hadn't been taken down yet, here in the private areas of the house," she said. "Forensics found it."
"We haven't been in that part of the house before today," said Alex. "But that means all of the poisons came from the house, and nothing was brought in for that purpose."
"That's good to know," said Lapointe, and then she hung up on him.
Alex laughed and shook his head, pocketing his phone. "She says there's magical baneberry in one of the wreaths in the private areas, which our killer likely saw when going to milk the snake."
"I feel like that's what's going to get her," said Julian. "Who knows how to milk a snake, anyway?"
"That's a deep background check question for Murielle's little minions," said Alex, "which means we all may get to go home sooner than later."
Smithson checked his phone and said, "Your friends are here, they're in the entry hall."
"We'll go down, you make sure our driver's taken care of?" Julian made sure his cuffs were shot and cravat neat. If he was going to dress up nicely, he wanted to look as good as possible, even for their friends.
"Of course, and I'll bring up that fresh pot and cups," said Smithson, heading out with an aborted bow.
"I wonder who's been insisting on bows and curtsies?" asked Alex. "It's not us, that's for sure, but it's someone."
"Chudleigh doesn't, or at least no one did before," said Julian, leading the way while Alex got the door locked. Horace flew ahead, going from sconce to sconce along the hallway as they headed to the middle stairs and down.
"James! Jacques!" called Julian as soon as he spotted them loitering in the big foyer. They all hugged, even Alex, at the comfort of a friendly face that wouldn't immediately abandon them for the investigation. "How are you two? You look well."
They were in their work uniforms, not the formal ones, but without a doubt dressed as Guardians on duty. Horace took it upon himself to preen at their hair, though, and got his own little greetings before they bothered to answer the humans.
"We're better than you two, though Alex looks pretty recovered," said James, giving them both the usual once-over.
"You're a little depleted, both of you, but you said that was growing pains?" asked James, doing the same.
"Yes, or at least, the supposedly prophetic belladonna dream said so," replied Alex dryly. "Let's go back upstairs for now, you two can have the chairs and we'll sit on the bed, it'll be like old times."
They chuckled and continued to chat as they headed upstairs, James and Jacques telling them about how their week off had been going until they'd been called up to take care of their old friends.
"Will you be taste-testing everything?" teased Julian, as they let everyone in, including Smithson with a second entire tray.
"Better," said James. "We have bezoars for everyone." He handed out little stones on chains to all of them, each smooth rock inscribed with the magic that made it a true bezoar and not a mere namesake.
"Much better," said Alex.
"What's a bezoar?" asked Smithson, pouring fresh tea for everyone and then stepping back to let the newer guests go first with the milk and sugar.
"It's a magical stone that neutralises all poisons," said Julian. "I guess it would be some standard Guardian kit in a situation like this."
"Indeed it is," said Jacques. "We have tons of them at the Temple, and they should work on obscure things like snake venom as well as normal things like belladonna, because it's all magic."
"So anything that'd make you sick to drink or eat, pretty much, the stone will neutralise so it's harmless." Alex finished, looking over the one he was holding curiously. "This is a really nice one."
"As you'd expect from proper Guardians," said Smithson, finally showing a little awe as it sunk in that they were real Guardians and not just friends of Alex and Julian's. "I've been careful, though, no one's gotten within arm's reach of this tray."
Each of them touched their stone to their cups, but the stones remained inert, and no magic shimmered across Julian's senses. "Well, these weren't poisoned, at least," said James. He took a sip first anyway and made a happy sound. "Oh, that is good coffee."
"Chudleigh's got good taste," said Alex. "Honestly, even the snake is cool, though that's his brother's."
"It's very pretty," agreed Julian. "I hope it's happy wherever it's living, despite all of this."
"I do, too," said Alex, pulling him in to kiss his hair. "Perhaps we can arrange a viewing, if you're interested."
"We might be," said James. "Not to handle, though. Neither of us did that well training with them, though we could in an emergency."
"Of course you also trained with snakes," said Alex, shaking his head on a chuckle. "Your training is stupidly thorough sometimes."
"It was related, we were escorting an explorer to some conference where we were literally surrounded by exotic specimens of reptiles," said James.
"Ora and Ira were much better at the whole snake thing than we were, but in the end there wasn't a single incident.
Everyone there was very conscious of the expensive insurance they were paying for, for one thing. "
"It sounds interesting, anyway," said Julian. "Better than dish duty."
"I didn't mind so much with you two," teased Jacques, "but Alys and Nat are far preferable."
"That's your brownie friends, right?" asked Smithson, who was clearly lingering, not that anyone here minded.
"Yes, those are our brownie friends, the ones that live in our home," said Julian. "Oh, speaking of which, those oatcakes you two are working on were a lifesaver at one point, they're still a little dry but really good for starving bellies."
"A good way to boost energy when your stomach's rebelling, too," said Alex. "They're bland in a good way for that."
"We're still working on the dryness," said Jacques. "I think more honey might do it, but then they might be too sticky."
"I'd take a little sticky over dry," said Julian. "Anyway, um, are you going to be in trouble up here, Smithson?"
He chuckled and shook his head. "Not if you vouch for me, but I can see that I'm no longer needed, so I'll leave you to your talk. Never thought proper Guardians would go on about oatcakes."
"Every Guardian is different," said James with a smile. "Some of us go on about novels or card games or knives."
"The knives, I'd expect," said Smithson, and then he waved awkwardly and left, closing the door behind him which James then locked.
"He's been a good friend once we cleared him," said Alex. "Really staunchly on our side, bringing us untainted food, the whole thing."
"A good man for Chudleigh to give a bonus to," said Julian with a chuckle. "I feel bad for every servant here, having to constantly scramble to deal with all this poison nonsense."
"And worrying they're going to end up poisoned themselves, I'm sure," said Alex with a sigh. "What on earth is this woman doing, poisoning partygoers at a snowed-in weekend housewarming?"
"Maybe the snow made her snap," said Julian. "Too much snow! No more sanity!"
Everyone chuckled at that and then James said, "Perhaps it was one social slight too many."
"As if Wicket has ever slighted anyone in his life," said Alex. "He seems like the most congenial man on the planet, at least to the ladies."
"And you're sure he's not a cheater?" asked Jacques dubiously.
"Literally everyone is sure he's not a cheater," said Julian. "Not just his wife, but all the recipients of said flirtations."
"He's pretty much invited to parties like this for his harmless flirtations, I think," said Alex. "Chudleigh also seems to like him, you know, as a friend, but I know he puts together parties with an eye on everyone staying entertained."
"We've had to figure it out for murder reasons," said Julian, when the Guardians looked suitably dubious at Alex's sudden social savvy.
Alex chuckled. "Yeah, sorry, this is all from the other guests. I mean, even I can see why you'd invite McGuinness, he's got that same 'everyone is great' attitude as Chudleigh does. And Gallowglass, she's as much one of the lads as anyone."
"I'm not as sure about a few of them, but I assume there was some other social reason to invite them," said Julian, making a face. "Camellia was a bore, and that snobbish Winston-Smythe from my courtship is here, too. He was nice enough, but definitely not party material to me."
"Perhaps you should ask Chudleigh his reasons," said Jacques.
Alex sighed. "I think we should leave that to Lapointe, but I will in fact suggest it to her, because I still don't think I should be involved in the motive part of any investigation anymore."
He got out his phone and texted, while the other three explored the two trays of snacks and freshened up everyone's coffee. Nothing set off the bezoars, so soon enough everyone was munching on leftover pies and walnut bread with soft cheese, while Alex and Lapointe had a lively text conversation.
"She's certainly paying you a lot of attention if she's supposed to be interviewing," said Julian.
"She handed me off to Thomas immediately," said Alex with a chuckle. "He's gotten a servant to send for Chudleigh, and sends his hellos to you two as well."
"Hello back," said James.
"We should tell Geoff we're here, too," said Jacques, getting out his own phone. "We haven't crossed paths nearly often enough."
"We can add him to our impromptu picnic here if he brings a cup," said Julian, sipping happily at the nice, strong tea.
Fortunately, the knock that came at the door a few minutes later was no emergency at all, just their friend.