Chapter 9
Cora
Celeste
How is OD?
Lily
OMG, who overdosed?
Celeste
Operation Dating! (laughing emoji)
Saar
Having the list compiled, ironing out details.
Lily
This is so exciting.
I can’t believe I became your project.
Celeste
That’s not what this is.
Saar
You will have so much fun.
Lily
You deserve to have fun.
I don’t have time for fun.
Saar
We’ll see about that.
Saar leans against the prep table in the bistro’s kitchen and puts her latte down. It’s one of those days I can’t even sit with her.
“Sometimes I envy the freedom you have,” I sigh, immediately regretting my pettiness as I shove dishes into the dishwasher.
Saar stays silent for a moment. “I know you never let us help you, so I’m not going to offer it again. Just know the offer is on the table—”
“Let me stop you right there. As shitty as it sounds, pride is one of the few things I have left.”
She lifts her arms in surrender. “Then struggle away. I only brought it up because you mentioned freedom. Only you know which one is more important to you. Freedom or pride?”
I deflate. “The fact that I have to choose sucks.”
“You can have both, but it would require some changes. You gave up your life for the family business; maybe instead of struggling to save something, you need to start reclaiming what you really want.”
I groan, closing my eyes. What do I want? That train has left the station at the speed of light. “It’s not that easy.”
“Cora, darling, I know firsthand how hard it is to redefine yourself. But I also know you can’t get there when you’re overworked, exhausted, and financially ruined.”
Saar might have grown up rich, and is now married to a man whose wealth is defined by so many zeros that I don’t even care to count them, but she is real.
She experienced a brief period of not having money or work. As a model she was overworked, so I know she speaks from experience.
But she also grew up with a pair of parents who are the worst, most selfish beings in the world. She doesn’t understand family legacy. She is close to her brothers, but they don’t need her.
My loyalty to my father runs too deep. He needs me, and caring for him—his business—is something I can’t change. I don’t want to change.
“I know.” I sigh. “Hopefully, once you unleash your dating scheme on me, I will get the wind back in my sails.”
Fuck, the idea of dating is making me tired, but I can’t change the other aspects of my life, so I’m going to let my friends help me in this one.
“I have the first two candidates lined up. Corm is strangely invested in this.” She shrugs, grinning. “But I’m saying this one last time; I can help you with the bistro, as well.”
“I’m not tainting this friendship with loans. That’s a rule my father learned the hard way when he lent money to his best friend. I love you, Saar, but stop offering.”
She nods. “Understood. Let me show you the pics of a potential future Mr. Winslow.”
Snorting, I wipe my hands and reach for her phone. “Show me.”
Both candidates are handsome and rich. They’re both perfect on paper. I should be more excited. Why am I not?
“My sister went to university to find herself a husband,” I say. “I always judged her for that. But perhaps a part of me resented her for being able to study while I stayed behind to help Dad.”
“Did she find a husband?”
“Yes she did actually.”
“Good for her. You will get one soon too, and then your troubles are over. Freedom is waiting.” She pokes me with her elbow, teasing.
“I can’t believe I’m becoming my sister.”
“You’re not becoming anyone. You’re just overthinking everything. You will date amazing, educated men who can pull you out of your reality once or twice a week. Hopefully it will give you a new perspective. Then you can redefine yourself.”
“Redefine myself?”
It’s like she’s saying something between the lines, but I can’t quite grasp it. What new perspective?
“I love you, Cora. Let me treat you to some quality male material.” She winks, avoiding a direct answer.
“Thank you.” I sigh.
She shrugs. “I’m doing it as a service to your neglected lady parts.”
I groan and laugh at the same time, shaking my head. Saar laughs.
I remember something she said earlier. “Why do you think Corm is invested in your matchmaking scheme? It doesn’t sound like him.”
She purses her lips. “To mess with Xander, I guess.”
The mention of the handsome devil makes my insides flip, both in a good and not-so-good way.
Two days ago, the morning after my birthday, I woke up in agony on the sofa, my entire body screaming in protest on the uneven, soft mattress, my head throbbing, my mouth dry, and the memory of the night before churning in my stomach along with the hangover.
While the last moments of the night are kind of hazy, and seriously dampening my love of Zinfandel, one thing I know for sure.
I came onto him, and Xander Stone left. I thought I would feel bad after hooking up with him. Well, the idea of that aftertaste doesn’t compare to the embarrassing sense of rejection etched in my mind after I woke up and replayed the events.
“What does my dating life have to do with Xander Stone?”
Saar raises her eyebrows, unimpressed. “It’s crystal clear he wants you.”
“Sorry to disappoint Corm and the rest of you, but he most certainly doesn’t. There might have been a brief moment of desire the day of the luncheon, but that is gone.”
Why did he seek me out on my birthday if that’s the case? Was I really so drunk that I repulsed him? Fuck.
In any case, as I sobered up, I knew he had made the right decision.
Xander Stone hasn’t kissed me yet, and his taste is intoxicating already.
He hasn’t touched me yet, and his touch is burning.
He hasn’t claimed me yet, and I feel the aftershocks already.
I would never survive a man like him. I would never walk away with my heart intact. I will never try.
“If you say so.” Her smile is coy and telling, but I’m not sure what it is saying.
We walk to the front, and I quickly check the floor, which seems under control, with only a few patrons enjoying their drinks.
“Speak of the devil.” Saar snickers.
I follow her gaze and land on the flashy Lamborghini, its owner leaning casually against the hood in his expensive suit. The picture is arresting. He looks untouchable.
Dangerous awareness ripples through me. The sight makes me feel off-balance.
Saar squeezes my hand. “I know we said Xander is off the list, so just say the word and I’ll send him away.”
I study the suit-clad sin, and I realize one thing. If I want him to stop messing with me, I need to tell him off once and for all.
His constant showing up unannounced is fogging my mind, and giving me false hope about something that makes no sense.
Remembering the deed tucked in my sunflower journal, which I finally found, I consider sending Saar out to tell him to get lost.
But I’m a grown-ass woman, and I need to take care of myself.
“I’ll deal with him.” And hopefully survive it.
“Still on for the date later this week, though?” Saar asks.
“Absolutely.”
She kisses me and leaves, just as Xander enters.
“What are you doing here?” I put my hands on my hips.
“You ask that a lot.” He leans against the table closest to the counter.
It’s like he knows how devastating he looks. Like the front page of a magazine that causes spontaneous orgasms.
“And you keep showing up uninvited.” I don’t look away, no matter how much the sight eats at my defenses.
“But not unwelcome,” he drawls.
His signature boyish grin stretches across his handsome face, and for a moment I wish I were that girl. A girl who is carefree enough to dive into the unexpected.
Who isn’t protecting her heart at all costs. Who can enjoy herself without the crippling sense of guilt.
“What do you want?”
“Is that how you treat your customers?” He takes a seat.
“Xander—”
“I’m driving you home.”
“I’m not closing because of you again.”
“Fair enough. I’ll wait.”
I sigh, and am about to send him away when Sanjay appears. “What can I get you?”
Traitor.
Xander smiles and orders coffee. I shake my head and return to the kitchen to prepare what I can for tomorrow’s lunch.
“Is he still there?” I ask when Sanjay brings dishes in.
He nods.
I put away the pre-cut veggies for tomorrow’s wraps, and sighing, I decide to leave early. I’m not going to have the talk with him here, and clearly he can’t be deterred easily.
I grab my things and say goodbye to Sanjay.
“Let’s go.” I sigh without waiting for Xander. He follows without a word and helps me into the car.
“You seem tense,” he comments, gliding in beside me.
“What do you want?”
He winks at me but returns his attention to the road. “Obviously, I want to get into your pants.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re the ultimate romantic.”
He shrugs. “Do you want a romance, Coraline? Just say so.”
I can’t help but snort. A part of me is kind of curious how Xander’s version of romance might look. I squash that notion quickly.
“Stop calling me Coraline. And you had your chance.” I cringe, sounding more needy than I care to admit.
“You were drunk. You know it was the right call, but the case of blue balls worsened, so I would like to continue where we left off.”
Direct much? “Keep dreaming, Xander.” I sound bitter, and I don’t like it. To strengthen my resolve, I add that to his offenses.
He seems completely unperturbed by my irrational venom. “I’ve done a lot of that lately. I’m after the real deal now. I want to make all our fantasies come true.”
“Ours?” I scoff.
He glances at me, his eyebrows lifted. Like he’s so sure I feel the same. The infuriating part is, he is right.
There have been fantasies. Don’t blame me; he’s the only man I’ve interacted with outside of work besides my father in a while.
As soon as I go on a date or two, I won’t be like a starved stray, happy with the first crumb she finds.
“I’m sure there are plenty of candidates to caress your blue balls.”