Chapter 37
Xander
Igrin like an idiot as I brush my teeth. When I undress. When I slip under the covers.
She wants to take it slowly, so she took me up on that chivalrous offer of staying in the guest house.
I don’t mind. I’ve been seeing her for two weeks now, and today gave me the first glimpse of hope.
I will gladly lie in the bed I made for myself, because at the end of all the fucked-up decisions, I think I’m still getting the girl. Not that I deserve her.
We spent the rest of the afternoon talking. As I was leaving, the weather shifted, and a storm began to stir.
As soon as I arrived, the skies split wide open. Beneath the steady roar of rain, the past two weeks replay in my head on an endless loop.
Her excitement about the book. How she still tucks her hair behind her ear even though it is held by a headband. Her lips on the rim of the glass, savoring the wine.
How she burped after the last slice of pizza. How she rubbed her belly after the first bite of bomboloni. How sweet that too-short kiss this afternoon tasted. How she smiled at me.
For the rest of my life, I want to be seen by her. It’s the most potent drug out there. To have a woman you love looking at you like you matter.
I don’t think sleep will come tonight, so I grab my phone and flip through the news. Giving up my shares at Merged didn’t hurt as much as I would have expected.
My heart wasn’t in it. Not only because it was entirely wrapped up in Cora. Or rather, in her absence.
She showed me there is more to life than making money. The way she took care of people around her, even if some of them didn’t deserve it.
Even her cynical skepticism opened my eyes more than any other experience.
Even if she never gave me a chance, service to others would be her legacy in my life. Life I would have wasted if the redhead temptress hadn’t crashed into it.
Dropping my phone, I stop the mindless scrolling. I haven’t been paying attention anyway. I sigh, her green eyes flickering in my mind.
A sharp bang against the door jolts me upright. What the hell? In this storm?
I take the stairs two at a time and peer through the front window—nothing but darkness stares back.
“Xander.” Another bang is accompanied by Cora’s voice.
I almost dislocate my shoulder yanking the door open. A flash of Cora sparkles in front of my eyes before I’m soaked wet, because she jumps at me, wrapping her arms and legs around me and crashing her mouth over mine.
Her lips taste like rain, and the sweetest memory. I stumble back and kick the door closed, pinning her against it.
I’m half sure this is a dream, but when her moan penetrates my mind, I pull away.
“How did you get here?”
“I ran.”
“In the storm?”
“It looked like a drizzle when I left. But then the wind snatched my umbrella. And you said it’s just behind the pond—”
“A driving distance.”
“I know that now.” She fuses her mouth with mine again, and I surrender to her sweetness and her need. Our need.
I fist her hair and angle her head, taking all I missed for the last however many weeks. Our breathing grows labored.
“Why are you here, Coraline?”
Shut up, idiot. She’s here.
“Maybe I don’t want to take it slow.”
This time, I seize her lips, but her teeth chatter. “Fuck, you shouldn’t have come on foot.”
“I don’t have a car.”
“You should have called me.”
“That didn’t feel very romantic.” She bites her lip, shivering.
“There is nothing romantic about catching pneumonia.”
“Then warm me up quickly, Xander. Get me out of these wet clothes.”
I kiss her, hoist her higher, to hold her better under her ass, and carry her to the kitchen.
Sitting her on the island like the precious cargo she is, I peel off her jacket. “Arms up.”
She obeys, and I take off her soaked sweater.
No bra.
I groan and latch onto her erect nipple. She moans, arching her back.
Pulling down her wet leggings is neither sexy nor graceful. It’s like the water glued them to her skin.
I swear, and she laughs through the entire ordeal, but finally, she is naked in front of me. My cock is painfully hard in my flannel pajama pants, but I pause, admiring her.
She is here; sheis really here.
I grip the neckline of my T-shirt and yank it off. Cora sits up, her nails raking down my pecs.
“I missed you.” She wraps her legs around me, pulling me closer.
“I missed you too.” I reach between us, dipping my fingers between her thighs. I smirk. She’s fucking soaked for me. “Looks like the rain got everywhere.”
I flick her clit, and she gasps, dropping her head back.
I need to rail her on this counter. The need is overwhelming and animalistic.
But somewhere on the edges of my mind, a red light flashes to warn me.
“What’s wrong?” She cups the back of my neck, but I step away.
“I’m not doing this, Coraline. Not until you tell me you’re fucking mine.”
I might be pushing her too soon, too hard, but she came. She said she doesn’t want to take it slowly.
But recovering from her—like I had to try after the funeral—that’s not an option.
“Fuck, Xander, what do you want from me?” She slides down from the counter. “I’m here.”
She is here. And she is very naked. And so fucking beautiful.
“I’m not having a pity fuck, or hate fuck, or any other just fuck with you… I can’t do that, love.”
I’m an idiot. I’m having the woman I love practically begging for my cock, and I’m choosing to discuss the definition of our relationship.
But the same woman doesn’t trust me yet. She got spooked earlier today, when our lips knew this was inevitable.
“You said you would be around anytime I need,” she snaps.
I sigh, bowing my head. “And then I had to live with the oozing wounds after.” I walk toward the window, my erection throbbing. “Tell me you’re mine,” I tell the darkness outside.
“I’m here,” she repeats, whispering.
I turn around. “Not fucking enough.”
She shakes her head. “We said slow.”
“You took that back when you showed up. I know I don’t have your trust. I understand I might never win it again. All I’m asking is for you to commit that you will try.”
“You’re asking for way more.”
“And I’m offering everything.”
She stares at me for several endless beats, and then she shocks me.
Cora drops to her knees, licks her lips, and leans on her hands. She proceeds to crawl to me.
She fucking crawls to me.
Her hips sway.
My cock is so hard, I might blow just from the sight of her.
Fuck.
She is not playing fair. Just like I didn’t so many times.
Our gazes lock, full of hunger. My words, objections, survival instinct—they all travel down with my blood flow.
She straightens up in front of me, staring up at me. “I’m here. I will be here for breakfast. And definitely for the rest of this month before I have to return to New York. Are you going to miss out on that, or fuck me?”
The way she took over the control is fucking intoxicating and arousing. I grip her hair and pull her up with my other hand, whipping us around.
Her back to my chest, I knead her breast, nibbling at her neck. The feel of her is everything.
Who am I kidding? Even if this was my only time with her… I have no power. She won. She won a long time ago.
And for the first time in my life, losing tastes sweet. Maybe because when Cora wins, it doesn’t feel like my loss.
“Hands on the glass,” I growl. “Bent over.”
I grip her ass and grind against her. She pushes into me, my cock dripping with pre-cum.
“Fuck, I need to be inside you.”
“Finally, we’re on the same page.” She looks over her shoulder, smirking.
I pull my waistband down, and my cock bounces against her ass. I grip it and push inside her.
We both groan, the feeling of her walls around me like nothing I have ever felt.
The feel of her body in my arms, of her skin against me, spurs me to action, pounding her with all the frustration and desperation pent-up inside me.
When she comes apart, pushing off the window and sagging against me in my arms, I pick her up.
Taking her back to the island, I ease her down to the edge and enter her again, circling my hips.
“Eyes on me!” I demand.
This time, I go slowly, building us both up as we gaze at each other. It’s like we’re re-committing with our bodies before we’re ready to move forward.
My orgasm hits me like a freight train, my legs giving in. Cora pulls me with her, lying on her back on the marble surface. Collapsing on top of her, I try to even out my breath.
“I love you,” I pant.
She grabs my face, her eyes sparkling like they used to when we were still us. “I’m yours, Xander. I’m here to stay.” She finally says the words I craved. “And I’m scared shitless.”
I kiss her deeply.
“We’re on the same page, Coraline. Losing you was the worst nightmare. I’m ready to start dreaming with you.”