Chapter 47
Naomi could barely bring herself to speak as, back in the hotel room, she stood over Greg. He was exactly as she’d left him earlier, hunched over the bureau and punching away at his laptop. He barely even acknowledged her return.
While he had no idea of the turmoil going through her mind, he was about to find out.
‘Greg,’ she began, as she tried her best to keep her composure.
It had only been minutes since she’d left her sisters back on the beach and it was taking all of her strength to remain calm.
She had to know the full story – the truth – and that could only come from him.
Until she heard the words come from his mouth, none of this was real.
‘Yes, babe?’
‘Greg, look at me,’ she demanded hotly.
‘Just a sec. I really need to finish this spreadsheet,’ he stated, raising a finger, which really annoyed her.
He wanted her to wait, to give him a moment, but she’d already given him far more than that.
Naomi had given him five whole years. And she wasn’t prepared to give him any more. Not without answers.
‘Are you ever going to marry me?’ she blurted out unceremoniously, uncertain herself where that had come from.
Immediately Greg’s typing fingers froze in place. ‘What?’
‘You heard me. Are we ever going to get married? I’m forty years old this week.
All my friends are married, some even more than once.
They all have families and children and a home.
You’ve known for a long time that I also want children and a family and a home.
So for someone who loves plans so much, Greg, I need to know if you ever plan on marrying me. ’
‘Ah Naomi, where is this coming from?’ he replied, finally closing the laptop on the table in front of him. Then he stood to face her, his expression remarkably calm and unaffected. ‘We already have a home.’
How could he be so composed? she wondered as she looked on the face that she’d spent the past five years of her life loving and believing that she was loved back equally?
Now Naomi wasn’t sure of anything. Did he have another home, another wife, even a child, somewhere else? It was almost too much to comprehend.
‘That’s not an answer,’ she countered but his response or demeanour weren’t making her feel any better. ‘Do you ever plan on marrying me?’
He sighed. ‘Eventually.’
‘Eventually? What the hell does that mean exactly?’ she urged, stunned by his lacklustre response.
‘I mean, if it’s that important to you. I’m not entirely sure we’re ready yet.’
Naomi laughed in disbelief. ‘Not ready? Five years together and you don’t think we’re ready. So what precisely is missing, Greg? What are we waiting for? Because I feel I’m not quite getting the full picture here.’ She glared at him. ‘Or should I say, I know I’m not.’
‘Babe,’ Greg started, stepping towards her and attempting to embrace her. Naomi promptly stepped back.
‘Don’t “babe” me, just tell me!’ she demanded, refusing to be swayed by his charm as she had been so many times before. She didn’t want excuses or reasons to be fobbed off. She didn’t want to be distracted. She wanted the truth and she wasn’t going to stop until she got it.
‘Hell, Naomi, what do you want me to say? You know this kind of stuff isn’t as important to men as it is to women.’
The reply was like a slap to the face. What did she want him to say?
‘I want the truth, Greg. Do you think you can give me that much at least? I know there’s something else at play here. And I want to know what it is.’
His expression shifted a little as she said this and, seemingly having thought about it, he gave another word-weary sigh. ‘Do you think you can handle it?’ His gaze was fixed on hers and so blank that it gave Naomi pause.
Was she prepared to hear him say the words out loud, even if she thought she already knew what he was about to say? One half of her did, but the other knew that the moment the truth left his mouth, her world and everything she thought she was so sure of would surely vanish in an instant.
Yet there was no other option.
Naomi lifted her chin, and she looked Greg squarely in the eye. ‘I need to know. Tell me.’
He seemed resigned as he asked her to take a seat on the bed. He pulled up a nearby wicker peacock chair and sat in it across from her and she couldn’t help but think that he looked completely out of place amid the flamboyance of it, a bit small and pathetic even.
Lowering herself onto the plush duvet, Naomi waited for him to continue, inwardly still questioning whether knowing the truth would make anything better after all. She didn’t blame her sisters for arguing about it, she was in two minds enough herself.
‘For years I’ve listened to you talk about all this stuff you visualised for our future together.
I cared about you, so I let you dream but those dreams were never mine, Naomi.
I never wanted the kids and dogs and that whole house in the country thing you always talked about.
’ He paused, and she sat stunned as he studied her expression.
‘As you know, I’ve always had a plan, since long before you, and a clear vision of how I’d like my life to be.
When we met, and especially after moving in together, I thought you were perfect.
Except for one thing: your fixation with having a family and all that domestic stuff.
’ He shook his head. ‘We have an amazing life, Naomi; enough money to do whatever we want, travel when we want – like here – and a great apartment in the city back home. We can buy whatever and do whatever we want on a whim without hesitation or working ourselves to the bone to pay back stuff on credit. I truly can’t understand why you would want to throw a hand grenade into the mix. ’
‘A hand grenade?’ Naomi repeated wide-eyed. ‘Is that what you think a child is?’
‘Maybe not …’ he backtracked. ‘But a disruption certainly. Kids come into the picture and they change everything, rob you of your freedom and choices. Suddenly you have to think about doctors’ bills because they’re always sick and that’s before you even consider college funds and weddings, and spending all this time and money on someone else.
There are enough kids in the world without adding to the population, Naomi.
If you love them that much, why can’t you just be happy with supporting needy kids through charity work or something, and leave the hassle of it all to someone else? ’
She remained silent, though her blood was boiling in her veins, mingled with overwhelming disappointment. It was as though she was finally seeing Greg for who he truly was. And yet, none of what he was saying made sense if he already had a child of his own. She was deeply confused.
‘I suppose I’d hoped that as time went on and you got older and closer to …
well, over time that you’d enjoy life so much it didn’t really matter if children were no longer on the cards, but no.
’ He sighed. ‘So yeah, I don’t feel that we’re ready to move forward and get married, because you’re still living in a fantasy land about all that stuff.
And until I feel we’re on the same page, I really can’t make that kind of commitment. ’
Now Naomi’s head was about to explode. Was Greg really blaming her for his hesitation?
Was he suggesting that her desire for something so normal as having a family was something …
something idiotic, pathetic even? As it was, he was making it sound like an obsession or something when that wasn’t the case.
She’d automatically assumed they’d be like any other couple and these days it wasn’t as if forty was that old.
Obviously, he’d much prefer to keep her prancing around online like a dancing monkey – a money machine picking up the tab for this great life he had in mind?
‘I can’t believe you actually said that, Greg. Any of it. Especially when I know there’s more to it … especially the kids thing, and how much hassle you think they seem to be.’ She stood up and crossed her arms. ‘Is it that maybe you’re speaking from experience?’
Greg’s reaction was immediate. His face slackened and his eyes fixed on hers. ‘What are you talking about?’
Her eyes flared. ‘Why don’t you tell me? About the woman in Somerset you go to see while you tell me you’re visiting your mother.’ She was baiting him now but it seemed she had no choice.
‘What the hell … who told you that?’
‘Does it matter?’ Naomi responded, her heart plummeting since he didn’t readily deny it or seem at all perplexed by the sudden turn in conversation. So it must be true then. ‘How about you tell me the truth once and for all, Greg? Do you already have a child? A son?’
His face confirmed it all and right then she honestly felt her heart shatter into pieces. There had been no misunderstanding on Karen’s part after all.
‘Oh God … how could you have a child and never have told me? Are you already married too?’
‘It has nothing to do with you,’ he replied defensively.
‘Nothing to do with me? We’ve spent the last few years living under the same roof, and in the early days, months on end separated from our families, and all along you had another one that I knew nothing about, another wife even! Did you really abandon them during all of that?’
‘They’re not my family, I’m not married,’ he conceded, yet Naomi didn’t feel any happier to hear it all the same.
‘He was born before I met you and has nothing to do with my life, not really. Yes, he lives in Somerset with his mother, but I live in London with you. Having him has no effect on our lives. If I’m in town I see them sometimes, but his mother knows it’ll never be a permanent arrangement.
Again, I never wanted a kid, Naomi; it was her – when we were going out, she knew I didn’t want children but she went behind my back anyway.
Seems she wanted the baby more than me, so we ended it.
Every time I go down to visit my mother she makes some arrangement, probably hoping I might change my mind.
’ He made a face. ‘But that won’t happen.
Don’t get me wrong, I do the right thing.
I pay maintenance and send her a couple of cheques now again to help support him and stuff. But I’m not his father, not really.’
‘Jesus, Greg, who are you?’ Naomi asked, horrified.
The man who stood before her with these things coming out of his mouth was surely an alien, all that was missing was a second head.
He couldn’t be human and utter such things.
How could anyone feel such things, such callousness and disregard for their own flesh and blood? How could he be so cold?
Had Naomi really been so desperate to achieve her dreams for the future that she’d missed this part of him entirely?
‘Look, maybe the truth coming out is the best thing for us,’ he continued then, reaching for her hands. ‘At least now we both know where the other stands and can move on from here?’
‘Move on? What do you mean by moving on?’ she asked incredulously.
‘I mean,’ he stated as he leaned forward, and took both of her hands in his, ‘from now on we can have a clean slate. No more secrets. We can set a proper course for our future together. Plan it together.’
The laugh that escaped Naomi’s mouth was almost maniacal. She yanked her hands away and got to her feet, moving away from the bed and him. ‘Wow, you really are something else.’
Greg stood and moved to follow her. She knew he would try to comfort her, to soothe her as he always did when she got upset, but she was way beyond that point now. She didn’t want him anywhere near her.
‘Don’t touch me,’ she raged as he once again attempted to catch her hand.
She sidestepped him and moved towards the centre of the suite.
‘I don’t know you, Greg,’ she said, as she beat back tears of anger and disappointment.
‘It’s painfully apparent that I never really did.
And I no longer want to, either. I fooled myself into believing that you wanted what I did.
I desired it so badly that I couldn’t see straight, but now I do, and I realise that everything anyone’s ever said or thought about us is true.
My sisters, Sam. You’re never around, you never make an effort. It’s always me.’
‘Nice. After I flew them all over here to stay in the lap of luxury?’
‘Greg, right from the start, you’ve done nothing but complain about this place.
As it is, you even expected to get it for free, so clearly all this largesse wasn’t even out of the goodness of your own heart.
’ She put a hand on her head, feeling so incredibly foolish.
‘And to think that I actually thought you might be using this trip to propose … ’
He frowned. ‘What? What on earth made you think that?’
Naomi looked up at him, ashamed that she’d been so stupid.
But she no longer cared about preserving her dignity.
‘I overheard you talking about diamonds on the phone before we left. Of course, it was probably another one of your moneymaking exercises. Did you even pick St Lucia to come here for me and my birthday – or did you use it to work around yet another of your so-called business efforts?’
She was referring to that folder he’d left behind at the restaurant the other day, the one she’d initially written off as some kind of financial thing.
Yet, until now, Naomi’s brain had purposely chosen to ignore that the investment fund detailed on the brochure was centred around gemstone exploration.
He looked up guiltily. ‘The directors were coming here on honeymoon anyway, so it made sense to discuss while we were here …’
Jesus Christ. Naomi didn’t want to know the details, couldn’t even being to comprehend the level of deception.
He reached for her again. ‘Naomi—’
‘Stop it, Greg. There’s nothing left to say.
’ She took a deep breath as the disappointment and sorrow at all those wasted years gradually began to supersede her anger.
‘I want you to leave.’ Surprised, again Greg rushed to her side, trying to sway her.
‘I don’t want you here for my birthday, I don’t even want to see you here at this hotel or even this island, anymore. ’
‘You don’t mean that. You’re upset.’
‘Yes, I do,’ she stated emphatically.
‘I love you, Naomi,’ he pleaded. ‘Everything I’ve done and everything I’ve said is because I want the best for us. Please understand that.’
‘I understand. I understand that you aren’t the man I fell in love with.
He was a fantasy, exactly like you said.
And that fantasy is gone. I’m going to stay in Sam’s room tonight.
But when I come back tomorrow, I want you out of this room and my life.
I don’t care where you go, as long as you stay away from this resort.
Go back to Somerset, or go to hell, Greg. Either will do just fine.’