Chapter 2 Completely, Utterly Empty
Completely, Utterly Empty
River was empty.
Completely, utterly empty. There was a part of herself, something that made her her, that was… absent. Missing, as if it had never existed.
A void had taken its place—a vacancy that desperately needed to be filled.
She had no idea what was causing this emptiness, only that it existed. There was no peace in it. No calm. Only sorrow.
A soul-deep pain originated in the center of River’s being, and it radiated through her whole body. It was an ache that began in her muscles, but it didn’t stop there. It sank into her bones and the very marrow of her being.
Something had been ripped from her essence and thrown away, leaving her with a shell of what she had once been.
River tried to shift her focus away from the strange vacancy and force her body to move, but it wasn’t working. Her body refused to cooperate.
What was happening? Where was she?
River tried to remember where she was and how she’d gotten to this place, but her thoughts were links in a broken chain. The pieces were scattered through her mind, and she couldn’t put them together.
All she knew was her own name and that she didn’t usually feel like this.
“Wake up.” The low, masculine voice was quiet but commanding, and something inside River strained towards it.
She tried to obey. The gods only knew how hard she tried. But she couldn’t even move an inch.
The darkness around her seemed to get heavier.
A soft touch to her cheek. Then, something cool was placed on her forehead. Gently. Lovingly.
“Come on, Princess.” Warm lips ghosted over the top of her head. “Let me see those lovely eyes.”
River attempted to do as they asked. She really did. Some part of her deeply desired to please the person the voice belonged to. Making them happy felt like an utmost priority.
But her body refused to heed her calls to action.
Everything was so gods-damned heavy. It was as if a leaden, weighted blanket had been placed on River’s chest, and it was shoving her down, down, down.
She tried to fight against it, to push back. She struggled to lift the blanket and move, even just an inch.
But the emptiness inside her was so gods-damned vast.
The tenebrous darkness behind her eyelids was so thick.
And sleep.
Sleep was wrapping its arms around her, dragging her into its shadowy embrace.
River struggled against it, trying to stay awake and get to that voice. But it was no use. How could someone fight against a force they couldn’t see?
Eventually, she tumbled into darkness.
Twice more, River woke to the sound of that voice calling her name. Pleading for her to wake up and come back to them.
Twice more, she struggled to comply. She did everything she could think of to try and force her body into cooperation.
It was a lesson in futility and frustration.
The void was growing. It was a monster, threatening to devour her completely. It would be the end of her, of that, she was certain.
Part of River—a dark part that was getting louder with each passing minute—didn’t care if the void consumed her. Maybe giving in to the emptiness would be better.
It would definitely be easier.
If it wasn’t for the voice and the way its low rumble spoke to the very essence of River’s being, she wasn’t sure that she’d care if she got lost in this dark, empty place.
But the voice did not abandon her. It kept talking to her, urging her to come back. Each syllable tugged on her soul, urging her to anchor herself to it.
It was because of that voice and the tiny embers of warmth that sparked low inside her every time this mysterious person called her “Princess,” that River fought. She grappled with the blanket pushing her down, wrestling with the darkness and trying to get back to herself.
River vowed never to give up, because if that voice needed her, then maybe she might need them, too.
“You need to come back to me.” The agonized words were a hoarse whisper, overflowing with a pain that River didn’t quite understand but recognized all too well.
It was the same one that was ripping her apart from the inside out.
River hated that the voice was hurting, hated that she was causing their pain.
I’m trying, she attempted to say. To scream, I want to come back, too.
The darkness was looming, the same as before, but something had changed. It was different, now. More ominous. Heavier. Something inside her knew that if she let the darkness take her again, it would be for the last time.
The emptiness had been steadily creeping through her, barely leaving anything untouched. She was River, but not, and she knew this had to come to an end.
She still had no recollection of what had happened to her, no idea how she’d gotten to this place or how she could leave, only that she was trapped in her own body.
Help me, she attempted to say. Get me out of here.
Her memories were fragmented pieces floating through her mind, but even so, she knew she’d never experienced anything like this before.
As if the voice had heard her unspoken plea, fingers brushed River’s cheek.
The gentle touch verged on reverent, and, gods help her, River wanted to lean in to it so damned badly.
The fingers traveled across River’s face, brushing the corner of her lips oh so lightly, then down her chin, her neck, her arm.
They laced through her fingers, clinging to her.
As if this person, whoever they were, felt like she was an indispensable part of their life. As if they needed her as much as she needed them.
“Please,” the voice said roughly.
Open your eyes! River screamed at herself.
They did not obey her commands. When she asked her fingers to move, they ignored her, as well.
Nothing was working.
Nothing.
Despair was sweeping through River, filling the vast void inside her. She didn’t know how much time had passed while she’d been in this strange space, but it felt like forever.
Her mind was moving sluggishly. She was hot and cold at the same time. Everything inside her felt wrong.
“The doctors said that if you don’t wake soon, you probably won’t.” The voice cracked on the last word, and something inside River ached at the sound. “And that… that can’t happen. You have to fucking wake up, because I need you. I can’t do this without you.”
The tone of his voice, the desperation woven into his words, pulled at River’s heart. She knew, deep down inside, that she needed this person, too.
Lips brushed her cheek. Ghosted it, really. The touch was barely there, yet it reverberated through her. “Please.”
The word stood out to River. Not only because the request was layered, but because she knew the voice didn’t say it often. It touched a deep part of her.
And so, River gathered every ounce of strength she possessed.
She held it close and shoved past the emptiness inside her.
Ignoring the fact that she was vacant in an unnatural way, River focused on the hand gripping hers, the way it clung to her.
The strength that lay in that touch. The yearning in the mysterious person’s every word.
She poured everything she had into this moment, pushed herself as hard as she could, because this was it.
Her final fight.
Minutes passed, or they could’ve been seconds or hours. She had no way of telling time.
Eventually, River’s fingers twitched. It was a minuscule movement, and yet, it felt like the greatest victory.
A sharp inhale came from above her. “Do that again.”
Oh, how she yearned to please that voice and do exactly as they asked.
Again, she strained. Again, it took far too long, but her fingers rubbed against each other.
A soul-deep sigh of relief rang through the room. Lips pressed against her fingers, adoring and gentle, as if she was one wrong move away from breaking.
“Oh, gods. That’s it, River.” A thumb stroked her hand, leaving a trail of warmth in its wake. “Keep going.”
Gathering herself and forcing her body to move was like cleaning up a garden after a tempest. Everything was out of place, knocked over and messy.
Bringing the pieces of herself back together took time and effort, and gods above, she was fatigued.
Weariness had sunk into her bones. Even thinking hurt.
It was taxing, wading through the growing void and trying to collect the pieces of herself.
But she had to do it.
Open up, River told her eyes. Please.
It felt like she had to repeat the command a dozen times before her lids briefly lifted. Just enough for a tiny shard of light to make it through. It was gone nearly as quickly as it had appeared, but it had been unmistakable.
The sight flooded River with hope, and she pushed even harder to get back to herself.
It felt like a series of lifetimes had passed before bright light seared her vision, and she cried out. Who knew light could be so magnificent and awful at the same time?
Scrunching her eyes, she gasped for air, filling her lungs.
She steeled herself, mentally preparing for the blinding light.
She took stock of her body—her head was on something soft, and she was fairly certain she was lying down.
A comfortable blanket covered her, light and lacking the oppressive weight she’d been struggling against in that nothing place.
She squinted, waiting for the blinding light to reappear. It wasn’t as bad this time. Blacks, browns, and whites swam in front of her, and a blob solidified, becoming a fae male.
Nikhail.
Oh, gods.
Her vision blurred for a completely different reason. Her heart wrenched as understanding washed over her. He was the voice, the one who had stayed by her side throughout this whole ordeal.
Not only was Nikhail here with her, but he was in disarray.
And that shocked River.