Chapter 7 Bleakness and Dark Clouds #2
“Thank you,” River murmured, picking up a fork. “For all of this.”
“No need to thank me, Riv.” Brynleigh pulled her mug out of the microwave and took a sip, her shoulders relaxing. “We’re family, and this is what family does. We look after each other.”
Maybe most families, but not the Waterborns. Growing up, River had quickly learned that the only thing Tertia Waterborn cared about—other than her husband—was her job. Family was more of a cumbersome weight she had to deal with than anything else.
Ryker had done the best he could. River recognized that. He was an amazing older brother, and he had gone above and beyond what most brothers would’ve done. But even so, nothing could truly fill the void of not having two loving parents in River’s life. Not really.
As if she knew that River was still lost in her mind, Brynleigh didn’t push her for conversation. Several minutes passed in silence as River poked at her food before the vampire opened a drawer in the island and slid something small across the counter.
“Ryker found this. I’m sure it needs to be charged, but I thought you might want it back.”
River’s gaze dropped to the marble surface, where her phone was lying in front of her. “Oh.” That was weird. Her voice sounded distant, as if someone else was speaking, not her. “I was wondering where that had gone.”
Strange, how such a small piece of technology could seem so daunting.
Brynleigh stood, tucking her laptop under her arm and scooping up her mug. “Do you need anything else?”
Besides turning back time and finding a cure for the Stillness?
River’s gaze slid from her phone to her nearly full plate, then back. “No, thank you. I’m good.”
“Great. I’m going to answer emails in the study, but call me if you need anything.”
“I will.” River drew in a deep breath, and in an effort to be normal, she asked, “How are things with the foundation?”
When Jelisette, Brynleigh’s Maker, died, her assets passed on to her progeny. For a while, Brynleigh hadn’t been sure about what to do with the money, but eventually, she decided to open a foundation with her friend, Zanri, and his partner, Owen.
Their goal was simple: help those in need throughout the Republic.
They wanted to help bridge the divide between the Representatives and the lower classes.
In doing so, they hoped to ease the living conditions of the Republic’s most needy.
It was a worthy cause, and River was proud to have the Waterborn name associated with it.
Brynleigh leaned against the doorway and grinned. “They’re good.”
“Yeah?”
“Mm-hmm. The orphanages we’ve chosen as recipients are flourishing. We’re looking at expanding our reach in the coming months.”
“That’s amazing,” River replied, and she meant it.
It was incredible, the way the vampire was accomplishing her goals.
Brynleigh first shared about the foundation the summer before last, at a late-night barbecue she and Ryker were hosting.
“Tell me about this foundation,” River said, sipping from the red plastic cup Ryker had handed her not long ago.
Nikhail and Atlas were at the grill, on the other side of the yard. Every so often, River could feel Nikhail’s attention on her, but they hadn’t had the chance to talk yet tonight.
Brynleigh grinned. “Z and I are so excited about it. When the opportunity arose to help people in need, we knew we had to take it.”
The vampire’s passion was evident in her voice, and River’s lips tugged up. “I can’t think of a better person for this.”
What Brynleigh lacked in experience in running a foundation, she made up for in enthusiasm and a genuine desire to usher in change in the Republic.
Brynleigh twisted a ribbon made of shadows through her fingers.
“Thank you. I know it won’t be easy, and I’m sure we’ll come upon a plethora of obstacles, but I want to do this.
Helping people with the money sounds so much better than just sitting on it and letting it accrue interest. Besides”—she bumped her hip against Ryker’s—“what would we do with more money? We have everything we need.”
Ryker gazed adoringly at his wife. “You’re going to do an amazing job.” He brushed his lips over Brynleigh’s forehead, and the pair exchanged an intimate glance that had River feeling like she should excuse herself. “My wife has excelled at everything she’s ever tried.”
“Ryker,” Brynleigh whispered.
“It’s true.” He drew his wife close and kissed her softly. “You’re going to change the world, sweetheart, and I couldn’t be prouder of you.”
The vampire’s cheeks colored, a feat for her kind, and she slapped his chest playfully. “Stop, Ry. That’s too much.”
Ryker wrapped his arm around his bride and held her close. “Never. I have full faith in you. This will be amazing.”
He’d been right. From the moment Brynleigh and Zanri launched their foundation, they’d been changing lives in the Republic of Balance.
Children who had been going hungry were now being fed.
Rundown orphanages were getting much-needed repairs.
New furniture was coming in. Clothes were being purchased.
Healthy food was available in abundance.
“We’re throwing a fundraising ball in the spring,” Brynleigh said presently, pulling River’s attention back to her. She named the date and time. “You should come. I think you’d enjoy it.”
A ball.
The very thought of putting on a fancy dress and mingling with the Republic’s upper echelon had River’s stomach churning.
Yet she knew how hard Brynleigh had been working to raise money.
She couldn’t just ignore the fundraiser, even if she desperately wanted to do nothing more than climb back into bed.
Besides, it was a few months away. Practically a lifetime.
“I’ll think about it,” River said. It was about all she could promise, right now. “You’ll send me the details?”
“Of course. Ry would love it if you came.” The vampire’s phone trilled, and she answered the call. “Hello, you’ve reached Brynleigh Waterborn.” She glanced at River and mouthed, “Sorry.”
“No worries.”
“Yes, I got that email. I’ll have to check and see…” Brynleigh hurried out of the room with a bounce in her step. She seemed happy, both in life and in her marriage, and River admired that. Envied it, too, if she was being honest.
A moment later, the study door snicked shut. The sound echoed through the house. Marlowe padded over to River, looking up at her with a wide, adoring gaze.
“Well, I guess it’s just the two of us today,” River said, scratching Marlowe on his head.
Marlowe wagged his tail, as if to say, “Yep.” Eventually, River drew her gaze away and focused on the phone in front of her.
Even though she’d been itching to text Nikhail earlier, now that the device was back in her possession, she was scared to look at it. There would be a plethora of messages, emails, and missed calls waiting for her, and the thought of checking them had ice sluicing through her veins.
River flipped the phone over, hiding the black screen. She stared at the striations on the counter until they blurred together.
Gods. Why was this so hard? Why did everything feel so difficult?
The clock on the microwave declared that River had been awake for over two hours, and what did she have to show for it? She’d taken a cold shower, brushed her hair, and half-eaten her breakfast.
She felt like a gods-damned failure.
Before, she’d been able to wake up half an hour before a morning shift and race to the hospital, purchasing a muffin and a coffee on her way in. Sure, sometimes she’d be a few minutes late, but she’d been working on that.
Before, she’d scarf down a meal in fifteen minutes on her break, barely taking time to breathe.
Before, even though she’d been cursed, she’d been a complete person who had a handle on their life.
But she hadn’t been broken before. Not really.
Right now, River couldn’t imagine moving any faster. The mere thought of pulling on shoes, tying the laces, and going for a walk felt like a monumental task. She couldn’t imagine the effort it would take to go to Dyna’s temple to pray. Gods fucking above, she was hiding from her emails.
There was a word for this, the way River felt. Bleak and alone and so fucking desolate that she didn’t know what to do with herself, but it was escaping her right now.
The next time River looked up, another half-hour had passed. The quiet hum of Brynleigh’s voice was the only sound in the house, except for Marlowe’s soft snores where he slept at River’s feet.
River forced herself to stand up. Every movement was drawn out and felt like trudging through mud. She cleared off her plate, put it in the dishwasher, and picked up her phone.
Ignoring the intimidating screen, she made her way to the couch. Picking up the blanket resting across the back, she pulled it over her shoulders and wrapped it around herself.
River plugged in her phone and let her head fall back. She’d just rest for a few minutes, and then…
“She’s been sleeping for a few hours, Ry, and she barely ate any food.” The hushed, concerned whisper came from nearby. It drew River out of a nightmare filled with shouts and screams and endless waves. And death. So much death. “I’m worried about her.”
A floorboard creaked. “So am I, but what else can we do?”
“I don’t know. She seems so devastated.”
The words were nearly as heavy as River’s heart.
“Dad was… we both loved him, but the two of them had a special connection, you know?” Ryker’s voice cracked. “He was her father, and they were a pair.”
Fabric rustled, followed by an indistinguishable murmur.
River peered through the slits of her eyes. Night had fallen, the moon and stars clearly visible through the large living room windows.
Ryker and Brynleigh stood a few feet away, hugging.
Their heads were bent together, and they gently swayed back and forth.
Brynleigh was murmuring in Ryker’s ear, and his hand swept down her back in a soothing motion.
The military fae was still in his uniform, having come straight from the base.
He still wore his boots. Marlowe was lying on the rug, his head cradled in his paws as he slept.
They were a family, and River had never felt more like an outsider. This was an intensely intimate moment, one shared between partners that wasn’t meant to be witnessed.
Squeezing her lids shut, River pretended to still be asleep. She shouldn’t be watching this.
She wasn’t sure how much time had passed before the air shifted in front of her. A warm, calloused hand brushed hair off her forehead, then cupped her cheek. The touch was soft and familiar, and she knew it was Ryker before he rumbled, “Hey, Shortie.”
She did her best impression of waking up and whispered, “Hey.”
“Sorry I wasn’t here earlier.”
“Don’t be. You have a life.” She tried to smile, but she wasn’t sure it was working. “I wouldn’t expect you to drop everything for me.”
Not again.
Besides, unlike River, Ryker was a good water fae. He was strong and able to control both his magic and his emotions. He had a job he enjoyed. A home. A wife who loved him. A dog.
His life was as close to perfect as one could get, and if it belonged to anyone other than the brother she adored, River would be jealous.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
That was a good question. It shouldn’t have been difficult to answer, and yet, it was. Gods, everything was difficult.
The clouds were back, or maybe they hadn’t ever left. The medical part of River’s brain realized that she should be hungry, since she’d barely eaten, but the thought of putting food in her mouth and chewing right now felt like far too much work.
“I’m… tired,” she admitted.
Ryker’s mouth pinched, and she could tell that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He exchanged a concerned glance with Brynleigh, who stood nearby, but neither of them pushed back.
“Okay.” Ryker stood, helping River to her feet. She kept the blanket wrapped around herself, not ready to give it up, and she didn’t miss the disapproving glance Ryker sent the prohiberis cuffs. “I’ll make you some tea, but if you want to go back to sleep, that’s fine.”
It wasn’t that River wanted to go back to sleep. Not really. But also, she didn’t really want to do anything else.
And that…
That made every step heavy, every breath hurt.
It wasn’t until after River had half-heartedly drunk some tea before climbing into bed and pulling the blanket over herself that she realized she hadn’t even turned on her phone.