Chapter 22
Frustratingly, Terribly Wonderful
River leaned against Nikhail, her soul wonderfully light as they walked down the boardwalk of The Winding Canal.
In the summertime, the water lapped gently at the shore.
Now, a thick sheet of ice covered the surface, and people were skating along the waterway.
Hot cocoa stands were set up on the ice, providing refreshments for the thirsty skaters, along with shacks providing fried dough covered in cinnamon sugar and other tasty treats.
The temperature had dropped, and River was grateful for the long coat she’d donned this afternoon and the gloves she had in her pocket.
“Thank you for today, Nik,” she murmured as they passed a pair of lovers kissing beneath a tree. “I loved every second of it.”
This walk was the perfect way to end their date. The boardwalk was busy but not overly crowded. Stars shone above them. The moon lent its silver glow, adding a romantic feel to the evening.
They’d stopped at the car earlier, dropping off the souvenirs Nikhail had purchased at Leonardo House, before making their way to the waterway.
“Of course.” Nikhail lifted their joined hands and pressed a kiss to the back of hers. Her stomach fluttered. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
She beamed. “I did. It was easily the best first date I’ve ever been on.”
Not that she’d had many of those. Between the Incident, medical school, researching the Stillness, and working at the hospital, she hadn’t made much time for dating.
But even with her limited experience, River knew she’d always remember this day, when she’d gotten to know a different side of Nikhail.
Today, he hadn’t just been her brother’s best friend or the forbidden object of her attraction, but the man she was dating. Handsome, kind, and considerate, he’d made her laugh and planned a date he knew she would enjoy, with her interests in mind.
He cared.
Every little thing Nikhail had done today proved that.
River couldn’t remember the last time she’d enjoyed herself so thoroughly. She’d had so much fun that the weight of the prohiberis manacles had escaped her notice. The lack of magic in her veins had barely bothered her, and the emptiness inside her had hardly registered.
Today, she hadn’t been broken or cursed. She hadn’t been worried about her storm or the rebels or her internship at the hospital. She hadn’t even been grieving.
There was a part of River—the young girl who had lost her father—that felt bad about that.
Smiling and laughing when her father was dead felt like a slap in his face.
But the bigger part of her, the one that had won out, knew that Cyrus would want River to get out and live.
He would’ve encouraged her to go on this date and to be happy.
“The best?” Nikhail smiled, a dazzling thing, and drew her to a stop beneath an arch. He placed his finger under her chin, tilting up her head.
“Without a doubt.”
“Good,” he rumbled, stepping closer to her. He lowered his head, his breath ghosting over her lips. “Because this was undoubtedly the most amazing date I’ve ever been on.”
“Really?” How could that be? River was aware of Nikhail’s reputation. She knew that he’d gone on a plethora of dates in the past. As long as she didn’t think too hard about it—or the activities that had surely occurred after—it didn’t really bother her.
What was done was done, and he was here now, with her.
“There’s no contest,” he said. “Every minute I spend with you is better than a hundred spent apart.”
River’s breath caught in her throat, and her heartbeat rang in her ears. Nikhail kept doing this—saying such incredible things effortlessly, as if they required no thought at all.
She breathed his name, placing her palms flat on his chest, and he moved closer. “Yes, little storm?”
“This is our first date,” she reminded him.
“I know.”
“And you keep saying these tremendous things.”
They were wonderful, honestly. Frustratingly, terribly wonderful.
His thumb teased the edge of her mouth, and his brows furrowed. “Then why do you look upset?”
“Because…”
Her voice trailed off as she struggled to find the words to describe how she was feeling.
How could she explain that if Nikhail kept saying things like this, if he kept telling her how much he wanted her, that she might start to believe him? What would happen if one day, he decided that she was too broken for him?
She wouldn’t survive that.
River couldn’t find the words, but it seemed that she didn’t need to. Nikhail must’ve read something on her face because he bent his head and cupped her cheek, resting his forehead on hers.
“Your thoughts are very loud, little storm,” he murmured.
“Are they?”
“Mm-hmm.” His gaze darkened, holding hers for a long moment. “Do you want to know a secret?”
“Always,” she said.
Who didn’t like being privy to confidential information? River had always enjoyed collecting secrets—when they belonged to other people.
Her own secrets were not nearly as delightful.
“This might be our first official date, but if I have anything to do with it, it will not be our last.”
River sucked in a breath, but before she could say anything, Nikhail continued.
“I want you, little storm. You make me feel complete in a way that no one else ever has. It’s as if I were missing a part of myself before I met you.
I realize this is a lot, but this isn’t a normal first date.
Not for me, anyway. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but I need you to know that I’m all in on us.
Not just for today, but for as long as you’ll have me. Forever, I hope.”
Nikhail’s words should’ve frightened her. They should’ve put her off, because who in their right mind made this kind of declaration on a first date?
Even so, sparks kindled in her soul.
Yes, Nikhail had told her that he wanted her before, but words weren’t always the most reliable. River had trouble trusting what people said—even fae. There were ways around the truth. People could say one thing and do another.
But time and again, Nikhail’s actions had backed up his words. He wanted her. The knowledge settled deep in her bones, one that couldn’t easily be swayed.
There were many things River could’ve said in that moment, many things running through her mind, but before she could voice more than a breathy, “oh,” a shrill ring cut through the air.
The moment shattered.
Nikhail’s eyes widened, and he stepped back. Every inch between them felt like an ocean, and as he pulled out his phone, he glanced at the screen and grimaced. “I’m sorry, River. My phone is only set to ring in case of emergency, so it’s—”
“Important,” she finished for him. “Go ahead, answer it. I understand.”
River was well-versed in this life, thanks to Ryker. People in the military were never truly “off.” They could step away from work, but they could always be called back at a moment’s notice.
Nikhail’s low rumble reached River’s ears as he spoke into his phone a short distance away.
She moved towards the canal, leaning against the wooden railing.
Faint peals of laughter reached her ears, and she watched as a figure skater leaped, only to be caught by her partner mid-air.
They laughed, the wind carrying the sound to her ears.
Their joy was contagious, and River’s lips twitched up.
A few minutes later, almond and cedar drifted towards River, and her shoulders relaxed. Even before Nikhail said a word, she knew he was there. She turned, but the smile slipped off her lips as she took in his serious expression.
“I’m sorry,” Nikhail said regretfully. “I have to cut our date short. My team needs me at the office.”
Disappointment welled within River, which was ridiculous. She’d just spent the whole day with Nikhail—and most of the night before. It shouldn’t bother her that he needed to go to work. After all, this was the nature of his job.
And yet, it did.
“It’s okay. I understand.”
He squeezed her fingers. “I’ll drop you off on my way in. Do you want to go to Atlas’s house, or would you rather I take you to the farmhouse?”
Both options were fine, but neither was what River wanted.
“Maybe I could go with you?” The words were out of her mouth before she could second-guess them.
Nikhail’s brows furrowed. “To the office?”
“If I can. I’ve had such a good time with you, and I would hate to cut our date short.” Especially for something like this.
“I don’t know…”
“I understand if it’s not allowed. I just thought that since it’s late, the office would be pretty empty, so…” Her voice trailed off, and her shoulders slumped. “You know what? Never mind. It was a stupid idea, and it’s not—”
“Fuck it.” Nikhail cupped her cheeks, pressing his lips to hers.
The kiss was as intense as it was quick, and River was certain her face was flushed when the air fae pulled back.
“You’re right. I don’t want to leave you either.
” He tugged on her hand in the direction of his car.
“Come on, River. The sooner we go, the sooner we can get back to our date.”
She hurried behind him down the boardwalk. “I love the sound of that.”
River wasn’t sure what she’d expected Nikhail’s office in Golden City to look like, but it wasn’t this. The building wasn’t on the military base, and to be honest, it didn’t look like an office at all. At least, not from the outside.
Rather, it was a large two-story red house with a wraparound porch that looked like all the other houses that lined the street.
The similarities to a residence ended when Nikhail pressed his thumb against a sensor and had his eye scanned. The door swung open on silent hinges, opening not to a foyer as River would’ve expected, but a small entryway where a soldier stood guard. He looked at Nikhail, then River.
For a moment, River thought this would be it. The guard would tell her to turn around, and she’d have to take a rideshare back to Atlas’s house.