26. Celeste
Chapter 26
Celeste
Saar
I’m quitting my job.
Cora
Oh, no, is the shoot that bad?
Saar
I don’t mean the shoot, I mean I’m done with modeling.
Me
Do elaborate.
Saar
I hate it. I’m hungry, angry, exhausted, and most of the time abused.
Me
What happened?
Cora
OMG What’s going on?
Saar
Sorry, I’m just tired I think. I miss you.
“ Y ou really didn’t have to drive me, Peter.”
“Mr. van den Linden insisted you use the car when he doesn’t need it, which is happening a lot lately.”
It’s been four weeks since we christened Caleb’s new office thoroughly. I will never look Roxy or anyone at Merged in their eyes again. And yet, I don’t regret any moment, touch or moan.
Since that day, however, Caleb has been working. Working more, and stealing too few moments with me.
I wish we had more time for each other, but with my renewed work permit and his workload, we’re both too busy.
To Caleb’s credit, even under immense pressure to announce his first win at Merged, he’s found time to see me—and fuck me—at least three times a week.
Either he sneaks into my shower in the morning, or sends Peter to pick me up and get me to wherever he just finished a meeting, or we squeeze in a lunch in his office—no food included.
The evenings when I don’t perform can sometimes feel lonely, but I’m usually so tired I fall asleep as soon as I hit the pillow.
And even when he’s not there, Caleb always sends me my favorite takeout or a bottle of wine. Or a gift. The man really has no spending brakes .
“I’m glad I have something to do,” Peter says as he pulls into the slow Manhattan traffic.
A pang of guilt swirls in my stomach. I’ve been complaining about being driven while I didn’t realize that Peter’s livelihood depends on it. Especially now when Caleb doesn’t use him as often as before.
“How long have you been working for Caleb?”
“Only a year, but I’ve known him for much longer.”
“How?” I perk up and lean forward. I don’t suppose Peter would betray Caleb’s trust and share much, but I don’t want to waste the opportunity to learn more about the man.
Peter flicks his gaze at me in the rearview mirror and then back to the road, shifting in his seat.
I guess I got excited too fast. I slide my butt back on the smooth leather and smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
Peter doesn’t acknowledge my apology, nor does he answer my question, which only piques my curiosity. But I don’t want to make him uncomfortable with my interrogation, so I pull my phone out to check my messages when he suddenly continues.
“Young Mr. van den Linden is a good man. He has a wild side to him, but neither he nor his brother are like their father.” His words are laced with contempt.
“You used to work for the senior.” It’s a statement as I read between the lines of what he said. “Did he fire you unjustly?”
“That’s not how he would see it.” Peter snorts. This is the first time he’s exhibited any emotions. The man is the epitome of stoicism.
“And Caleb found out and gave you an opportunity,” I conclude with certainty.
I’ve always thought it a rich boy's whim to be driven around, even though he doesn’t really need it in the city.
Especially since Caleb is a man who doesn’t mind taking an Uber. And he despises status because that’s the only thing his father values.
But employing a man who was probably abused by the older van den Linden and the power he loves to misuse, that’s a different story.
A story that spreads a warm feeling through me, leaving me oddly conflicted about everything Caleb.
“Yeah…” Peter looks like he wants to elaborate, but instead he studies me in the mirror while we wait on a red light. And then he decides, I think, that he can trust me. “One might think he does all the good deeds to spite his father. But every time I do the pharmacy pickups for their old housekeeper, she tells me stories from his childhood when he would fight for every bullied kid, bring home every stray pet, or help her behind his parents’ backs. ”
As much as I would like to laugh at this, because the playboy I know doesn’t seem to bode well with the kind memories, I believe all of them.
But why does Peter… “You do pharmacy runs for their old housekeeper?”
“Only when Mr. van den Linden can’t.” Peter flinches. “I’m sorry, Mrs. van den Linden, I shouldn’t be talking about his personal business. My apologies.”
“I won’t tell on you, Peter, but I appreciate you sharing with me.”
It sheds more light on the man I married for a visa, crumbling my desperate efforts to keep my heart at arm’s length.
Cora added +212 658 7487 to this conversation
Saar
Who is that?
Cora
Lily. I hope you don’t mind.
“I’ll be right with you.” Cora hugs me when I enter the bistro.
There’s a young man behind the counter, and Lily sits at our usual table.
Cora rushes over to the man who is polishing glasses, and I take a seat across from Lily.
“I hope you don’t mind that Cora invited me to join you today.” Lily smiles tentatively.
“Of course not. I’m glad. How are you?”
“The new job at the concierge service is great. All day long I’m helping people to book appointments, make reservations, research things, and simply organize their lives. I think I’m better at it than… “ She looks at Cora and her new employee.
“That’s good to hear.” I laugh. “I’m sure your clients keep you busy. Sometimes money comes with an unhealthy dose of eccentricity.”
“Or misguided entitlement,” she whispers, and looks away like she’s just imparted a trade secret.
“As someone married to a rich guy, I can attest some of them are normal. Equally fucked up as the rest of us.”
“That’s good to know.” Lily worries her lip, lost in her thoughts.
Even though she’s a few years younger than me, she is still older than I was when I arrived in this city. But I guess it’s hard to start from scratch and follow one’s dreams with empty pockets.
I want to encourage her, but Cora plops in beside me. “How is married life treating you?”
I let out a loaded breath. “It’s too good. ”
As each day passes, it’s harder to play the role of a fake wife with benefits. It’s becoming impossible to step out of that role. It’s getting easier to slip into it and enjoy the fairy tale like it’s real.
“The words sound positive, but the way you say them…” Cora eyes me.
“He’s been attentive, caring, hot and irresistible, and I don’t know what to make of it. He demanded exclusivity, sends me gifts, and we fuck like rabbits.”
“That sounds perfect. What am I missing?” Lily frowns.
Cora tenses beside me, and my heart rate speeds up a notch.
“Shit. I’m sorry, I forgot—”
“What’s going on?” Lily’s gaze darts between me and Cora.
Cora groans. “I believe we can trust this one.” She smiles at me, biting her lip.
I sigh. “I married my friend’s brother to secure my visa. For all intents and purposes, we’re pretending it’s a genuine marriage.”
Lily makes a zipping motion with her hand across her mouth. “Your secret is safe with me. But based on what you said, it feels like a real marriage, too.”
I puff out the air from my cheeks. “I wouldn’t say a real marriage, but a real relationship nevertheless. Only it isn’t. ”
“Why do you insist on saying that? Why don’t you both admit things have evolved and see where they might go?” Cora plays with the plastic sign holder on the table.
“We’re talking about Caleb van den Linden. A man who swore off marriage and has been a playboy until now.” I turn to get the attention of the new guy, because I really need my coffee.
“That’s romantic.” Lily sighs.
I chuckle. “What’s romantic about that?”
“A playboy that insists on exclusivity. Obviously you’re special to him.” She grins.
“Or I’m convenient for him and his busy schedule, and his entitled ass doesn’t like sharing.” I sag into my chair, deflated.
Not that anything in Caleb’s actions would confirm that. But then, nothing’s refuted it either.
He’s been as playful as ever. Attentive, yes. But that might just be his game. The man takes care of his father’s mistakes, for fuck’s sake.
“Since when are you so cynical?” Cora huffs, stands up and talks to the new server before she returns. “Your latte is on its way.”
“You hired new help?” I ask, hoping to move the attention from me. But I’m distracted by her comment. Am I being cynical?
I’ve been holding back, reining in my feelings, because from the get-go I knew Caleb doesn’t do relationships. That’s why our arrangement should have worked—in theory.
But nothing in his behavior since we started sleeping together suggests he’s not in it fully. God, we need to have a conversation.
Though having that conversation might mean I’d find out I’m just a convenient lay, and that would throw us into that uncomfortable ‘morning after sex with your roommate’ zone. I wish my green card was sorted already.
“Are you even listening to me?” Cora interrupts my train of thought. “The new guy is significantly better than Lily”—she looks at her former server—“no offense, babe.”
“None taken.” Lily raises her mug as if her lack of skills is a reason to toast.
“Anyway, Sanjay is my new server. I took your advice and set clear boundaries, and now I think he fears me. That’s why he didn’t come to take your order.”
That makes me chuckle. “I can’t possibly imagine anyone fearing you.”
Cora is a decade older than me, and she is a no-nonsense, down to earth woman with a big heart, but sometimes she can come across as abrupt, controlling, and a bit intimidating.
Lily snickers, and Cora’s eyes widen. “Were you afraid of me?”
“At the beginning, yes.”
“Oh shit, and I was being kind to you.” Cora turns and watches Sanjay for a moment.
“I’m sure you’re kind to him as well. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re a bitch to someone.” I poke her ribs with my elbow.
And as to my own point, Caleb is kind to me, but that doesn’t mean he reset his initial boundaries. He just stopped being a jerk because having sex with me is more fun.
“Maybe I’m just not built to be a boss.” Cora folds her arms across her chest, sliding lower in her chair.
“You’re a great boss, and besides, you won’t ever grow this business if you keep working the counter, the kitchen and the floor,” Lily points out.
“Which reminds me, I looked at your numbers. There’s some room for growth, I think,” I say, as Sanjay brings my latte. I take a tentative sip and sigh, savoring the beverage with closed eyes for a beat.
Lily giggles. “Definitely better than mine.”
“When you say growth, all I hear is more work.” Cora puts her head into her palms.
“Not necessarily. I’m not an expert, but I think with some additions to the menu, happy hours and more promo, you can draw more of a crowd without too much effort.”
“I can’t pay for expensive marketing,” Cora mumbles into her hands.
“It doesn’t have to be expensive,” Lily says. “I can help you with social media.”
Cora looks through her fingers, but says nothing.
“I’m better at that than I am at making coffee. Let me help you.”
“I think it’s a great idea.” I take another sip.
Heaven. This latte is even better than anything Cora made herself. Caleb would love it.
The thought makes me pause. When did I start considering his opinion even when he’s not around?
It crept up on me unexpectedly, but it’s there. I think of him when I get a standing ovation, wishing he was there to celebrate with me. When I drink my morning tea alone, because he left at the crack of dawn. When I see a meme and almost forward it to him.
When I add walnuts to my salad, just like Caleb always does.
When flipping through an online gallery, I want to ask him his opinion on a piece of art.
When I dance in the home studio he had made for me.
Merde. I’m truly fucked .
Cora drops her hands, her gaze dancing between us. “Okay, let’s do it, but I’ll start paying you as soon—”
“Three months. I’ll do it for free to make up for all the mess and breakages I caused here. And because you deserve help. After that, we’ll talk.” Lily lifts her mug again to seal the deal.
Cora turns to me. “Thank you for giving me the push, and looking at my numbers. It’s a shame you don’t have your school anymore. By now, it would have been the largest and best dance school in the city.”
“That’s still the dream.”
I haven’t thought about my studio lately, but that doesn’t mean my desire to reopen it has weakened. With my work permit and the show income renewed, I can finally start saving again.
And after my divorce, thanks to Caleb’s insistence on a prenup with a nice payout, I might be able to fast-forward those dreams.
The thought saddens me, and a part of me wishes I could have it all. But that’s too good to be true, as the next few days will prove.