Chapter Fourteen
Carly’s quiet plea disintegrated Owen’s self-control and common sense. For a while all he wanted to do was hold her and forget—about their problems, their differences, their futures. Most of all her leaving.
He wanted to love her.
Love her? The thought bolted through him. Lord help him, because he was already half in love with her. Maybe more.
Knowing that, how would he ever let her go?
He pulled her against him. Her soft curves fit perfectly against his hard angles as they always had, as if they’d never been apart. When her hands splayed across his chest, she nearly burned a hole through his shirt. Blood pounded in his ears, drowning out everything but Carly, and his need.
His mouth covered hers as the hunger drove him.
Her lips parted under his and he reveled in her passion.
His lips moved over hers, strong and insistent, as she clung to him, but it wasn’t enough.
Needing to be closer, he cupped her bottom and slid her onto his lap.
His erection pressed against her. She moved against him, creating a tormenting friction, while he tugged her blouse from her jeans and his hand slipped underneath to caress her.
His hands slid over her silky skin until he reached her breast. Through her lacey bra, he rolled her sensitive nipple between his thumb and index finger. Her delighted moan echoed around him.
“I want you. More than I thought possible.”
She nodded, her eyes glazed with desire for him. “I need you. Now.”
He paused. “Making love has a way of changing things between people.”
“I don’t care.”
Reality crashed in on him. “But I do.”
*
The next day Owen stopped at his parents’ place to work on his mini equestrian therapy course, hoping to work off the stress plaguing him from the bombshells Carly had hit him with last night.
Despite being somewhat prepared by Ryder’s admission, hearing her plans for leaving Service had thrown him hard. But he’d held it together.
He’d been darn proud of himself right up until she’d asked him to make the world go away and told him she wanted him. After that, he’d been lost, and he didn’t give a damn if he ever found his way out.
But then reality hit. If he made love to Carly, he worried he couldn’t let her go this time. Nor would he keep from begging her not to leave and how could he ask Carly to share his life when he’d be gone for months at a time? Would she even consider it?
Needing to burn off his tension, he guided Major to the course.
As they worked, Owen noticed how much his balance and physical control had improved since returning to Service.
As for his cognitive issues, the progress proved slower, but he’d learned to compensate by writing notes to jog his memory and working through cognitive decisions on paper as well.
Now if he had to fight his discharge, he stood a good chance of winning an appeal.
When his phone chimed he halted Major, transferred the reins to his left hand, and pulled his phone from his shirt pocket with his right. He smiled at how he’d pulled off the move. When he’d first arrived, he’d have fallen on his ass trying the maneuvers.
His excitement died the minute he saw Addie’s name on his phone. “Have something of Landon’s 2 give u. Where r u?”
He flinched and Major, sensing his anxiety, shifted under him.
When his vision blurred, Owen closed his eyes and worked to calm his nerves.
He didn’t need something of Landon’s to remember him.
Every day he carried the weight of his friend’s sacrifice, it drove him.
How would he ever redeem himself for failing Addie?
Addie and Landon. They’d been in love since their first date at sixteen.
They should be here together, starting the family they both wanted so badly.
He wanted to make up an excuse to avoid Addie, but he refused to add to his sins by lying to her, by brushing her off. He owed it to her to cowboy up.
“At my folks. Come on over.”
Nervous energy eating at his gut, he and Major returned to the obstacle course. They maneuvered around a hay bale, and he dug his heels into the horse’s ebony flanks urging him on. If they ran fast enough, could he outrun his guilt?
“What would Carly say about you racing all hell for leather out here?” Addie’s concerned, verging on panicked, voice reached him over Major’s thunderous hooves.
He slowed the horse, trotted over to where she stood at the edge of his course and dismounted. “What she doesn’t know won’t get me a lecture. You gonna bust me?”
“I think you should be more careful considering your head injury. I’d hate to see you undo progress you’ve made, but I’m not a tattletale.”
He winced. Damn. Landon had given him a gift. To treat it so carelessly dishonored his friend. “Doesn’t matter, because your dressing-down is near as good as Carly’s.”
Addie grinned. Then she reached into her pocket, withdrew a small wooden box, and her smile disappeared. Her eyes turned haunted and glistened with tears. He stared at the item she held, the gift she’d given Landon after he’d earned his Aggie ring. When she held it out to him, he shook his head.
“His Aggie ring’s not in it if that’s what you’re worried about. That came back with his personal affects and we buried it with—” Addie’s voice broke and a tear slid down her cheek.
Owen stepped closer and enveloped his friend’s widow in a hug. Before she pulled away, she shoved the box into his shaking hands. “I want you to have this.”
The wood, warm from her hands, and raised Texas A&M seal burned his palm.
“You should keep it.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, refusing to accept the box from him when he tried to return it. “Without Landon’s ring inside—it feels wrong. Hollow. Landon loved you like a brother. He’d want you to have it, and I do too. If his ring can’t be there, knowing yours is gives me comfort.”
Owen nodded and slipped the box into his shirt pocket. The small item rested heavy against his chest “I should’ve brought him back safely to you.”
“You couldn’t have prevented what happened.”
“You don’t know that. I keep running it through my head. Why didn’t I realize sooner what jackass idea he had and stop him? There had to be something I missed that could’ve saved him.”
“You don’t know that either. Maybe he’d be here.
Maybe you’d both be dead. You weren’t responsible for Landon.
You were his best friend, not his keeper.
I loved that man to distraction, but I was realistic about his faults.
He was an adrenaline junkie. He loved his job, and he loved it the most when he was deployed. I knew that when I married him.”
“I’d give anything to go back and change what I did, but I can’t. The best I can do is get back in the fight and help rid the world of bastards like the ones who killed him.”
“Quit torturing yourself about what might have been. If you want to return to the military, fine, but make sure you’re living your life the way you want. Trying to live for him or to avenge his death won’t do you any good and doesn’t honor him.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“You sure? The last time Landon and I talked he said he was worried about you. He said he didn’t think you were cut out for the military anymore. He didn’t think you were happy.”
When he’d entered the Army, he’d been gung ho to serve his country, tackle the bad guys, and make the world a better place.
He’d wanted adventure, but lately he hadn’t felt that same passion.
Not that he was unhappy, though, and whenever he thought about leaving the military, he couldn’t see what to do in civilian life that would matter as much as the fight he’d taken on with the Army.
That and the family legacy he felt bound to.
Addie’s small hand on his arm drew Owen’s attention. “Life can be way too short to waste a minute of it. If you knew today was all you had left, how would spend it?”
With Carly.
The answer came instantaneously and with certainty, scaring him. He’d fallen in love with her again. Hell, he probably never quit loving her and knowing the fact changed everything.
“I’d have to think about it.”
“Cut the crap, Owen. You know exactly what you’d want to do.
I saw it in your eyes.” When he opened his mouth to deny it, she waved him off.
“I don’t need to know. All that matters is you do.
But think about this. How does your answer fit with military life?
” Then she kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t throw away what you could have for penance you don’t need to do. ”
He stood in the middle of the pasture, unable to move as he watched Addie leave.
Memories of his childhood flashed in his mind.
Most were with his mom because his father had been off in the somewhere.
Ones of his mom pitching to him for batting practice when he was in Little League.
His mom teaching him to drive and then celebrating over ice cream after he’d passed his driving test. When she couldn’t go for events like Donuts with Dads, his grandfather acted as stand-in.
His mom had been there for him, while his father had been off fighting for the country’s freedom.
Was that what he wanted his life to be? The life he wanted for his children?
Damn. When had he started thinking about having kids? Not just kids. Ones with Carly?
This last deployment and losing Landon changed him.
He wanted to wake up every morning beside Carly, and work with her to change their corner of the world.
He wanted them to have children, and he wanted to see all their major milestones.
First steps. First words. First day of school.
When his child went on a first date, he would be there to offer advice and to pace the floor until he or Lord help him, she, arrived home.