Chapter 28
Little John stops pushing his horse – a block of wood – along the floor. ‘You look nervous.’
‘I’m not,’ I say, with a glance at Brother Thomas. We’re seated on mismatched chairs in his closet of a kitchen. There’s a bucket for his sink and a few dishes on a shelf. A wooden box makes up his table. Hanging from the ceiling is an oil lamp on a hook, by far the nicest item in the room.
Brother Thomas raises a slightly swollen, but doubtful eyebrow. Little John squints. ‘Then what’s wrong?’
I stop chewing on my lip. ‘Nothing. Just thinking about the man who hurt Marian.’
And what I’m going to do to him.
Clara sticks her head out of Brother Thomas’s bedroom. ‘We’re ready for you.’
I run a hand over my hair as my heart rate picks up. Maybe I do have some nerves. But to be fair, this is a big deal – fate, colliding with wedding vows in an unexpected but extremely welcome way. And how do you even prepare for such a monumental moment as receiving the connection?
Brother Thomas claps me on the back as we file through the small doorframe.
The bedroom is so small I don’t know how we’re all going to fit. But despite it still being daylight, lit candles cover every shelf and wooden storage crate, giving the room an ethereal glow.
My heart nearly flops out of my chest at the sight of Marian. She greets me with a shy smile as she stands.
‘No, don’t get up. Rest,’ I say, moving closer.
Her torso is wrapped in cloth bandages, but a white sheet is draped over her shoulders and belted around her waist to look like a dress. She’s still wearing her uniform trousers and boots, but her face is clean, and her dark hair is combed and curling around her shoulders.
She’s so beautiful my heart aches.
‘I can stand,’ she says. ‘I want to stand.’
Pain flickers on her face as she tries, and my heart hammers with how much I hate to see it. But in minutes, I can take this from her. Heal her. I don’t care that she doesn’t want to hurt me.
Brother Thomas clears his throat. ‘Well, this is a surprising yet pleasant turn of events. Shall we begin with a reading?’
Marian and I take each other’s hands. She’s looking at Brother Thomas, grinning. I only have eyes for her.
‘Marriage,’ Brother Thomas begins.
Little John gasps. ‘You guys are getting married?’
Clara smothers his mouth with her hand, but he pries it off. ‘Just kidding. I knew that.’ He chuckles. ‘I’m the best man.’
Brother Thomas opens up a book and reads a short passage about the meaning of love. The purpose of love. The power of it. ‘Is there anything either of you would like to say before we move to the vows?’
‘Yes,’ I say. Marian’s gaze slides to me, and I pause, getting my thoughts together.
We may be rushing this – we are rushing this – but that doesn’t make it less sacred to me.
‘I’ve spent my life wondering what you would be like.
What you would look like.’ A baby starts to cry in the distance.
‘I’ve wondered if I already knew you, and if not, how I’d find you.
’ I run my thumb over the calluses on her palm and marvel again at how they match mine.
‘I knew you’d be kind, but your generosity and fierceness have exceeded my expectations.
We’ve known each other for only days, and you’re already my favourite person.
And although an impromptu wedding is unconventional, I wouldn’t change it, because it means my search is over. I’ve found you.’
She exhales slowly. ‘This feels like a dream.’
A horse rides by and someone whistles. Clara subtly pulls back the curtain to peek out of the window. I don’t like the way she frowns.
‘Ryland,’ Marian begins. She squeezes my fingers. ‘You have shown me that even though the world can be broken and awful, good men still –’
Glass shatters in the distance.
Clara opens the curtain wider, and this time doesn’t look away.
‘What is it?’ Brother Thomas asks.
‘A guardsman …’
‘Maybe let’s get to the vows,’ Marian says, and I nod in agreement, even though it kills me that Marian didn’t get to finish what she wanted to say.
‘Ryland,’ Brother Thomas says. ‘Do you take Marian to be your wedded wife? Do you promise to love her? To defend and protect her? To respect her, treating her with kindness, while holding her in the deepest part of your heart, to the best of your ability from this day forward?’
I remove the thin silver necklace I’ve worn since I was ten – a gift from my mother – and place it around Marian’s neck. At the clasp clicking into place, I meet her eyes and speak my vow. ‘I do.’
Marian retrieves a ring made of twisted grass from the bed. I stretch my hand out and she slides it on the fourth finger. ‘I’m sorry,’ she says, her lips pressing into a line. ‘I don’t have anything better. But I will replace this.’
It doesn’t matter. I’d wear anything she gave me. She holds the ring in place and pauses. After a few seconds, she attempts to smile but falters. I notice her chest is rising and falling sharply.
‘Marian?’ I ask, gently.
She shakes her head and huffs a laugh. ‘Sorry. I just …’ She doesn’t finish.
‘What is it?’
Her brows pinch. ‘Nothing … other than – he’s going to hurt them, you know.’
‘Who? Soren? We’ll deal with him –’
‘No, Atlas.’ She nods, now breathless. ‘He’s going to retaliate if I marry you.
Then more people are going to be hurt. People I care about.
’ She dips her chin. ‘I … my friends were just attacked because of me and I …’ Her head snaps up.
‘What if I ask Atlas for permission?’ Her fingers are trembling in my hands.
‘I think I need to try. It’s the safest path for everyone. ’
I stare at her, stunned and more than a little disappointed.
‘I could go right now,’ she offers. ‘I’ll beg him if I have to. Throw myself at his feet.’
I feel it in my gut; it’s the wrong decision. But I’m hardly impartial, and never in a million years would I force her to say the words that will tie us together irrevocably. ‘And if he says no?’
Her gaze darts around the room. ‘Then … I’ll come back, and we’ll do it anyway. But at least I’ll know I did my best to protect the people I care about. I don’t have to live with regret.’
Her eyes are wild with desperation to prevent more suffering. My grip on her hands tightens, but it’s false reassurance. I can’t promise that everything she fears won’t come true. My head drops, as my stomach sinks. Not going through with this is a mistake; I feel it.
But she can’t live with herself doing it any other way.
‘Yeah.’ Reluctantly, I nod. ‘Okay.’
She unties the belt and removes the white sheet comprising her dress.
I shuck my jacket and wrap her in it, covering the bandages on her chest. She eyes my dark T-shirt while pulling her arms through the sleeves that hang well past her fingers.
Her face tucks into the collar and she inhales, closing her eyes. ‘Thank you.’
I’m not done. ‘Let me escort you to him.’