Chapter 44
It takes too long for my lungs to work again. My breaths are nothing short of wheezing gasps – it feels like my windpipe has been crushed to a third of its size.
It doesn’t help that we’re still in imminent danger. The horses are slowing down again now that they’re not being steered, which means Coatl could come back. ‘Where is he?’ I demand, not recognising the broken shards of my voice.
Agatha strains to see behind us. ‘He’s there … but he’s not moving. I think he’s hurt.’ She points. ‘Look at his neck.’
The horses come to a stop as they approach some trees far from the fighting. My feet are unsteady as I stand. Coatl’s lying face down, neck at an unnatural angle. It has to be broken. I wait, studying his chest – it’s not moving. ‘I think he’s more than hurt.’
‘Wow,’ Agatha mutters in astonishment. ‘We actually beat him?’
She did. And with a bloody crate. The floor beneath me spins. My knees give out, and I fall back on to a box. Don’t sit around now. Get up. Find a weapon. Arrows. Only I can’t move, no matter how much my mind screams for me to help Ryland and the others. I need a moment.
Agatha abruptly throws herself around me. ‘You came,’ she says, tears warping her voice.
I can’t hug her back very well. All my strength is keeping me from tipping over. ‘You’re shaking,’ I say between breaths.
She laughs. ‘So are you.’ Her voice quiets. ‘I … I can’t believe you came to save me.’
‘You’re my sister. I’ll always come for you. No matter what terrible, impulsive choices you make.’ Bitterness leaks into my words, because there’s no glossing over how badly she messed up this time.
She stills. Pulls back. ‘I’m sorry, Marian.’
To her credit, she looks repentant. But those words cause the dam holding back my hot anger to fissure.
How many people have died today because of her selfishness?
‘For what?’ I demand. ‘Are you sorry for betraying Ryland and his entire homeland? Or for marrying Ryland when he chose me?’ There. I finally said it. She betrayed me too.
‘Both,’ she whispers.
I stare, still panting. ‘You didn’t even object. Couldn’t say your vows fast enough.’
Her face softens. ‘I didn’t object,’ she agrees. ‘And it hurts, doesn’t it? It hurts when you need someone to speak up for you and they don’t.’
My shoulders fall as the ground feels like it’s crumbling. ‘Do you really think I’ve never stood up for you with him?’
Now she can’t hold my gaze. ‘I think … you did what you thought was best. But it wasn’t always what was best for me.
Or it wasn’t enough. It’s selfish, but I wanted you to openly defy him, even if it meant you’d be treated like me.
I was jealous because you had the choice.
Add to that the years of you being secretive.
You stopped trusting me to know where you went, and I hated you for it.
Just like I hated you for what happened to Felix.
So when another chance at love came – another opportunity to escape this – maybe I felt vindicated in not objecting to taking something from you. ’
She did it on purpose.
‘But I was wrong. It backfired in every way.’ Tears fall down her cheeks as she meets my eyes fiercely.
‘Do you know how breathtaking it was to feel the love Ryland has for you? To know he’ll never feel that way about me?
’ She bites her lip, muting a whimper. ‘So I ran back to the man who’s hurt me the most, thinking I finally had something to make him love me.
’ A sob breaks through. ‘I was an idiot, and I’ll regret that for the rest of my life.
I’m so sorry, Marian. I’m so very sorry. ’
She falls into me, crying, and on reflex my arm goes to her back. But I feel paralysed. Stunned at her confession. Broken for both of us. For our crippling loneliness. All the choices we couldn’t afford to make.
But now isn’t the time to lick our wounds.
I gently push her off me, then turn to the fighting – half of the wagons are still burning, although I can’t see much of what’s going on from here.
‘I need to go help my friends.’ I wobble as I stand, then remember that I’ve left something out.
‘But … you should know that as much as we’re here to stop Atlas, Ryland is also here for you.
’ At the reminder of losing him, a leviathan of pain is resurrected inside me.
Agatha frowns. ‘What?’ It comes out choked.
I can’t bring myself to say it again.
‘Marian, answer me.’ She grabs my arm. ‘He came for me? He wants me back?’
‘Yes,’ I say, stumbling over another box and bashing my knee. Where is my damn bow?
‘But how could he possibly want me now?’ she asks. ‘How could I even explain? He loves –’
The urgency to get to the fighting is overpowering. Maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll be impaled. That would be less painful than this conversation.
She bites her lip, then throws the heavy tarp off one of the boxes. She pulls out a large glass jug, giving it a shake. ‘You know, if Father had given me the time of day, I could have been his greatest weapon years ago.’
I don’t doubt that.
She grins. ‘Now, I’ll be his nightmare.’
After confirming the horses have been released, Agatha dumps the sharp-smelling contents of the jug all over the trailer, then uses a long rope soaked in the same liquid to light it up from a distance.
Multiple explosions go off, making us dive for safety, my arms covering Agatha.
The shocking heat sears our skin, even through our clothes.
‘I’m a little jealous you know how to do that,’ I say, in awe.
She raises a brow, smirking. ‘Really? You know, with a little practice, you could learn.’
I let out a snort at my own words about combat training being thrown back at me.
We take off running and dive together under the nearest non-burning wagon. ‘What’s the plan?’ I whisper, since she left the jug of chemicals behind.
‘Above us, there’s a box that should have my phosforexium. I’ll just need to mix –’
A startled cry bursts from her as she’s dragged out from under the wagon by her foot.
‘Agatha,’ I shout, and scramble after her.
I freeze when I find Atlas holding her against his body with a knife at her throat. ‘Let her go,’ I growl, voice shaking with fury.
Atlas looks like he’s been robbed. He’s missing his coat and chest armour, and there’s a bruise over his eye.
His hair is mussed, and blades of grass and leaves stick out of it.
‘You two have ruined everything.’ He shakes Agatha as she tries to speak, his eyes wild.
‘Shut up!’ he snaps at her. But then he nods at someone behind me, just as Agatha shouts my name.
The strike to my head drops me painfully to my knees and darkness swallows me whole.