Chapter 49
Samuel drops a dusty old rucksack on the table with a thud.
I lift my plate of eggs in the air. The bag carries a distinct Samuel odour that I’m not sure should be allowed in our kitchen, let alone near my food. ‘What’re you doing?’
‘Packing.’
I raise an intrigued brow. ‘For?’
‘A trip to Notting. I’ve been cleared to go see what’s left of our coal deal.’
My plate clatters to the table as I jump to my feet. ‘I’m coming. They can’t stop me.’ Isadora says I need another week of treatment, but there’s no way I’m staying behind.
Samuel grins. ‘They won’t stop you. You’ve been cleared too. And besides, who else is going to keep me from killing Wonder Boy?’
‘I’ll take it from here,’ Lucky says to the young guardsman at the gate, blocking the entry road to Notting. ‘But in the future, they’re good to come through anytime.’
The young guardsman cranks the gate up as Lucky nods at me from his horse. ‘Sorry about that. He’s new.’
‘And stubborn,’ Samuel grumbles.
As frustrating as it was that the guard wouldn’t answer any of our questions while we waited, I like him. I like this new security measure of having a gate even better. Rocks and sand have been piled around it to make a wall, likely the unwanted waste rock dug out of the mine.
Lucky and I take each other in with a big grin. He looks well. ‘Marian’s here? Is she okay?’ I hold my breath, bracing.
‘She’s here. She’s going to be surprised to see you.’
My shoulders sag in relief. Those are the sweetest words I’ve ever heard.
Lucky escorts me, Samuel and Levi at an infuriatingly slow place towards the compound. It feels surreal. I’ve dreamed of this moment for weeks.
There are other noticeable changes. For one, a lot of the Dresden are guardsmen now. Or at least, I think they are. I’m not used to seeing their faces without a few layers of coal dust. I tip my head at a few of them, and they respond with a nod.
What happened to the guardsmen who left Atlas? Did they not make it back? Or were they not allowed to return?
The barns and fields on our right are bustling with more people than ever. Is there even a divide between the Dresden and the rest of the residents now? I hope not. ‘Who’s running this place?’ I ask.
‘For now, we have a committee,’ Lucky says. ‘Everyone was a little nervous about giving any one person all the power again.’
Understandable.
‘The guy running the mine – his name’s Pedro.’
‘Oh, yeah?’ I grin. ‘I met Pedro.’ We worked together rebuilding that Dresden house after the fire. He seemed like a solid guy.
‘Brother Thomas is in charge of food, farming and distribution.’
Appropriate, since he’s been doing that job for the Dresden from the shadows.
‘We’ve got new leaders in charge of trading, and we hope to expand our medic services. I’m the new head of security.’
‘Not Marian?’ I ask. She’s probably the most knowledgeable about the weaknesses in Notting’s border.
‘She didn’t want it. Said she’s looking …’ He presses his lips together.
Looking for what? Don’t leave me hanging.
‘For now, she’s leading the guardsman training.’
And then what are her plans? Does some part of her still wish she could leave? Where would she go?
Lucky guides us into the compound, and the first thing I notice is how much noisier it is. And crowded. People seem more relaxed. On the far right, next to the dining tables, are the sparring mats.
Then I see her. She’s surrounded by a circle of guardsmen as she explains a grappling move.
Her uniform is combat trousers with a simple fitted T-shirt. Her weapons have been removed, but the leather straps for them remain.
My heart feels like it’s going to punch out of my chest. She looks perfect – healthy. So very alive.
I think I’d do just about anything for her not to run away when she sees me.
But I know that’s a very real possibility.
‘Marian,’ calls Lucky.
I go still as she glances over. Her face falls like she’s seen a ghost.
‘That’s not good,’ Levi mutters.
No, it’s not.
By the time she’s standing in front of me, my heart is thrashing behind my ribs. I open my mouth, but it’s like the air crystalises between us, holding us frozen in place.
I’ve rehearsed this moment countless times.
Practised opening lines and apologies until I could recite them in my sleep.
But nothing’s prepared me for the avalanche of emotion I feel at seeing her.
My throat goes thick. My tongue feels tied in a knot.
I want to hug her. Stare at the cleverness in her doe-eyes.
Memorise the curve of her lips. Before I know it, I’m tracking the freckles on her nose, counting. My memories haven’t served me well.
‘You’re making the air awkward,’ Levi whispers, not so quietly.
I grimace. ‘Is there … somewhere we …’
She nods, then spins on her heel and speeds off.
‘Well, go get her,’ Samuel says. ‘And try some words next time.’
I throw my friends a look that says ‘not helping’ as I chase after her. But I know – I’m messing this up.
She exits the compound, rounds the side, passing the cooks working in the outdoor kitchen, and disappears behind the back of the building. I jog to catch up and the moment I turn the corner, she’s there, waiting for me. I stop and let out a relieved breath. Then we’re back to staring at each other.
‘Marian,’ I finally get out.
‘You came back,’ she says.
‘Yes.’
‘I wasn’t sure you would.’ Her gaze slides down me. ‘You look … healed.’
‘Yeah, although it took a while.’ I bite my lip. ‘And how are you?’
‘I’m … okay. Mostly.’
‘Good.’ There’s more to unpack there, but I’m not sure now is the time. ‘And you’re teaching grappling?’ I can’t stop my smile. ‘They get to learn from the best.’
She studies a rock by her foot, face revealing nothing. ‘I’m not the best.’
‘You’re better than I am, and I’d jump at the chance to be taught by you.’ I’m dead serious. I’ve spent entire nights dreaming of doing the simplest things together. Dreaming of our future.
She half shakes her head.
It feels like there’s a hole in my lungs, and I’m leaking air. My smile fades at the obvious wall between us. A wall I don’t know how to break. ‘Is that what you want to do? Teach?’
‘Partly.’
‘And the other part?’
She looks at me and just like every time, my stomach lurches.
With excitement. With claws of dread. This could go either way, and it’s killing me.
‘Still figuring it out,’ she says. ‘Listen … the last time we were together, I was in a bad place. I … I had a lot of guilt. For not stopping Atlas sooner. For how I left things with my sister, and that we didn’t have time to …
’ She quiets a moment. ‘I had to go home and bury Agatha. Face Dezzy. Explain everything that happened. And – this might sound ridiculous – but I needed to see that people can get close to me without getting hurt.’
‘No, Marian, I’m the one who needs to apologise. I shouldn’t have tried to make you –’
‘It’s okay. I know your intentions were good. For that and … other things.’
Does she?
Do you know I tried to save your sister?
Do you know that I’m endlessly, hopelessly in love with you?
I swallow hard.
Her face tightens. ‘How long are you staying, before you’re back on the road?’
My brows shoot up. She thinks I’m leaving again – is that why she’s being so guarded? ‘That depends,’ I venture. ‘How long are you staying?’
A cautiousness enters her eyes. ‘What does that mean? Are you not here for coal?’
‘It means, Samuel and Levi are here for coal. I …’ Just say it. ‘I was hoping to find out your plans, then talk you into letting me tag along.’
The beautiful shock that spreads across her face makes me feel like I could fly. ‘But what if what I want is … to stay here?’
‘Then we stay.’
She stares at me for a long time.
‘I’ll watch you lead grappling classes,’ I suggest. ‘Take you on moonlight trips to the waterfall.’
Something playful enters her eyes. ‘What about learning some of the Dresden dances with me? We never did get to finish our dance.’
I smile, more than encouraged by the direction this is heading. ‘I’ve already been practising. How about you?’
It’s been over a month without Atlas ruling with an iron fist. What’s changed for her?
‘I’ve been too busy for that. Grief is … messy sometimes. And I’ve also been caught in my head, worrying over … someone.’ Her gaze locks with mine.
It’s a horse kick to the chest. ‘Yeah?’
‘But I think that might resolve soon – the worrying part.’
Every muscle goes taut. ‘That’s good. You’ll have more time for dancing.’
She fights a grin and loses. ‘Well, I actually … was thinking I might fill my time with some romance.’
‘Romance,’ I repeat, hopeful. So damn hopeful. ‘Can I suggest someone for that? He comes highly recommended.’ My gaze drops to her lips, and my blood grows heated. ‘He’s passionate. Very good at archery.’ I tilt my head to the side. ‘Excellent at cooking bacon.’
She snorts, and it’s like the sun has split through the clouds.
I lean in and lower my voice. ‘I’m serious, Marian. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give. Friends. Lovers. I’d marry you right here, right now, if you’d let me. Just tell me I’m not too late.’
She bites her lip. ‘You’re not.’
I want to touch her, to kiss her, but I sense there’s still something holding her back.
She turns her head. ‘How do you think Agatha would feel about this?’ she asks warily. ‘She hated the idea of you and me together.’
‘She didn’t hate it.’
Her eyes go wide with disbelief.
‘Okay, maybe, at first,’ I concede. ‘But not in the end. Why do you think she healed me? She knew, better than anyone, how I felt about you. She knew and she chose to save my life.’
Marian studies me, weighing my words for truth. The last thread of whatever was holding her back seems to snap. Her eyes turn glassy, and then she’s reaching for me, falling against my chest. I hug her tightly, my chin resting on top of her head.
Finally, finally, it feels like I can breathe.
We stay like that for a long time – no way am I going to be the first to let go. But then she grabs my face and brings my mouth to hers, and we spend a very long time getting reacquainted with each other’s lips.