Chapter 24
Josh putthe glass of wine on Ellie’s desk and settled his hands on her shoulders. Her neck was a solid mass of knots. How she was even still sitting at her desk, he didn’t know. He dug his fingers into the stiff muscles, and she groaned, letting her eyes drift shut.
“Why don’t you take a break?” he asked. “You’ve been in here for hours.”
Ever since calling Vic.
He’d listened as she tried to get through several times, and then ultimately left a short message saying that she’d decided not to sell her game and that she’d let Silver Wolff know the deal would not be going ahead. Ellie had explained that she really wanted to help with Vic’s house and that she had already spoken to her bank about a loan.
Vic’s response, five minutes later, had been her written resignation.
And he’d watched Ellie fold into herself. The brittle way she’d held herself when she showed him the message had made him want to burn the world down.
Ellie gave so much of herself. Her time. Her love. Her loyalty. It was unfathomable to him that she could be taken for granted and treated so abominably.
The only problem was, the rest of the world couldn’t even see him. And even if he could have stormed over to Vic’s house to ask her what on earth she was thinking, Ellie would never have wanted that. She was utterly convinced Vic was in trouble and needed help.
Ellie had tucked away her phone, given him history’s least believable smile, and then disappeared into her office. He’d seen her a couple of times since then. She’d emerged for coffee and toilet breaks, she’d petted Nissy and checked her food, and came out once to order a pizza—for one, since he still couldn’t stomach anything—but she’d always retreated again. And judging by the leftovers on the kitchen counter, she hadn’t actually eaten any of it. And now night had fallen, and the day was almost over.
He understood. Her office was her safe place. The place she was in control. But it was a day she would never get back. A day they would never get back—although he was trying not to think about how that made him feel—and he wanted more for her.
He kneaded the muscles of her shoulders and up into her neck, finding the knots and points of tension along her skull. “How can I help?”
Her head dropped forward, her shoulders rising and falling on a deep sigh. “I wanted to get some work done. With Vic not there…” She swallowed the rest, and he wanted to scoop her up and take her far away.
But then she straightened and turned to look at him over her shoulder. “Anyway, I think Duane has a good handle on the storylines now and he’s done a great job stepping up as head of Development. We’re okay.” She gave him a small smile. Thankfully, it was slightly more authentic than her earlier attempt. “How did you get on?”
“I can’t find anything helpful,” Josh admitted.
He’d spent hours looking into wild bird conservation in Scotland. It seemed familiar. But then, so did Ellie’s forested paths. He hadn’t seen anything that immediately called out to him. Nothing that felt like home. And he hadn’t found any record of himself as a missing person. Or even found himself on any staff lists.
Did he not have a home? Were any of the things he thought he remembered real? Did he even want to know?
Ellie spun her chair around to face him, her hands coming up to his waist. “I’m sorry. I really thought we were getting closer.” Her hands were warm and reassuring on his hips, even as her brow creased into a concerned frown. “Are you okay?”
We.Such a small word, and yet so powerful. And so typical of Ellie; concerned about him even in the middle of her own distress.
For a moment, he almost admitted the truth. That with every day that passed, his foreboding grew. Something in him didn’t want to find out who he was. A part of him knew that if—when—he found his past, everything would change. But he didn’t want to name it and make it real. And he didn’t want to add to her burdens with vague fears and premonitions.
“I’m fine. Frustrated, but fine.” Josh bent down and kissed her forehead. “But it’s you I’m worried about. You can’t do it all, Ellie. Not in one day.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Are you doubting me?”
He chuckled and kissed her again. “Not even a little. But I know you can’t keep going like this. Not forever. It’ll all still be here in the morning. And I—” He left the rest unsaid, but the words still hovered between them. I might not.
Ellie winced. “Crap. I’ve been in here all day. I?—”
“No.” He stroked his fingers through her hair, pulling it back from the sides of her face as he looked down at her. Her eyes were focused on his, as they had been since that very first day. Green with a silver-gray rim. He could dive into them forever. “That’s not what I meant. I know you have to work; there’s a lot riding on you. But you’ve worked all day. You could take a break for a bit without everything falling apart.”
He leaned down to kiss her, loving how her hands came up to cradle his face, how she met him in every way.
When they finally broke apart, he pulled up a chair and sat beside her. “Okay, I’m ready.”
“For what?”
He nudged her shoulder with his. “Your game. You’ve suggested it twice—let’s play.”
“Really?” She tilted her head to look at him.
“Really.” He smiled back at her. “I’ve heard the creator might win some pretty big prizes one day. And that there are spicy sex scenes—I don’t remember anything like that in the football game I used to play. I think it’s time I saw what all the fuss is about.”
She grabbed a couple of controllers and started loading the game before turning one of her screens to face him. But before she clicked start, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, whispering, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“You’re the first person in my life—outside Dangerous Business—who’s ever wanted to play.”
Fuck. That was a travesty. He kissed her quickly. “People suck.”
She huffed out a chuckle, looking a little lighter. “Most people,” she agreed. And then she added softly, “Not you. I’m so grateful for you.”
Her quiet words reached into his heart and lanced a wound he hadn’t even known he carried. He was important to Ellie. And she was important to him.
It didn’t take long for him to get used to the controls, or to become completely immersed. She’d created a stunning world full of shadowy twists and dark humor.
Their characters were so customizable that it was almost like looking at himself beside Ellie on the screen. They were both photojournalists following a story about unexplained disappearances around the Callanish Standing Stones only to discover that people were being sucked into Fae through a shadowy rift that had opened between the stones. And then they were ensnared themselves—dragged into Fae with nothing but the clothes they were wearing and the cameras in their hands.
From the first moment, Ellie took photos in the game, saving them to a shared in-game album. Which meant he now had pinned pictures of his character leaping into the air when the first haggard wraith leaped from a tree, shrieking and wailing in its swirling, tattered cloak… in fairness, he had almost peed himself in real life. There was a whole action sequence from when he was distracted for a moment and a twisting root wrapped itself around him, tightening relentlessly until he realized he could only escape by biting it. And his character’s red face when he stumbled on a ring of fairies and stepped closer, thinking they were dancing, before realizing they were all completely naked. And they were definitely not dancing.
Ellie thought it was hilarious.
They eventually found an abandoned cottage in the middle of the ancient—sentient—forest and made it their home. Ellie showed him how to dig a well for fresh water and saved him from eating the attractive-looking loaf of bread seemingly discarded in the pantry. Although part of him was tempted to experience the weird, distorted visions Ellie promised him eating fae food would guarantee, he did not want to risk the unpredictable symptoms—suddenly turning into a newt or losing the ability to speak at a crucial moment further into the game—she’d also promised.
Probably his favorite was the time they spent sparring with the swords he found shoved into the cottage’s thatch roof. Ellie stood under a tree and watched with amusement while he tried to increase his skill level by practicing on a scarecrow in the overgrown garden, until finally she took pity on him and explained that the whole point was for it to be a cooperative game. He could improve his skills alone, but it would take five times longer than if they worked together.
It was so clever. Everything about the game reminded him of her. Thoughtful and quirky. Collaborative. And so very beautiful.
By the time the laptop clock showed midnight, he was just starting to get the hang of the game, and he didn’t want to leave it. The deeper they’d trekked into Fae, the more the surrounding shadows seemed to come alive. Strange creatures skittered and chattered in the forest, and he wanted to find another shelter. But Ellie was yawning and rubbing her eyes, and he forced himself to save and quit.
He turned toward her, capturing her knees between his. “I love your game, Ellie. It’s dark and magical, and, honestly, even better than I expected.”
“Thanks.” She smiled, a hint of pink on her cheeks. “I have a great team. I mean the art alone is magnificent, never mind the score, the coding?—”
He leaned forward to press a kiss to her mouth. “I’m sure all of that’s true. But you’re at the heart. All those little details came from your mind. Where did you get your ideas for the world?”
She answered slowly. “When I went to college, I decided to get help for my panic attacks, and I found a fantastic therapist. She taught me this technique of building a safe place in my mind.” She leaned her cheek into his hand, and he moved closer, loving the way she trusted him to hold her when she was vulnerable. “I kept picturing going back to the same cottage in a forest, and then I started to expand it.” She huffed out a laugh. “You don’t want to know how many lectures, and then boring meetings, I daydreamed my way through, imagining this slightly weird world.”
“Weird maybe, but that’s what makes it so glorious,” he replied before kissing her again. And then again.
She slid toward him, her hands coming up to linger on the back of his neck, pulling him closer as he sipped at her lips, tasting her, wanting even more.
“Let’s go to bed,” she said between kisses.
He moved before she’d even finished speaking. He wrapped an arm around her back and one under her knees and lifted her as he stood. She giggled, face flushed, and the sound of her laughter sang through him as he carried her up the stairs to her room. He wanted that for her. Laughter and joy, even when the day had been so bleak.
They stripped slowly, kissing and laughing and teasing. And fell into each other gently at first, and then more forcefully. Entirely present. Entirely connected.
He didn’t remember the details of his life, but he knew, deep in his soul, he’d never felt so close to anyone before.
When she fell asleep in his arms, he held her close and lay for long hours feeling her chest rise and fall as she breathed. And he listened to the owls outside, calling to each other as they built a home together despite all the dangers of the night forest.