Chapter 34
Ellie knockedon the door nervously.
It had all happened so fast. She’d hardly had a sip of her morning coffee when Liam declared that he’d spoken to his mum and it was all arranged for her and Josh to go and visit.
A million excuses had swarmed through her mind, but one look at the guarded hope in Josh’s eyes had pushed them away. He needed to see his mum. Of course. He needed to see her as soon as possible, just in case. And Ellie could help him do it.
She’d called her investigator and arranged a virtual meeting for the afternoon. Then they’d dropped Liam back at his flat and made the short drive to Donna’s snug little terraced cottage. And now, here they were… and the excuses had mutated to miniature hounds, taking part in their own Wild Hunt through her belly.
She laced her fingers through Josh’s and gripped them tightly, trying to remember to breathe.
It wasn’t as if she’d never met parents before; of course she had. But this was Josh’s mum. Josh, who always tried to hide—or perhaps not even feel—his emotions. And yet his face lit up when he talked about his mum. He’d rearranged his whole life when she needed him—and clearly there wasn’t anything Donna wouldn’t do for her sons either.
The thought of making a mistake was terrifying. Who was Ellie to this family, anyway? God, she wished she’d asked Liam what he’d said about her. She wasn’t prepared. She needed more time. What was she going to say?
There was no time to find an answer. The door flew open to reveal a pretty, middle-aged woman with bright blue eyes and silver streaking through her dark hair. She was obviously Josh’s mum—from the intensity of her gaze to the way she held her chin, she looked just like him.
“Hello, Ellie?” Donna asked, her eyes darting across her face and around the space behind her, her hands fluttering as if she didn’t quite know where to put herself. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“It’s lovely to meet you too.” Ellie tried to smile but couldn’t quite manage. Hell. Was that the right thing to say? Was it lovely for Donna? Probably not. Nothing about this was lovely. She nudged Josh forward. “Um… He’s here.”
Donna took a nervous step forward, her hands stretched out, and Ellie moved out of the way. Beside her, Josh grunted out a tight breath, his face growing pale and strained as he concentrated. The sweet, metallic taste of ozone filled the room. And she knew from the awed grief and love on Donna’s face that he was growing clearer. “Hi, Mum,” he said quietly.
Donna flung herself forward, her arms coming up to enfold him. Tears ran down her face as she rocked him. “Josh,” she murmured, “Joshy. My beautiful boy.”
Josh—so tall and strong and brooding—seemed to melt. He held on to his mother, whispering, “I love you, Mum. I’m here,” again and again while Donna cried quietly. And Ellie thought her heart would break for this beautiful family, who’d been through so much and who obviously loved each other so deeply.
She wiped her eyes and left them to have a private moment. She wandered through the front room, enjoying the proud display of photographs. Josh holding a swaddled baby and looking down with astonished adoration. Josh and Liam with scraped knees and rosy cheeks standing side by side. Josh’s arm around his younger brother’s shoulder, a football in his other hand. Josh graduating. Liam grinning, holding a gleaming trophy. The house was full of their love for each other.
Ellie explored until she found a kitchen where she made cups of strong tea for herself and Donna and a small glass of ice water for Josh. Then she let herself into the small conservatory and sat looking out at a tiny garden. The space was wild with spring abundance. There were dog violets and flowering blackthorn covered in tiny white buds. Bumblebees visited the bluebells. And everywhere she looked, there were bird boxes and birdbaths.
Donna and Josh found her there, watching a pair of house sparrows carrying twigs and pieces of grass up toward the roof. Donna’s face was damp and tear-streaked, and Josh was glassy-eyed and quiet, but they both seemed at peace.
Ellie looked around for something to say, but before she found it, Donna pulled her up and into her arms, squeezing her tight. “Thank you, Ellie. For bringing my son home.”
Ellie closed her arms slowly around the older woman, wishing she deserved the gratitude. “I don’t?—”
Donna shushed her. “You kept him here. You gave him this chance,” she whispered in her ear. “Thank you.”
They held each other for a minute before settling at the table to drink their tea. But even as they sat, Donna’s eyes filled with worry, her attention focused on Josh—who looked increasingly strained and grim.
“Sorry, Mum,” Josh said roughly, “I can’t hold this… I can’t stay solid enough.”
Donna leaned across the table to press a kiss to her son’s forehead. “It was perfect. Seeing you. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
Josh sighed, a long breath of relief. Donna blinked, and then blinked again before turning away to subtly wipe her eyes, and Ellie knew he’d faded. Only she could still see him. But even to her, he looked a little less substantial than usual.
Donna asked a question, and Ellie laced her fingers through Josh’s as she replied, passing on his comments from time to time when he interjected. They chatted easily, Donna sharing stories until she hopped up and grabbed a much-loved album bulging with photographs of Josh and Liam.
Donna ran her finger slowly over a picture of her and the two boys sitting side by side on a sofa wearing Christmas jumpers and grinning. “I love your smile so much, Josh,” Donna said, mostly to Ellie. “You stopped smiling for so long. I mean, you loved your animals—those magnificent birds—I know you did.” Donna’s head was down, her focus on the photo, but there was a new kind of sadness, an element of regret, in her tone. “I always felt that maybe they were easier for you than dealing with people. You never really trusted anyone again after your dad left.”
“No, Mum, I always—” Josh started, but Donna waved his words away almost as if she’d heard them.
“I know you trusted me and Liam,” she continued. “That was it. And when Liam fought you more and more, when he pushed you away… it hurt you.” She sighed. “I often wondered if that was why you needed to go so far. All the way to Scotland. So you could help your birds—creatures you always let go—and never have to trust anyone again. Never get close to anyone or anything again.”
“Mum,” Josh rasped as Ellie wrapped her arm around him, looking for the right response and failing.
Donna looked at the air beside Ellie where Josh sat, although she couldn’t see him. “I’m so glad you came back so I could tell you how much I love you.” She smiled even as she dabbed her eyes. “I’m glad I get this chance to tell you that you don’t have to shut yourself away for the rest of your life. I should have said something before, but I didn’t want to hold you here. I didn’t want to add to that heavy burden of responsibility you’ve shouldered for so long. And now, look”—Donna turned her soft gaze to Ellie—“you’re figuring it out for yourself.”
Ellie swallowed heavily. Josh had been so alone for so long. Just like she had. She leaned against him, offering her support. Offering herself. And her love.
Donna closed the album, and they moved on to lighter subjects, talking quietly and drinking their tea. But Josh looked increasingly exhausted. The stress of seeing Liam, the emotion of the morning, and straining to make himself visible was clearly pressing on him. She held his hand, feeling the cold grow within him, knowing that soon he would fade, and wishing there was something—anything—she could do.
“Do you know anything that can help?” she asked Donna. “Anything at all? Maybe something passed down in your family?”
Donna shook her head sadly. “I don’t. I’m sorry. My granddad always claimed that the sight ran in our family, but I don’t know that any of us grandchildren really believed it. My mother certainly never claimed to have any special abilities.” She looked across to the chair where Josh was sitting. “Except… maybe Josh does, after all?”
They all chuckled. And Ellie snorted when Josh added quietly, “Now you tell me.”
Donna raised one eyebrow. “There’s always true love’s kiss—” She paused dramatically. “—but I’m guessing you already tried that.”
Ellie coughed, and Josh spluttered a choked, “Mum!” but Donna just hummed quietly, amused at her own joke.
Ellie adored her. What would it be like to have a family like this? To meet Donna for lunches or Sunday dinners. To be embraced with so much love.
It would be a dream. A dream she’d never even dared to truly dream before.