Chapter Sixteen
Ispring away from Julian as if he’s contagious with a deadly disease while my brain scrambles to come up with a proper explanation.
Seeing the confused expression on Connor’s face as he stares at us doesn’t help.
The flicker of irritation in his silvery gray eyes is more than obvious, and it sends my heart into free fall.
My first impulse is to run to him and beg for forgiveness.
Forgiveness for … what, exactly? You haven’t done anything wrong.
“Hey Connor.” I offer him an awkward wave and immediately drop my hand because wow, I must look guilty.
He nods, his gaze shifting to Julian. “Julian. Are you all right?”
Connor’s voice is hesitant. This is probably the last thing he expected to see, and my second impulse is to overexplain everything to him in painfully specific detail. Throw it all out into the open, though I can’t. After all, most of this isn’t my story to tell.
I glance over at Julian, who’s got a contrite expression on his face as he runs a hand through his hair. “I’m … good, mate. Thank you for asking.”
“I was just leaving the dining hall when I saw you walking and—anyway, it looks like you two need a minute, then. I’ll be waiting outside for you, Belinda.
” Connor’s gaze locks with mine, and I can sense he has so many questions, but he’s being respectful.
I’m guessing it’s because he noticed the distraught look on Julian’s face—his glassy eyes and flushed cheeks.
Connor leaves the lobby, and I want to collapse with relief. “I won’t tell him anything, Julian. I promise.”
“He’s a right good friend. I can’t deny it.
” Julian slowly shakes his head. “Better than I’ve ever been for him.
You can go ahead and tell him, Belinda, if it makes things easier for you.
I mean, you don’t need to go into all the sordid details, but if you let it slip that Isla and I are in a relationship, I won’t hold that against you. ”
The way he uses the present tense—Isla and I are in a relationship—makes me want to wrap him in another hug.
She’s not gone. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
The hope I’m too afraid to look at directly shimmers on the edge of my awareness like a mirage.
She could wake up and be okay. It seems impossible, and yet …
“Are you sure?” I’m shocked at how easily he gives me permission. “You can trust me. I know how to keep a secret.”
“So does Connor. I doubt he’ll tell anyone about this, either.” Julian gives me a quick hug. “Thank you for letting me unload on you. I feel much better.”
I don’t bother reminding Julian that I came at him like he’s a criminal I wanted to catch in a lie.
If he feels better after revealing his secrets, maybe he won’t even remember that I knew about him and Isla in the first place.
I’m glad I could be there for him, even if the circumstances were less than friendly at first.
“Thank you for telling me.” I offer him a small smile, and he returns it.
We exit the clock tower together, and I join Connor where he’s waiting for me.
The guys exchange a fist bump as Julian passes, but he doesn’t stop—just keeps walking toward the dorms. His head is angled down, probably heavy with thoughts of Isla.
Regrets he has about their time together.
Hope that he’ll have a chance to make it right.
Once Julian is out of hearing distance, I offer Connor a simple explanation. “He needed someone to talk to.”
“So he chose to confess his deepest, darkest secrets to the new girl on campus?” Connor frowns. “Make it make sense for me, Billie. I’m not the jealous type, but I can admit I didn’t love seeing the two of you together like that.”
Guilt swamps me. “It was nothing, Connor. I promise. Sometimes … it’s easier to confide in someone you haven’t known since the day you were born.”
“I suppose you’re right.” He scrubs his hand across his jaw, and I can practically feel the doubt radiating off him in subtle waves.
“I think he has a hard time talking to any of you about what he’s going through because …
” My voice drifts. I know Julian said it was okay if I told Connor about him and Isla, but it still doesn’t feel like my story to tell.
Then again, being truthful with Connor is starting to outweigh the importance of keeping anyone else’s secrets.
There’s so much that I’ve kept from this boy that I care more and more about with each passing day.
The need to tell him what we talked about makes my chest grow tight until it feels like my heart might burst. “It was about Isla.”
Connor’s frown deepens. “What about her?”
“They were seeing each other. Secretly. They had to keep it under wraps because of a … family feud, I guess? Seems like a bad reason to keep your girlfriend as classified information, but who am I to judge?”
“Ah, right. There’s always been some tension between the Vales and the Ashworths,” Connor says.
Hearing him say my last name throws me for a moment, but I brush it off. I put on a bright smile and curl my arm through his, shifting closer to his firm, warm body. “Will you walk me back to the dorms?”
“Like I can turn you down.” He smiles at me, and we begin to walk in silence. After a minute or so, he says, “I think it was good of you. What you did for Julian.”
“What do you mean?” I fight the nonstop guilt that wants to sweep over me like a wave and pull me to the bottom of the darkest part of the ocean. I was basically interrogating Julian until I broke him. That’s not very good of me.
“Helping him out. Being someone he can count on.” Connor sends me a knowing look. “That’s hard to find around here.”
“No kidding.” The understatement of the year. You can’t trust anyone on this campus. And everyone is keeping secrets.
Connor’s phone dings with a notification, but he ignores it. “I think maybe that’s why I was drawn to you at first. You seem steady in a way the rest of them aren’t. Grounded. Like someone I could rely on.”
“I’m stubborn.” I lift my chin. It’s an asset and a curse.
“Stubborn and beautiful.” His smile is sly, and my heart skips a beat. “A winning combination, I might add.”
“Ooh, you flatter me.” I rest my free hand on my chest with a light laugh.
I remember feeling like I’d found Belinda’s laugh on the plane—a high, tinkling sound without any real warmth.
But the sound I just made? It was … real.
The happiness that’s supposed to come with a genuine moment of lightness vibrates through me, nothing fake about it.
Maybe there’s a world where Billie Vale and Belinda Winters merge into someone who laughs like this all the time.
In that fantasy, Isla and Mom are both hale and healthy, the boy next to me is as familiar to me as my own skin, and I …
I’m happy. Content.
I get pulled back to reality when Connor’s phone dings again. And again. A cascade of alerts brings us to a halt in the middle of the path on the east side of the courtyard. One ding after the other sounds, all different pitches and tones. As if he’s getting notifications from every app he’s got.
“Something must be going—”Another notification interrupts him.
“Maybe you should check your phone?” I wince at the scowl that appears on his handsome face.
“Interruptions come at the worst time, I swear.” With a little groan, he pulls his phone out of his pocket, then comes to a complete stop as he reads. “Holy shit.”
Alarm streaks through me, and my skin goes cold. “What’s wrong?”
I’m overwhelmed by instant, pervasive anxiety about what kind of news could trigger so many alerts on Connor’s phone. A headline about a student, perhaps? Second Student Death at Wickham Academy …
My fingers itch to reach for my own phone, to see if Peter or Whitney texted me. They would text me if something happened, right? Peter might not think to include me, but surely Whitney …
“I set up Google notifications for my father’s name, so I know when he’s mentioned somewhere online.
” He lifts his head, his gaze meeting mine.
“An article about the case published not five minutes ago on a major news site.” He pauses and glances at the phone again like he has to confirm what he just read.
“Freddie’s dad has been arrested, and my dad …
it says he’s the centerpiece of a sting operation orchestrated by the National Crime Agency. ”
“What?” My earlier alarm has been replaced by complete and utter shock. “Does this mean your father was never guilty in the first place?”
Connor grins. Oh, he looks pleased. “That’s exactly what it means.”
“Oh my God. Connor.” I hug him, and he holds me close while burying his face in my neck.
His entire body seems to relax against mine, and I tighten my arms around him.
This changes everything for Connor and his family.
“That’s incredible. Like, legit not believable.
And amazing! You must be so happy right now. ”
He pulls away so we can look at each other. “It’s all such a relief.”
His reaction is big, but not quite as big as I think it should be, considering the circumstances. How heavily his father’s supposed crime has weighed on him. How it changed everything for him at school. “Did you know? About your father working with the NCA?”
He pulls his bottom lip under his top teeth, buying time. I lift a finger to his mouth and gently pull his lip free. Without saying a word, I want him to know that he can tell me anything. That a lie won’t end what’s between us—especially not one as important as this.
“I didn’t have any idea at first. I couldn’t believe it when my father was first arrested.
That he would even think of stealing from his clients seemed totally ludicrous.
It must have, for anyone who really knows him.
” His expression turns grim. “I felt it in my soul from the start that he could never have done what they said he did. He’s the best man I know. He always has been.”