Chapter 12 #2
“I’m going with stupid,” Peeble added. “Definitely stupid.”
“Both,” Kaelren said, appearing at my side. His marks were glowing with agitation. “It was both.”
“The Hunt hasn’t been challenged in a thousand years,” Merithra said thoughtfully. “This should be interesting.”
“Interesting?” I spun to face her. “They want to kill me at sunrise and you find it interesting?”
“Everything about you is interesting, dear. Including whether you’ll survive to see another sunset.” She studied me with those ancient eyes. “But sunrise is hours away. Tonight, rest. Tomorrow, we’ll face what comes.”
As the court dispersed, servants—or what passed for servants in a place where reality was negotiable—showed us back to our quarters. I found myself walking beside Kaelren through corridors that shifted with each step.
“You were quiet during dinner,” I said.
“I was listening.”
“To what?”
“Everything. The way Merithra’s words had multiple meanings. The way Eltrien kept trying not to react. The way you…” He paused. “The way you talked about your past.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t realized he’d been paying such close attention to my grandmother story. “It wasn’t that interesting.”
“Your fiancé.” The words came out sharp, edged with something dark. “He hurt you.”
It wasn’t a question.
“It’s in the past.”
“Is it?” He stopped walking, turned to face me. His carved marks were pulsing with barely controlled violence. “Because you still flinch when someone mentions betrayal. You still expect people to find you ‘too much.’ You still—”
“Stop.” I held up a hand. “Just stop. You don’t get to psychoanalyze me. Not when you won’t even admit you have feelings beyond ‘mission parameters.’”
We stared at each other in the shifting corridor, tension crackling between us like lightning about to strike. His silver eyes were dark, his jaw tight, and those carved marks were pulsing with barely restrained emotion.
“You think I don’t have feelings?” His voice was low, dangerous. He took a step closer. “That’s the problem, Elle. I have too many of them.”
My breath caught.
He took another step, close enough now that I could feel the heat radiating from his marks, could see the corruption spreading through them in real-time like silver-black lightning. Close enough that if I reached out—
“You should go inside,” he said, his voice strained. “Get some rest before tomorrow.”
“Kaelren—”
His hand lifted, trembling slightly, and for a heartbeat I thought he’d touch my face, tuck the loose strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers hovered near my cheek, so close I could feel the warmth of his skin.
Then he pulled back, jaw clenching. “If things were different—” He stopped himself, shaking his head. “Go, Elle. Before I do something we’ll both regret.”
“Like what?”
His eyes met mine, and the heat in them made my stomach flip. “Like finding out if wanting something impossible makes it any less dangerous.”
The words hung between us, heavy with implication.
“I should check on the others,” he said finally, already backing away. “Make sure everyone’s quarters are secure.”
“Right. Of course. Security.” The words came out more bitter than I intended.
He hesitated for just a moment, his eyes finding mine one last time. “Tomorrow, when the Hunt comes—stay close. Whatever happens, stay close.”
Then he was gone, and I was left standing in the shifting corridor alone, my cheek still tingling from the almost-touch, from the heat of his hand that had gotten so close.
I shook my head and walked back into my room, and changed out of the starlight dress and into something more comfortable—soft pants and a tunic that the Autumn Court had provided, made from fabric that felt like clouds.
I was just settling into the impossible bed when there was another knock at my door.
“Seriously?” I muttered. “What now?”
“Maybe it’s Kaelren coming back to brood attractively in your doorway,” Peeble suggested from the nightstand where they’d been investigating a candle that burned with frozen fire.
I opened the door.
Thessaly stood there, wearing something that could generously be called a nightgown if nightgowns were made of shadow and suggestion.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I said before I could stop myself.
“Can’t sleep either?” she asked, not waiting for an invitation to enter.
“I could be sleeping if people would stop knocking on my door.” I closed it harder than necessary. “This is your second visit tonight. What could you possibly want now?”
“Charming as ever,” Peeble observed. “This is definitely going to end well.”
Thessaly moved around my room with casual familiarity, settling on the window seat. “He turned me away, you know.”
“What?”
“Kaelren. I went to his room. Offered to help him… relax before tomorrow.” She smiled ruefully. “He literally closed the door in my face.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say to that. Part of me wanted to feel victorious, but mostly I just felt exhausted.
“Awkward,” Peeble whispered.
“He’s never turned me away before,” she continued. “Even after the Bloom rejected him. Even when he was at his lowest. But now…” She looked at me directly. “Now there’s you.”
“There’s nothing between us.” The words felt like a lie even as I said them.
“Really getting a workout tonight, that particular denial,” Peeble muttered.
“No? Then why did his marks nearly destroy the dining table when you mentioned your ex-fiancé? Why does he watch you like you might disappear if he blinks? Why did he just reject the comfort of someone familiar for the possibility of someone impossible?”
“Because he’s focused on the mission.”
Thessaly laughed, soft and knowing. “If that’s what you need to tell yourself. But tomorrow, when the Hunt comes, when everything goes to hell—and it will—remember that he chose you. That means something, even if neither of you is ready to admit what.”
She stood to leave, pausing at the door. “For what it’s worth, I hope you both survive long enough to figure it out.”
Then she was gone, taking her shadows and suggestions with her.
“Well,” Peeble said into the silence. “That was almost sincere at the end there. Character growth.”
“Shut up, Peeble.”
“You know I’m right though. About all of it.”
I climbed into the impossible bed, pulling the covers up. Tomorrow the Wild Hunt would come. Tomorrow everything would change. But tonight, I could still feel the ghost of Kaelren’s hand hovering near my cheek, close enough to feel the heat but not close enough to touch.
“He almost did it,” I whispered into the darkness.
“I know,” Peeble replied, gentler now. “That’s what makes it worse.”
Outside, autumn held its eternal moment, and somewhere in this impossible Court, Kaelren was probably standing guard, probably overthinking, probably hating himself for pulling away when all he wanted was to reach out.
At least some things stayed consistent.