Chapter 36
His watch beeps, just once, but it’s enough to wake him.
Must be the anticipation of the holidays.
The thought of it makes him smile. People often say it’s something you grow out of as a child, but the sense of nostalgia that accompanies Christmas feels rooted in his bones.
His mind’s already turning at full speed, compiling a list of things to do today.
The brochures warned about almost everything being closed on Christmas Day in Amsterdam, but that there are plenty of opportunities to walk around and see the sights of the city.
He reserved a table in the restaurant of The Adventurer when he first booked the trip, and asked them kindly if it was at all possible to add another chair as soon as Gabriel announced he was going as well.
Just to be sure, obviously. No matter what they were when they left London, he didn’t want Gabriel to spend Christmas alone.
The man slumbering next to him stirs a little at the next beep from James’ alarm. James watches, fondly intrigued, how Gabriel manages to fold himself into the duvet and wiggle his way closer to James’ side. He must find what he’s looking for because he settles down and falls silent once more.
James tugs his hands underneath his head and takes a moment to look at the man next to him. His mind wanders to how things have changed. Not just over the course of the year, but in the last weeks as well. How they’ve gone from roommates and reluctant friends to dating seems nearly impossible.
The memories of the last few days tell a different story.
And for the first time in a long time he wants to reach out to his mum, to tell her that things are looking up and to ask if his father could find it in himself to be proud.
Of how James got his life together, but also for finding the right partner for himself.
And not proud of who Gabriel is, but for who he is to James.
His phone buzzes from where he tucked it under his pillow.
The screen flashes with an incoming call.
He smiles when he sees his mother’s contact details.
He really needs to find the time to visit her more, especially now that he’s finally found a way to let go of the past. He twists around to lay on his back before he answers the call.
“Hello, mum,” he whispers into the silence of the room. Next to him Gabriel lets out a little noise. When James flicks his gaze toward him he’s scrunching up his nose in his sleep. James fights the urge to coo.
“Good morning, darling. Happy Christmas.” His mother sounds happy, albeit a bit tired. She’s also whispering. It makes him smile.
“Happy Christmas,” wishes James.
“Why are we whispering?” It’s said in a joking manner, putting him right at ease. He didn’t realize how long it’s been without actually talking to her until now. He’s sure the smile is audible in his voice when he answers. “Gabriel’s asleep next to me. These rooms aren’t all that big, you know?”
“Gabriel, huh?” And there it is, the reason he knows she’s calling.
He figured word would travel fast, but not this fast. He snorts at the innocent tone she’s trying to maintain.
He knows she’s calling for confirmation, but he’s not sure if he’s so willing to give it already.
The last thing he wants is for his father to blow up his phone.
“Yeah, mum. Gabriel. My roommate, I told you about him.”
Said man’s waking up now, his arm coming up around James’ waist to mirror their position from last night.
Every time Gabriel’s touch comes this easily it sends a tingle down his spine.
When their eyes meet he sends Gabriel an apologetic look.
His boyfriend just shrugs a little and settles down again.
“….just happy that this Christmas is better than last year. You deserve a nice holiday.” He’d tuned out some of her ramblings, happy to be stuck in Gabriel’s gaze. He can feel his mood darken a little at the mention of last Christmas. His brows furrow. Gabriel’s eyes sharpen in alarm.
“Let’s not, alright? What are your plans for today?
” James asks. She informs him about the plans with the family, and even though they might not be in the best place right now, James knows she’s spending the holidays with his father.
“Lisa is coming over as well. Maybe,” she hesitates, “…maybe we could meet up for lunch in the new year? I know things haven’t been easy and I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be what you deserve, but I would like to see you again. ”
“Mum-”
“I’ll come down to London, you won’t have to come up. Just lunch, think about it, alright?”
He smiles a little, fingers still in Gabriel’s hair as Gabriel starts to hum softly. “That sounds nice, mum. We’ll do lunch. I’ll be back in the city after the 5th.”
His mother makes a happy sound, and says she’ll take care of a reservation somewhere. “Oh, and don’t forget to bring Gabriel. I can’t wait to meet him.”
“Mum!” He groans in protest. He’s greeted by a laugh and a dial tone.
Gabriel’s eyes have taken on a joyful gleam.
James tosses the phone somewhere between the covers, done with the outside world for the time being.
He burrows himself further against Gabriel, who tugs one of his legs across his front in an effort to warm up even more.
“Looks like we’ll be having lunch with my mother soon. ”
“She sounds fun. Will she-”
“She’ll like you. Because you care, not because of who you are,” James says with conviction. His voice darkens a little when he adds, “My dad on the other hand will be gloating as soon as he figures it out.”
Gabriel’s brows furrow. “I’m not that person anymore though.”
“He won’t care. The fact that you’re related to your parents is enough for him.” James sighs. “Funny that, isn’t it? He doesn’t care about the gayness, just about what the status of my partner can do for him.”
He can feel Gabriel curl in on himself. He pulls Gabriel even closer, while he says, “I don’t care about any of that, you know that. I love our little flat, the life we’ve woven together. You’re just Gabriel to me, and that’s everything I ever wanted.”
The next thirty minutes they get lost in each other, tangled in the bedsheets and bathing in the sunrays that are slowly peeking through the curtains.
With every passing minute the noises outside of the train intensify, alerting them that the other occupants of the train are waking up and Christmas morning is officially here.
It means a luxurious breakfast in the dining carriage before they’ll have enough time to explore the city.
And when they emerge from their room to indulge in freshly baked croissants, hard boiled eggs and an assortment of fruit, it feels just like Christmas mornings gone by.
There’s a complimentary case of Christmas cookies waiting for each of them and a figurine in the shape of The Evergreen Adventurer neatly wrapped with a little bow on top of their plates.
The restaurant feels warm, atmosphere light and bright. People chatting away happily on this beautiful morning in Amsterdam. James thinks it’s so special to note that, even if it’s relatively early, everyone made the effort to get dressed for the day. It gives the whole affair a bit of flair.
After eating an unhealthy amount of bread, with rich cheeses and jams, they make their way back to the cabin to retrieve their coats.
It’s telling, just how comfortable he’s become with Gabriel and how much he’s been able to let go of the past, that he only really grasps the significance of the day when Gabriel and him run into Paul and Riley on their way out of the restaurant.
It hits like a ton of bricks, like a bucket of ice water on a warm day, and he’s reminded once again that a year ago today he hadn’t been enough.
Hadn’t been as good a partner as he thought he was.
Hadn’t found the person he’d spend his life with.
Hadn’t been working on the life of dreams, but of nightmares.
James locks eyes with Paul, and for the first time he can see an inkling of regret in them.
He pushes past them, Gabriel’s hand clutched in his and only really exhales when they return to their room, where he’s greeted by a much more welcome surprise.
The tastefully wrapped present sitting on his pillow catches him off guard.
The gold, red and green snowflake design a cute detail he’ll be smiling about all day.
It’s exactly what he needs not to linger on the negatives of the day. Gabriel’s arms circle his waist from behind, pulling him against a firm chest as his chin comes to rest on James’ shoulder. Two warm hands clasp together above his navel.
“You shouldn’t-”
Gabriel huffs, the exhale flowing over James’ neck. “It’s Christmas, of course I should have.” James smiles, putting his hands over Gabriel’s. “Well, alright then. Your present’s in my bag. Wanted to give it to you later.”
He can just feel the sassy rise of Gabriel’s eyebrow. “And I shouldn’t have? You’re something else.”
James shrugs as much as he’s able with Gabriel’s head resting against his, his gaze locked on the glistering gift.
Gabriel leans back, taking a small step back and gently nudges him toward the bed.
“Open it, please? We’ll go into the city after.
” There isn’t much else he needs as he reaches out to the present.
It’s got more weight to it than he imagined and he looks to Gabriel in surprise, who’s leaning against the table now.
There’s a sudden shyness filling his features that James finds utterly charming.
Untying the bow and unwrapping the paper reveals a photo frame. The cities from The Evergreen’s itinerary are written in beautiful cursive underneath polaroid sized photo slots. A rough sketch of the train’s outline is drawn at the bottom of the frame, not quite finished but full of promise.
His eyes well up when they find a few cities already filled.
Hand drawn polaroids, each with an element corresponding to said city.
The Notre-Dame for Paris. A little canal boat for Venice.
The clock in Prague. It’s the most personal gift he’s ever received, giving him the opportunity to look back at this trip with more clarity than any of the digital photos ever will.
From behind him, Gabriel says, “The others aren’t quite finished yet. I thought you might want to come up with some of the places as well.” James turns to him; the frame clutched to his chest. The soft pink flush that’s settled high on Gabriel’s cheeks is endearing.
“It’s perfect. Thank you,” whispers James.
*
Standing outside the door of the unfamiliar house is daunting, but Gabriel’s hand around his waist is providing a steady support.
He’s taken the afternoon to get used to the idea of not having their Christmas dinner on The Evergreen.
Gabriel was patient throughout the entire day and even said that he would happily go to their reservation. He’d only have to say the word.
It wasn’t hard to see how much Gabriel actually wanted to see his friends again. So after some back and forth he made the decision to join Gabriel for the night. If it’s like Gabriel described it, it’s promising to be a fun night, even if it’s full of new people and unexpected experiences.
The door swings open, revealing a soft looking man who wraps Gabriel in a hug and offers James his hand. The easy smile puts James more at ease. “Come in, come in. You’re the last ones here. So we’re about ready to get started.”
James is already opening his mouth to apologize for the tardiness, mostly at his fault, but Gabriel silently reprimands him with a look and sends a cheeky grin to the man who introduced himself as Connor. “When have you ever known me to be on time?”
The remark is met by happy laughter from what James assumes is Connor’s partner and the two other people he finds in the living room. After friendly introductions they’re led to the dining table and told to take their seat.
The atmosphere is easy, and in a way James feels like it’s never been this comfortable to be around new people before.
In the middle of the table, there’s what looks to be a miniature version of a grill, with small pieces of meat and fish scattered around the space.
He’s told to just take whatever he wants.
For a second he panics, reminded of buffets and the pressure he always feels when he can feel that people are staring at his plate, but as he watches Gabriel put some beef and chicken on the sizzling plate and the people around them return to their previous conversation, the unease lessens.
It’s fun in every way a buffet isn’t. He can assemble his own meal, pick the things he likes to eat, but without the thought of the eyes of a full restaurant following his every move.
None of the people at the table regard him with judgment when he’d rather not touch the fish and doesn’t reach for any of the salads.
There’re even some vegetables to grill, which mix very well with his chicken and the fries Connor brought out.
The whole experience is new, in terms of dining style but also as far as Christmas dinner goes. And, as he looks at Gabriel’s easy smile, he can honestly say that he’s glad that he made the decision to join him in this endeavor to have a more laidback evening.