Chapter 8 #3
“Leaving was my choice,” he stammered. “Our life here…it is not a zero-sum game. Do you think of our marriage as having two sides, one the loser and one the winner? And that I must have lost because I came here?”
“Of course you lost,” she cried as tears fell. “You lost everything!”
“You insist it was a loss, but it does not mean I gained nothing here.” She shook her head and then heard him swear. She turned to look at him and saw a darkness settle in his eyes. “Why would you think I wanted the damn house more than you?”
“Because I still can’t believe that I’m enough. You had wealth, influence, friends—”
He took hold of her forearms. “I have that now, and you and Sandra.”
“It isn’t the same,” she said. “You know it’s not.
And you had to learn every pop culture reference, every historical event, every new word usage, every new technology from the past two hundred years.
So much human progress has been made between the year you were born in and the one we live in.
I see how hard you work just to manage a conversation.
You left your best friend, your sister, your home. Was it really worth it?”
“How can you ask me that?” he rasped, his grip on her tightening.
“After six months of wishing there was a way for us to be together, after another year of planning on how to leave Pemberley safe and sound and have a life here, after thirteen years and a child, how can you ask me if you are enough?”
She could hardly see him with her tears blurring her vision.
“My father abandoned us and never wanted a relationship with me. My mother hates that I’m married because she doesn’t trust that I chose a better man than my father.
Jane is too busy with her own career for me. None of them care about Sandra.”
That hurt more than anything. She had thought after Sandra arrived her mother and sister would dive into the roles of grandmother and aunt, that she and they would be on a plane every year, that they would FaceTime weekly.
But aside from birthday presents and Christmas cards, they took no interest in Sandra.
Every offer to fly back was met with “it’s not a good time” or “I can’t take time off work” or “don’t trouble yourself. ”
“My family doesn’t want me,” she said, sniffling. “Then I met you and you gave up power, money, family, identity…” She squeezed her eyes shut. “And sometimes I still wonder why.”
He dropped his hands from her arms, and she felt them against her cheeks and opened her eyes. “Because I love you, and I see your value even if they do not.”
“I know,” she whimpered. “It’s just that no one wanted me before you, and it’s hard to believe I’m worth everything you gave up.”
He brushed away her tears with his thumbs. “Maybe you’re generous and honest and beautiful. You’re brilliant and you put me in my place. You showed me wealth and social standing are not mandatory advantages for happiness. Maybe I like your independent mind and lively disposition.”
Elizabeth tried to smile. “You have to admit that I bring Mr Darcy very little.”
“Do you mean financially? You forget your inheritance helped us keep Pemberley. In fact, I get on better financially in this century because, had you gone back to mine, you would have brought me no fortune. I am glad to challenge the gender-based financial restrictions placed on women and live here if it means I have your hundred thousand pounds.”
She laughed a little. Darcy brought out a handkerchief and dried her eyes. For once, she didn’t tease him about this holdover from a time when no one could conceive of disposable paper products.
“I didn’t fall in love on first sight, and neither did you,” he went on.
“We grew to admire one another slowly, and respect in a relationship is the cornerstone of a harmonious life. We spent months getting to know one another better here, and I think understanding one’s character is vital to loving, because love without understanding won’t last.”
He bent to look directly into her eyes. “Don’t you think our love will last? Because I knew it even before we ever said the words.”
She sniffled but nodded. “After you left, there was an emptiness that never went away. I felt so guilty that I wanted to be with you but couldn’t be happy and safe in your time. And then I turned a corner at Pemberley one day and you were right there.”
“And you fainted dead away. I was so shocked to see you, I am surprised I did not do the same.” He framed her face with his hands and kissed her.
“Returning here was not some impulsive or lust-driven decision. I saw your true worth and wanted to be with you, and you could never be yourself in my time. You grew up expecting to be an autonomous woman—”
“But you grew up believing society’s patriarchal demands that require a woman to be married and submissive to men.”
Darcy gave an expressive smile. “You know me better than anyone. Why can’t you believe I’m better suited to this century than the one I was born into?”
“Because I’m an idiot,” she admitted, and he laughed. “Because of my own stupid insecurities since my father left and my mother and sister never cared about what I needed. But you did.”
“I did,” he repeated with a smile. “I do. I just wish I hadn’t been the first. I hate that for you.” He pulled her into his arms and whispered roughly into her ear, “You are more than enough.”
She hugged him back tightly, believing every word he said. “I’m sorry I doubted it.”
“It is only natural that you hardly knew how to suppose that you could be an object of admiration to so great a man as me.”
Now she laughed, pulling away from him and swatting his arm. He caught her hand and said, “Come upstairs with me.”
How many weeks had she spent in this house wishing he would have said that? But what about Georgiana’s situation? “What’s the deal with your sister? Why are you avoiding her?”
“Later.” His eyes darkened. “I am determined to set things right with you first.” He tugged her toward the stairs. “And show you another reason being with you is more than enough to make me happy.”