Chapter 19 #3
She opens her mouth to object, but closes it again. ‘Actually, okay. I see where you’re coming from. I can see why you felt like that. But Sarah… you brought a fake boyfriend to my daughters’ birthday party? You introduced him to the girls, to our parents?’
I hold my face in my hands. I feel so ashamed of myself. Not only did I lie in the beginning, but I also let it drag on for this long. I look back up.
‘Yeah. I did. Aidan is… Well, Aidan is a great guy, but it is not and never has been a relationship.’
She stares at me and asks: ‘How are you defining relationship? You said you’re friends?’
‘Yes, but nothing more! I know he kissed me at the party, but that was all for show… and now I feel like an idiot. You mustn’t base any of your decisions about Ollie on me and my pathetic little need to appear cool.’
I expect her to be angry and annoyed, to shout at me, or at the very least to ruthlessly mock me. I’ve just given her the best ammunition she’s had in years.
What I very much don’t expect is for her to laugh. Long, hard, and genuine. To the point where she has tears rolling down her cheeks and is holding her sides. I look on in confusion as she chortles.
‘Oh, sis,’ she says, once she’s able to breathe again, ‘you really are brilliant, you know! I never would have expected you to do something like that. Me? Yes, I’d do anything for attention, we all know that. But you? You’d usually do anything to avoid it! Oh god, this is so funny…’
I’m relieved, I suppose, in a way, but also a little affronted that I’m now a laughing stock. I guess I deserve it.
‘I’m glad I’m entertaining.’
‘Oh you are. You really are! Mainly because you’re talking complete bullshit, and you don’t even know it!’
Now I’m even more confused. She slurps the last of her Martini, leaning back in her seat. She crosses her arms across her chest, which hoists her boobs up even further. She’s veering into Carry On Nurse territory now, but the look on her face is serious.
‘Look,’ she says, ‘bringing a fake date to a party is weird. Introducing him to your family is weird. But what’s even weirder is the fact that you don’t see that it’s not actually fake at all.
You’re kidding yourself. The way he treats you?
The way you look at him? That kiss ? You can’t fake that kind of fire.
This is real. You just won’t let your way-too-clever brain accept that yet.
You say we all put you in a box? Well, I hate to break it to you, but you’re doing the same to yourself.
You decided long ago that you don’t like people.
That you don’t do relationships. Well, I’ve got news for you sister– look around.
See your new life. See all the friends, the community.
See the gorgeous man who is clearly into you.
It’s real. It’s happening. And it’s good . ’
I’m about to splutter my objections when she holds up a hand. ‘Let’s ask Aidan!’ she says, as he sits back down. Oh God, I think, my cheeks blazing and my heart sinking. This is so humiliating.
‘Ask me what?’ he says.
‘Nothing!’ I answer quickly. ‘Nothing at all!’
‘Ask you what your intentions towards my sister are, young man,’ Sally says, pointing a skeleton finger at him.
‘Sarah here has confessed her sins. She’s told me the whole date at the party was a set up and that you’re not a couple at all.
But I don’t buy it. I think the fake is the fake bit. What say you?’
Aidan takes a moment to process that convoluted statement. Then he nods slowly, smiling the smile, turning to look from me to my sister again. ‘Yeah. You’re right. None of this is fake for me, Sally. I absolutely adore your sister. I’d be her real-life Gomez in a flash if she let me.’
I stare at him, dumbfounded. Sally laughs, delightedly. ‘Told you so, sis! Now, how about getting your head out of your arse and going with the flow for once?’
Go with the flow? Has she ever met me? Both of them are looking at me in anticipation, but I’m given an escape route from the most unexpected of sources.
Striding towards us, looking hot, bothered and very nervous, is my sister’s husband Ollie.
He’s dressed in his surgical scrubs, which are spattered with fake blood.
Or, I suppose, given his profession, it could actually be real.
I glance at my phone and see that it’s almost ten.
He must have jumped in his car and driven here as soon as Sally sent those pics of her as a sexy nurse.
I grin and wave to him over Sally’s shoulder.
‘Don’t try and avoid the question!’ she says.
‘I’m not avoiding the question. I’m waving to your husband. The sexy surgeon heading towards us.’
She frowns and looks deeply confused, then turns around. Ollie reaches our table, and despite the noise and costumes and chaos around us, only has eyes for his wife. Her mouth is open in shock, as she stands up to face him. Her hands go to her hips, and she says: ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I’ve come to see you,’ he says, his gaze flickering over her. ‘To tell you I’m sorry I’ve taken you for granted. To tell you I’ll do better. To take you home.’
She hesitates, glaring at him with hostility. I know she’s probably thrilled at the big romantic gesture, but I also know my sister and how stubborn she is. She won’t back down this easily.
‘Go on, Sal,’ I say, nudging her. ‘Why don’t you get your head out of your arse and go with the flow?’
She gives me some severe side-eye, but eventually softens.
‘Okay, Ollie. I’ll agree to hear you out. That’s all I’m promising at this stage.’
He sags a little in relief and joins her at the table.
Aidan and I make a sharp exit, and get caught up in dancing to the Ghostbusters theme tune with the rest of Budbury.
That suits me down to the ground, because you can’t have a serious discussion while you’re dancing to Halloween hits, and it gives me a break from what was becoming an awkward conversation.
Still, as I watch him bang hips with Cherie’s killer clown and tell Laura that he’s not afraid of ghosts, I can’t help smiling.
When did I ever feel this alive? When did I ever blush so much?
When did I ever yearn to feel a man’s hands on my body the way I do Aidan’s?
I’ve barely known him for a month, but I cannot stop thinking about him.
I’ve confided in him more than I have in my own sister, and I’ve felt myself grow and change under his influence.
Am I kidding myself, like Sally says? Am I faking the fake?
It’s a lot to think about, and it’s impossible to have a clear mind in this kind of atmosphere.
Instead, I go with the flow in a different way– I simply enjoy myself.
I dance and eat and chat both to my friends and to people I’ve never met before.
I feel a swell of social confidence in this place, that is very unusual for me, and I don’t actually fear being rejected or mocked.
I suspect it’s because everyone here is already so eccentric themselves that all of my quirks seem relatively run-of-the-mill. No such thing as normal in Budbury.
When we finally head back to the table, we’re both a little dishevelled. My wig is sliding to one side, and Aidan’s moustache has been lost completely.
Ollie and Sally are holding hands and have obviously done a lot of talking. Ollie nods at us and says he’s going to get some food. Aidan goes with him, presumably to give us a minute alone.
‘So,’ she says, leaning back in her chair and looking very happy.
‘Ollie and I are booking into a hotel for the night instead of going straight home. He’s seen the error of his ways and promised me a future of romantic city breaks, dinners out and flowers every Friday.
Or at least, he’s promised to actually talk to me and limit his time listening to podcasts.
Thanks for the hospitality, but I think I’ll be getting out of your hair.
You can have your bathroom back and stop pretending that the deep breathing is a yoga technique rather than you trying not to murder me… ’
‘How ever could you think such a thing?’ I reply, feigning shock. ‘But what about your stuff at my place? Your clothes?’
‘Stuff my stuff! I’ve got my purse and my phone with me. The rest isn’t essential. As for clothes, I don’t really expect to be wearing any for a while…’
She lets out a little laugh, and it makes her look twenty years younger.
I get the feeling that she and Ollie will be just fine.
The gesture felt big and dramatic, but that’s the way Sally is.
As she constantly reminds me, I know nothing about marriage, but even I get that there are going to be ups and downs.
Hopefully these two will now be entering a long-lasting ‘up’.
We stand and she gives me a huge hug. ‘Think about what I said, Sarah. Aidan makes you happy. You light up when you’re around him.
Don’t turn your back on that because you’re overthinking it.
I know you. You’ll have used everything as an excuse not to let him in, the age gap, your history, even his sheer unbelievable hotness… but come on, woman! Give it a chance!’
I nod and tell her I will. She makes the rounds of the room, saying goodbye to her new friends, and disappears into the night with Ollie. I immediately feel both relief and sadness. Aidan appears by my side as I watch them go.
‘Will you miss her?’ he asks.
‘Yes. But we were reaching critical mass, and some kind of big row was probably inevitable had she stayed. I’ve always felt a bit… I don’t know, disjointed around my family. I’ve always felt like they didn’t really understand me.’
‘And now?’
I look up at him and fix his slightly wonky bow tie. ‘Now I think maybe she is more perceptive than I thought. Or maybe I’m not as mysterious as I thought.’
‘You, my darling Morticia, are the very definition of mysterious…’
He whisks me into his arms and back onto the dance floor.
It’s a slow song, and I recognise it from the twins’ playlists– ‘Vampire’ by Olivia Rodrigo.
The lyrics are dark, but the rhythm is a sensual mix of swirling crescendos and driving beats.
I melt into him, my hands twined around his neck, my fingers touching his hair.
I lean my face against his chest and lose myself in the moment. The music. The mood. The man.
All around me, I see other couples doing the same, as well as the younger crew singing along to the chorus as they sway.
Laura has shed her sheet and is gazing up at Matt; Sam and Becca are shuffling around together, and Cal has actually lifted Zoe up mid-twirl, the Doc Marten boots inches from the floor.
Cherie is sitting off to one side tapping her giant clown boots, and zombie Edie is fast asleep next to her.
I smile at my friends and at the sheer silly loveliness of them all.
I remember how reluctant I felt when I first moved here.
How convinced I was that I would remain an outlier, keeping a polite distance.
Now, it’s hard to imagine life without them all.
I suppose I’ve changed, impossible as that might have seemed.
And maybe, I think, as Aidan’s breath whispers against my skin and his hands caress my back, I can change some more. Maybe I can stop denying myself the pleasure that is very much right in front of me, mine for the taking.
As the song draws to its delicious close, I look up at Aidan. His green eyes hold mine, and I thrill at what I see in them. He wants me, and perhaps it’s time to stop wondering why and simply do what Sally suggested. Go with the flow.
‘Would you like to come home with me?’ I ask quietly.
I feel the instant reaction in his body, the slight tightening of his arms around me, a quick intake of air making his chest rise and fall.
He pauses, and for a second I worry that I have made a terrible mistake.
That his flirting was just that– flirting.
‘No problem if not,’ I add quickly. ‘I just… um…’ OhGod. I wish the dance floor would open up and swallow me whole.
‘Of course I’d like to,’ he says, kissing my forehead. ‘One hundred per cent yes. It’s just… The dogs. I know they’d be fine– they have shelter and water and food– but… I’ve never left them alone overnight. I know I’m a sucker, but I wouldn’t want them to be distressed, you know?’
‘I know,’ I say, because it’s so obvious once he says it. His commitment to those beautiful animals is one of the things that makes me like him so much. ‘It’s okay.’
‘I suppose…’ he adds. ‘I suppose you’ll just have to come home with me instead…’