44. Kat
Kat
D espite Kaliban’s warnings, the next few days were good—great even.
My routine resumed. Archery and self-defence with Faolán.
Magic training with Ari. What she tried to teach me didn’t work, but I took what Kaliban had shown me with the fire and applied it to whatever was nearby.
It calmed my mind and made the stains on my fingers recede.
Much better than trying to squash the power down.
It made more sense than his comments about letting go. That sounded a lot like losing control, and the haze had come off me when I’d been utterly out of control. Daily practice with the fire—that seemed my best bet. Maybe this was as good as it got, and I just needed to hold out for a cure.
In the afternoons, I read and took notes, searching for anything that might be related to the Circle of Ash. It shouldn’t matter, but the new bouquet of roses in my room were a rich, deep pink that made me smile every time I saw them. A scrap of something .
Meanwhile, things between me and Bastian were… complicated.
Shocking, I know.
We weren’t arguing. In fact, we were playful and friendly—flirtatious even—but there seemed to be a forcefield around us that neither of us dared cross.
We sat on opposite sides of the table in his dining room.
We took separate armchairs in the sitting room.
He didn’t enter my bedroom and I had yet to see his.
It was all perfectly safe.
Though my body grew tight and empty at once, like I wore an ill-fitting skin.
To combat that, the day before the Solstice, for Ella’s birthday, I arranged a lunchtime poker party, followed by an afternoon theatre trip and dinner at Moonsong Spire. A fun distraction with my friends and no Bastian.
Although he had the afternoon off ahead of a busy Solstice festival, he gave me space and went to Rose and Faolán’s. Meanwhile, I put the finishing touches to our suite and waited for Rose, Ella, Perry, and Ariadne to arrive.
I decorated the space with oversized playing cards and red, white, and black flowers from a florist near Kaliban’s.
(I’d also taken the opportunity to drop off food for him and the new tin of shoe polish he’d requested.) I placed the last lemon tart on the cake stand, stirred the jug of fruit punch and stood back.
Too much food for five people.
Probably more decoration than a card party required.
But… I kind of didn’t care.
The frothy white hydrangeas made me smile.
The card designs were silly—I’d copied them from the deck of cards we would play with tonight, but I’d added little touches that made the different characters look like people we knew.
I hadn’t really thought about it when I’d made Bastian the King of Spades and me the Queen, but…
It still looked good. And tonight, I was going to have fun.
* * *
Ella squealed and begged to have the picture showing her as the Queen of Hearts. Perry laughed, especially when she found herself as the Knight of Diamonds. Ariadne cooed over the stack of macarons. And Rose stared at it all, smile the broadest I’d ever seen it.
As we sat with plates piled high with cakes (the best I’d ever eaten) and the golden-brown sausage rolls Rose had brought, Ella cleared her throat. “We need a toast.”
Rose paused with a sandwich halfway to her mouth. At Ella’s nod, she placed it back on her plate.
“We may have both been fooled by someone we trusted…” She held my gaze as her chin dipped, and the gleam in her eye said she was thinking of unCavendish and what he’d done to us both.
“But that prick brought us two together, and if not for that, I’d never have met all of you, either.
” She turned her smile upon the rest of the table, infecting us each in turn.
“To friendships forged in shitty circumstances.”
Laughing, I clinked glasses with everyone.
Between eating sandwiches and cakes and toasting to the birthday girl, the poker began and Rose told us about the first fae party she’d attended—in a haunted house, no less. Ella grilled her about everything she’d seen.
Eventually, she sat back. “Toes? Really? I don’t believe it’s possible.”
Rose chuckled. “I suppose it depends how long his toes are.”
A pink cast to her amber-toned cheeks, Ari placed a bet. “Do you think those two are talking about this stuff, too?”
“I can’t picture Faolán talking about sex.” I raised an eyebrow at Rose.
She huffed out of her nose as she matched Ella’s bet. “There’s a little tension between them at the moment, so I hope they’re talking about that . Knowing them, though, they’re probably drinking and complaining about work.”
“Tension?” Perry cocked her head, cards forgotten.
Rose shot me a quick, stiff glance. “Oh, you know how it is. They’re just—”
“It’s all right.” I shrugged. “You can say it. Faolán’s grumpy—well, grumpier than usual—because of what happened in Lunden between Bastian and me and the fact I’m married.”
Ari’s eyes went wide. “Oh.”
“Bastian told me when you woke, and… I may have deliberately not mentioned it to Faolán.” Rose winced. “I knew he’d react that way. It’s a strange hangup—treating marriage as sacred.”
“Hmph.” Ella glared at her cards. “If only human men did the same.”
She’d mentioned her marriage only in the most general terms. I got the impression she was sadder about her husband’s death than I would be about Robin’s.
I eyed her as the conversation went on.
“It applies to engagement, too.” Ari nodded, closing her fan of cards. “I managed to capitalise on that to get Ly out of some trouble.” Her gaze skipped to one side as she gave a small smile.
“Where do they stand on divorce?” A frown scored its way between Perry’s eyebrows. Her eyes were on her cards, but didn’t rove across them, as though she didn’t really see them.
“Kat’s already tried for a divorce.” Ella huffed. “Are you sure we can’t just kill him off?”
“I didn’t mean Kat’s,” Perry murmured.
Every pair of eyes turned to her.
I lowered my cards. “Are you married?”
“I was once. Not anymore.” She chewed her lip, and Ella pulled the cards from her hands and placed them on the table. “Who’s been topping up my drink?” She frowned at the half-emptied glass of shocking orange punch.
“You’ve already started spilling.” Ella shrugged. “No sense in stopping now.”
Perry snorted and drained her drink, then held out the glass. “Well, I’m going to need more of this.”
Rose obliged while Ari fetched a cake stand and placed it before Perry. I clasped my hands, conscious that I wasn’t wearing my gloves, since they’d stopped me from shuffling the deck.
“My mother was from Noreg, and after my father died, she moved back there. I would visit from time to time—this was long before I sailed with Vice.”
Ari murmured at the mention of Avice. As far as she was concerned, the Pirate Queen was a living legend, even if, to me, she was the little sister whose snot I’d wiped away.
“You can guess the next part…” Perry arched an eyebrow.
“Don’t tell us”—Ella cocked her head—“you met a dashing Northman who treated you like the queen you are?”
Perry scoffed. “Something like that. We married. We were happy. We had a child. We were even more happy.”
I swallowed, my half-finished drink forgotten as I waited for the but .
“There was an attack.” Perry’s brow pulled low, and my heart squeezed for her. “Our girl… I say ‘girl’—she was fully grown by then. A young woman. Some were killed. Some were taken. We couldn’t find any sign of her.”
Eyes burning, I thrust my hands in my lap so I didn’t reach out to her.
“She was gone. We searched, but…” Perry shook her head. “It took a long while, but eventually I accepted it. My husband, though…”
Ari scooted to the edge of her chair and slid her arm around Perry’s shoulder. Ella stroked her hair, while Rose reached across the table and squeezed her hand. I sat on mine, the need to comfort her scouring my heart.
“He sank and sank and sank… I tried to pull him out. I knew it would take time, but… he never accepted it. He raged and drank and raged, and one day I realised I hadn’t seen my husband for years.
Instead, I was married to someone bitter and vicious, and despite every attempt, I couldn’t bring him back. ”
With a sad smile, she squeezed Rose’s hand and tilted her head into Ella’s touch.
“And finally, I understood—if he didn’t want to come back, I couldn’t make him.
I wasn’t making him any happier—if anything, I just reminded him of our daughter, since she looked so much like me.
And he certainly wasn’t making me happy.
We were locked in misery. Thankfully, divorce is a lot easier in Noreg than Albion.
” She shot me an apologetic smile. “We parted ways, and I set sail, met a pirate named Vice, found Ser Francis Drake’s treasure, etcetera, etcetera, and wound up here. ”
A heavy quiet filled the room, punctuated only by Ari sniffing.
“Not the best adventure story, I know.” Perry gave us a half-hearted smile.
“But there is a lesson to be learned from my misfortune. Things outside our control can rob your happiness in an instant. You can’t stop it.
But don’t let the things that are in your control do the same.
” She gave me a long look that made me gulp down the last of my drink.
Memento mori . Death comes for our lives… but also for our happiness.
“There’s something you’re leaving out of this tale.” Ella topped up all our glasses and narrowed her eyes at Perry. “Why would you be concerned about fae caring that you’re divorced?”
Perry chuckled. “I’m sure you can guess.”
“I did hear certain sounds on our journey from Albion. Late at night when we were all meant to be sleeping. And that innkeeper commented on your bed not being used that time…”
“Nothing gets past you, does it?” Shaking her head, Perry scooped up her freshly filled glass. “You’re going to have to get me a lot more drunk before I tell you more.”
Ella took that as a challenge, and for the next couple of hours the room filled with laughter and secrets and the warmth of friendships forged in shitty circumstances.
* * *
“It made me so happy to see you laugh today.” Eyes bright, Ella stood in the antechamber, hands clasped while Rose yanked coats down from the hooks.
“You do know I’m coming with you, right?” I chuckled as Ella stood there like she was saying goodbye. “We have a play to get to.”
“This one’s yours,” Rose slurred as she held my coat out to Ariadne.
“Oh, gods.” Ari tiptoed, replacing my coat. “No, no, no. Let me do that.”
Oblivious, Ella shook her head and studied me. “You looked so tired last week.”
Perry turned from smoothing her hair in the mirror and nodded. “We were worried about you.”
“I’m fine.” I shrugged. “I—”
“Stop saying that, you big… something.” Ella giggled and grabbed me in a hug.
I laughed. I hugged back, cheek tingling.
She went stiff.
And I realised.
Her warm cheek was on mine.
The gasp tore through me as I shoved her away. Perry caught her rigid body.
Rose guffawed. “Didn’t know you were that drunk.”
Ari squeezed her arm, staring.
From Ella’s cheek, blackened tendrils spread across her skin. Her whimper woke me from my horrified stupor.
The world pitched like someone had pulled the ground itself from beneath my feet.
I’d poisoned Ella.
I’d…
My heart leapt, like it just needed one great beat to force blood into me and make me move.
I tore off my necklace and fumbled with the lid, my shaking hands useless. Perry went to help. “Don’t touch me!”
Ella wheezed, fingers clawing as an awful high-pitched sound came from her throat, like she was trying to scream but didn’t have breath to.
Quickly. Quickly.
My vision tunnelled to the potion bottle, and I dragged in a breath, held it, and gripped the lid. I turned it, chin wobbling as Ella went silent.
She was dying. Maybe already dead. I’d killed her.
Oh gods, I’d killed her.
“How many fucking times does this thing need to turn before it comes off?” My voice broke as I shouted, every part of me raw.
Then, with a soft clink, the lid dropped to the floor.
Ella lay still. So, so still.
My ears roared, leaving only muffled sounds in the rest of the room.
Move. Fucking move, Katherine.
Holding the precious bottle in both hands, I bent over Ella and tipped the antidote into her gaping mouth.
“Please.” I didn’t know who I begged, but I did. “ Please .”
I waited.
She didn’t move.
It was just a hug. The thing I’d wanted from her for so long. A hug .
On the edge of my awareness, Rose held Ari, who buried her face in Rose’s chest. Perry sat back on her heels.
“Do something,” Ari sobbed.
There was nothing more I could do. The antidote was supposed to work. I’d left it too late. I was too slow. The lid.
It was just a hug .
I covered my face and shook my head, taking a long moment to realise I was still whispering it over and over again: “Please. Please. Please .”
A choked cry filled the antechamber.
“Ella?” Perry’s low voice barely registered over my begging.
Ella sat up, clutching her throat, sucking in great lungfuls of air. Pale, yes, but the dark veins had gone.
Rose laughed, and Ari launched at Ella, flinging her arms around her.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Good fucking gods,” Ella rasped. “Fuck. Fuck .” She looked up at me and chuckled. Maybe relief. Maybe hysteria.
I fell back, pressing myself against the wall, like its solidity might bring sense to the world.
I’d almost killed Ella. For a few seconds, I had.
The knowledge crashed into me, a boulder dropped from above.
All for the sake of a hug.
How had I been so stupid? So selfish? So… uncontrolled.
“Get out.”
“It’s all right.” Ella smiled the same smile that had been so infectious earlier. “I mean, it hurt like hells, but, I feel fine now.”
I would never have seen that smile again if…
The low-level hum against my skin intensified.
“Get out.”
“Kat.” Perry reached out before snatching her hand back and giving me an apologetic smile. “I know you’re afraid, but—”
Everything hazed purple.
Perry’s eyes widened.
I scrambled for the sitting room, crying, “Get out!”