CHAPTER FOUR
I slammed open Demaratus s door. He was lying on his bed in the corner of the room. The Ilionians are here, I said as I shut the door behind me. His room was devoid of any personal touches: no tapestries, no rugs, no decoration-nothing that would speak of comfort. No mattress, no pillows. He wouldn t even use a blanket when the weather turned cold.
The Ilionians must have had good winds, he said, slightly slurring his words.
Definitely drunk. It would make conversation possible. I sat in his one chair and balled my fists up on my lap. I want to go down to the docks and meet them with a blade and stab every last one of them.
Where is the best place to stab someone? he asked, still in his role of teacher.
Anywhere is a good place to stab an Ilionian, I muttered. At his annoyed expression I said, For an armored soldier? The eye, throat, and armpit. The parts not protected that would also cause the most damage.
My correct answer seemed to satisfy him.
Not that I would be able to accomplish much, I said as I tried to sink into his uncomfortable chair. Why wouldn t he use cushions like a civilized person? There s too many of them.
The size of the enemy force does not matter, Demaratus corrected me. A Daemonian never backs down, never gives up the fight. What else does the code require?
Was this meant to be an examination? Why wouldn t he let me just complain in peace? To always behave with honor-
He nodded and interrupted me. Self-control is vitally important.
Your words might carry more weight if you were not drunk right now, I told him.
He ignored my observation and kept speaking. You must always be the master of yourself and your emotions. A Daemonian king infuriated with his servant told the man, I would kill you if I were not so angry. That s the sort of self-control you must have.
And not just control of myself and my emotions, but most importantly a mastery of fear. Obedience to the law. To fight to the death. One for many. There was one more, but I couldn t remember it.
And never flee a battle, he prompted.
Yes. Never flee a battle. Although you ve been doing nothing but teaching me how to flee this battle.
Because there is a larger battle at play. Recovering the eye and restoring your nation. He said this with a slight note of sarcasm because he didn t believe in the goddess or magic. He had told me on more than one occasion that the only thing he believed in was steel.
Did you flee a battle? I asked, holding my breath. I might be dead soon and I would prefer to die with all of my curiosity satiated.
There was an uncomfortably long pause before he finally responded. Yes.
Why? The question was out before I could stop it. He was the bravest man I d ever met. I couldn t imagine him ever leaving a battlefield.
I lost my shield.
How?
He looked at the stump at the end of his left arm. In a moment of danger, I raised my shield to cover my best friend and saved his life. But the enemy s blade cut off my hand, which had been holding my shield. There is nothing worse to the Daemonians than a dropped shield. I lost my honor.
Despite all his teachings, I was confused. But you saved your friend. That should be all that matters.
Demaratus ran his right hand over the stubble on his scalp. He had always kept his hair shorn since I d known him. If I had dropped a weapon or a piece of armor, I would have been fined or punished. A sword or a helmet is meant to protect me. But a shield protects every warrior in the phalanx. A Daemonian who loses his shield is forever dishonored. The group comes before the individual. One for many.
He hadn t lost his shield, though-it had been literally cut away from him. But why come to Locris? Why didn t you return home?
Here if a man is a coward, it will not change his life or his family s lives. He may still go to the market, still meet and visit with friends, still meet a foe on the battlefield. You even make him commander of your army. But in Daemonia? I would not be welcome. I would be beaten and rejected from everywhere I tried to go and my dishonor would become my family s. My wife and children are better off without me. My actions shamed them, and if I had returned to them, it would have ruined their lives. I would never do that to them.
I put my hands over my heart. That was so unspeakably sad I wasn t sure what to say.
He made an uncomfortable sound, as if he d shared too much. We were flogged repeatedly as boys, to see who could endure it best without complaining or crying out. I should have flogged you to toughen you up.
Respecting his desire to shift the flow of our conversation, I said, Whip scars on my back would have been difficult to explain to my parents.
You re a creative liar. You would have come up with something.
His assessment was correct. Necessity had forced me to become a very creative liar. Your childhood sounds terrifying.
It was all in service of becoming the best warriors we could be, he countered. It helped.
I d personally experienced one particular form of his childhood training that I had not enjoyed-Demaratus often had members of my regiment randomly sneak into my room to attack me. I was to never let my guard down-I had to always be ready, always prepared, never in a sleep so deep that I could be taken by surprise.
Demaratus had also attempted to teach me lock picking. He meant to encourage me to steal if necessary in order to survive, as the Daemonians would, but I was hopeless at it. He had given up after calling me stupid girl more times than I could count.
He had listed off all the things he d stolen when he was younger, and I d tried to look impressed. When I d wondered aloud if it had been dishonorable to steal, he had rushed to assure me that the honor was in not getting caught. It seemed like strange logic to me, but it worked well for my current situation, in which I very much planned on stealing something priceless.
Here everyone is soft and weak, Demaratus complained, his words slurring even further as sleep started to claim him. Do you know that there are no defensive walls in Daemonia? Only cowards have walled-in cities.
Whatever he d been about to say next was swallowed up by a snore.
I walked over to the model of Troas, the capital city of Ilion, that I had constructed based on the information that I d gleaned over the last year.
The palace lay in the middle of a massive maze of walls. It had been designed to keep invaders out. Demaratus had noted that it would have been very easy for archers to walk along the top of the high walls, out of the infantry s reach, and pick off the enemy one by one.
The other parts of the city were only accessible through the maze, and I had spent hours poring over this model, memorizing every turn and dead end, where each sector of the city was located, so that I could reach the temple quickly.
Looking at it again wasn t going to do me any good. I already had the entire layout in my head. I glanced at Demaratus, knowing he wouldn t come to any of the celebrations and that this might be my final chance to say goodbye.
I went over and kissed him on the forehead and said, Thank you.
He grumbled and turned over. I wished he d been awake to hear my gratitude.
I walked from the barracks back to my room, sneaking through shadows and staying out of sight. It was good practice.
Quynh was waiting for me. I was worried about you, she said when I entered.
I m fine. I m in no danger in my own home, I said as I went over to sit next to her on my bed.
A few heartbeats passed before she said, The Ilionians have arrived.
I know. Mother said the selection will still take place in two days even though they are early. They sent a messenger saying that they will have a feast tomorrow evening to celebrate Lykaon and the betrothal. Much as I wished for a painful death for all Ilionians, I didn t mind the extra opportunity to eat their food.
Even if they did mean it as an insult.
Wouldn t it be easier to just marry the prince? she asked. If you were the princess of Ilion, then you could look for the eye as much as you wanted.
The princess of Ilion. That thought made me feel physically ill. Only the priestesses and the acolytes are allowed in the temple.
When I wasn t training, I had gotten two or three members of the regiment to go down with me to the docks to badger the incoming traders for information. It was how I had been able to construct the model of the capital city of Ilion. The traders had also warned me that there was one way to gain entry to the temple.
The selection was my only chance.
Are you concerned that there will be repercussions from you not marrying the prince? she asked.
I shook my head. I am not a woman men would go to war for. I am no Menelaia.
Who? she asked.
She was the most beautiful woman in the world, who ran away with her lover and started the Great War, I said. I wasn t surprised that Quynh didn t remember the name. It was usually not spoken in Locris, as her selfish actions had caused us so much pain and loss. Regardless, I still have the right to choose whether or not I ll wed. And how can the prince be angry? I ll be in his kingdom, serving in his goddess s temple. He can be upset at the goddess if he would like. That won t turn out well for him, though.
You know how some men are. He might be vain and proud. He might wage war on our family for damaging his pride.
That wasn t something I had considered before, and it made my stomach feel queasy. That would be a foolish choice. There s nothing to be won here. They re already choking us to death.
Lia, you might be a steadying influence on him. Help him to see reason.
I was probably the last person who could do that. If he s as reckless and irresponsible as they say, my marrying him won t change anything. There is only one way to save Locris and it isn t by becoming a bride.
Maybe you can marry him when you return.
I didn t know how long it would take me to find the eye and return to Locris. I intended for the prince to not ever find out what I was doing. I hoped my parents would delay the betrothal for as long as they could to give me enough time to search and make my way home.
When I returned, it would be with the eye of the goddess in my hands. Which might lead to a new set of problems with Ilion and the prince beyond a delayed wedding.
But I would face that when the time came.
I only needed to concentrate on the here and now.
Perhaps, I agreed. Or you could marry him. You would make an excellent queen. And there isn t anyone else alive who could touch the heart of that horrible man the same way that you could.
I have no desire to be queen, she said. I have seen what it entails and would prefer a quiet life with a man I love.
Like Andronicus? I teased and she shrugged.
As much as she seemed to enjoy being with him, I realized that she hadn t once said that she loved him.
It spoke volumes.
You should tell our parents about what you re doing, she said. They should be given the chance to prepare.
If I tell them, they will find a way to undo what I ve done, I said. Everything is in place.
It will destroy them to lose another child.
Her words thrust into me like a sword, just under my ribs and then dragged up to my heart. I had considered what my death would do to my family, but not too closely. It was too painful. I m not going to die. You know how stubborn I am.
Quynh laughed, which had been my intent. Lia, you are the sister of my heart.
And you are of mine, I said as I hugged her. I will come back. I will restore Locris and save the people. One for many.
I just wish you didn t have to be the one, she said against my shoulder.
With a sigh I said, It had to be someone. It might as well be me.