CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
I was asleep until I felt a large, warm hand on my shoulder, turning me over. I reached under my pillow, my fingers wrapping around the handle of my sword. My eyes flew open as I brought my weapon up.
Jason? I asked, shocked, my voice still sleepy.
Did you miss me? he asked, his voice low and intoxicating. He took my xiphos from me in one swift, easy movement, letting it fall to the floor. His gaze was on mine and it was somehow both lazy and predatory, making me shiver in response.
You can t be here, I hissed at him, but he just smiled, and somehow my concern and anger instantly faded away.
You re the one in my bedroom, he said, and I sat up to look around.
He was right. We were not in the room I now shared with four other people, but how had I come to be in Jason s bedroom? I didn t know where he lived.
Before I could ask, he leaned down and his mouth was on mine, urgent and needy, and I immediately melted into his kiss. His feverish passion pulsed through my body so that even my toes were aching with want.
He parted my lips with his so that his kiss was all I could taste, all I could feel, all I could think about. He set a smooth, insistent, fiery rhythm that had me gasping against him, reaching up to pull him down to me.
With a low growl of pleasure, he broke off the kiss and I softly protested. He knelt on the floor in front of me, grabbing the backs of my knees and pulling me against him, hard. I wrapped my legs around him, trapping him right where I wanted him.
He knotted his fingers in my hair. So beautiful, so soft, he whispered against my mouth before capturing it again, sweeping me into the undertow of his desperate fervor.
His kisses burned my lips, branding them like hot coals.
Lightning flashed outside his window, but there was a bolt of lightning living inside me. The energy of it crackled, and every nerve ending inside me felt alive, sparking with heat. It overwhelmed my heart, making it pulse unevenly in my chest.
I was flushed with a thick and heavy desire that dulled my ability to think. His clever fingers ran up and down my bare calves, sending waves of heat skating across my skin. The butterflies I d seen in the flower garden had now taken up residence in my stomach, and their wings fluttered and flapped, hollowing me out.
I wanted him so much.
His lips moved from my mouth to the column of my throat and I let out a sigh of pleasure.
Why won t you give in? he asked, and the desire in his voice burned a destructive path through me, intent on getting me to surrender.
I took a vow.
Vows are made to be broken, he said, and I shook my head hard. No.
But my hands were still on the back of his head, holding him in place while he continued to kiss my neck.
When I give my word, I mean it, I breathed.
Almost like a punishment, he wrenched his mouth away from mine. He gazed deep into my eyes.
As do I. And I give you my word that you will never know pleasure like you would with me.
My insides quivered at his words, my core melting, my heart pounding hard against my chest, as if it meant to break free and give itself to him.
I believed him.
Without taking his eyes from mine, he began to push the hem of my tunic up my legs, exposing more of my skin, until he had it all the way to the tops of my thighs. I held my breath as his strong, warm fingers pressed into the skin there and everything went up in flames.
He bent down and kissed the inside of my right knee, and all the bones in my legs turned to liquid.
Lia, let me love you, he pleaded.
I can t. But my words were weak. I didn t mean them and he could tell.
Because his mouth was back on my leg, working his way up my thigh, and I started panting. I didn t know what he intended to do, but I was desperate to find out.
Tell me to stop. His clean-shaven face was soft against my inner thigh as he left hot, consuming kisses there. Tell me to stop, and I will.
I couldn t have even told him my own name, let alone ordered him to stop. I had no more will left to resist him.
Jason, I begged. His name I still remembered.
Lia, he groaned my name into my sensitized skin and I dug my fingers into his scalp.
Lia!
My eyes opened and I saw Io standing over me with a silly grin on her face. In a loud whisper she asked, Who is Jason?
I felt my cheeks going up in flames and I pressed my hands over them. How much did you hear?
Enough to know this Jason must be handsome and a very good kisser. Somehow her grin got even bigger.
I wanted to bury my face in my pillow. He s someone I met back home. The last thing I should do was tell her that Jason was somewhere here in Ilion. I guessed that the teasing would be constant if I did so.
And I didn t even know if he was still in the city. He probably was back at sea.
Is he worth getting buried alive for? Io asked.
No!
Shh, she said, putting a finger to her lips. The other girls are still sleeping. You need to get up so that I can show you what your responsibilities will be in the morning.
What time is it?
Just before dawn, she said. I ll meet you out front when you re ready.
With a yawn, I nodded and sat up. I had intended to sneak out last night and go into the temple to check the statue of the goddess, but I d been so exhausted that I had fallen asleep the moment I d lain down.
The second floor of the dormitory had a special shared washroom for cleansing ourselves and toilets to use. Cold water came out of metal pipes in the wall when a handle was turned.
Aqueducts, Io had said when I d marveled over it, as if that explained everything.
After I relieved myself, I came into the main room to wash my teeth and face. My eyes ached and felt puffy from crying so much the night before. It had been cathartic, though. Cleansing.
As I thought of Quynh, I realized that the pain of losing her had subtly lessened. Instead of a continual feeling of being stabbed over and over again, it had become more like a dull ache. Always there, but more manageable now that I d had the chance to grieve her loss.
I reached behind my neck, as if to brush my hair away, forgetting that it wasn t there.
Thinking of my long hair reminded me of the dream I d woken up from and my cheeks turned hot again. I d had many dreams before, but none this vivid or detailed. None that had ever felt like real life. As if I were really there, and it was all actually happening to me.
In that dream I d had my old hair. Was that supposed to mean something? Or was it just that I couldn t picture myself any other way because I d never seen myself with a shaved head?
I wished that we had mirrors so that I could properly take in my reflection, absorb my new physical appearance, but Io had said there were no mirrors at all in the temple because they encouraged vanity. We re supposed to focus on the goddess and our sisters, not on ourselves.
It was a convenience I had taken for granted my entire life and now I missed it.
After I finished up, I found Io waiting for me just outside the main entrance to the dormitory, as she d promised. She was holding two brooms and a large, empty pot, which she handed to me.
We re going to the temple. Part of your duties will be to clean the first floor and the patio and steps near the front doors.
My pulse quickened. What about the bottom floor? Do I clean that as well?
She squashed my hope. No, an older priestess takes care of that. You re not allowed down there. I haven t even been back to worship her yet-just my own vow ceremony and then the adelphia with you yesterday.
That hope surged back to life. Because despite her telling me that I couldn t go into the room where the goddess was, there was a reason why it was off-limits. Why keep acolytes out unless there was something important, valuable, on the statue?
Maybe there would be a chance to sneak down there today while Io was busy with something else and I could see for myself what was under that veil.
We stopped at the fountain in the courtyard and Io said, After we sweep, we take this water and sprinkle it onto the ground, purifying our work.
In Locris that would have just led to a lot of mud. She handed me a pitcher and we both started drawing the water out, filling up the pot.
So we have water on demand in our dormitories, but not the temple? I asked.
I suppose they want the acolytes to do things the old way, as they ve always been done.
After the pot was mostly filled, we covered it with fresh vine leaves. Io held one of them up and smiled. This is exactly what the symbol of the goddess looks like.
I nodded-I d seen that particular motif all over the buildings since yesterday.
We put the leaves on top of the water to keep it cool and to protect it from dust and dirt. She took one of the handles and I took the other and we carried it over to the steps.
You start sweeping at the bottom, I ll start at the top, she said.
Why are you the one showing me how to do everything? I asked. Weren t you the last one here before I arrived? Shouldn t someone with more experience be the one to teach me?
It has always fallen to the newest acolyte to teach the others. Zalira taught Suri and me when we arrived. If the race is run in a few months, you will be the one to show the newest member or members how to acclimate.
I wondered if I would even be here. I d promised Kallisto I d be home in six months.
Last night . . . Io s voice trailed off, and by the goddess, if she brought up Jason again I was going to dump that pot of water over her head. You cried a lot.
Feeling immediately chastened for my unkind thought, I nodded. I think I needed it.
You ve had to deal with a lot of difficult things.
She phrased it not as a question, but as a statement of fact.
Yes, I agreed.
She was quiet for a little while, which seemed very unlike her. Then she said, Have you ever seen a plant where part of it is dying?
Before I came to Ilion, I d never seen a plant at all. I wasn t sure the olive tree in the palace or the flowers the life mage had briefly created counted.
I had a flash where I remembered kissing Jason against that tree, but I shoved it away.
Sometimes you ll have a healthy plant where a stem or leaves have died. The plant s instinct is to divert all of its energy to restoring the lost parts, which inhibits its growth. And so, as the gardener, you have to cut those pieces away so that there can be new leaves, new flowers, new life. Sometimes you have to brush away the parts of your life that no longer serve you so that you can move forward.
There was a reason I d resisted crying for so long. I wanted to hold on to those missing parts of myself, those loved ones who had been ripped away, my land that needed my help, the anger I had over how my nation had been treated. I m not sure I m ready to do that.
She nodded, her face somber. I understand. But I also know what it s like to be so caught up in bitterness and anger and sorrow that you miss out on the good things surrounding you. There can be a lot of joy waiting for you here. If you do what they ask and fulfill your obligations, this temple should be as much a sanctuary for you as it has been for the rest of us.
Io walked farther away, letting her words sink into my heart while she cleaned another part of the porch. I had a hard time imagining her being bitter or angry or sad. She was the opposite of that.
It was the same advice Demaratus had given me, just phrased differently. I needed to get a handle on my emotions, to pay attention to what was happening now, to behave with honor and follow the law-but with one marked difference.
The battle to save Locris wasn t over, so I couldn t leave the battlefield or my fellow soldiers behind.