CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
I did know what Jason wanted. It was the same thing I wanted.
My body ordered me to close the gap between us. To give him his boon, pay his toll, thank him, whatever excuse I could come up with, just so that I could be kissing him again. The kiss of gratitude I d given him hadn t been nearly enough. It had been the smallest taste of what I was missing out on.
Like starving and sitting down to the greatest feast imaginable and eating only a single morsel of bread. It wouldn t fill me up. I was too greedy for that, just like he d noted. I wanted everything.
But I d made a vow.
I swallowed down the desire I felt for him and crossed the street. I climbed the stairs to the front doors and pushed slightly. Unlocked.
Frowning, I opened the door enough to let myself through. Jason had made it sound like they were so concerned about security, but they hadn t even bothered to lock the doors. Why?
My steps seemed unnecessarily loud as I traveled down a long stone hallway. The end of the hallway emptied into a massive room, even bigger than the auditorium that we studied in at the temple. There were wooden shelves everywhere, set up in perfect rows. So many scrolls and books and papers.
I didn t even know where to begin, how it was arranged. If it was organized. It might not have been. I went into the middle of the room and turned in a small circle. I had to make a choice.
My grandmother s book was very old. Maybe that was a good starting point-to locate the oldest documents. Was there a vault? A special room with a collection of religious texts? There was too much to search through. I felt a bit panicky as I realized that I could spend the rest of the night here and not find anything helpful.
The only thing I had left was my instinct. I decided to walk through the shelves and see if anything called out to me. I realized how foolish that decision was, but I didn t know what else to do.
I went to the shelves farthest from the entrance. If I d been in charge of the library, that was where I would have put important documents. Where they would be the least likely to be handled by patrons and scholars.
As I went down the aisle, I let my fingers brush against the scrolls and books. I wondered if I was the first woman who had entered this room, given that most Ilionian women couldn t read. I reached the end and turned the corner, intending to walk down the next one.
But a very large white bird waited for me. He was half my height. He looked like a large duck with a long, curved neck, and he was bobbing his head up and down. He spread his wings out, shaking them. His wingspan was enormous.
Would you like some treats? I asked the bird softly, reaching into the cloth that held the leftover pasteli. I took out the crumbs and threw them toward the goose.
This seemed to alarm him. Where Kunguru would have hunted down every single scrap, this goose made a strange hissing sound.
I didn t know birds could make a noise like that.
He continued to bob his feather-ridged head as he slowly moved toward me. It was a threatening move, and I responded by backing away slowly. Maybe if I just returned to my own row he would leave me alone.
But when I went around the corner, he continued to follow me. It was concerning. I should just grab some books and run.
The second my hand made contact with the nearest one, the hissing sound got louder.
A warning.
I raised both of my hands.
This didn t seem to placate the creature. He honked, a loud trill that I felt in my bones.
It seemed ridiculous, but I knew I was in danger.
Stupid girl! It s only a bird!
Demaratus didn t know what he was talking about. I reached the center of the room and judged the distance between myself and the door.
The goose came closer, hissing as he went. He darted out and his ridged bill clamped onto my forearm, pinching my skin. He twisted his neck to inflict the highest amount of damage.
Ow! I called out as he withdrew. It had really hurt, my skin was throbbing.
I m going, I told him, again trying to placate him. He honked loudly and it suddenly occurred to me that he might be calling for reinforcements.
The last thing I wanted was to deal with an entire flock of these snake-duck hybrids. Like the monsters out of one of Maia s stories.
Then without warning, the goose launched himself at me, hitting me hard with one of his wings. It was like being hit by a stave. He snapped at my face with that strange beak, lifted both of his feet, and kicked at me. He had short claws and I felt them drag across the skin of my right arm, which I d brought up to deflect his attack.
Enough.
Turning, I ran for the door and felt him behind me, flying at my head, all white feathers and fury. It was unlike any other opponent I d ever faced, where I could predict where they would be from one moment to the next. He didn t stay in one spot but came at me from different angles, flying in the air one moment, rushing at me on the ground the next. I d never dealt with an enemy who could attack me from above before. There was no way to anticipate his next move.
I was a fast runner, but the goose stayed with me.
When I reached the entrance, I squeezed through the opening I d left for myself and turned to pull the door shut, but the goose was faster. I took several steps back and the goose rose in the air, aiming for my head.
Without thinking I threw my fist and punched the goose in its chest, knocking it down. That seemed to momentarily stun the creature, and I took advantage of his confusion to run across the street and hide behind a column.
The goose regained his equilibrium and honked several times into the night air, as if to tell me that he had won. Which I was willing to concede since I was the one currently hiding from him.
He waddled back inside the library and I felt my body relax.
Until I turned my head to see Jason doubled over in laughter.
Why are you laughing? I demanded.
You . . . punching a goose . . . I will never forget it. He could barely get the words out.
It wasn t funny, I insisted but surprised myself by laughing along with him.
You ll stare down a dragon but you re afraid of a goose? he said, and he started laughing all over again.
It had been a very long time since I d laughed like this, felt this light and free. It was probably before my brother died. He had taken a piece of me with him, as had Quynh.
My laughter finally died down and I leaned against the column, studying Jason. He was so handsome and the lightness of his expression made him even more so. I liked seeing him this way. I felt my heart rise up, causing a warm feeling to spread along my veins.
His eyes were dancing with delight as he realized that I was watching him. I averted my gaze as a pang of longing struck me so powerfully that it was all I could do to resist it.
About our bet . . .
A flash of anger punched me in the gut. Oh no, I didn t lose anything, because that wasn t a goose. That was a demon. You lured me into the library under false pretenses.
No, you chose to go in. This was your idea. You were not lured. If I was luring you, you would know it.
I was sure that I would. A pulse of desire began to throb at the base of my neck. The anger quickly faded, even though I was trying desperately to hang on to it. It was the only way I could stop from throwing myself at him.
That goose had been altered by magic. It was like a small horse.
I saw it. It was a standard-sized goose.
No. It was like something out of a nightmare. Which makes this all unfair, I said. The bet, the situation I was currently finding myself in, the undeniable attraction I had for him. All of it. I didn t know what I was agreeing to.
If I throw dice, after I lose I can t suddenly claim that I didn t know what I was agreeing to.
My body was upset with me. This seemed like a perfect solution-I had no choice. I had to keep my word. We had made a bet that I had very obviously lost, especially since I d left the library empty-handed. I hadn t managed to grab even a single scrap of papyrus. I could give in and I wouldn t be at fault.
As if he knew what I was thinking, he said, An honorable woman would pay her debts.
We both know I m not honorable. I was here with him, already breaking rules that I d promised to abide by.
I wish that were true, he said under his breath.
That frenzied urge to kiss him attacked me like that goose had. From every direction, all at once, so that I didn t know which way was up and which was down. Driving out my reason and logic so that all I wanted to do was launch myself at him.
I didn t have all the facts, I protested, but didn t mean it. Part of me hoped he would insist I do what I d said I would.
Geese are relentless, he said, as if agreeing with me that I had walked in unaware of what I would face.
I noticed, I said, rubbing my hand along my arm. That thing bit me. Or whatever it is that they do with their beaks.
Are you all right? he asked, walking over and taking my injured arm in both of his hands. My arm looked so small in comparison to the size of his hands that I sucked in a sharp breath at the difference. He was searching my arm for marks or cuts, and the top of his head was so close to my mouth that I could have kissed him and he might not have even noticed.
I will be fine, I told him.
Then he leaned in and pressed his lips onto my arm, setting all my skin afire.
What are you doing? I asked, alarmed.
Kissing it better. Didn t your mother ever do this? He murmured the words just above my arm. I curled my fingers toward my palm as tiny bumps rose along my forearm.
My mother had done that when I was little, but that had been an entirely different experience from this.
Apparently satisfied that no serious damage was done, he released my arm and it fell to my side, useless and heavy.
He said, I once saw a goose break a man s arm with his wing because they hit so hard. There s a lot of force behind that motion.
And you let me go in by myself? I asked, my feelings swinging back to anger.
I offered to accompany you, but you insisted on going alone.
This wasn t about me. This was about him wanting to win the bet. Knowing that he would. That was why he hadn t helped me.
Or I was just being so obstinate and headstrong that he d let me do something reckless just so that I could learn my lesson the hard way.
And he understood me well enough to know that it was the only choice he could have made.
That bothered me in a way I didn t want to examine. You should have been more persistent, I tried to argue, knowing that I was losing.
The corner of his lips hitched up. You like persistence. Duly noted.
That s not what I- I sighed. The point is you shouldn t have sent me into a situation where there wasn t any opportunity for a peaceful solution. You can t reason with a goose.
I know the feeling. You can t reason with you, either.
I am entirely rational! I told him and he laughed again.
When he finished he asked, A peaceful solution? That sounds unlike you. I m a little surprised you didn t stab the goose.
To be honest, drawing my weapon hadn t even occurred to me. One of my sisters is very opposed to harming animals and I suppose she s influenced me.
We should be grateful that you only encountered the one goose and not the entire guardian flock. Then I would have had to come to your rescue.
While I was very capable of rescuing myself, there was something thrilling about the idea of him battling snake-bird monsters in order to save me. I was sure that it would have been quite an exciting sight to behold.
The goose honked inside the library again and I couldn t help but smile. I turned to Jason and he was doing the same, and I liked sharing this moment with him.
There were responsive honks from other geese. He toyed with the sword at his side. Do you want me to go in there with you and stab some geese?
I knew that he would if I asked him to, but I was going to have to figure out a way past the geese besides massacring the entire lot. Io would never forgive me. Not tonight.
Which meant finding another potential source of information.
We will have to leave soon. A patrol will eventually show up and they ll go in to see why the geese are honking. Are you going back to the temple? he asked.
Not yet. Is there a records or an administrative building nearby? I didn t think it would be as helpful as the library, but it might be something. Just so long as there weren t any resident geese.
There is. I suppose you re expecting me to take you there.
I can find it by myself if you re too busy.
No, it s just customary to pay people for assisting you, he said. It s all right. I ll just add it to the list. It s getting rather long, though, the things you owe me.
Let s just go. And I m not kissing you, I told him, but it was more like a personal reminder.
I ve heard that before, he countered with a bold wink before he set off for our next destination.
Trying not to sigh, I followed after him, and although I told myself he wasn t right, I feared that he was.