CHAPTER 24
Ivy
Scott Street – Phoebe Bridgers
The next day, I wake up. I pack up the last of my things, folding everything neatly away in its allocated space in my suitcase.
I wake up Bailey. I get changed into the same outfit I wore here.
Me and Bailey eat breakfast. I say goodbye to James as he leaves to go back to college.
I brush my teeth. I slip on my shoes. Everything I do feels almost robotic.
I'm barely thinking it through, and time is passing too fast. I can't focus on anything we are doing.
It's like I have done it thousands of times.
It's been quiet and I think almost everyone has left.
Lucas did not come to breakfast with the rest of us.
I think he's probably home by now. I think it's where he wants to be.
It's weird. I thought this would hurt more.
I feel numb. I think it's because I have accepted it.
I have to leave. I was always meant to, and it is what I want.
I think I wish everyone could come with me or I could stay and study here.
As I zip up and lift my suitcase, I notice the light gleam of metal on the nightstand.
The golden yellow stone brightens up the room, beautifully, swirling the colour onto the wall, but not as brightly as the day he gave it to me.
I take a deep breath as I slowly walk over to it.
I pick up the necklace, placing the sunshine in my palm.
I flip it over and run my finger over the grooves of the back.
I turn around at the sound of Bailey’s voice behind me. “Do you want me to help you put it on?” She's dressed in a comfortable outfit, like me, and her hair is in one loose braid. I think for a moment, staring back at the necklace in my hand.
“No. Maybe, you should take it,” I say, quickly.
“What?”
“It's just too hard. I know the gem is a family thing, but I can't be reminded of this every day. You can give it back to him.” She nods sceptically and picks it up from my hand, slipping it into her pocket.
She looks around the room and pulls up her suitcase from behind her. “Are you ready to go?” she asks with her hand out to me.
“Yep,” I say simply, and I pick up my suitcase and sling my other bag on my shoulder. The air is colder this morning. It is probably the coldest it has been my entire stay. As we walk towards the car park, I notice a familiar truck parked next to Bailey's car. “Is he still here?”
“I guess so,” she shrugs, “I haven't seen him all day.
I don't think he has left his room. He probably is waiting for us to leave.” I turn back for a moment as if he were there.
He isn't. I knew he wouldn't be, but I wish I could just say goodbye differently to how we did.
It hurts so much more than it needed to.
The car ride is quiet this time. We don't put on music.
We barely talk. I just sit with my head facing the window, watching the trees turn into buildings as we come closer to the airport.
It's still early so the sun is still rising in the sky.
The clouds are darker, but the light still manages to pour through them, but much less than any other day.
“Is the sky usually this dark?” I ask as I roll down my window.
“Not in August,” she says looking through the windscreen to get a closer look it.
It doesn't look as if it's going to rain, but the sun won't be out at lunchtime.
It doesn't matter anyways. I will be on a plane by then.
I look back at Bailey, and she definitely is also trying to distract herself more and more until we get to the airport.
“Are you going to be, okay? I can walk you further in,” Bailey says, almost in the exact same spot we were in when I arrived. I smile at her and watch the tears well up in her eyes.
“Of course, I am.” I pull her into my arms, hugging her tightly.
Saying goodbye to Bailey is so much harder than I thought it would be.
I am trying my best. I knew this was coming but it still is hurting the same and maybe even more.
We will speak to each other every day. We will facetime most days, but I can't help but wonder if this is the last time we will be together face to face.
“I'm really going to miss you,” she says. I don’t realise we were both crying until I pull away.
“I'm going to miss you too. This has really been the best summer ever and that's completely because of you. I wish I couldn't or didn’t have to leave,” I reply, and when I do something passes across her face. She looks conflicted. “What?” I ask.
“Are you really sure about this? Is this what you want?” Honestly, I am not sure but it's what I have to do. I've been preparing for this for far too long. It will be worth it, and I will see her again. She's my best friend.
“Yes. I've been working towards this since forever. I just wish I could do it here or you guys live in London.”
“Me too,” she whispers, zoning out for a moment. I have never once seen her like this.
“Are you okay?” I ask, grabbing her arm lightly.
“Yes. I just need to go home, and you need to catch a flight.
" I pull her into another hug. I can't believe how quick this part of my life has been.
It has been the quickest of nineteen years.
I waited over a year for this. I took a gap year for this and it's already over.
I thought I had never known pain like this, but I am naive to believe that this would be the hardest part of my day.